Disclaimer: I only own a copy of Skyrim.
Summary: Sheogorath teaches Samar the Listener and Cicero the joys of the telephone: Namely prank calls.
Rating: K+
Inspiration: Skyrim Kink meme. Prompt; F!DB and Cicero find a Mysterious Ringing Contraption (otherwise known as 'telephone') and call people with it. It can be real people or Skyrim people, whatever you want - and it can also have them actively trying to prank everyone else, OR being entirely clueless about what a telephone does and spitting creepy nonsense into the phone out of ignorance. The little details are up to you; just make it fun, 'nons!
F!DB and Cicero don't have to be in a relationship if you don't want them to, but if they are it'd be really great since they're kind of my OTP (dontlookatmelikethat). F!DB's race doesn't really matter, UNLESS they are in a relationship - in that case, I'd be grateful if she wasn't a Khajiit or an Argonian.
Pairings: SamarxCicero
Warnings: Nope
Other Notes: You can consider this a prequel to The Dark Brotherhood: Expanding the family, but it's not necessary to understand the story.
"More tea, Pelly my dear?"
Samar the Listener grinned as she accepted the tea from the Mad Prince sitting across from her. Cicero giggled excitably next to her. The main reason she was back in Pelagius's mind was because of her mad lover. After hearing her adventure there, Cicero begged for her to take him. Seeing his wide, insane grin as he interacted with the prince made it worth it. She hadn't seen him this happy in a long time.
A waiter tapped Sheogorath on the shoulder, giving him a silver tray, which made Sheogorath laugh and accept. "You know, you remind me of myself at a young age, kids!"
Samar smiled at him, and Cicero laughed merrily along with Sheogorath.
"How so?" Cicero asked, eyes sparkling.
"All I cared about was riding narwhales and sleeping in honeycombs and drinking babies' tears," Sheogorath sighed, staring off into space before pushing the silver tray so that it sat in front of the couple. "Time for the party's main entertainment!"
Sheogorath dramatically pulled the top off, and Samar and Cicero stared down at the strange object. It was a bright red with a strange white curled rope. Cicero hesitantly touched it, jumping when it made a noise. Not at all effected by the weird noise from the strange object, Sheogorath tore the top off and put it to the side of his head. It reached from his ear to his mouth, and he spoke into it.
"Ello? AH! Do you mind? I'm busy doing the fishstick. It's a very delicate state of mind!" he scolded the object before clicking it back to the bottom piece.
"What is this?" Samar asked cautiously, running her fingers over the smooth surface.
"It's called a phone, lassy!" Sheogorath explained. "Some people use it to call other people, normally for important reasons like somebody plucked their eyes out to make smores, but sometimes people play jokes with them!"
"Jokes?" Cicero echoed, extremely interested.
"I'll teach ya!" He boomed, picking up the top of the object. He poked some buttons with random numbers on it before pressing another, making the object shriek with the same strange noise as before. Samar and Cicero stared curiously at it before the noise suddenly stopped. A moment later, the object spoke!
"Tony's Pizza Parlor, can I take your order?"
"Have you any idea where you are?" Sheogorath replied madly into the object. "Where ya truly are?"
"Um…Tony's Pizza Parlor?" the object replied after a moment of silence. "May I take your order?"
"CHEESE!"
"Um…okay one cheese pizza. What size?"
"Ya know," Sheogorath replied, grinning widely at the couple, who were beginning to giggle and chuckle. "I was there for the whole sorted affair-"
There was a click. Sheogorath frowned.
"What was that?" Cicero asked when silence passed over them.
"They hung up on us," came the sad reply. He immediately cheered up and dialed another number. The strange noise was back and a female voice replied.
"Hello, this is Domino's pizza, Christina speaking, how may I help you?"
"Now you! You can call me Ann Marie. But only if you're partial to being flayed alive and having an angry immortal skip rope with your entrails. I'f not... Then call me Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness. Charmed."
"….Excuse me?" the feminine voice from the object squeaked. Cicero giggled madly at the confusion and fear in her voice.
"I hate indecision! ... or maybe I don't. Well, make up your mind. Or I'll have your skin made into a hat. Maybe one of those arrowcatchers. I love those hats!"
"I don't know what's going on!" the voice shrieked.
"Ya know, you remind me of myself at a young age. All I cared about was riding narwhales and a word for advice: If ya ride a narwhale…avoid the pointy end."
The voice suddenly laughed nervously.
"I'll…I'll keep that in mind?" she replied uncertainly. "Um…your order Mr. pirate man or…mad prince of something?"
"CHEESE!" Sheogorath shrieked into the object before putting the object back together before ripping it apart.
"May Cicero try?" he asked a tad hesitantly. Sheogorath grinned at the mad fool before poking numbers and handing the object to him. A small noise came before a voice came over the object.
"Hello?"
Cicero grinned as he began to tell a joke. "and he says to the man, "That's not a horker! That's my wife!" Ha ha ha ha ha... Ah... I love that one..."
The phone hung up, making Samar chuckled.
"Your turn girly!" Sheogorath boomed, handing her the phone. She smiled and accepted it after he poked more numbers.