AN: This is set at the beginning of the third book. An angsty look at Remus' relationship with Snape and with Black when he comes back to Hogwarts.

I have had this story laying around for some time, so I decided to do something about it. I'm going into hospital tomorrow so I'm hoping for some reviews when I wake op from surgery :-P

Returning intruder

Remus Lupin had intruded his space, his home, his Hogwarts. He could still see the young boy he'd been in love with, if that had been love, it had been fun at least. Now Remus sat there, in his own rooms looking like he was about to break down completely. "Hey." Severus put a bottle of whisky down on the table in front of Remus. It was obvious that Remus hadn't noticed him before he spoke.

"Severus." He tried to smile, it didn't work. Remus had used to do that, bring whisky, or whatever he could get his hands on, when he knew Severus would be down. Mostly he knew when it was needed because it was Sirius' fault. Severus studied him. Remus met his eyes for a second before he looked away.

"It's Black isn't it?" Remus opened his mouth, but closed it again. Sirius was out there somewhere and it was getting to him more than he had ever imagined it would. Being at Hogwarts, seeing Severus, didn't help at all. It had been this place, it was here everything important happened. It had been Severus, stolen kisses in the hallways, drunken nights, secrets, and yes it had been love, young love. Then Severus had met the wolf, and Remus had been sure he would never look at him again. Severus did, he looked at him, took his hand and said he didn't care, Remus had been happy. Then there had been a fight, about their friends, their future, that had been it. They went their separate ways. Then there was falling in love with his best friend, there was Sirius. There was telling their friends, there was moving in together, there was planning a future. There was fun and drunken nights with friends he now couldn't remember without his heart breaking. Then it all fell apart, everyone was gone, he was alone and he couldn't believe it. When it didn't hurt it was numb, and now he was seeing it all every time he closed his eyes. He was hoping Sirius would come to him, he didn't care if he'd killed them or not. "Remus…" Severus had come closer. He cupped his chin and made Remus look into this eyes, Remus looked as if he was about to cry, he was. He twisted out of Severus' grip. Severus caressed Remus' neck, he could feel the shivers under his fingers. "Ow Remus." He whispered and kissed the top of Remus' head.

"Don't…" Remus mumbled. Severus knelt down next to him. He stroked a piece of hair away from Remus' amber eyes.

"I told you to break his heart, not to let him break yours." That almost brought a smile to Remus' lips.

"I told you he would break my heart didn't I?" He had. They had met over a beer in Hogsmead when Remus and Sirius decided to give it a try. Severus had smiled and said 'good for you'. Remus had been worried, knowing Sirius had broken many hearts. Severus told him he'd be ok, he was better then anyone Sirius had dumped. It was probably true, Sirius never dumped him, they never broke up.

"When did you last eat?" Severus looked worried, it was the second of September and he hadn't seen Remus all day.

"Last night I guess." Yesterday, he'd been on the train with another Potter, another group of friends, he'd felt sick sins he first saw James' black hair and Lilly's green eyes. Then there had been Severus' worried eyes.

"You barely ate last night…" Severus touched him again, hand on his hand. Remus just shrugged, Severus shook his head. A tap of his wand and together with the whisky stood two glasses and a sandwich. He handed him a plate. "You have to eat." Remus shrugged.

"I'm not hungry." Remus just looked at the food.

"Eat anyway, do it for me." Remus ate and Severus poured the whisky. He put the plate down at the table and avoided Severus' eyes again. Severus handed him a glass, their fingers touched. And it sent shivers through both of them. Remus emptied the glass like he'd done at 16, straight down, not wanting to feel the burn. Severus filled their glasses. They drank too much, not right now but every day. They had too many things to drown, Remus was as used to waking up to hangovers as Severus was to avoiding them. It was a long time since any of them had been healthy, if they had ever been. Even if they sat close, they felt alone, it wasn't space between them, it was time. Another drink, another, another. There was practically no space between them, none of them could remember moving. Severus pushed away that piece of hair again, the one that stopped him from seeing Remus' eyes.

