Here's my contribution for the holiday season. This was born out of a rather heated argument with several of my friends on the pros and cons of real Christmas trees versus fake Christmas trees. So, this slightly fluffy, slightly funny, extremely random one-shot was created. Enjoy, and as always, tell me if you like it or not!
Disclaimer: No, I don't own 24, Bill, or Karen. They are all property of FOX and the wonderful people who created them.
"William Buchanan, we are not getting a fake Christmas tree!" Karen exclaimed for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, throwing up her hands in frustration as they cleared away the dinner dishes.
"But Karen, they're so much easier to deal with," Bill argued. Their dinner-time conversation had turned into a full-scale battle when Bill brought up the idea of buying a fake Christmas tree. Karen, however, had other ideas.
"Well, if it's ease you want, then why don't we just go out to a restaurant for Christmas dinner? We wouldn't have to cook a thing," Karen pointed out angrily.
"No, that's not what I want," Bill stated calmly. "I'm just saying, on top of having everyone over, keeping a tree alive should be the last thing on our minds."
"Not for our first Christmas at our house," Karen stated firmly. This was the first year that Bill and Karen would be able to have Christmas at their house, despite it being their third holiday season together. For their first Christmas together, they had visited Bill's father in Connecticut, and last year, Bill had to work on Christmas Day. This year, however, things had changed. Bill's father had passed away the year before, so Bill and Karen had invited Bill's brother, sister, and their families to their house for Christmas. And with their quiet retirement in Vermont eliminating the problem of a last-minute work conflict, the date was set.
"Seriously, Bill," Karen continued, "not a single person in that bunch that you call 'everyone' is going to be much trouble. Your nieces and nephews are some of the best-behaved children I know. Besides, what would the kids say if their uncle bought a fake Christmas tree?"
"They wouldn't care as long as there were presents under the fake tree," Bill said, waving it off. Karen only glared at him and placed her hands on her hips.
"We are not buying a fake tree," she repeated sternly, hoping that her slightly intimidating demeanor would discourage Bill from further argument.
Neither person budged on their position, however. Even as they got into bed that night, Karen adopted a significantly cooler attitude towards Bill. He had almost expected this, for Bill knew that his Karen was nothing if not stubborn.
"Are you still mad about the tree?" he asked exasperatedly as he crawled into bed next to her. She shrugged.
"Not mad, per say," she said. "But we're still not getting a fake tree." At this, she turned her back towards her husband, leaving him annoyed and tired of this whole argument.
"Please, can we just drop this? At least for a few days to give it a rest," he asked tiredly.
"I suppose," Karen mumbled stiffly, her back still to him. Although this was not a settlement to the issue, Bill would gladly take the cease-fire over nothing. He leaned over and kissed Karen's cheek.
"Thank you," he whispered into her ear. "Goodnight."
The matter was forgotten for several days. An unspoken agreement was made between the couple that they would not mention getting a Christmas tree if they did not want another argument. Life continued on in busy preparation for the coming holiday.
One day later that week, Karen proclaimed that she wanted to go run an errand that she needed Bill to help her with.
"I need your help shopping for Andy," she told him. "I have no idea what we could get him, so I figured you could help me out." Bill agreed and they drove off in search of what to get Bill's brother.
About fifteen minutes into their trip, Karen saw a sign advertising a Christmas tree lot. She glanced over at Bill, who immediately realized what she was thinking.
"No," he started without Karen having said a word. "Not only have we not decided if we're getting a real or a fake tree, but I'm not in the mood to fight right now."
"Oh, Bill, come on," Karen begged. "We don't even have to get one. We can just go and look." Before Bill could argue, Karen was pulling off the road and following the signs to the parking.
"You're not going to take no for an answer, are you?" Bill asked, slightly annoyed.
"And here I was thinking that you didn't know me," Karen replied absently, pulling into a parking space.
"What's the point? If we're not going to get one, then why are we looking?" Bill inquired.
"Because I am driving," Karen told him firmly. "Now come on."
As they got out of the car, it quickly became apparent to Bill that they were going to be leaving with a Christmas tree.
"You had this all planned out, didn't you?" Bill asked. Karen looked over at him questioningly, and he continued, "I mean, we're going to be leaving with a tree, aren't we?" Bill could make out the beginnings of a sly smile forming across his wife's face.
"I'm glad you've caught on," she told him airily. She quickly adopted a more serious tone. "I just couldn't let you get a fake one. It would ruin the holiday spirit."
"How is it that I always let you win like this?" Bill muttered sourly, shoving his hands into his pockets to keep them warm. Karen grinned and looped her arm through his.
"Because you love me too much to say no," she teased.
"True," he conceded. "Still, I wouldn't mind winning an argument once in a while."
"Keep dreaming," Karen replied. "Oh, and the saw is in the trunk." When Bill looked at her questioningly, she continued, "Unless of course, you want to cut down this tree with your hands."
For the next half hour, they wandered among the many different sized trees, in search of the perfect Christmas tree. Bill didn't seem to mind what the tree looked like, but to Karen, each one seemed too tall, too fat, too short, or too thin. Finally, when Karen had rejected what must have been the fiftieth tree, Bill spoke up.
"Karen, what are you doing?" he asked irritably. "If we're going to get a tree, let's just get one. It really doesn't matter what it looks like."
"Of course it matters!" Karen exclaimed, surveying a rather large white spruce. "This is going to be the tree around which our family gathers for Christmas, a symbol of this first Christmas in our house for years to come! It can be nothing less than perfect!"
"But it has to be about 15 degrees outside right now," Bill complained. "I think my nose has frozen off."
