The Journey Within
"Kill him Dean," Sam Winchester yelled at his older brother Dean.
Dean stood there with the shotgun pointed at the demon that held his brother five feet in the air.
BANG!
Dean awoke on the floor of the abandoned warehouse that they tracked the demon to. Sunlight began to pour into the once dark building. Dean shook his head. What happened? The last thing he remembered was firing the gun. Then Sam fell to the ground and Dean got knocked out. Dean sat up slowly. " Sammy. Are you ok?"
Dean expected Sam to yell at him for using his ever so familiar nickname. But all Dean heard was silence. Dean stood up and looked around the unfamiliar warehouse. Dean spotted something lying in the corner.
"SAMMY" Dean screamed. Dean's heart began racing, and he got an awful feeling in his stomach.
Still Dean got no reply. Dean ran toward the figure.
"Oh my God Sammy." Dean cried out as he bent down to see his little brother more closely. "Dammit Sam wake up. This isn't funny anymore." Dean ordered.
Sam didn't move. Dean checked for a pulse. Nothing.
"Sammy… NO," Dean pleaded.
Dean sat down next to Sam's cold body. Dean then did something he didn't do since he was four. He cried. He cried for losing his mother, he cried because his father wasn't there, –his father was never there- he cried because he had just lost his best friend, his brother. He cried for losing Sammy.
Dean wiped away his tears and pulled out his cell phone. He dialed a number that he had memorized a long time ago.
"Hello?" said the familiar voice on the second ring.
Dean was silent for a moment because he half expected to get his father's voice mail like he usually did. "Dad, its Dean"
"Dean, what's wrong. Are you and Sam alright?" John asked concerned.
"Dad. It's Sammy…. He's gone." Dean said choking back tears.
"Dean what happened?"
"I don't know dad. This demon had Sammy in the air and I shot at it and Sam fell and I got knocked out… and I don't know. Dad I need help"
" Dean, where are you?"
"The old warehouse in Lawrence."
"Dean just hang on. I will be there as soon as I can ok."
Dean shut his cell phone, and looked at Sam. "Sammy, you should be alive. I shouldn't have brought you back into this. You could have married Jess. And by now I could be Uncle Dean. I'm so sorry Sam. I know that I'm a little late on saying this, but I'm going to tell you anyways Sammy. You've been the only person I could count on, the only person who really cared. You were always there. And Sammy, no matter what anyone has told you, I always cared about you. Even when I made fun of you and acted like I didn't. Sammy I love you." Dean said as he began to cry.
Dean suddenly remembered the night that his mom died. Mary burst into flames in Sam's room. John handed Sam to Dean and told Dean to run. Dean ran outside as fast as his little legs could carry him. Sammy then began to cry. Even though Dean was four and knew very little about babies; he knew Sam wanted Mary. Dean held Sam tightly. "Everything is going to be ok Sammy. I promise. Iwon't let anything happen to you. I will always be here for you no matter what. I will always protect you."
Dean sat up. He shook his head and looked around. He was no longer in the warehouse. Now he was in a hotel room. Light poured in through the windows that were directly across from the bed. The curtains pulled wide open. Dean looked over and saw a chair pulled up close to his bed. Sitting in the chair was John Winchester.
"Dad, you came" Dean said surprised.
"Of course I came Dean. My boys were in trouble"
"You never came before," Dean pointed out.
"Yeah well before, nothing like this happened."
"Where's Sammy?" Dean asked as he got out of bed.
"The last place I wanted to see you and your brother. In the morgue," John said quietly.
Dean looked away as the tears began to fall down his face once again. Dean looked back at John. "Dad I don't know what to do."
"Dean, the next few days, we'll stay here. There's no doubt that they'll be hard." John told his son.
"No Dad. I don't mean about that. I don't know what to do without Sammy." Dean looked away. " We became so close. Sam and I became friends, we became brothers again Dad." Dean smiled weakly.
The next thing Dean knew, John's arms were around his shoulders. Dean clung onto his father, like he did the night his mom died, and cried. John held his oldest son tightly and for the first time in years John cried to.
