Chapter 1.

September, 2011.

Rachel Berry stared intently at the bright lights of New York City from the window of the Greyhound, her heart palpitating deafeningly. For the last 9 and a half hours of the grueling bus ride from Lima, she'd been agonizing over her decision. But when the bus had began entering the city, her nerves were temporarily displaced. Yet despite the momentary awe-inspiring arrival, she couldn't help but let a stray thought slip through her normally rigid mental barricade.

I wonder if he likes it in Los Angeles. How could he not? The sun, the beach, the tan blonde abnormally tall girls...

Wait, what are you doing?

She internally berated her wandering mind.

What would Dr. Reynolds say? You promised both him and yourself you wouldn't waste any more tears over that boy. He isn't worth the time or the energy. Finn Hudson is a thing of my Lima past, and I won't let him taint my New York City future.

Shaking off the mental divergence, Rachel distracted herself by singing some show tunes under her voice, while trying to identify classic NYC landmarks.

20 minutes later she was coughing up dust looking forlornly at her new dingy living quarters. Times were hard, and after the economic crash, her fathers simply hadn't had enough money to get her anything more than a dilapidated Brooklyn studio (despite the fact that she wasn't even going to a real college so they were definitely saving big time on tuition). But truth be told, Rachel liked the multi-functional room that had once been part of a post-modern industrial building. She walked towards the window to look at the view, taking a moment to feel the weight of her situation. By her feet was a single suitcase (she'd decided to ditch all of the argyle and knee high socks in an attempt to exude more maturity and initiate a fresh start in her life), in her hand was her acceptance letter to the prestigious performing arts program she'd received a partial scholarship to, and in her pocket, 35 dollars. Just like Madonna. Okay maybe she also had a couple thousand dollars saved in her bank account, but who was counting the particulars anyways?

She was suddenly startled by her pale and overtly frightened reflection in the window. A familiar voice popped up in Rachel's head as she began to second guess herself.

Why do I always have to be the one to take the big risks? Why couldn't I be normal and take the safe route and go to college like everyone else?

Because, said the other, more self-assured voice, you're Rachel Berry. Brave, talented, special Rachel Berry who doesn't need anyone besides herself and her courage to achieve great things.

Rachel quickly reassured herself with one of her famous 100 watt smiles, and focused on the bustling city life beneath her. Yes, she was alone and terrified in a massive, unforgiving city.. but she could manage it, she always did. She gave the meandering lights of the city one last glance before turning back to face her new home. This was a fresh start, she would put the tragedy and darkness that had taken over her mind this summer behind her for good, and emerge a stronger and better person for it.

This was it.

No turning back.

...

Finn Hudson opened the door tentatively, he'd never been out of Ohio in his life, and he had no idea what to expect of the kids from California.

"Dude, welcome to USC! I'm Anthony."

Finn shook the hand of his gangly pimpled room mate, before replying.

"Hey, I'm Finn."

"So where you from?"

"Lima, Ohio. You?"

"Huh. Never heard of it... I'm from San Diego." Anthony stated proudly, his ridiculously wide smile still plastered to his face, "What's your major?"

"I'm uhh.. undecided."

Finn squirmed nervously as the confident young man gave him an appraising look.

"Let me guess, football scholarship?"

"Yeah, how'd you know."

"Well you have the right build, and to be honest, you don't seem like the sharpest tool in the shed if you get my drift."

Taken aback, Finn stared dumbly at his blunt room mate, shocked that a perfect stranger would make such a rude assumption about him. Granted, Finn was a fairly simple guy, and wasn't ever going to be the intellectual type or anything like that, but he wasn't stupid. He had gotten his act together once he and Rachel had officially started dating, and when he began to pay attention in class, he had realized it wasn't that difficult to get good grades or understand every word people were saying if he just applied himself.

He paused as the image of the girl he had been trying not to think about flitted about in his brain. Shoving it to some inner crevice, he gave his rude room mate a cold look before unpacking his things.

