I own nothing. It's all the BBC's and RTD's and all them. I do own a loaf of bread, however. It's whole wheat, I believe.
AN: I've decided to forgo waiting longer for a beta to read this over for me. It's been almost a month already with no word, so there may be mistakes. I did run spell check quite a few times.
You don't necessarily have to have read my story In Thunder, Lightning, or Rain to get this, but it would let you know how the twins came to get their names. This takes place before ITLoR, many many many years before.
First Toast On Mars
He could do this, of course he could; he's brilliant, isn't he?
A genius, a right da Vinci even!
Need the car to go a little bit faster? Done. Rewire the telly to get free movies? Piece of cake.
"Or toast," he said wildly to himself. A mad grin spread across his face as he reattached the outer casing, and gave the bottom a final tap with a hammer.
So why couldn't he turn the toaster into a rocket launcher?
"No reason whatsoever!" He concluded, with a critical scrutiny of his work. "Now, where is the loaf of bread?" He cast his gaze to wander around the kitchen.
"In the breadbox, maybe?" He slid it open and frowned. "Nah, would have been to simple anyway."
He absently tugged his ear. "Freezer. Yes, freezer." He walked to the large object and pulled it open.
Noth- "So there's my mobile. Wonder how it got there…" He pulled his chilled phone out of the freezer and tossed it back in forth in his hand. "Ohh, that's cold." He tossed it on table next to the used-to-be-toaster.
He checked the pantry, the cupboards, even the washer. No bread.
"Ah." He looked at his rocket launcher, then at the clock and did the calculation. "Yep, still time."
He left the kitchen and picked up his coat from the entryway. "Mickey, Chris, we have to go to the store," he called.
There was a thud, a bump, a quite audible "Hell" and two 8 year olds appeared at the top of the stairs. "Do we have to go, Dad?" One said. "Yeah, we're nearly 9!" Said the other.
The Doctor shook his head mournfully. "'Fraid so. Anyway, we can stop and get ice cream on the way home. Heard Bob and Larry's got a new flavor out- Martian Madness. Been wanting to try it. And no swearing," he added, knowing he should.
One twin perked up at the mention of ice cream. "We'll get our coat and shoes," he said, and looked to his brother. Both he and his dad knew what was coming:
"But Dad, it's chilly out today. And it looks like rain."
"It always looks like rain," his brother mumbled and rolled his eyes.
"Ah Chris, that's the best time for ice cream! Doesn't melt then, you see." The Doctor said, and shooed them both off to get their things. "Now where's my keys?" He patted his pockets.
Frowning, he jammed his hand in the right side one. He pulled out first a tiny ball of knotted string, followed by a few notes, one of Rose's lip glosses- "How'd that get there? Hmm, strawberry," he read on it's side. Cautiously he twisted it open and pulled the application stick out. He sniffed it.
"Certainly smells like Strawberry…" He poked his tongue out and lightly touched the tip to the gloss. His nose scrunched up. "Doesn't taste much like it." He put it in his other pocket and continued his search.
He'd extracted a coin form the arcade, a silver button, a bouncy ball and a small slinky before his sons appeared again.
"You lot seen my keys anywhere? It'd be a bit of a walk. And it's rather chilly out today, you know."
"They're sitting on the table, there," Mickey pointed. The Doctor followed his finger.
"What they doing in their proper place?" He asked, but the twins didn't answer. He swooped over and snatched his keys.
"Right. Lets go!"
xXx
"You've got six breads, Dad." Chris pointed out, sweeping shaggy brown hair out of his eyes.
"Can I get this?" Mickey held up a box of chocolate chip biscuits.
"We've got some at home," the Doctor said. He surveyed his various types of bread in satisfaction. No telling which would launch best.
"Alright boys. Lets pay for this and see about that ice cream." He ushered the twins to the checkout. Pausing, he added, "Was there anything we needed at the house?"
"Gran had a list going on the fridge," said Mickey. The Doctor frowned, trying to recall the list.
"You sure? I only remember there being tacky magnets and that picture you colored, Mick."
"Dad! Coloring is kid stuff." He looked around the empty aisle, "keep it down, will ya?" Then he headed off to look at the treats again.
"Lets just go. We can pretend we never even went to the store," the Doctor decided. "What your Gran doesn't know, wont hurt me."
"That's not how it goes, Dad. It's wont hurt her," Chris rolled his eyes.
The Doctor laid a hand on his shoulder. "If only that were true, Chris." He shook his head in remorse as his other son came back. "Mickey, no biscuits, and no-oh! Jelly Babies!"
