A/N: So hello. I've been gone for quite a bit. Sorry! It's just been very busy. Summer is coming to a close so I've been taking care of some things. Plus the muse woke up and then just hit the snooze button. Needless to say the muse was being unfair. Anyway I hope you enjoy and though I can't promise frequent updates, I can promise I'll try to bring some new stuff as soon as I can manage. xoxox
Just Wake Up
Oliver sat on the couch, the TV remote in his hands. He was still in his pajamas, a rare thing for him, and the sun was bright, shining through the large windows of the mansion. He had been sitting there all night, never closing his eyes to sleep. He sat in front of the TV, unsure if he should press play.
He didn't think he was ready for what came after.
He took a deep breath, one of the many he had taken since sitting down. Thea had come to check on him, Roy following close behind, but they hadn't been able to move him. He stayed put. And everyone worried. Even Diggle couldn't break through Oliver's stoic exterior.
"Ollie?"
He turned his head slightly towards Felicity's voice, smiling at the sound. He loved her voice. It was melodic. A remedy for the stressful days, the painful memories, and the nightmare filled nights. But when he completely turned, he was met with empty air and silence, Felicity nowhere in sight. He frowned, realizing he imagined it.
She wasn't here.
He turned back and straightened against the soft leather of his couch and decided it was now or never. He raised the remote, hit play, and shut his eyes momentarily before it happened again.
Her voice.
It filled the room, swirled around him, and his chest tightened. His eyes snapped open and there she was. Glasses. Ponytail. Bright lips formed in a smile.
"Oliver?"
Her eyebrows rose, like she was unsure of whom she was talking to and he smiled for the first time in hours. Video Felicity bit her lip and shook her head.
"Of course. Who else would it be? I guess I'm just nervous. Surprise, surprise. I don't think I'll ever stop being nervous. You? You radiate confidence. I don't remember the last time I saw you nervous. Wait! Your vows. That made you nervous. And I'm rambling again. Fantastic."
She laughs and he loves the sound. He remembers. His vows. He spent…months trying to find the right words. Hers were effortless but he couldn't get his out without his voice cracking. He remembers.
And it hurts to remember.
Her voice rings out again and he re-directs his attention back to her.
"So this video. When you first found it, you probably wondered what it was and why I made it. But you're smart. You know what this is. You know why I made it. And I bet it's taken you quite some time to press play on that remote. And so if you're watching this, something has happened to me. Something bad. Something that's keeping you locked up in our house still in your pajamas."
She stops, takes a deep breath, and looks down to her hands. She fiddles with her wedding ring and when she looks up again, he sees unshed tears rimming her blue eyes.
"I'm sorry baby. I am so so sorry. The night of our first date I promised you I'd always be here. And I've kept that promise until now. And I hate what I must be putting you through. But I need you to know, to understand, that this isn't your fault. It was never your fault. And I can see you now. I can see you scoffing and shaking your head because you're blaming yourself. Oliver please stop. Please. We both knew I'd be in danger. Just how much, we were never sure of, but when I joined the team I knew the risks. And I stayed. Because I wanted to. So please quit with the self loathing. I don't like it and you know I get what I want in the end so you just stop now."
She pointed at the screen and Oliver smiled slightly again. She knew him so well. She knew he'd blame himself. He didn't protect her. He let her get hurt. He couldn't stop it and he had failed her.
"Oliver. I know this won't be easy. Moving on. But you've got to promise me you won't shut everyone out. Diggle. Thea. And yes…even Roy who I know you've come to at least like. They're family. And they love you. And I don't want you to be alone. So promise me. Promise me you'll live. You'll laugh. You'll love. And sweetheart?"
He meets her eyes through the screen, his resolve starting to fail miserably.
"I love you. I've loved you for a very long time and I will continue to love you, wherever I am. And wherever I am, I'll wait for you. And we can be together again. Never forget. Never forget that my whole heart is forever yours Oliver Queen. And I regret nothing of our life together. Nothing."
The video stops, the screen black, and he lets himself cry. He lets himself feel what he's been holding back for ten months. He lets his shoulders wrack with the sobs he's bottled up ever since that night. He clutches at the remote, to the point of breaking and let's the tears run down his chin.
