It's my life

Chapter 1: My perspective

I was being forced to move from Brazil. Apparently, I had no choice. I did not want to go. I had a life here in Seattle. Sure, I've made a few mistakes in life. Honestly, who hasn't? We've all lied and we've all disobeyed our parents. My mother, Renesmee, is just as sweet as can be. She was all too trusting of me. Unfortunately, I broke that trust about two years ago. I lied straight to her face. When I was 15, I told her I was going to be staying with my friend Alexsz, when I knew damned well I wasn't. Alexsz told her parents she was staying at my house and with that we headed off to the senior party. We had a few drinks before the party, and even more after we got there. So to sum it up, we were hammered.

To make a long story short, I was raped that night. I don't even know the guy's name that did it. He raped me, got me pregnant, and disappeared. Natalie, my baby girl, means the world to me. I wouldn't trade her for anything. She is my beautiful little bundle of joy. She makes me believe that there is something good in this messed up world I'm living in. My mom is a half- vampire and my dad is werewolf. Seriously, if I never had seen them in action, I wouldn't have thought it would be possible.

They were making me make the toughest decision of my life in two months. I had to decide if I wanted to become a vampire at the solid age of 18, or if I wanted to stay human. It was tougher than I ever would've imagined. I know my family wants me to become immortal, so they can always have me there. And so they won't have to go through the grief of leaving me, when I die, if I stay human. However, if I did become a vampire that would mean I couldn't ever see Alexsz or Justin again. I couldn't imagine that. At least when I moved to Brazil, I would be able to talk to them, and I could visit them. I f I was a vampire, I wouldn't even be able to talk to them on the phone. Damn.

Most people my age would be ecstatic about turning 18; I however, wished that day would never come. My family made being part of the supernatural look easy, normal even. I really don't know how they did it. I love them. They are just happy, somewhat normal vampires. Sure, they get in fights. It was pretty funny to watch Emmet and Bella fight. They were all about the practical jokes. One time, Emmet got a glow stick and poured the stuff that was inside of it on me when I was sleeping. He woke me up in the middle of the night and said, " Dude, you're glowing." I still haven't found a way to get him back yet.

Tomorrow, we take off for Isle Esme. We've been in Seattle for about four years. That was the longest we've ever stayed in one place. The only reason we didn't leave sooner was because of me. I was a selfish, selfish person and I wanted to stay with my friends. I loved the city and didn't want to leave. Justin Sherwood. He was my best friend as well as Alexsz Roberts. Alexsz and I have always been close, but Justin and I weren't. Recently, we've gotten to know each other a little better. Justin is gorgeous. He has light brown skin and dark brown hair with light brown eyes to match. I was beginning to feel attracted to him. It was useless. He would never date me. I was sixteen with a kid. Hell, I wouldn't date me.

The little chance I did have wasn't going to happen anymore, since I was moving tomorrow. God, what am I going to do? I was in a serious rut. I begged and begged them to let me stay but they were impossible. Now was my last chance to convince them I could take care of myself. I walked down the stairs with my head high and my shoulders firm. Mom and dad were in the kitchen. I walked in and took a deep breath before sitting in a stool behind the counter.

" Good morning, pumpkin," dad said. I hated when he called me that and he knew it.

" Morning Dad. Morning Mom," I said.

My waver resolved and mom knew something was wrong.

" What's the matter sweetie?" She asked.

What was up with all these 'pet names'? My name is Carissa for crying out loud!

" Nothing," I lied.

" It doesn't look like nothing. You look like you have a lot on your mind," she persisted.

" Yeah, I do. I don't want to move to Brazil. I want to stay here in Seattle. You keep freaking pressuring me to do things I don't want. Like making me decide if I want to be a vampire. You're just so, so, I don't know. So annoying. I'm staying here and going to college next year with Alexsz and Justin. And there's nothing you can do to stop me," I said.

When I finally finished my little rant my mom's jaw dropped and she looked like she was going to cry.

" Carissa Rae Black! You do not talk to your mother like that! You are going to Brazil whether you like it or not," dad retorted.

" That's bullshit. When mom turned 18 she got to do whatever the hell she wanted. Why cant I just stay here and get an apartment? I want to go to college. I have a freaking kid to look after. Dad, I can't go. I don't want to. Please let me stay," I begged.