He took the bag from his sons hand with a childish grin. "I suppose we could get one extra thing each. But no chocolate biscuits, Mick. We do have some at home."
Tossing the bag of his treat in, the Doctor took control of the trolley and glanced at both his sons. He could use the good karma points…
"Think you can remember this mysterious list of Grans?" The two exchanged a look before nodding. The Doctor grinned.
"First was eggs," Chris said with confidence.
"Right. Race you to the eggs!" The Doctor said, then hurried off with the trolley.
"Dad, you cheated!" The twins chorused, but ran nevertheless.
xXx
"Dad! You can't lick that! Other people may want to buy it!" The Doctor put down the watermelon lip gloss he was about to open and test.
"I may want to buy it. For your mum," the Doctor added when Mickey looked at him.
"C'mon, we still need carrots." Chris said, trying to take charge of the trolley.
"Oh all right," the Doctor sighed. "Your Mum'll just have to deal with lip gloss that tastes nothing like strawberry."
"Why'd it matter what it tastes like? It's just supposed to look pretty," said Chris, practical as ever.
Mickey rolled his eyes, "For when they kiss, idiot."
"Don't call me idiot, stupid!"
"Don't call me stupid,-"
"That's enough. No fighting," The Doctor intervened, feeling slightly uncomfortable. "Race you to the carrots?" He offered, lightly.
The twins stopped their bickering and took off. "Oi, now who's cheating!" The Doctor turned the trolley around and hurried after his sons.
Later, on the way to the checkout, the Doctor added a bag of pink candy floss. He only hopped his wife would recognize a peace offering when she saw one.
xXx
"Wonder if they used real Martians?" The Doctor asked a while later, as they pulled away from Bob and Larry's.
"Ew, Dad. There's no real Martians in here," Mickey said, before catching a threatening drip.
"You said they were made of mostly gas anyway," Chris added.
"Gas and tiny bits of plasma," the Doctor nodded, feeling a swell of pride in his son. His own ice cream was held precariously in one had as he attempted to steer. A decade grounded and he still had trouble with navigating the car.
They lapsed into silence, which wasn't such a novel thing for the twins, but was a more odd thing for the Doctor.
He didn't mind. He was content with the quiet, knowing his sons were in the back enjoying a treat. Happy and healthy and the perfect mix of him and his wife. He glanced at his left hand for an instant and he couldn't stop the grin.
He took a lick of his ice cream cone. His beautiful wife… who will probably kill him for destroying her mums toaster…
The Doctor contented himself with Martian Madness and hoped the candy floss and pint of mint chocolate chip he also bought would help ease her ire when she found out.
xXx
Once back in the kitchen, he allowed the twins to go off to their room and he put the groceries away. With a glance at the clock he did so more quickly. He left only the bread out.
"Now, which bread to try first…" he gathered the toaster and the sacks of bread and carried them to the back yard. "Right." He glanced up and the roof and squinted. He took three steps backwards, then one forward and stopped. "Perfect." He set his supplies down and went to get the extension cord from under the stairs.
Five minuets or so later all was ready. "Boys! Come here," he yelled towards their open bedroom window. Mickey's head popped out, and a mouth opened and closed before he took in the toaster, bread, cord and mad grin on his fathers face. He retreated back in.
Seconds later they were both hurrying into the back yard.
"This boys," the Doctor exclaimed, lifting the toaster, "used to be your Grans toaster. Now it's our rocket launcher."
"Mum and Gran are gonna be mad," Chris warned. But it didn't stop his interested expression as the Doctor loaded a slice of bread in, pressing down the lever.
"Leave them to me." Inside the Doctor grimaced. He really didn't want another slap. "To late now, anyway. Don't know how to reverse it," he grinned.
He paused and looked at his audience. "The first ever toast launcher. Will it make it over the house? Lets see!" He held it against his chest, then pressed down on the lever again to release the slightly toasted bread.
It soared higher and higher, arching over the pitch of the roof. A startled bird squawked and took flight.
"Yeah!" The twins laughed, excited. The Doctor joined in the cheering, already loading another slice.
"Who wants to do the honors this time?"
Mickey jumped up and down. "I do!" He took the toaster from his dad.
"Alright, hold it like that, against your chest. Bend with it. It'll kick back a little, but not much." He stood behind his son, hand covering the smaller ones. "Ready?"
Mickey looked back at him and nodded.
"Press on the lever." The Doctor instructed. Mickey did so, and watched in rapt fascination as his piece of whole wheat toast flipped end over end, bounced off the chimney and sailed over the roof.