He lets go.
But he never forgets.
It's a few hours since he saw Felicity's video and he wasn't close to feeling any better. But when he hears it, his heart jumps lightly within his chest, a soft warmth starting to spread. It's soft at first since he's so far down the hall. But as he walks, it grows louder.
A laugh.
It's small. It's bubbly. And when he opens the door and peers inside, he can't help but laugh too.
Thea is in the corner, Ava's little chubby arms up in the air as her aunt lifts her up. Thea is all smiles and Oliver watches his sister bond with his daughter. Everyone says she's all him but he sees Felicity. When he looks at Ava, all he sees is his wife. Sadness hits momentarily but when Thea looks up and spots him by the door, she gets up and passes the gurgling baby girl to him.
"Go. I'll have dinner ready when you get back."
He smiles and takes Ava from her, kissing his little sister on the forehead before she walks out of the nursery and down the hall. He smiles down at his ten month old baby and picks up the diaper bag in the corner before heading downstairs and into the garage.
It's quiet when he arrives, the silence a calm reprieve. Once the diaper bag is set down on the counter, Oliver and Ava move forward and stop to sit in the nearby chair they've taken refuge in many times before. Ava is asleep on his chest so he leans back and stares at a sleeping Felicity, so peaceful in her coma.
"Hey Lis. It's us. Husband and daughter at your service."
There's no reply, as always, so he sighs and continues. He tells her about his day, the video, and his moment of weakness after when all he did was cry. Ava stirs under his chin but doesn't wake up so he proceeds to tell his wife about their growing bundle of joy.
"No words yet Lis but don't worry. Well maybe worry a bit. Roy really wants Ava's first words to be 'the hood'. I may or may not have hit him with a nearby spatula."
He waits, wishing she'd laugh. He waits, wishing she'd open her eyes. He waits, wishing she'd say something…anything.
He waits.
And nothing happens.
It's the same everyday they come to visit. She never moves except for her chest, up and down, rhythmic to her breathing. She never smiles, she never blinks, she never holds Ava. Oliver sits, his daughter held close, and remembers that night.
"Five minutes usually means twenty honey. Thea is getting angsty."
He hears Felicity chuckle lightly on the other end, her heels creating soft clicking noises in the background.
"I said five so I mean five. I just forgot my umbrella at Verdant. I've got it and I already see my car."
Oliver stares up into the sky, the rain hitting harder now, large droplets crashing against the asphalt. He shivers slightly in his tux and the men and women, all dressed up for the night's gala, rush past him to take shelter.
"I don't know why you didn't let me send Dig."
She scoffed on the other end and he heard the engine rev to life. He sighed inwardly, glad she was on her way. He didn't like leaving her alone, especially when the baby was due any minute. They talked until he could see her red mini pull up. She thanked the valet and made her way to him, smiling broadly at his worried expression.
"I'm fine. See?"
She twirled slightly, the emerald green of her dress shining beautifully under the lights. He smiled at her, bringing her to him as closely as her protruding stomach would allow, and placed a soft kiss on her lips. She squeezed his hand, smiling up to him, before he led her inside to a waiting Diggle, Thea, and Roy.
"Well that wasn't the worst gala we've had to go to."
Felicity smiled at Thea and clutched Oliver's arm as they made their way down the steps to the waiting car. Diggle had left early to take back Felicity's mini and was now waiting by the limo's door. The cool night air picked up slightly and the hair on Oliver's neck stood, his body tensing.
Something was wrong.
Before he could act, a shot rang out and Felicity's grip tightened as she sucked in a breath. Blood poured from the wound in her chest and she started to fall backwards, Oliver catching her before she hit the concrete. Screams echoed out but all he could hear was Felicity's soft cries. Diggle rushed Thea and Roy into the car, ordering them to stay down, before moving to grab his phone, already calling 911. Oliver clutched his wife, trying to soothe her with sympathetic words of comfort.
"You're okay Lis. You're okay. The ambulance is coming. Just….just stay with me!"
