He never wanted to see me dance again and I understand why. Dancing always meant death. It was part of the ritual of the Sending. I guided the souls of the dead to the Farplane, saving them from the fate of becoming fiends. A fate worse than the death they had unfortunately experienced.
I danced with sorrow in my heart for those loved ones left behind. For the mothers who cried for their children. For the children cried for their parents. Husbands lost wives just as young lovers were never to get their chance to marry and all of this was because of Sin.
I cried when I danced for them, hearing the wails of those still living. I cried because no life should ever be lost, no matter how young or old.
So I danced. Then I moved on to fight. We had to fight. Sin was our enemy and my guardians, and I were going to destroy him.
Happily and sadly, in the end, we succeeded.
It was apparent to anyone that is was a joyous moment in our history. Sin would never again return. People no longer had to live in fear of the toxin or his spawn. The threat of Sin destroying our homes was forever vanquished. We had the eternal calm.
The sadness came from my loss.
I saved the world only to lose my heart… I lost him. My first and only love. He changed everything. Our world is saved because of the man from Zanarkand. A society that had been destroyed 1,000 years ago. It was a world where people could dance, and it wouldn't be about death, but about joy and love. It was a world destroyed by Sin… but it was a world in a dream.
I talked with no one the day I left for Zanarkand. I asked Rikku to take me there a month after we had our victory. I had already decided that I would visit the land once again. This time not on a pilgrimage but to relive some precious memories.
Wakka and Lulu knew where I was going, but I asked them to stay behind. Just this once.
"Yunie?" Rikku asked. "Are you ok?" She was standing near a fire with her hands on her hips, watching me with curiosity and concern in her features.
I stood on the cliffs overlooking Zanarkand. The Pyraflies were everywhere, casting their glow all over the land. The sun was going down over the ruins. I blinked away a tear and faced my cousin.
"Yes. I'm fine."
"You don't look it." She disagreed, shrugging her shoulders and shaking her head. "Um… fire's all lit. Wanna come down from there?"
I didn't want to come down. Not yet, but I nodded and looked over the land once more before carefully sliding down the steep slope.
"D'ya see anything?" She asked. Still with concern.
I smiled at her and shook my head. "Just pyraflies."
Rikku nodded. "We can go to the ruins in the morning if you want." She bit her lip to stop herself from saying something else.
I know Rikku has a problem with this. She's Albhed after all. And as she often says, 'Memories are nice, but that's all they are.' Though lately, she hasn't said those words to me. I was grateful for that.
We sat down beside the fire side by side, neither of us saying another word. She poked it with a stick a couple of times while I stared into the popping, dancing flames. Dancing Flames. Always my thoughts go back to dancing.
I did one last sending in the end, right after I defeated Sin. I never want to send again. He faded because of that one last ritual, that one last dance.
And not just him either. I also sent away my fathers closest friend Auron. Dance, death, dance, fade, dance….
Warmth began traveling down my cheeks in steady uneven streams. Wet and salty when the warmth touched my lips, I realized I was crying again.
"Yunie…" Rikku said my name softly. Her hand was on my shoulder.
"Really Rikku, I'm fine."
"No, you're not." She frowned as her voice turned stern and authoritative. "You need to spill the beans, sister, or I am taking you back to Besaid right now."
In spite of my sadness, she made me smile.
I stood up, and she followed my lead. I put my hands in front of me feeling the warmth of the fire. The glow it cast on my skin was warm and comforting. Not at all blueish like the glow of the pyraflies.
"Dance," I said softly.
"Huh?" her voice echoed with confusion. She skip-hopped to stand in front of me and bent over, twisting her head into a tilted angle so she could look me directly in the eye... "Talk with some sense please." She whined teasingly.
"The flames dancing. It reminded me of dancing. The sending."
Her face fell. "Oh…. that."
My lips pressed together tight while I closed my eyes. After a short silence, I continued to speak my thoughts.
"He never liked my dancing," I admitted.
She looked at me with concern again. That same look I have come to dislike. My guardians have been giving it to me since the pilgrimage, and I don't see it fading anytime soon.
"But that's the sending." She said. "He hasn't seen you dance. Not really."
I nodded again. "I wanted to dance for him."
Understanding washed over her. She nodded and stepped back from me, taking a seat by the fire.
"Are you sure you wanna find the memory here? It might make you even more sad. To see him… then…" Rikku bit her lip afraid of what her words would do to me.
"To lose him again." I finished for her.
I closed my eyes, letting my memory recall his face, his smile, his eyes, and voice. I want to see you again. I thought to myself.
Slowly I began to sway. I felt the fire beside me and the warmth it gave off. I stepped back from it, swaying as I did so so that the heat was not as intense. I knew I was far enough away now, I began to twirl, kicking up the heel of my boots so my hip would rise and fall.
My hands came up to accentuate my dancing. I felt myself moving in a fluid motion, twisting and listening to the swish my summoners dress made as I did so.
I let my mind focus on him. The boy I wanted to be with so badly. I envisioned him right there beside the fire.. watching me.
My mind created the music that I heard from the drummers on Besaid. Then I mimicked our dancers by making my hips rise and fall like the waves on the beach. I shimmied while my hands dropped to hip level and spun as the music in my mind picked up the tempo.
I imagined that our eyes made contact as I danced for him. He would stare with fascination this time… not with sadness or pain. He would smile at me, and I smiled back.
The warmth was close again, so I stepped back from the fire once more, but I continued to dance. Weaving and rotating, twisting and twirling…
Then I heard a gasp from Rikku. I opened my eyes mid-twirl and stopped instantly to see … him. Glowing with Pyraflies.
My heart skipped a beat but when I stopped dancing the vision started to fade. No. I thought.
"Keep dancing Yunie," Rikku said quickly, almost breathlessly.
So I did. I threw my hands up again and twirled. His image brightened up again, glowing and smiling. He was almost laughing with the joy that was so evident on his face. My heart swelled, and I danced more.
The music of my mind was beating louder. I kicked and twisted. Jutting my hip from one side to another. I dance for him.
Rikku sat down in awe of the vision. She was laughing, and I joined her spinning again as I did so.
We looked at him with amazement when I was finally out of breath from it all. I didn't want to stop but my body, wholly exerted, said otherwise.
He didn't fade right away. He lingered there, grinning widely.
"Yuna," His voice was like fresh water in the middle of the Bikanel Desert. "You dance beautifully."
I felt the tears fall again. "I needed to dance for you."
"I'm glad you did." He began to fade after this. I knew it couldn't last forever and I wasn't so sad this time, I was happy. I saw him. I was able to see him once again thanks to the pyraflies.
I don't know if it really was him or if it was just the Pyraflies reacting to my wishful thinking. Either way, it didn't matter. His words meant a lot to me.
One day I will find him again. Somehow, some way… and when I do, I will dance for him again. Without sadness, without death. I will dance for love.