Anthony laughed before apologizing, "Sorry man I didn't mean to offend you, but you gotta admit, God doesn't usually bless one person with good looks, talent, and intelligence. You embrace what you got, and I'll embrace my 2380 SAT score and 4.4 GPA."

Finn was silent as he realized he was actually missing Puck. He briefly considered calling him at Notre Dame to see how he and Quinn were doing but quickly decided against it. He needed to let go of Lima, and everything that was attached to the hick-town. This had been his choice, and he needed to stick with it.

June, 2011. (three months earlier)

Rachel sighed contently as she leaned her head on Finn's shoulders as they danced slowly at the reception of Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury's wedding. Even though everything was changing now that she, along with the members of the Glee club she loved so much, had graduated, she was looking forward to the future. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she always felt strangely at peace whenever she was with her tall, sweet boyfriend (particularly when, like right now, she was wrapped in his arms).

She was disturbed from her revery by Finn's soft voice.

"Hey Rachel? We need to talk."

Uh oh. This didn't sound good.

"What about?"

She heard Finn take a deep breath before quickly spouting out

"I decided to accept that scholarship to USC."

Rachel froze. She had known that Finn had received a football scholarship to the prestigious college in Southern California (once Sue Sylvester had taken over coaching duties at McKinley, the team hadn't lost a single game), but he had also told her that he was going to decline and opt to follow Rachel to New York.

"What?"

The dangerous inflection in her voice should have been a signal for Finn to postpone the discussion until they were in private.

"I know we were talking about moving to New York together, but I just can't pass by this opportunity. USC's a really great school and they've offered me a full ride. This could be my only chance at doing something worthwhile with my life. And as romantic as being two struggling performing artists in New York sounds, I have a mother I need to care of and responsibilities to myself."

"Your mom's been married to Burt for a year! And what responsibilities are you talking about?"

"That doesn't mean he couldn't leave her or die! And my dad was an American hero, I want to do his memory proud and make something of myself!"

"So what you're implying is that playing college football is making something of yourself while working as an actor/singer is worthless?"

Rachel's shrill tone warned Finn of the precarious situation he was in. Maybe it hadn't been that great of an idea to break this news to her at the wedding reception. Weren't girls supposed to be in good moods during weddings though?

"Of course not. And we can still be together, I don't care how slim the chances of long-distant relationships working are, you know I love you and want to be with you no matter what."

"New York and California are a 6 hour plane ride away! I'm sorry, but have I been missing something? Do you just have thousands of dollars laying around to fund monthly visits to me?"

"No, but there are always the holidays!" he groaned in frustration, "I don't know, but we can make it work, we always do... All I know is that I have to go to USC and I'd regret it if I let go of this chance."

"So this is it? You're choosing football over me again."

Finn struggled to find the right words to adequately justify his actions to Rachel.

"No.. no.. you're taking this the wrong way. I'm choosing education, the only road that guarantees that I won't end up a Lima loser, which requires me to accept the football scholarship!"

"You're still choosing something over me Finn."

"No, I'm not. I have to make the smart choice here, can' t you see.."

Rachel's furious demeanor was momentarily weakened when she caught the pain in her boyfriend's eyes. She let him continue.

"How will we ever make it long term if I don't make something of myself. I can't live with you in New York as some.. some.."

"Some what? Some dependent parasite?! Because, like every other typical Mid-Western American male, you can't deal with a relationship where the female is the bread winner."

Rachel let out a deep breath in exasperation, before finishing her speech with a new, vulnerable pleading tone.

"Finn. I'm asking you to run away with me. Take a chance with me. Can't you see it? We can both follow our dreams to be on Broadway together, that way the admittedly difficult task of chasing stardom will be significantly alleviated! Because together.. no one can stop us. When we're together we can do anything!"