" You're going. You don't have a choice. We've talked about this before, once you turn 18 you decide what you're going to do. You're not coming back here, though. Let's get that straight. I'm sorry Carissa, but you can't always get what you want. And Alice is waiting for you outside. You're lucky I'm letting you go, your behavior hasn't been good lately. You better make the best of this little shopping trip. It will be the last one for a long time."

I got up and pushed the stool down. I walked straight out the door and got in the car with Alice. I wasn't a sensitive person and I didn't cry a lot, but I was pissed off. The tears streamed down my face, unwillingly. Alice patted me knee.

"You alright, honey?" she asked.

" No, I'm not alright. I'm tired of them trying to take control of my life," I said.

" They don't mean to, that's just how they are. How about some shopping before we head off to Brazil?" She suggested.

" Yeah, that sounds good," I said.

" Oh and Alexsz and Justin are going. Let me fix your face before you see Justin."

Alice whipped out her make up bag, and in record time she had me looking like a completely different person. What would I do without her? We went to get Alexsz and Justin and then headed over to the mall.

"Alright," Alice said as she took off down the street. " Let's go kiddies."

I can't believe Justin agreed to go. I know that sucks that he's the only guy with us. I'm guessing he just came for the free stuff. Alice usually takes us all on monthly shopping sprees, but this one was different. It was going to my last one with Alexsz and Justin. What a bummer. When we got to the mall we got something to eat first. Alice claimed she wasn't hungry and went to the bathroom. So Justin, Alexsz, and Me sat at one of the far tables in the food court, eating Chinese food.

" I can't believe you're leaving tomorrow," Alexsz said.

" I know right. And going all the way to Brazil," Justin added.

" Neither can I. I seriously have no idea what I'm going to do without you guys. I'm going to visit though. At the first chance I get. I promise," I said.

" Yeah, you better. I'll come to brazil and drag you back if I have to," Justin said.

I laughed. He probably really would do that.

" I seriously don't know what I'm going to do without you," Alexsz said. " You've helped me so much. All those times you let me stay at your house when I couldn't go home. I'm going to miss you girl," she said.

I instantly felt nothing but sadness. How could I leave her? She needed me. I couldn't let her stay in that house with her dad. He's always beating her and her mom does nothing about it. She just gets drunk and sometimes she beats Alexsz too. Alexsz tried to hide how bad it really hurt her that I was leaving, but I knew her all too well.

" Lexi, I promise I'll be back soon. If it gets that bad call me and I'll do something about it," I said.

She nodded. "I'll just try not to go home that much," she said.

Alice came back and we put on happy faces and went shopping. I swear I've never seen so much money being spent in one place. Everything that Alice bought came up to about thirty thousand dollars. She handed the man the credit card without hesitation and smiled. How could she smile when that much money was being spent. We loaded up the car with all of our bags and headed home. Alexsz was going to spend the night tonight so we just had to drop Justin off first. We stopped in front of his house and I got out to help him carry his bags into the house. We sat the bags down on his bed and lingered in his room.

" So, I guess this is goodbye," he said.

" I guess it is." He hugged me tightly. He put his hand my hair and sighed.

" I am really going to miss you," he said.

" I know. I'll miss you too."

He pulled back from me a little and looked into my eyes.

" I just want to do one thing before you leave," he whispered. He leaned down and closed his eyes. Is he doing what I think he's doing? I closed my eyes and stood on my tippy toes. When our lips met it was like magic. Then reality set in. This was Justin. My best friend, and I just kissed him. I didn't care; I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my body against his. He put both of his hands in my hair and slipped his tongue into my mouth. Damn, how am I going to leave this boy? Alice honked the horn impatiently, and we both jumped. Could she have better timing?

" I have to go," I said.

" I know. Call me when you get there. I want to make sure you made it there safely," he said. Alice honked again.

" Bye Justin," I said as I turned around for the door.

" Bye Carissa"

I sauntered down the stairs and got in the car. I looked back at his house one last time. Justin was at his window, staring down at the car. Wow. Did he really have to kiss me before I left? Where did this put us? What was I to him? This is all so crazy.