Hi everyone!

So, this is a rather spontaneous idea I had when re-reading the Harry Potter books and I realised we don't know that much about the life of Lucius Malfoy's wife, Narcissa. I feel there is definitely something different about her, she was never truly a Death Eater, and although most of her family members were incredibly loyal to Voldemort, it was she who ultimately killed him by lying to him that Harry was dead. This is my idea of why that might have been, by looking at the most significant moments in her life.

I've not written a Harry Potter fic before and the first chapter in particular is something that never happens or mentioned in the books, but for some reason the idea came to me as a way to see the other side of Narcissa and what would start the chain reaction which would change her life and eventually lead to her betraying the Dark Lord.

I'm not quite sure about this story as it was again a spontaneous idea, so please let me know if you would like to read more.

Chapter 1

1978

The Silence

Narcissa had known this silence before. The Silence of Death she called it. It hung in the air all around, the world suddenly became eerie, the room filled with people empty, because someone had left this world forever. A life had been taken, and had been replaced by this terrible silence, a silence that followed you around, that could not be broken no matter how hard you tried. Narcissa remembered the first time she saw someone before her die, another countless victim of Voldemort's, she held no emotion towards the muggle who had died, but she couldn't shake off the silence. She named it then the Silence of Death, and now it had returned, she felt this time it would never leave. Her world was tumbling down with the Silence of Death.

She lay in her hospital bed, watching one of the nurses take away what anyone else would think was just a bundle of blankets, but it was something much, much more to Narcissa, and worse of all, it was the source of the silence.

Lucius was speaking to another nurse in a low voice, asking for some privacy. The nurse nodded and left, leaving the two of them alone. Lucius came back to stand by his wife's bed, the silence surrounding them.

Narcissa stared down at her hands, couldn't look up at her husband, because she knew what she would see. Those same cold, hard eyes that Lucius always held. He never gave away any emotion, not even now. It was a few seconds before he spoke to her, in a voice that was uncharacteristically soft.

"Did they tell you? It was a girl."

Narcissa nodded, tears blurring her vision as she thought over these words. She had always wanted a girl. She had been so happy, thinking that she would soon be with child, and her and Lucius and tried for so long, but a few hours ago she had felt a great pain in her stomach and knew something was wrong. Now everything was lost.

Narcissa felt something breaking inside her, as she stared down at her bed sheets. Her stone heart she had taken so much pride in was cracking. She could almost feel blood oozing from the broken stone shell that had once protected her heart, her lungs were filled with lead and her stomach turnd into a bottomless pit. She couldn't think straight, her mind was engulfed by sorrow, she could hardly believe this was happening, it was a nightmare.

A nightmare she would never wake up from.

As Narcissa sat in her hospital bed, the world around her was changing. The Dark Lord was growing in power day by day, more people fell to their knees at his feet, or fell dead. Muggles and wizards alike were living in a reign of terror, while the Black and Malfoy family basked in its glory. Being allies with Voldemort, things had never been better for their families, as they gained more and more power as the muggles and lesser wizarding families were steadily being crushed. Magic was might.

But now Narcissa was the one who was being crushed. She wondered if it was working alongside Voldemort that made the fates curse her to lose this child. Her baby girl.

Not even magic could save her, Narcissa thought to herself.

Never before had she faced such doubt about what she was doing with her life, about the decisions she had made and the man who was standing beside her. Oh, her family were so proud when Lucius proposed to her, it was the perfect match, two such old and powerful wizarding families coming together, and Narcissa had been thrilled by the marriage too, for Lucius was her childhood sweetheart. They had met and fallen in love at Hogwarts, bonding together with the beliefs of the great Sailzar Slytherin. Now all of those beliefs seemed pointless, she felt they had been turned to dust, and the great man who she had married was standing still as a statue beside her, not knowing what to do or say that could help his wife, not even showing an emotion in his eyes with the news that his child was dead.

All of a sudden, Narcissa wanted nothing more than to get away from this place. She wanted out of this bed and this hospital. Everything was too neat, too clean, too quiet, while inside she wanted to scream, inside she had fallen to pieces and everything was chaos. She wanted to get away from the man who stood beside her, the man who suddenly seemed so cold and uncaring to her, and she hated him for it. She wanted to get away from the world where magic was supposed to be so mighty yet had let an innocent, unborn child die. She wanted her sister back, Andromeda, the sister who had managed to escape this world and who she missed so much, now more than ever. Narcissa wanted nothing more than to escape.

But the thing she needed to escape from was her own mind. She felt unable to cope with such loss, devastated that the world had turned against her and everything was turning to ash before her eyes. She would never escape that by running.

"Narcissa?"

