Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or anything involved
W00t! I love Sellie so much. This story is set after Here Comes Your Man. It may be a little OOC, but bear with me, this is my first Sellie. Rate & Review please!
Her hand quivered as she snapped the black bracelets onto her wrists over and over again. Every time she snapped the bands, she thought about cutting. Every time she snapped the bands, she thought about the boy who made her cry. Every time she snapped them, she thought of his homecoming, and how he had run straight back into someone else's arms. Thank god for that, that was what she kept telling herself. If he had come back for her, she wasn't sure what she would've done. But he didn't. And even though she told herself that she would never speak to him again, that even if he had come and begged her to forgive him, she wouldn't. But it would've been nice for him to try; it would've been nice for him to speak to her. But instead he had ran back in with his old crowd, the crowd she had once known and been friends with. And instead of asking for her love back, or for her forgiveness, he ran straight back to the girl who had broken his heart. It was almost as if she were a ghost; like she didn't exist. She had fooled herself into thinking he loved her for so long, when the truth was he just thought of her as a replacement. A replacement for a girl who didn't care whose heart she broke, as long as she got what she wanted.
Ellie Nash tugged at the constraining bands around her wrist. She had put them back on the second she had heard he was back. But he hadn't come back for her; he had come back for Emma Nelson. She knew she was always going to be second best compared to Emma. Emma was tall, tanned, blond, confident, and an all around golden girl, straight down to the eating disorder and slutting around. All Ellie was was small boned, pale skinned, redheaded, punk looking, quiet, and basically smart. He would never think of her again, that she was sure was. While she was here, at the park, he would be with Emma, cuddling and catering to her every need. Ellie was always going to be second best to Emma, no matter what. No matter how much she still loved Sean Cameron, no matter how many times she cried over him, she would only be a let down. She wondered if he would recognize her now, confident, Jimmy's friend, and working on the Core.
Of course he wouldn't. He wouldn't even think of her. Even when he was leaving her, leaving her all alone in his apartment to live with his parents, leaving her by herself, he wasn't thinking of her. He was looking at Emma, he always had been. Even while they were together, he was always thinking about Emma Nelson. He saved her life, and she didn't care. Ellie knew Emma just wanted the thrill of being with Sean Cameron, but she wouldn't think of how lucky she was to be with him. Emma wouldn't love him like Ellie had, Emma only cared about herself. She had broken Sean's heart, and she was going to again. If only Sean could see that, and see how much Ellie still wanted to be with him. He was at Degrassi while she was at Toronto University, even though they were the same age. He was repeating the year he had lost, the year Ellie had to carve her own niche for herself. At least going to different schools prevented the confrontation she had both been dreading and looking forward to.
"El?" She heard the footsteps and the familiar voice before turning around to actually see the face. She couldn't speak, she didn't want to. "El?" The voice was softer this time, but also closer. She scooted over, wrapping her arms around herself as he sat down beside her. "Listen, I know you're mad… Right?" He began, unable to finish because Ellie's head turned with a snap and her hazel eyes burned with hurt, anger, and unending betrayal. "Mad?" She barely recognized the tone of hurt and anger she was using. "No Sean, I was mad when you decided to talk to Emma about the shooting and not me. I was furious when you almost drowned yourself. I was hurt and mad when you picked Wasaga over me, when you left me all alone in yourapartment, paying your rent with money I didn't have. I was hurt when you decided you didn't love me at all and abandoned me. I was hurt and angry when you came back for Emma Nelson! When you talked to Emma, you didn't even bother to come and see me. Of course Sean Cameron had time to steal someone else's girlfriend, but when it came to facing his old one he didn't even care. So to answer you, I am not mad! There are no words I could use to describe how I feel about you!"
That outburst felt good, strangely calming. She was glad she could finally tell him a bit of how she felt. But still, she felt the need to press. She felt a lump in her throat grow as she continued. "You picked Emma Nelson over me Sean. You chose to tell your ex girlfriend about what happened instead of me. You chose to come back for you're EX girlfriend, the one you weren't even dating when you left. You chose to spend time with her instead of even trying to face me." She felt her cheeks, making sure she hadn't started to cry, but her tears betrayed her and ran down her cheeks in streams. She wiped at them, trying not to give Sean any leverage on her. She took a couple of deep breaths before snapping the bands on her wrists repeatedly, harder. "Y-you still need them?" He managed to find words, though his face was deathly pale and desolate looking. "I didn't, not until I heard you were back," she admitted, letting her head hang. He tried to reach out and hold her hand, but she snatched it away.
"El…Ellie, please calm down. I never meant to do any of that to you." His voice was soft and persuasive, but she shook her head. She couldn't believe anyone who had hurt her like this that many times. "I didn't talk about the shooting because I didn't want to scare you. I talked to Emma because I thought she knew me better, for longer, and would know how to help. That was a bust. I moved to Wasaga to get my life back on track, not to hurt you. My parents needed me, and I needed them. I-I guess I just forgot about the rent and everything. "The next part seemed harder for him as he seemed to gulp before starting again. "I didn't come back for Emma. I came back for you. But I was a coward and thought you would hate me, and Emma seemed to like me again. And I wanted my old life back, so I tried my hardest. But El, I don't want my old life back, because none of that, nothing is worth it without you. I didn't know how to face you; I didn't want you to hate me anymore than you do."
Ellie wanted to reach out and cradle him in her arms, but she couldn't. "No Sean, you couldn't speak to me because you were a coward and didn't want to hurt yourself." She knew those words were true, and he clearly did too. "Ellie, maybe I did do that. I'm just glad I got to talk to you now, and I want you to know I care about you ten times, no a hundred more times than I ever cared for Emma. I love you El." With those words, everything seemed to fall into place. "I love you too,' she murmured, hanging her head down again. "But you're with Emma now, and I don't know if I can trust you again." He nodded, once again knowing her words were true. "I wish I could just break things off with Emma and be with you again, living in the old apartment and spending time with Bueller." She held back a small smile. "It won't be that easy Sean, you're going to really have to think about what you want." He nodded again meekly.
Ellie Nash stood up, but not before wrapping her arms around him and giving him a light kiss on the cheek. She adjusted the dark bag hanging off of her shoulder and smiled a little small. "Oh, and by the way Sean," she said, walking out of the park. "Bueller's dead. The poor little guy chewed on some of the wires you were supposed to fix." With that, she turned the corner and walked away, giving him a chance to consider what, and who he really wanted. Because no matter what, whether she wanted to or not, she would always be waiting for him to walk in her door and kiss her like he used to. She'd be waiting.