Dean broke the embrace. "When's the funeral?"
"Tomorrow after noon at two o'clock. Remember Pastor Jim's friend Pastor Bob? Well he's going to do the service"
Dean nodded. "I want Sammy to be cremated. So that way he can travel along with me."
John smiled. " Good, because that is what I told them. They are going to put Sammy's ashes into two separate, small urns so that way we can both have Sam.
Dean was silent for a moment. " I want to say something at the funeral. It wouldn't be right if I didn't."
" Yeah Dean, I know." John looked down at his watch. "You better go and get ready. I told Missouri that we would be there for supper."
Dean smiled. Missouri was an old friend of John's that had helped Sam and Dean the last time they were in Lawrence. "Ok Dad." Dean picked up some clothes and walked to the bathroom and got changed. When Dean came out, John was already sitting in the passenger seat in Dean's Impala. Dean walked out of the room and crawled into the drivers seat. " So Missouri scares you to?" Dean said smiling.
John looked at Dean and nodded. Dean pulled out of the parking lot and drove to Missouri's. The sun shone brightly and looked like a diamond in the sky. The weather was hot but not too hot; it was just bearable.
Missouri's house was only a few blocks away from the hotel. Dean was sure they were going to be late, but he knew that Missouri would just blame him. – It was normal for people to blame stuff on Dean- But still Dean drove slowly. Watching the buildings pass by. Dean saw two boys riding their bikes on the sidewalk; Dean knew instantly that they were brothers. Dean turned the corner and pulled in front of a nice two-story house. The Impala came to a stop and Dean turned off the ignition. The doors opened and the two Winchesters stepped out. The two men walked up to the door. John was about to knock when the door swung open.
"Dean, John. Come in." Missouri moved so that Dean and John could walk in. She hugged each an as he came through the door. " Dinner is ready, follow me" Missouri ordered. The women walked into the dining room. Dean and John followed. " John you sit here" Missouri ordered as she pat the back of the chair that sat at the head of the table. " And boy you sit on your Daddy's left." The women told Dean as she sat down to John's right.
Dean looked around the table. There was everything you could dream of; chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, home made buns, meat loaf, and –Sam's favorite- meat balls. Dean couldn't take it anymore. Everywhere he looked he always saw something that reminded him of Sam. Dean stood up and walked out.
"Dean" John yelled. It was the same voice John used when him and Sam talked. –John and Sam's conversations started out as talking but often ended with someone slamming a door or throwing something-
" It's ok John. The boy has been through a lot. Let me go and talk to him. You keep eating ok." Missouri got up and walked outside. Missouri saw Dean sitting on the step with his head in his hands. Missouri sat down beside him and put her arm around his shoulders.
Dean lifted his head and wiped away his tears. " Everywhere I go, I see Sam. Missouri it's tearing me up inside."
" Boy that's understandable. After all you just lost your brother. You and Sammy where close. Its expected Dean."
Dean nodded. " I always knew Sammy would leave someday. When we were done hunting. He was going to go back to school, become a lawyer. Sam was finally going to have a family, a house of his own with a white picket fence. I never thought in a million years that Sam would leave me like this"
" You know boy. Since the last time I saw you, you've changed. Before you had a big mouth. And my Lord all those dirty thoughts. I sure don't miss hearing those." Missouri said changing the subject.
Dean turned his attention back to Missouri and glared at her.
" Boy. You better not say what's in the thick head of yours, if you know what's good for ya. I know you just lost your brother, but that don't mean I still can't beat your bony behind"
Dean still glared at Missouri.
" Now boy. Why are you blaming me for what happened to Sam? I wasn't the one that shot him."
"I did not shoot Sammy" Dean yelled angrily.
" Dean. I can tell that you've always known. Remember I have freaky powers to. Son you just needed someone to tell you."
Dean looked at Missouri. " I don't know how it happened. I swear I aimed for the demon."
