Okay, The Confused One and I started this the day before Thanksgiving, and we've been working on turkey and pumpkin pie to get it done. It turned out much longer than I planned... damn plot bunnies, so I broke it in half. It starts around Frame, so Declan's a bastard and most of our boy's family is dead. Poor thing. Enjoy, and please remember to review!
Dislcaimer: Not ours!
Warning! Contains spoilers for Frame and some foul language. Bad Alex...
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Alex sighed as she balanced several containers of food and a pumpkin pie in her arms and attempted to knock on the door. Another Thanksgiving had come and gone, and soon it would be Christmas again. Her thoughts turned briefly to the nephew she had left just an hour ago. The one that she had given birth to what felt like just a few months ago. But now he was already almost six, and she had never felt older. She struggled with the food and reached an unsteady hand out, then pounded on the door.
He still didn't answer, and she frowned deeply. Hoping she wouldn't drop the food, she reached into her pocket and fumbled with her keys. Finally she found the right one and shoved it into the lock, then opened the door.
Darkness greeted her eyes, and she frowned. Having seen enough of his apartment, she reached over and flipped the lightswitch on. "Goren, I don't care if you want to be alone." She toed her shoes off and went to the kitchen, setting the food down on the counter.
She turned around and finally saw him sprawled on the couch, asleep. She shook her head. "Wake up, Bobby. I have food."
He didn't answer, and she frowned, stepping closer to the couch. "Come on, Goren. Company during the holidays isn't the end of the world." She knelt down beside his head and studied him. He looked almost relaxed, something that she had only caught in brief glimpses. She reached down and affectionately brushed back an unruly curl away from his forehead.
Something beside the couch caught her attention, and she frowned as she realized she was looking at a pill bottle and an empty bottle of whiskey, laying on its side. She looked at Bobby, then reached down and picked up the pill bottle. It was empty.
Terror instantly caught her in its smarmy tentacles as she reached over and roughly shook her partner's shoulder. "Goren, wake up!"
There was no response, and she reached over and touched his neck. There was a pulse, and for that she was thankful. With a shaking hand, she reached over and grabbed his phone as she continued to roughly shake him in an effort to stir him into consciousness. "Goren!"
Groggy, Bobby groaned softly and opened his eyes. He looked at Alex confused. His voice was weak. "Eames?" He was fighting to keep his eyes open.
She had the phone to her ear and was talking to the 911 operator when he said her name. Freeing one hand, she smoothed it over his forehead. "That's it, Bobby. Stay awake for me."
Bobby shook his head, trying to remember exactly what he had been doing. "What are you doing here? Who are you talking to?" He remembered getting the letter, the whiskey, and the pills. He groaned again. That had probably been a very, very bad idea.
She snapped her fingers in front of his face. "Bobby, stay with me. How many pills did you take?"
Bobby furrowed his brow, trying to remember how many he had taken. He finally groaned again and shook his head. "I...think it was...too many."
"Okay, Goren, I need you to think." She gently patted his cheek when his eyes fluttered shut. "How many pills did you take?"
Bobby frowned. He sighed. "I...think four...maybe five..."
She spoke with the operator for a few more moments, then hung up the phone and stood up. As quickly as she could, she went to the kitchen and dug around, finding what she was looking for. Then she grabbed a spoon and a large pot and went back to the living room. "Open your mouth, Goren," she growled, pouring a spoonful of the Ipecac.
Bobby looked at her confused. He tilted his head and forced himself to sit up. He stared at her. "What...is that?" His mind wasn't focusing. He couldn't think straight.
"Ipecac. Take it, or we're going to the hospital and getting your stomach pumped."
Bobby looked at her, confused. "I took that many?"
"Yes!"
With a sigh, Bobby took the Ipecac. He made a face as it hit him. After a moment, he jumped up and ran to the bathroom. He threw up violently in the toilet.
She got up and followed him, relieved. He was on his knees in front of the toilet, and she knelt down behind him, rubbing his back as he vomited.
Bobby closed his eyes. When he finally stopped throwing up, he was breathing heavily. Closing his eyes, he sighed heavily. "I'm...sorry, Alex..." He knew what he had done was stupid. Very stupid. You don't mix prescription medications and alcohol.
She shook her head, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him against her chest. "Damn it, Bobby," she whispered. "What the hell were you thinking?"
Bobby took a shaky breath. He swallowed hard. "I just...couldn't sleep. I wanted to sleep. There were only like five of them left. I took several of them, but they didn't help. So I just took the other two..."
Suddenly she was enraged. "You could have died, you stupid son of a bitch!"
Bobby frowned. Pulling away from her, he sat up, retching into the toilet again. When he was done, he sighed. "I didn't want to die!"
"You could have fooled me!"
