Summary: Lambert is evil. He also likes money. Why not find a career that combines the two? That's right; Evil Overlord Lambert is now an official relationship therapist. Daughters of the Moon will never be the same again.
AN: I just love Lambert. Really I do, but I love torturing Lambert even more! And for those of you wondering what in the seven hells happened to Scrooge You, well the answer is that I lost the fourth grade play that I have been adapting the story from. (angsty sighs) I was the narrator! THE NARRATOR!
Disclamer: I do not own the various crap mentioned in this.
This was inspired by a review for my Hector/Penelope oneshot This Time It's Forever from Shadow Goddess Akhet who mentioned something about all the DOTM relationships being forbidden. It sparked this idea, so I dedicate this story to her. Thanks!
Without further adieu…Prolog: From Rags to…Slightly More Professional Rags
It had started with the daily paper. Really, that's all it had taken for Lambert to take his greatest career move in the history of his terribly delectable self. It had been a normal morning, drinking some hot coffee that was as black as his soul in a kitty mug, doing some air guitar along with Blue Oyster Cult, the usual. It was when he was approaching his final morning routine, solving the Sunday word jumble with a dastardly panache, that he came upon something that would change his hate-mongering ways forever.
It was…an advertisement in the classifieds. Lambert had decided to leaf through that section on a whim as Tymmie had broken yet another lawnmower and as Lambert could just not take the dandelions growing in his yard anymore, he was searching for a replacement.
The ad with its clever color scheme of black and white is what caught his eye. It stated the following:
Are you significantly evil? To this, Lambert put a mental checkmark.
Do you love money? Yet another mental checkmark! Huzzah!
Do you love love? Er… two out of three wasn't bad.
Then Communicating Hearts, a new local counseling center for people in relationships, wants to enlist you (Lambert: Me?) as a relationship therapist. For some odd reason, no experience in either therapy or relationships is required! It's the perfect job for struggling Evil Overlords to start life anew!
"My god!" Lambert gasped, his hand shaking as he grasped the paper, it was…it was like this four by three-and-a-half inch advertisement was his life!
Lambert didn't feel the need to reflect how utterly pathetic it was that his entire life could be summed up on a four by three-and-a-half inch advertisement.
Then don't delay! Call 867-5309-LOVE for an immediate position!
It took absolutely no thought process whatsoever for Lambert to drop the paper and call the center to request a position as a relationship therapist. Never mind the realization that he had been working as an Evil Incarnate for the past six hundred years, knew no other job skills besides guarding children from shadows, knew nothing about relationships, openly despised love, and the fact that there was one too many numbers in the center's phone service number, plus it seemed like it was taken from a pop eighties hit.
But somehow, miraculously, Lambert scored a job. God help us all.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOo
Lambert straightened the potted plant in the corner of his office for about the thousandth time, taking out a ruler to make sure it was set at a perfect ninety-degree angle in relation to the window. Nodding contently, Lambert looked out the window to see his only real subordinate, Tymmie, wandering up and down the streets yelling Lambert's name. The Evil Overlord sighed, he supposed he should have left a note or something saying he had made a career move. But he didn't, and now Tymmie was travailing aimlessly through crime-infested streets looking for him as he thought he had gotten lost again like that one time at the mall…
But oh well, he had relationships to save!
As if on cue, and it sort of was, a knocksounded from thedoor. His first clients! Quickly, Lambert fumbled in the pockets of his Cloak of Doom ™ for his super-disguising glasses. After all, he couldn't just give away his identity! Otherwise they wouldn't take his love adviceseriously, and Lambert couldn't have that!
Slipping on the Harry Potter-esque glasses he had stolen from a five year old, Lambert then quickly opened the door to see-
To Be Continued…You guys vote on which of the following pairings you want next chapter! (they will all be done, you just get to determine the order )
Your choices:
Stanton and Serena
Catty and her multitude of whipping boys
Jimena and Collin
Vanessa and that one guy who's really not that important
Maggie and Hector
Tymmie and Karyl (maybe hehe)
Derek and Tianna
Anyone else you can think of
Thanks! Till Next Chap!
!nym!