"Me next!" Chris said, already holding a slice of dark rye bread.
And so the next hour was spent: The Doctor and his twin sons, launching toast over the estate; calculating which type, on average, did what in the air, as the sun began setting behind them, casting golden and red light on the activity. Soy toast, they had unanimously decided, didn't do so well, while plain old white bread and honey wheat tied as the best.
They were just about to put the last slice of bread-honey wheat-in the toaster when a door was heard slamming.
"Where is everyone?" A voice called. The twins looked at their dad in horror, then at each other. A silent communication passed between the two and as one they turned and ran to the service entrance at the side of the house; from there they could get to their room undetected.
"Oi!" The Doctor hissed at them as they took off. Mickey turned back, still running, to shrug in apology. Then they were out of sight and the Doctor was left amide empty bread bags, a reconfigured toaster, and the slices of soy toast that had slid back off their side of the roof.
He swallowed thickly as the back door opened. "Please don't be-" he stared under his breath; then he could have danced in relief. It wasn't his mother-in-law.
"There you are." His wife smiled at him.
"Rose," he breathed, and grinned back. He couldn't help it. Seeing her always brought a smile to his face.
She made her way towards him, not taking her eyes off his. The Doctor was beginning to think he'd get off scot-free when she stepped on a felled slice of the glutton free soy toast.
"Doctor?" She asked as she looked down, then around at the other soy toasts. They just weren't as aerodynamic as the others. "What's all this?" She walked over to him; he tried to hid the toaster-turned-launcher behind his back.
"What's all what?" He tried for innocents. She shook her head; he sighed and held up the contraption.
"That's my mums toaster," she stated.
"Yes, it is. Or was. I'll get her a new one!" He said quickly as she started to frown.
"What 'ave you done to it?" She took it from his hands and turned it this way and that. "Is that that alien battery we had stored at Torchwood?" She pointed to the oddly looking green cylinder attached to the underside.
"…Sort of, yeah." He said, shifting his feet and tugging his ear. Rose hid a smile at the familiar phrase.
"What's it do then?" She asked, squinting up at him and into the setting sun.
"Erm, it's a kind of rocket launcher. It launches toast…" he trailed off. His hand went to rub the back of his neck.
"Hmm. Trying for the first toast on mars?"
"Nah, just over the house," he said. "Although I suppose it could make it to the outer atmosphere. But you'd need something firmer then plain old bread; maybe we could get your mum to bake-"
She looked up at the sky, considering, then cut him off before he got into lecture mode. "Still a piece left?" She nodded to the bag clutched in the Doctors other hand.
He stopped talking and nodded.
"Can I try?" Her tongue poked between her teeth in that grin he could never resist.
He laughed. "Course you can!" He loaded the bread for her, and pressed it down. Handing her the toaster, he stepped behind her.
Wrapping his arms around her waist, he said quietly, "hold it close to you, it'll kick back a bit."
She nodded, and turned her head to smile up at him.
"Ready?" He asked, she faced the house again and gave another nod. "Press the lever again," he said, moving his hands to her hips, so they wouldn't be in the way.
She pressed it. The toast soared high. It arced clear over the chimney, and stayed air born for longer then any previous piece had.
Rose gave a laugh of delight. They watched as it abruptly lost velocity and fell from sight. She looked back at the Doctor, her smile big. He joyfully spun her around, neatly plucking the toaster from her and dropping it to the ground.
"OI! Who's throwing toast?!" Jackie's voice sounded from the front of the yard. Both their eyes widened, locked on each other.
"Mum…" Rose whispered.
"DOCTOR! I Know this was your doing somehow! Mickey, Chris, you better not have had anything to do with this!" Jackie continued. The Doctor looked nervously at the back door as it quickly opened.
"She's in a right tizzy, Dad. We saw the toast come down. Landed right on her head!" Chris said, looking over his shoulder. Mickey followed him out the door and the two hurried towards their parents.
"Where's my bleedin' toaster? Doctor!"
Rose slipped from his arms and grabbed one of his hands, and one Mickey's.
"Run," she grinned. The Doctors mad grin spread across his face and he grabbed Chris's hand.
And off they ran. Away from the house and Jackie's yelling as they once had run away from the Cybermen in that same yard.
"What the hell have you done to my toaster! And why's there toast all over the back yard?! Who's going to clean this up? Doctor! Rose!"
Rose, the Doctor and their sons legged it into the fast approaching dusk, their laughter echoing back long after they disappeared from sight.
Fin
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