Itachi should never babysit
"Genin Uchiha Itachi do you know why you are here?" asked Hiruzen.
"No Hokage-sama," said a seven year old Itachi as he stood at attention.
Hiruzen puffed his pipe as he examined Itachi face for any sign of deception before he replied, "I see. I wish to speak to you about the D-rank babysitting mission you took earlier today. In your own words could you describe to me what happened?"
Itachi gave a serious nod and began his report, "At 0800 I received the D-rank to babysit Fukui Aoi from 0900 till 1700. My genin team and I arrived promptly at the appointed time. Around 1200 I was sent out to retrieve rations for our squad. As I was acquiring rations I began to go over the mission details once more to make sure I wasn't missing anything important. This is when I realized the mission was flawed and came up with plan Fisherman."
"What is plan Fisherman?" prompted Hiruzen.
"Well the point of the babysitting mission is to guarantee the safety of Fukui-san correct?" asked Itachi.
"That is correct," replied Hiruzen.
Itachi nodded before he continued his explanation, "I realized that once the mission was over the threats to Fukui-san's life would rise greatly since he no longer has shinobi bodyguards. With this realization cam the knowledge that I had to take steps to make sure he was safe after I departed. I decided center my plan around the old adage, 'Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for the rest of his life.' If Fukui-san could protect himself then he would not need me to protect him. So he clearly needed to be trained in the shinobi arts."
"Of course," said Hiruzen dryly.
"I of course lacked the time to properly train him with in the time alloted by the mission so I decided to encourage him to sign up at the academy so he could acquire the skills that he needs. However Fukui-san is only four years old, he lacks the emotional maturity to take his training seriously, so I decided to take a page out of my father's book and show him a bunch of dead bodies."
"What," said Hiruzen, his voice colored with disbelief.
"When I was four myself, Father took me to a battle field and showed me a bunch of dead bodies in the hopes that the trauma would make me more mature and ready for shinobi life. I have been told I am very mature for my age so clearly his plan worked. Also when I sometimes close my eyes I can still see their bodies dripping."
"I..." started Hiruzen before trailing off not sure where to began.
"I of course could not acquire a large amount of dead human bodies since we do not have a surplus of them lying around. While the morgue has quite a few I lack the authorization to take those, so I discarded that plan quickly and since grave robbing is also a crime it was not an avenue that I could pursue either. I decided then that since I could not get enough human bodies before the mission was complete I would have to improvise and use animal corpses. While it is of course illegal to kill an owner's pet there are no laws prohibiting me from digging up the bodies from the local pet cemetery."
Hiruzen buried his face in his hands and said "While that may not be illegal per say Itachi, it is considered in bad taste to dig up people dead pets."
Itachi blinked and said apologetically, "I am sorry Hokage-sama. I did not know that, in my future missions I will keep that in mind."
"Please do so," sighed Hiruzen.
"When I returned I headed up the Fukui-san's room I realized a flaw in my plan, that the trauma might not be great enough. You see unlike with my experience the bodies were neither human nor fresh. So clearly I need to take extra steps to make sure the trauma level was high enough. I then proceeded to enter Fukui-sans room and pelted him with the deceased pets."
"Itachi."
"Yes Hokage-sama?"
"You are hereby banned from babysitting missions. Also send your father to speak with me. I wish to talk with him about his childrearing strategies."