I forgot I hadn't posted this on here yet. Written for lydiamartain on tumblr for Bellarke Secret Santa.

Clarke has always held the belief that if she is ever to meet one of her two soulmates, the platonic soulmate would be best. It's not that she doesn't believe in romance, it's just that romantic soulmates are more complicated, harder to find, harder to hold onto. It's not that she has no desire to find her romantic soulmate. It's just that, well- she's never heard of platonic soulmates not working out. But romantic soulmates? Well, it's pretty much fifty-fifty as to whether they end up together. So ever since she can remember, since she had the ability to comprehend what a soulmate was, she wished to find her platonic soulmate. The person destined to be her best friend for life, no heartbreak, no complications.

And it starts that way.

She meets Bellamy Blake when she's eighteen, fresh-faced and ready to take on the world, and college, but not willing to take on living in a dorm. She answers his ad looking for a roommate, and he texts her back with a time for her to come by the apartment so he can meet her and she can have a look at the place.

Bellamy is indisputably gorgeous. That's the first thing she notices when he answers the door, smiling at her. Messy black hair, a spattering of freckles across his face and a smile that does things to her insides.

"Hi," she breathes, smiling back at him. "I'm Clarke."

"Bellamy," he returns, holding out his hand for her to shake, and as she slips her hand into his she notices a small black mark the shape of a plus sign on her index finger that hadn't been there before. It only takes her a second to notice the same mark on Bellamy's hand. She almost gasps she's so surprised and she glances up at his face to gauge his reaction, to see whether he realises what this means. He looks just as shocked as her, but he quickly recovers, his smile returning.

"I guess I just found my new best friend," he laughs, and Clarke breaks into an answering grin, though it might be a little forced. She's happy, she really is. This is what she's always wanted. But there's an inexplicable feeling of disappointment too, which is completely ridiculous. She's only just met the guy, she has no reason to want anything from him but friendship. So what if he's hot? She's met plenty of other hot people that she didn't want to be with. And yet, some part of her, in the few seconds before she'd seen the mark, hoped he'd be something different. But friendship is good too, so she shakes the feeling off and allows herself to revel in the wonder of finding her platonic soulmate.

"So this means I get the room, right? I mean, you wouldn't leave your platonic soulmate to live on the streets would you?" Clarke jokes.

"Wow," Bellamy shakes his head. "It sounds weird saying it out loud."

"Yeah," Clarke agrees.

"It's not exactly how I'd expected it would be," Bellamy admits. "I mean, you know it's going to happen eventually. But meeting you—it's kind of surreal," he chuckles.

"I know what you mean," Clarke smiles.

"Well," Bellamy says with a shrug. "Come in."

And it's as easy as that. She's never felt such an instant connection with anyone, so comfortable and at ease. Like she could tell him anything, like she could trust him with her life, and that's within a few hours of meeting him. They talk for hours that day, and hearing about his life is like filling in missing memories she didn't know she had. Meeting him is somehow a relief, like she's been holding her breath her whole life and now she's finally come up for air. All the tension she's been holding in her shoulders falls away and she's suddenly safe and sound. She moves in the next day.

It's nice, having a best friend who is your best friend by destiny or fate or whatever, but as time goes on, Clarke thinks she probably would have picked Bellamy as her best friend anyway, universe be damned.

Having a platonic soulmate is pretty much everything she hoped it would be, maybe even better. She knows he'll always be there for her, and he knows she'll always be there for him. They share all their secrets, and fears and dreams. And for the first year she lives with him, it's the most simple thing she's ever had in her life. But Clarke has never made things easy for herself, and just like everything else in her life, she has to go and complicate this too, by doing the stupidest thing she's probably ever done. She falls in love with him.

She doesn't know exactly when it happened. Just somewhere between the inside jokes and the late night heart-to-hearts he went from her best friend to her best friend who she would also like to make out with. In fact, maybe she'd always felt that way, but she was only now realising it. And for the first time, she feels like there's something she can't tell him.

So she has to settle for the next best thing, which is her friend Raven. She's allowed to say that Raven is her second-best friend. Clarke knows Raven isn't going to get offended about it, seeing as Raven has her own platonic soulmate, Sinclair. Raven has a romantic soulmate too, somewhere out there, but well—it didn't exactly work out for them.

"I knew it," are the first words out of Raven's mouth when Clarke tells her she thinks she's in love with Bellamy. They're sitting at a table at Raven's favourite coffee shop, despite Clarke's insistence that they meet somewhere private. She doesn't want anyone to overhear about her unfortunate situation. It's embarrassing, okay? But Raven won this round, so Clarke just has to hope there are no eavesdroppers around.

"Well why didn't you tell me?" Clarke scowls.

"Are you saying you're happy you know?" Raven points out.

"No," Clarke concedes reluctantly. "This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me," she wails.

"Worse than when your dad died?"

"No, but thanks for bringing that up. I feel so much better now."

"Happy to help," Raven shrugs. Clarke sighs dramatically. "You aren't supposed to fall in love with your platonic soulmate, you know."