Lucius' voice broke through the silence. Narcissa suddenly realised she was sitting bolt upright in bed, her eyes screwed shut and her hands clenched so tightly into fits her fingernails were cutting into the palm of her hands. Her legs were drawn up to her stomach, as if in an attempt to curl into a foetal position, but the rest of her body was too rigid to comply. The pain in her hands suddenly came to her and her body ached all over as she opened her eyes, blinking in the bright light, staring down with surprise at her contorted body.

"I'll get a nurse..." Lucius began, fearing for a moment she was about to have some sort of fit. But Narcissa shook her head.

"No, no Lucius I'm fine." Narcissa said quickly, her voice croaking and cracking as if she hadn't spoken in weeks. The last thing she wanted was to attract any attention. The nurses here were kind and considerate, but she didn't want anyone peering into her eyes, poking her with a wand to see what was wrong with her and badgering her with questions. She wanted to be left alone.

Narcissa took deep breaths, and managed to calm down a little. The world didn't seem so much of a hateful place now, but it was still hostile. She still held everything around her with deep hatred, as if it caused the death of her child.

"Do you need anything?" Lucius asked.

Narcissa shook her head silently. She had lost the ability to speak again. She didn't know what she wanted, she wanted peace and quiet so she could think, yet she wanted noise and life so she didn't feel so lost and alone, so she could take her mind off the emptiness inside her. She wanted to be in Lucius' arms and yet at the same time she wanted to send him away. She wanted to ask the nurses for help but wanted them to leave her alone as well. She was totally lost.

Lucius however assumed that Narcissa wanted to keep her silence, so remained quiet, leaving his wife to her thoughts.

Different emotions came to Narcissa in waves as the silent minutes passed, and hit her with the force of a tsunami. First came the disbelief that the child she had been waiting for for so long was lost. Then came despair as she realised that she would never be able to hold her baby again, for she was already gone. More hatred for the world overcame her, and the desperation to escape. Narcissa even felt a small flicker of hope that perhaps there was a mistake, and at any moment a nurse would come in again, smiling and laughing, saying her daughter was alive and healthy after all, and Narcissa would be able to hold her child tight and never let her go. Then came the terrible realisation that that would never happen, as time ticked by and no nurse returned with a crying baby. This left Narcissa with a wave of emptiness.

Finally, Narcissa slumped back onto her pillows, exhausted. Feeling so many emotions in such a short space of time had drained her, and all of a sudden she felt incredibly tired.

A screech owl suddenly fluttered to the hospital window, breaking the silence Narcissa wasn't sure how long she had been lying in. Lucius strode over to it and opened the window, sending a icy breeze into the room. He took the piece of parchment from the owl which flew off again at once.

"Your sister will be coming soon." Lucius said, standing beside her bed again and reading the note.

Narcissa nodded to show she understood, but still found herself unable to speak. There was something blocking her throat, and she felt soon it would start choking her. She imagined Bellatrix bursting into the room, full of her fiery passion, probably cursing everything she could think of that could be blamed for the loss of her niece, then trying to offer comfort to her dear sister, but Bellatrix was not one for providing sympathy or comfort. Narcissa wanted to see her sister, who she was so close too, but at the same time she felt if Bellatrix could do anything to the situation, she would make things worse. Again Narcissa longed to see Andromeda again, so much more caring, who would be able to take her hand and look into Narcissa's eyes and somehow tell her how sorry she was and she was there for her without saying a word. Narcissa wouldn't be afraid to cry in front of Andromeda.

But Andromeda wasn't there for her, because her own family had turned her away.

Lucius shifted uncomfortably beside Narcissa, he was getting restless and tired of the silence that would not leave the room. He looked down at his wife who refused to look into his eyes, she could tell he was desperate to say something to break the Silence of Death, but she knew there were no words he could say that could possibly make the situation any better, that could heal the numbness inside her.

"It's not the end Narcissa, we can try for another baby, this is not our last chance."

Narcissa didn't respond. It was one of the worse things Lucius could have possibly said to her. Yes, it may not be the end for the two of them, but it was the end for her daughter. A baby girl who never got the chance to even open her eyes, whose years were stolen away from her before she could even start them. They could try for another baby, but Narcissa would never get the same daughter she had lost, who had every opportunity in the world to become whoever she wanted, but the world had taken that all away from her. She looked up at her husband and for the first time in her life felt nothing but hatred as she gazed into his cold eyes. He didn't see it as the end, because the world would keep turning without hesitation for what had just happened, but for Narcissa, it felt like the end of the world, just like it was for her child. There were no second chances for her daughter.

And through all the grief and the silence, something deep down told Narcissa that something had changed that day, something that would echo throughout the years. She wasn't sure what, but she knew nothing would ever be the same again.

Thanks for reading! Again, if you'd like to see this continued, please let me know.