"Severus." He looked away from Severus again. Maybe he wanted Severus to cup his chin and make him look into those black caring eyes, that was what he did. The amber ones weren't dead, even if Remus felt like they were, they were hurt and lost and seeking. "You…" long delicate fingers that had cupped his chin stroked his cheek, making his eyes slip closed.

"When was the last time you let anyone…?" Remus looked away again, there was only two ways for that sentence to end, and he didn't want to answer any of them. "Thirteen years?" He forced Remus to look into his eyes again, and kept it that way. "Since what? Since you let anyone get close? Since you let anyone touch you? Since anyone kissed you?"

"It's none of your business." It was a mixture between a whimper and a bark. There had been Sirius, and then there had been darkness. A broken heart, a broken mind. His heart was still broken. There had been drunken nights in places he wanted to forget, faceless, nameless people, he hadn't cared about who they were, what sex they were. If there had been any kisses he couldn't remember them. Mostly there had been lonely nights with cheap booze. Water was threatening to flood his eyes, he broke free from Severus' hand. There was no fight, the hand just found it's way to Remus' neck. Soft, comforting. Remus filled and emptied his glass again, filled it to the rim. He could have been mean, asked Severus the same, how long had he been hiding here. But Severus' past lovers weren't convicted murderers, they were dead, the ones Remus knew about at least. "There is nothing left of me for anyone to have." It was the only honest answer he had. How long it had been wasn't important when there was nothing there to keep. The glass was filled and emptied, filled and emptied. Severus took the bottle from Remus' hand, he filled his own glass. He drank it slowly, watching Remus, watching a beaten man. He filled Remus' glass again, sharing what was left of the bottle. The amber liquid in Remus' glass was gone almost before Severus could put the bottle down.

"I don't believe you." Remus looked at Severus and shook his head. Those delicate fingers stroked his temple, his cheek, his lips. Remus' eyes fell shut, the gentle touch was almost to much. Then there were lips on lips, soft. Remus gasped, his eyes shot open and looked into Severus' black ones. Severus was waiting for him to decide. Hovering so close he could almost feel Severus' nose against his, hot breath in his lips. Severus was there, he wasn't going anywhere, he knew everything, almost everything. Severus was the one who'd taken his hand and said he didn't care. Severus knew depression, he knew loss. Remus closed the gap, his dry lips on Severus' silky ones. How could he still taste the same under the whisky? Remus' arms found their way around Severus' neck, afraid to let go, afraid he'd disappear. Severus didn't disappear, he wrapped his arms around Remus' back pulling him closer. Severus pulled back, panting, he needed air. He rested his forehead against Remus'. This wouldn't be fun yet, this was about fixing something broken, in both of them. He reached for one of Remus' hands resting on his neck. "Come on, time for bed." Severus stood up.

"Severus…" If those drunken nights in some unknown club had been thirteen, ten or two years ago it didn't matter. The look in Remus' eyes were unmistakable, the mix of fear and rejection.

"You are drunk, that wasn't what I was thinking. Time for sleep Remus." Remus stood up next to him, still holding his hand. None of them knew who lead whom into Remus' bedroom, but there they were. A quick kiss, Remus' hands on Severus' chest.

"Stay." Remus' whisper was a plea. Before Severus could open his mouth to answer he added. "I don't want to be alone." Severus nodded and kissed Remus' forehead. Remus tugged at Severus' shirt, Remus was too drunk for buttons. Severus undid his own shirt, then Remus', he did the same with their pants. As Remus tossed his clothes into a corner Severus folded his up and put them on a chair. Remus was in bed before he was finished. Severus got into bed behind Remus. The material of the bedding was as comfortable as his own, it was the colour that was the problem, the Gryffindor red. He wrapped his arms around Remus, kissing his neck.

"Always said you were too good for Black anyway." The only response he got from the half sleeping Remus was an uninterruptable mumble.