"I know that," Clarke huffs. "And could you keep your voice down?"

"Sorry," Raven takes a sip of her coffee. "What are you going to do?"

"I was kind of hoping you could give me some advice."

"Good," Raven nods. "So you have three options. One: you ignore it until it goes away. Two: you try to find your romantic soulmate. You'll get over him pretty fast once you find who you're really supposed to be with. The power of a romantic soulmate is strong. Trust me on that." Clarke nods. It's rare for Raven to even allude to her relationship with Finn Collins. Clarke doesn't ever ask her about it, but she knows Raven still loves him and misses him, despite him cheating on her and then leaving for good. Clarke wonders if he ever came back if Raven would go back to him, if the connection between romantic soulmates is strong enough for Raven to abandon her principles.

"And the third option?" Clarke prompts.

"You tell him the truth," Raven shrugs. Clarke almost laughs out loud.

She does her best to ignore it, but it isn't easy. She can't avoid him because then he would know something was up. But spending time with him, now that she knows she's in love with him is a kind of beautiful torture. Every slight touch reminds her that she can never have more, because he has a soulmate out there somewhere, someone who will change the colour of that little black mark on his finger, once their lips touch. And she has her own soulmate too, she presumes, though she's never been so uninterested in finding them. But then, maybe if she finds her soulmate she'll be able to get over Bellamy.

Clarke hasn't really dated since she met Bellamy (which really should have been her first sign, but she's not thinking about that), and before that it was a couple of high school flings that ended because they were looking for their soulmates, and Clarke wasn't ready for that yet. Besides, as far as Clarke is concerned, it's pointless looking for your romantic soulmate when you haven't even found your platonic soulmate yet. You get your mark from your platonic soulmate. It fills with colour when you kiss your romantic soulmate. People can waste years of their life, thinking they're with their romantic soulmate, only to meet their platonic soulmate and find the mark that appears is still black. That's why it's so much harder to find your romantic soulmate.

But Clarke has her platonic soulmate now, so theoretically, finding her romantic soulmate should be a lot easier. And Raven's first option is not working at all, so it must be time for option two.

There's a girl in Clarke's marketing class that sometimes flirts with her, Niylah, and Clarke decides it's time to finally act on it.

"Hey, are you doing anything after this?" Clarke asks her just before the end of class.

"No plans," Niylah tells her.

"You want to grab a coffee?"

"Sure," Niylah nods with a smile and Clarke smiles back. She's pleased of course, but maybe she should be paying attention to the fact that she doesn't feel nervous, or even excited. But she's got a date, so she's happy. Not everything has to feel like it's out of a movie.

Coffee is nice, and Clarke likes Niylah a lot. She's pretty, and friendly and they seem to have a lot in common, so they arrange another date for Saturday night, and Clarke is slightly placated by the fact that she feels a little more excited about their second date. Maybe Niylah is the one after all. At any rate, it will keep her mind off Bellamy.

Dating Niylah seems easy, and honestly, that's all Clarke has ever wanted from life, so she keeps doing it. She likes Niylah a lot, likes spending time with her. And maybe sometimes when they're on a date, she's wishing it were Bellamy instead, but that will pass. It has to.

"Going out with Niylah again tonight?" Bellamy asks as Clarke emerges from her room, dressed for a date.

"Yeah," Clarke nods, putting her second earring on. She wanders over to the couch and sits down beside him. She's still got a few minutes before Niylah comes to pick her up.

"How long now? A month?" he muses casually. Clarke nods. She hasn't really talked to him about her relationship with Niylah, and he hasn't really asked her about it before. "Things getting serious?" She's sure he doesn't mean to, but he glances down at her hand, where her little black plus sign is visible on her index finger. She covers it with her other hand instinctively, a little defensively.

"We haven't kissed yet," Clarke tells him.

"Oh?" He sounds surprised, and Clarke suddenly feels like an idiot. What kind of person dates someone for a month and doesn't kiss them even once?

"I'm not ready to know yet," she whispers.

"Isn't better to know sooner?" Bellamy points out. "Before you get too attached?"

"It doesn't matter to me if she's not my soulmate," Clarke shrugs.

"But what about her?" Bellamy says. "Does it matter to her?" Clarke honestly hadn't thought about that. She opens her mouth to say something, but then Niylah is knocking on the door and she stops, knowing whatever excuse or explanation she'd been about to spurt would have been selfish and useless anyway.

"I should go," she says instead.

"I'll see you later," he nods.

"Don't wait up."

Clarke has seen Niylah's soulmark before, a little spiral on her shoulder, and Clarke knows it's as black as her own. But they've never really talked about romantic soulmates. Sure, Clarke has blabbered on about Bellamy and Niylah has told many a story about her own platonic soulmate, but Clarke has no idea whether Niylah is looking for someone to colour her mark.

Of course, Niylah was perfectly understanding when Clarke had told her she wanted to take things slow. But a month of dating and not even one kiss? Clarke doesn't even know what she's been thinking. For someone to wait that long for a kiss is crazy, and Clarke realises Niylah must feel like they're soulmates. Otherwise, why would she bother sticking around?