"It's all part of the experience," Karen said, dismissively waving her hand. Her face lit up as her eyes landed on a full-looking balsam fir. "This one is it!" she cried.
"It's about time," Bill muttered. If Karen heard, she made no acknowledgement of it. She quickly circled the tree, inspecting it from all angles, and then nodded in satisfaction. She turned to Bill.
"What do you think?" she asked critically, gesturing towards the tree.
"It looks great," he said quickly, knowing that this tree was his ticket to getting back to warmth. It looked like the tree might be slightly large, but he was not about to voice his concerns to Karen. Luckily, Karen didn't question his approval, and Bill immediately set to cutting it down. The couple dragged it over to their car, paying for the tree and tying it to the top of their car. When they had finally secured the tree atop their SUV and were on their way home, Bill turned to Karen.
"Do you really need help shopping for my brother?" he asked curiously. Karen only smiled and shook her head.
"No, I already have several ideas," she answered. "We can decide together later, but it's not something that needs to be done right now. The shopping trip was an excuse to drive past that tree lot."
"How long had you been planning this?" Bill asked, surprised. Karen shrugged.
"A couple of days," she replied. "I drove past this place yesterday and that's when it all fell into place." Bill could only shake his head at his wife's elaborate plan.
When they arrived home, the challenge began of putting the tree up. They got all of their Christmas tree decorations out from the attic and were able to just barely get the tree into their living room. The minute they tried to stand it up, however, they encountered a problem.
"Bill," Karen said, standing back to survey the tree while Bill held it up.
"Yeah?" he called from the depths of the branches.
"I think it's too tall." Bill stood there in silence for several seconds, unsure of what to say.
"It's too tall," he repeated, dumbfounded.
"Yeah," Karen said unconcernedly. "It didn't look that big in the field, but it doesn't look like it's going to fit in the room." Bill lowered the tree to rest on the floor and crossed his arms across his thought, surveying the situation.
"Well," Bill started slowly, "what are we going to do?" Karen frowned in thought.
"I don't know," she replied. "We could bring the saw up here and cut off the end." Bill shook his head.
"No, we can't do that," he argued. "We'll just get sawdust all over everything."
"That's the only thing I can think of doing besides dragging it back outside, cutting the end off there, and then bringing it back inside," Karen pointed out. Bill thought for a moment. The tree had only barely fit through the door on the way in. Bringing it outside and then back inside would be a nightmare. Grudgingly, he agreed.
"I'll get the saw."
Bill returned a few minutes later with the saw to cut the bottom off of the tree. He and Karen managed to tip the tree over on its side so that Bill could access the bottom of the tree. Bill started to saw through the tree trunk about six inches above where it was currently cut. As the procedure was almost complete, however, Karen stopped Bill.
"Wait, this isn't going to work," she informed him. Bill stopped and looked up at his wife incredulously.
"What do you mean?" he asked, forcing himself to remain calm. Karen shrugged.
"Well, when you cut through that tree, the saw is going to go straight through and ruin the floor," she pointed out. Bill could only stare at his wife, his mouth slightly agape.
"Karen, why didn't you tell me that this wouldn't work before you convinced me that it was the only thing we could do?" he asked exasperatedly. Karen just ignored him.
"We're going to have to take this back outside," she concluded.
"No," Bill stated firmly. "We started this in here, and now we're going to end this in here." He immediately set to finishing the job of cutting the end off of the tree.
"Bill, wait! Don't hit the floor!" Karen cried as her husband haphazardly finished the cutting job. Finally, six inches of the trunk fell to the floor, spreading tree needles and sawdust all around the immediate area. Bill surveyed his handiwork to find that the falling section of tree had, indeed, put a dent in the hardwood floor of their living room. He looked up at Karen slightly guiltily. Her arms were folded across her chest and her face wore an annoyed expression.
"I told you that it would ruin the floor," she chimed in an exasperated told-you-so voice.
"Yeah, well, thank you for telling me before I was ninety percent done with the job that you wanted me to do," Bill replied sarcastically. He sulked out of the room to return the saw to his workshop in the basement. When he had returned, Karen had left the room. Bill gathered up the strings of lights and started wrapping them around the tree. Several minutes later, Karen returned to the living room with two mugs in hand. She placed one down on the coffee table for Bill and took a sip from her own. She sat down on the couch as Bill turned around to face her, looking questioningly at the mug.
"Please accept my peace offering," Karen said, motioning towards the mug.
"Coffee?" Bill asked, taking the mug and sitting down next to her on the couch.
"Hot chocolate," Karen corrected, taking another sip from her mug. Bill smiled and wrapped one arm around Karen's shoulders, pulling her close. He took a sip of his hot chocolate.
"Mmm," he hummed, licking the chocolate off of his lips. "Apology most definitely accepted." Karen grinned and rested her head on Bill's chest. The couple spent several minutes sitting in silence, admiring their new Christmas tree.
"You know," Bill said after several minutes, breaking the silence. "You were right about the real tree looking better than the fake tree. I don't think we could have found a better tree than this one."
"Of course I was right," Karen replied, sounding shocked that this was ever in question. "I'm always right."
"Modesty isn't one of your virtues, is it?" Bill asked looking down at his wife. Karen shook her head.
"No, not really," she stated proudly. "But you love me anyways."
"Yes, I do." The pair sat in contented silence for a few more minutes before the silence was broken again by Bill.
"Next year," he said, "we can get a real tree on one condition: you don't let me bring it inside until I measure it and am sure it will fit." Karen grinned and placed a sweet kiss on his lips.
"Deal."
The End
Happy Holidays, everyone!