Bobby pulled away from her. He shakily got up and moved to the sink. He grabbed a wash cloth and got it wet. He scrubbed his face with it. "It wasn't a suicide attempt, Alex. That's the only...assurance I can give you."
She stood up, grabbing his arm when he faltered. "You were drinking when you took those pills. What the hell was going through that thick skull?"
Bobby sighed. "I... told you. Sleep. Sleep was what I was thinking about." He hesitated before admitting, "I hadn't really...slept in two days." He had been plagued with nightmares. They had kept him up more than he had been able to sleep.
She laughed bitterly. "If I hadn't found you, you would have never woken up." And that thought chilled her to her very bone.
Bobby closed his eyes. "I...know it was stupid. It was very stupid." He yawned.
She shook her head, nearly in tears as she left the bathroom and grabbed the pot that rested beside the couch. Then she went back to the bathroom and urged him into his bedroom.
Bobby sighed. He didn't offer an resistance. He followed her to the bedroom and collapsed on the bed. He curled up and closed his eyes. He yawned again. He didn't know if he would get any sleep, but he figured he should try. Sensing her still beside the bed, he ventured, "What...are you doing here, Eames?"
She pulled his blankets and sheets over him. "Bringing you something to eat," she said irritably.
Bobby snorted. "I'm not hungry."
"No, you're an asshole, and a stupid one at that."
Bobby frowned. He sighed and finally turned in the bed to face her. He met her eyes. "You're right. I really am. I'm also very sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. Really."
She wasn't quite ready to let go of her anger, even though she knew he'd be fine. "Fuck you." She spun around and stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
As soon as she got out into the living room again and saw the whiskey bottle, her fury peaked. Grabbing the bottle, she flung it against the wall, taking a small satisfaction as it shattered into a million tiny shards.
But the satisfaction was over fast, and she found herself standing alone in the living room, close to tears and wondering how the hell she had gotten here.
Bobby laid there, staring at the door for a moment. Hearing the bottle smash, he grimaced. He got up and moved out to the den. Seeing her staring at the wall, he swallowed hard and moved to her. "Eames..."
She didn't move. She could barely breathe as she sank down to her knees.
Horrified, Bobby moved to her. He moved to his knees with her and hugged her. He held her close, ignoring her when she fought against him a minute. He swallowed hard. "I'm...sorry. I'm sorry."
She fought against him for a few minutes, until she was simply too weak. Then she reluctantly wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tight. "I hate you," she whispered, closing her eyes. She hated him for doing this to her. She hated him for the past two years. But most of all, she hated herself for loving him.
Bobby took a sharp breath at her words. He closed his eyes. "I... I don't want you to hate me, Alex." He pulled back and met her eyes. "You're...all I have left..."
She pulled back, struggling against her tears.
He reached up and placed his hand to her cheek. "You mean everything to me, and I never meant to hurt you. Never. It was the last thing I wanted."
She pulled away from his hand. "Then why the hell did you take those fucking pills?" She grabbed his shoulder, shaking him roughly as her tears finally spilled down her cheeks. "You could have died!"
Bobby pulled her back into a hug. "But I didn't. You...saved me from my own stupidity. I'm really sorry I scared you so badly. I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through the last two years."
She hit his chest. "You fucking bastard!" She couldn't see through her own tears as she hit him again.
Bobby closed his eyes, doing nothing to stop her from pounding his chest. He knew he'd have bruises, but she needed to get it out. He deserved every bit of it.
Finally she went limp against his chest, sobbing. She couldn't do this. She just couldn't do it.
Bobby took a shaky breath. Holding her close, he rubbed her back. "I...promise I'm not going to do anything this...stupid ever again."
She finally wrapped one arm around his neck, pulling him into an impossibly tight hug. The idea of not having him in her life terrified her. She held him tighter.
Bobby took a ragged breath. He couldn't help himself. He buried his face in her hair. "Alex, you...have to know. You're the best thing that ever happened to me..."
She still felt the need to lash out. "Then how could you hurt me like that?"
Bobby shook his head. He insisted, "I swear I wasn't trying to hurt myself. I wasn't trying to hurt you. I never want to hurt you."
"Do you know... how much it would've... hurt me?" she whispered. "I would've died..."
Bobby closed his eyes. "I... I know... I know, and I'm so sorry... I never want to put you through that. There's been...too much pain, too much...death already..."
Her arms tightened around his neck. "I can't lose you."
Bobby took a shaky breath. He nodded in agreement. "And I...can't lose you. Ever. I wake up...seeing you dead...Scared out of my mind that I've lost you..."
She was quiet for several minutes. "Bobby...?"
Bobby swallowed hard. He whispered, "Please, Eames. I just... I need you to forgive me." For tonight. For everything. For the last two years. For hurting you. For needing you to still be here.