" Son, I know that. The demon played a nasty trick on you. It moved when you shot at it and that caused you to hit Sam. There was nothing that you could have done."
"I can't believe I killed Sammy," Dean said quietly.
" Dean listen to me. Sam is always going to be with you. Wherever you go Sam will be there making sure nothing happens to his brother. Just like you always used to do to him. Dean now its Sam's turn to protect you. In fact Dean, Sam's here right now. He doesn't blame you for what happened. And he wants you to know that he loves you to."
Dean smiled. "That makes me feel a little better. How am I supposed to carry on hunting? I can't do it without Sam"
"Remember when Sam gave you that necklace?" Missouri asked point to the Egyptian symbol across Dean's neck.
Dean thought for a moment. Sam was away on a school trip. The teacher took them to the local museum to see the new exhibit on Ancient Egypt. Sam was walking past the jewelry store when he saw this necklace. Sam decided to buy it for Dean.
"They symbol means strong and brave. I thought you could wear it when I'm not with you hunting." Sam said as he handed Dean the small carefully wrapped package.
Dean opened the packed and expected some cheap gift shop trinket. But once again Sam surprised Dean. "Sammy, you didn't get this at a gift shop did you?" Dean asked. Dean knew that Sam has spent his hard earned money on it, and Dean figured that Sam could have spent it on something else. But Dean knew Sam would be crushed if he said anything.
Sam shook his head. "No I didn't. I saw it at the jewelry store and I thought that it might help. And when I leave, you will still have a part of me with you on the hunts"
"Sammy it will help. I really appreciate this. Thank you." Dean smiled.
"Well you always watched out for me, so now is my chance to watch out for you." Sam smiled back.
"Sammy. I will always watch out for you." Dean said in his serious big brother tone. " I always have and I always will."
Dean took the pendant and put it on a piece of string, because the original chain was too flimsy and Dean was afraid he was going to lose it. After that whenever Dean went out on a hunt he made sure he wore the necklace, whether Sam was with him or not. When Dean wore the necklace he did feel braver and stronger. Dean had often wondered if it was the necklace or if it was just psychological.
Dean broke out of his thoughts. "Missouri, he said that whenever I wore this necklace he would always is with me."
"And isn't he?" Missouri asked.
Dean smiled " Yeah I guess he is. I never really thought about it until you brought it up."
Missouri nodded. " I told you. Now get your bony behind back in that house and join your Daddy. The food is getting cold" Missouri ordered.
Dean looked at Missouri and walked back into the house and sat down beside John.
"Dean are you ok?" John asked with concern.
Dean smiled. " Yeah Dad I am." Dean took the meatballs and put some on his plate, and began eating. John smiled and continued eating.
Missouri sat down beside John. "I told you that boy would be alright. Shame you didn't believe a psychic." Missouri smiled and put some potatoes and corn on her plate and started eating.
The three ate in silence. When the three where done eating, the Winchesters started to clear away the dishes. "You two better head back to the hotel. You have a long day ahead of you tomorrow." Missouri instructed.
John was about to protest, when Dean interrupted him. " You're right. It is getting late. Come on Dad we should go." John nodded.
"Thanks for the wonderful meal Missouri." John smiled
Dean hugged Missouri. "Thanks for everything. I really appreciate it."
Missouri smiled back. "Just remember what I said about Sammy." Missouri said as the two men walked out the door. They walked down the walkway, and got into the Impala. The Impala started without a problem. Dean slowly pulled away from the curb and took off towards the hotel.
The temperature had cooled down quiet a bit. Dean looked out his window, and saw the brightly lit sky. Never once in all his years of traveling had he seen the stars shine so bright. Dean saw a constellation of stars. He frowned. It wasn't a constellation; it was Sam's face. Dean smiled. Sam was watching him, and that made Dean feel peaceful, and at ease. Dean looked over at John, who was lost in his own thoughts.