"Rachel, Broadway's always been your dream, not mine. Your voice is one in a million, I know you can do it, and I know that you don't need me to make it. But my voice? The best I could do would be singing 80's power ballad night at some shady club in Queens. I'm not Broadway material, and we both know that. You need to go to New York, and I need to go USC."

"Even if that means we break up?"

She was testing him, just as he had tested her two and a half years ago when he threatened to leave the Glee club to join Acafellas. He felt a vague sense of deja vu as he dejectedly muttered,

"yes."

He couldn't help the tears falling from his eyes as Rachel dramatically stormed out of the hotel ball room. He sincerely hoped they would be able to overcome this, that this was just a temporary reaction spurred by her melodramatic personality and that she'd realize he was doing this all for her. The would eventually reunite, he mentally assured himself, they were Finn and Rachel, they had to.

...

(3 weeks later)

Finn groaned as the doorbell rang incessantly, not wanting to get out of bed. Come to think of it, he hadn't really wanted to get out of bed all week.

Why isn't anyone answering the stupid door? Oh crap, everyone's in New York, helping Kurt settle in at NYU.

He had felt a little guilty for not contributing to the family effort to adjust his step-brother's transition into college, but they'd understood that he was still recovering from the break-up.

After the twentieth ring, he reluctantly got out of bed.

He was shocked when he opened the door only to be engulfed by Rachel's small body jumping up to give him a massive hug. Before his brain could even react, Finn's body reflexively clung on to her with all his might. Suddenly his world seemed to re-align, while his heart floated jubilantly.

She released him slightly before standing on her tiptoes to kiss him desperately. He let himself fall into the feeling of her lips on his, wrapping his arms around her waist, trying to connect every surface inch of their bodies. He felt himself come alive again.

"I'm sorry about what I said before," she whispered after they finally let go of their death grip on each other, "I can't live without you, and if you have to go to USC, I can take acting lessons in Los Angeles. I'll just perfect my dancing and drama skills before I try to make it on Broadway."

Finn let go of her reluctantly as her blasphemous words slowly registered.

"No Rachel, you can't. I won't let you do that. You belong on Broadway, I promise we'll do the long distance relationship thing until I graduate, and hopefully I can get a job in New York to eventually join you. But I cannot, under any circumstances, let you delay going after your dreams because of me."

She looked up at him earnestly before replying,

"No Finn, you don't understand. There's only one thing I've ever put before myself and my goals and that's you. The only future worth living is one with you, and as long as you still love me, nothing's going to change that."

The truth of her words hit him like a ton of bricks. He knew he couldn't let her give up the fantastic opportunities the prestigious one-year acting/singing program in New York would bring her, when she had so much talent to give to the world, and so much star power meant to shine.

And there was only one way to ensure she would. Finn could feel his heart breaking all over again. He tried to compose his face into a deliberately aggravated expression.

"To tell you the truth, I'm sorry, but I just don't want to live with you in L.A."

Finn clenched his stomach to keep from breaking down at the tragic look on Rachel's face, interrupting her before she could continue her "You don't mean that..."

"Yes I do. I want the normal college experience. And I'm not going to get that if I have a serious girlfriend constantly clinging to me."

He watched powerlessly as she kicked the Rachel Berry 'I can handle anything' mode into gear, as she suppressed her quivering bottom lip and blinked back tears.

"What are you saying?" she finally asked.

"That I don't want to be together to anymore. It's time for us to go our separate ways."

In a masochistic and out of character thought, he silently prayed that she would slap him. He wanted some kind of punishment for the terrible hurt he was inflicting on both his one true love and himself.

But all she did was give him a look that broke his heart clean in two. It was if she was seeing the real Finn Hudson for the first time in her life.

He swiftly turned back into the house and shut the door before he could lose his resolve and admit his undying love for her. He raced back to bed hoping that sleep would enwrap him in its hazy blackness. He just wanted to forget that he had hurt the person he loved most in the world, for reasons he couldn't even recall at the moment.