Her eyes fluttered closed and he could feel her heartbeat slowing as he tried to stop the blood.
"Felicity! Open your eyes! Keep them open!"
He pulled her closer, trying to stop his own tears from falling.
He was losing her.
He heard the ambulance in the distance and rocked Felicity softly back and forth.
"They're almost here Lis. Just don't leave me. Stay with me! Please Lis!"
Her eyes opened momentarily, worry flashing through her eyes.
"The b-b-baby."
He nodded.
"You'll both be fine. Just keep your eyes open."
She nodded, her eyes struggling.
"I-I love y-you O-Ollie."
Her eyes shut.
His heart broke.
"No! No please no! FELICITY!"
Oliver's eyes slowly focused back on his wife, Ava stirring under his chin. He stood up, moving around the room, humming softly as his daughter wiggled around, trying to regain a comfortable position in her father's arms. He sighed, staring out onto the city as the monitors beeped behind him. He could still hear the shot and the breath Felicity sucked in before falling to the ground. He could still remember the ambulance and the ride to the hospital as he frantically called out to his dying wife.
Oliver shut his eyes, trying to wipe away the memories, but completely failing. He just wanted her back. He wanted her to wake up and finally hold their baby girl. But he picked up the diaper bag, kissed Felicity on the forehead, and headed out, the pain of wanting just too much for him today.
He headed back to the mansion and could smell whatever Thea ordered for dinner. Roy was waiting by the door, ready to take an enthusiastic Ava from Oliver. He smiled at the young man as he lifted her into the air, Ava's laugh bubbly once again. He kissed Thea on the cheek and moved to help her with dinner, the only sounds in the kitchen coming from the clinking plates and the happy baby. Thea never asked how the visits to Felicity went. She could tell from her brother's face that it was hard to watch his wife lie in a hospital bed, never opening her eyes. So she just set up dinner side by side and just let Oliver be.
Once dinner was over and a quiet hum settled over the mansion, Oliver took the stairs two by two. He smiled at a sleeping Ava; her chubby cheeks pressed into the purple fabric of her crib, and passed Thea's door, soft music floating its way into the hall. He dropped onto his bed, exhausted, and turned towards his wedding picture, the same tight feeling returning in his chest. He could never go too long without thinking of her. Sometimes he'd be playing with Ava and he'd be completely happy until he'll realize Felicity missed everything. He'd be roped into an afternoon with Thea and when he'd laugh at her joke, he'd remember Felicity used to be the one to go out with her. No matter where he was or what he was doing, she'd invade his thoughts completely. He sighed and raked his hand through his close cut hair, hoping he'd be able to sleep tonight. He rolled over to his side and spied her DVD lying next to his TV. He didn't know what came over him but he decided to watch again, just so he could hear her voice.
Before he knew it, he was dreaming of his family. Complete. Whole. Happy.
Morning came sooner than he would've liked and Oliver found himself heading to the hospital once again. Ava gurgled in the back of the car, her little arms waving in the air. They went through the lobby, a few nurses waving at the father and daughter, and made their way up to Felicity's room.
"She's absolutely beautiful."
Oliver stopped, just under the door frame, his eyes wide. Felicity smiled from her spot on the bed, her blonde hair pulled haphazardly into her signature ponytail. He didn't move, didn't breathe, didn't blink. She was there.
She was awake.
Ava wiggled in his arms, reaching for her mother. He stepped further into the room and slowly sat down, the diaper bag falling to the floor.
"Can I hold her?"
He nodded, lifting Ava up and settling her on Felicity's lap. Her eyes rimmed with tears as the little girl giggled, smiling up at her mom.
"She looks just like you."
Felicity's eyes met his and he finally found his voice.
"I…I see you. Not me."
She smiled.
"I'm awake Ollie. You're not dreaming. Promise."
Her free hand found his and when she squeezed, he knew. He smiled broadly, getting up and wrapping his arms around his family.
They were together.
Finally.
By the end of his visit, Felicity got caught up on everything she missed and Oliver had smiled more than he had in his entire life. And Ava? She just giggled and waved her little arms as she sat between her parents.