"Whatcha thinking about Dad?" Dean asked trying to strike up conversation. –Dean never liked it being quiet. Except when he was on a hunt- Dean then remembered all the conversations him and Sam had over the past year. Sam would always complain about Dean's choice of music (which was usually Metallica or ACDC depending on what type of mood Dean was in), something stupid Dean would do or the fact that Dean liked to have fun while hunting. (Dean's type of fun usually consisted of a girl, a couple bottles of tequila and the backseat of the Impala).
"Nothing son," John said blankly.
Dean shook his head. "You and Sammy were more alike than I realized"
"What do you mean son?" John asked confused.
"Sam used to do the same thing. I could see that something was bugging him and he wouldn't say anything. I had to keep annoying him until he cracked."
John laughed. " I can see you doing that. You can be very annoying at times"
Dean shrugged. " Hey I learned from the best."
Dean suddenly remembered teaching Sam Latin. That was Dean's favorite thing to teach, because it gave Dean a new way to annoy Sam. Dean recalled one night when John was gone, Dean had ordered pizza and the two young brothers where waiting eagerly for their father's return.
"Eat vestri pizza" Dean ordered.
"Haud," Sam would yell back. "Ut est dad iens ut exsisto domus?" Sam asked in perfect Latin.
Dean smiled. "Perficio Sammy!" Dean applauded Sam. "EGO dont teneo ut Dad ero domus. Is should exsisto hic quisquam"
Sam smiled, and thought for a moment. "Morsus mihi Dean!" Sam laughed.
"Perficio." Dean stopped. "Sam EGO mos non morsus vos. Vos brat" Dean yelled.
John interrupted Dean's thought. "Yes you did. Sometimes I wish I wasn't that good."
"Dad tell me what you're thinking about. Please" Dean pleaded.
John looked at Dean and sighed. " I was just thinking about what might have happened if your mother didn't die, and we lead a more normal life." John said as he looked at the road.
Dean pulled into the hotel parking lot and shut off the car. "You know Dad. Everything happens for a reason. Mom died for a reason. Maybe that reason was for Sam and me to be really close. Dad think about it. If Mom didn't die then maybe Sam and I wouldn't have gotten as close as we did. With mom dying, and you being gone all the time, it taught Sam and me to rely on one another. It taught us that no matter what the other one would always be there"
John looked at Dean amazed. "Dean, Sammy's gone now and he isn't coming back. I put you two in this position. If I didn't go off and want to hunt and kill the damn demon so bad then Sammy will be here right now."
"Dad. Sam is always going to be here, he's always going to be with us. Remember you taught us that us Winchesters must stick together. Even though Sam never followed you orders, he strongly believed that we have to stick together." Dean got out of the Impala and went and opened the hotel room door. John got out of the car and followed.
Dean walked into the room and fell down in his bed. John sat down on the corner of it. "You know Dean, you've really grown up in the past year. You and Sam are a lot alike to." John smiled.
Dean sat up. "Really. You think so Dad?"
"Sure Dean. You both are determined, and very stubborn. Another thing is you and Sammy let your emotions guide you. I guess that was one thing you got from your mother." John said as he looked out the window.
Dean smiled. John hadn't spoken about Mary in years. It was good to know that both him and Sam had some of their mother's qualities in them and that they both weren't mostly like John. "We better get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be hectic."
"Your right Dean." John got up and grabbed some clothes and went to the bathroom to change.
Dean laid back down on the bed and closed his eyes. He thought he heard a door creak so he opened his eyes again and looked at the bathroom door. It was still closed. Dean then felt someone sit down on the bed beside him. Dean looked over and saw Sam.
"Sam, I thought I would never see you again." Dean said with tears in his eyes.
"Hey, I thought that Dean Winchester didn't cry," Sam laughed.
"Well there's just something about losing your brother that makes you cry Sammy," Dean replied sarcastically.
"Dean. Missouri was right. Except she didn't tell you exactly what I wanted her to"
"What did you want her to tell me?"
"That I was going to stay around you to haunt your sorry ass. I mean someone has to bug the hell out of you. After all you did do it to me for 23 years."
Dean laughed. "Hey that's what being a big brother is all about."