Clarke wishes she'd talked about it with Bellamy sooner, and then maybe she wouldn't have wasted all this time. Not her own time, she doesn't really care about that. But if it isn't the real thing, she feels guilty for wasting Niylah's time.

"Are you okay?" Niylah asks, once they've finished their dinner. "You've been really quiet all night."

"Yeah," Clarke says, almost startled. "I've just… been thinking."

"About?" Niylah prompts. Clarke hesitates. She knows she needs to talk to Niylah, but she's not sure if here and now is the best time. But like Bellamy said, it's better to know now.

"Soulmates," she admits. "Are you… are you looking for yours?"

"Well, yeah," Niylah says. "I mean, that's why I'm here on this date with you."

"Right," Clarke nods, feeling sick.

"Aren't you looking for yours?" Niylah says, sounding a little concerned now.

"Of course!" Clarke says hurriedly. A lie, but for the right cause. "I mean, I want to find them eventually." Niylah is silent for a moment.

"You don't think it could be me?" she guesses.

"I don't know. I mean it's definitely a possibility," Clarke shrugs. "That's why I was taking it slow." Niylah looks pained, and she laughs sarcastically.

"I can't believe I thought all this time you wouldn't kiss me because you thought I might not be your soulmate. But you wouldn't kiss me because you were afraid I would be," she shakes her head.

"I didn't mean—"

"Why don't you want to find your soulmate?" Niylah interrupts.

"I—" Clarke stammers, thinking of Bellamy. "It's just never been that big of a deal to me," she manages, which isn't a complete lie. Niylah doesn't look convinced. Clarke subconsciously rubs at her soulmark with her thumb, which she immediately knows is a mistake, from the way Niylah's eyes flit to the spot, back to meet Clarke's guilty expression. Understanding dawns on Niylah's face and she nods in acceptance, but the hurt in her eyes in evident.

"Good luck, Clarke," she says flatly, standing up.

"I'm sorry," Clarke says, and Niylah just nods again before leaving Clarke with the bill.

Bellamy isn't up when Clarke gets home, so she slips of her shoes and pads to his room, opening the door a crack and peering in.

"You okay?" he asks immediately, and Clarke takes that as an invitation to come in and lie on his bed next to him.

"You were right," she sighs. "Niylah wanted her soulmate. We broke up."

"I'm sorry," he says.

"I never actually kissed her to find out if she was the one or not," Clarke continues. "But somehow I just knew, you know?"

"Yeah," Bellamy replies. Clarke falls silent then, and she feels Bellamy's hand slip into hers in the darkness.

"Bell?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever…" she starts hesitantly, "…thought about kissing me?" she finishes, her heart in her throat. Bellamy doesn't answer right away, and Clarke already feels the regret sinking in, wishing she could take back the thoughtless words.

"Yeah," he finally answers, and Clarke feels warmth bloom in her chest. It's short-lived though. "But… it would be dumb, wouldn't it?" he says. He doesn't sound completely sure, but he keeps talking anyway. "We're not romantic soulmates. What if we wrecked our friendship for something that isn't destined to last?"

"But what if we never find our romantic soulmates?"

"Well…" Bellamy starts, but trails off.

"Here's the truth," Clarke says, feeling a rush of confidence all of a sudden. She sits up and pulls Bellamy up with her, and she can vaguely see him through the darkness, enough to know his face is only inches from hers. "I'm in love with you. We're best friends and platonic soulmates and I'm in love with you and I don't care about anything else." Bellamy stays silent, and Clarke can't see his face to read his expression in the dark, and the anxiety comes creeping back. "Well?" she prompts, anguished.

"Me too," Bellamy finally says, and Clarke feels like her heart might burst. "I'm in love with you too." Clarke breathes a sigh of relief and surges forward to kiss him, but it's dark, and he moves at the same time and they butt heads.

"Ow," Bellamy laughs and Clarke chuckles along with him. "Let's try again," he whispers. He takes her face gently in his hands and Clarke lets her eyes close as his lips softly brush hers, and the pressure of his lips against hers is so perfect, and her heart is so full she feels like she might cry. Bellamy pulls away slowly, and Clarke keeps her eyes shut for a second longer, savouring the moment, until Bellamy says her name.

"Clarke," he says again, more forceful this time. "Look." Clarke opens her eyes and it only takes a moment for her eyes to flit towards the spot on her index finger. She stares at her soulmark in astonishment. It's glowing. The addition symbol that was black only moment ago is now glowing a golden orange colour, like molten lava.

"But—" she starts. "I don't understand." She looks to Bellamy's hand, where his matching mark is also glowing.

"We're soulmates," he says, almost laughing. Clarke feels a huge wave of relief flood over her and she barks out a laugh too. They're soulmates.

"I thought one person couldn't be both," Clarke says.

"Me too," Bellamy says, his voice laced with bewildered happiness. "I guess we were wrong."

"I've never been happier to be wrong in my life," Clarke grins, and she kisses him again.