She shivered, finally lifting her head. Resting her forehead against his head, she sniffled and stared into his eyes.
Bobby took a ragged breath. He saw it there. Saw everything. The love, acceptance, forgiveness, patience, understanding... His breath hitched in his throat. "Oh, God, Alex..." He took her face in his hands. He whispered, "I don't deserve you."
She sniffled, brushing her lips softly against his. "Don't go," she whispered into his mouth.
Bobby closed his eyes. Tears slid down his cheeks. "I don't want to... I don't want to lose you, but this is such a bad idea..."
She shook her head. "No, it's not."
Bobby was crying now. "I love you, Alex, but I can't do this. I can't do this to you."
She grasped his shoulders and shook him. "Bobby, don't you dare do this to me."
Bobby shook his head. "I love you, but after everything I put you through... After everything I've done to you... How could you not hate me?"
"Because I don't!"
Bobby closed his eyes. "I'm just trying to understand... No one I've ever loved has stayed..."
"Except me."
Bobby nodded. "Except you. I keep... I'm terrified of losing you. I...still can't imagine you feeling the same way about me that I feel about you..."
She leaned forward and buried her face in his neck, cradling the back of his head in her small hand. What he didn't know was that she was terrified, too. She had come so close to losing him tonight. If she hadn't decided to be more stubborn than him... She shuddered and closed her eyes, pressing her face deeper into his neck.
Bobby took a ragged breath. He pulled her into his arms. Holding her close, he closed his eyes and buried his face in her hair. "I...wake up...seeing the image of you...dead... Seeing your eyes. I wake up wanting to call you, just to know you're really okay... You're everything to me. You're my rock, my heart..."
She held him tighter, a few of her warm teardrops hitting his neck. "I can't lose you, Bobby..."
Bobby kissed her hair. He whispered, "I can't lose you either. I thought...I would for sure if I told you..."
She shook her head, grasping his shirt in her fingers.
Bobby closed his eyes. He rubbed her back. "After what Declan said and finding out about Brady..." He shook his head. He hadn't thought anyone could love him.
"Who do you trust more, Bobby? Them or me?"
Bobby swallowed hard, searching her eyes. "I don't even have to think about that. You. Always you."
She kissed his forehead. "Then believe me. I love you."
Bobby closed his eyes. He nodded weakly. "I'm...trying. Really, I am."
"Try harder. You're stuck with me."
Bobby smiled. He shook his head. "Not stuck. I've never felt stuck with you."
She hugged him tighter, breathing him in deeply.
Bobby sighed softly. "About... I got a letter...from Declan. It... I really have barely slept since."
She thought for a few minutes. Fucking bastard... Nuzzling his neck with her nose, she whispered, "I think I can make you sleep..."
Bobby raised his eyebrows. "Oh yeah? And how do you plan to do that."
She ran her hand under his shirt and over his back, pressing him closer to her.
Bobby's eyes fluttered close. He murmured her name and kissed her.
When she felt his lips against her head, she turned and caught his mouth in a sweet, innocent kiss. On his lips she could vaguely taste the acrid remnants, and she pulled away and rested her forehead against his.
Bobby sighed softly. "You... You being here...helps. You...calm me. You're my rock, my everything."
She slipped her arms around his neck and studied his features. "Don't ever do that again."
Bobby swallowed hard. He nodded. "I promise. I really am sorry. I wasn't thinking about what I was doing. I just wanted to sleep."
She caught his cheek in her hand. "Then you should have called me."
Bobby nodded again. He met her eyes. "I promise. I'll call next time. I just... I didn't want to ruin your holiday with me and my...demons."
She shook her head. "You're not going to call next time." She kissed his forehead softly. "Just reach out."
Bobby smiled in spite of himself. "Then I'll never have problems sleeping again."
She slowly stood up, then offered him her hand. "Come on."
Bobby swallowed hard, looking up at her. He took her hand, letting her help him up. He let her lead him into the bedroom. He looked down at her. He finally ventured, "Are you...going to stay?"
She was already peeling off her jacket when he asked that. "Yes."
Bobby smiled just a little. When she was with him, he didn't have to worry so much. He finally crawled into the bed. He pulled the covers up and sighed.
She made sure he was comfortable in the bed before she finished undressing and climbed into the bed with him.
Bobby smiled, enjoying watching her. When she climbed into the bed with her, finally relaxed. He turned to face her. He was amazed. She was there. With him. He could barely believe it. He reached out and gently touched her cheek. "I...love you so much..."
She snuggled close to him, sighing softly. "Love you, too."
Bobby wrapped an arm around her. He held her close. Closing his eyes, he yawned again. He was asleep again in minutes, relaxed in the knowledge that she was there. She was safe, and she loved him.
TBC...
A/N: There ya go. We've finished the second half, but how soon that goes up depends on ya'll. Review, please!