Sam smiled. "Yeah. It showed me that you still cared."
Dean looked confused. " What do you mean still cared."
"You know Dean. After I left. After everything that happened. I never really knew that Dad cared. I never knew it until he showed up at the warehouse. Where as you always showed it. Even if you didn't mean to." Sam smiled.
Dean smiled. "Sam, dad always cared. Can't you see how much it is tearing him up inside? I've never seen him like this before. Not even when mom died." Dean told Sam.
"Yeah. I can see that now dumbass." Sam replied.
"It's good to see that you didn't lose your sense of humor, bitch." Dean laughed. "Sammy it's so good to see you again. To have you here and to do this" Dean said choking back tears.
"Nice to do what?" Sam asked.
"Making fun of each other, talking. Just being brothers. I never knew how much I would miss it until…"Dean couldn't finish the sentence. "Especially since I know that this isn't going to last."
"Dean. I will always be here for you to make fun of. You will come across situations and think of something that I would say or do and then you will make some smart remark in your mind, and I will know it and then I will make something heavy fall on you."
Dean laughed. "You would, wouldn't you?"
Sam laughed. "Hell yeah. Dean would you do me a favor?"
Dean looked at Sam. " Yeah sure."
" When, your done hunting, I want you to get married and settle down. I want you to have kids and tell them about me. I want you to have that white picket fence and the two-story house. I want you to be happy and have a life full of people that love you. And I mean people other than dad. Can you do that Dean?" Sam asked.
Dean was quiet for a minute. Everything Sam had just said was everything that Sam wanted out of life. Dean smiled. "Yeah Sammy, I can do that."
"Dean wake up!" someone said as they shook Dean.
Dean woke up groggy. Dean looked around. He was in the passenger side of the Impala. The sun was shining. The car was traveling down a long paved road. Dean had no idea where it was going. Dean looked over at the driver of the car. It was Sam.
"You have a good sleep Sleeping Beauty?" Sam asked laughing.
Dean nodded. "What happened?"
"First a demon knocked you flat on your ass. Then I took you to a bar and you met this girl Amy, who really, really liked tequila. And then I hauled your sorry, pathetic drunken ass into the car and then you passed out on me." Sam told his older brother, trying not to laugh.
Dean smiled. "I remember Amy. She had that little tattoo…"Dean smiled again. He snapped out of his trance. "How long was I asleep for?"
Sam smiled. " I don't know. A couple of days."
"And you didn't feel like waking me up?" Dean asked angrily.
"Nope. Oh by the way, you talk in you sleep."
Dean looked confused. "What did I say?"
"I don't know. But you said my name a lot, and Missouri's. Please tell me you don't have a thing for her."
"No I do not have a thing for Missouri. And why were you listening to me talk? Don't you have better things to do?"
"Um… not really. Remember I don't like Mullet Rock." Sam laughed.
Dean suddenly remembered his dream. It was all a dream. Sammy's alive, for now. It was all just a dream. "Pull the car over. I'm driving." Dean ordered. " Oh Sam," Dean started.
Sam pulled the car to the shoulder. "Yeah Dean?"
"You know I don't like chick flick moments and anything emotional. But Sammy, I just wanted you to know that I love you."
Sam and Dean got out of the car and switched places. "That demon must have done something to you. Either that or that tequila was stronger than I thought." Sam said as Dean pulled the car back onto the road.
"Dude, I'm serious." Dean said a little hurt.
"I know Dean. Remember you don't like chick flick moments. By the way, I love you to man"
TRANSLATIONS: Since I used an online translator, and they don't translate correctly I will put what I originally meant for each sentence.
Eat vestri pizza- Eat you pizza
Ut est dad iens ut exsisto domus- When is Dad coming home?
Perficio Sammy- Perfect Sammy
EGO dont teneo ut Dad ero domus. Is should exsisto hic quisquam- I don't know when Dad will be home. He should be home soon.
Morsus mihi Dean- Bite me Dean
Sam EGO mos non morsus vos. Vos brat- Sam I will not bite you. You brat.