Summary:
In one world, Hinata is a little less kind, a little more desperate, and a whole lot colder. And, well, the Byakugan is the most perceptive doujutsu. [AU] [Hinted SasuHina] [Non-Chronological Linked Drabbles]
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General Disclaimer For The Entire Story:
I don't own Naruto. If I did, I'd have given a more character development and realistic reasoning for Epilogue!SasuSaku. Because, seriously? Just… no explanation whatsoever for that one. None. The cover picture isn't mine, either.
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(conviction of the cowardly)
[Age 3]
The first three years of Hinata's life are as well as can be expected.
Her mother loves her, gently, softly, her father is distant, harsh, demanding.
She is safe in the Hyuuga Compound, ushered to and fro by countless caretakers, for even if Hiashi is disappointed at having no male heir, she is still his only child, and thus counts as heiress-apparent. As heiress-apparent, much is expected of her, including both mental and physical prowess.
By the time she's 1, she's already drowning in tutors and instructors.
But she dislikes fighting, disliked it back then, dislikes harming others, and would often shirk her duties as soon as she could in order to escape to the safe haven of her lovely mother's quarters.
There, her mother would tell her stories, sing her songs, stitch and embroider and draw and paint and flower-raise and flower-arrange and construct elaborate updos, held in place by elegant pins.
Although her health was bad and her body was sickly and her smile was weary and tired, her mother's mind never wavered, nor her quiet determination and loving acceptance, confined to bed though she was.
… Hinata admired her mother a lot, and not just because, unlike her father, who always criticized her efforts and demeaned them with a disappointed, disapproving frown, her mother loved her unconditionally.
Her mother was strong in spirit, gentle in spirit; she could manage to be strong in her gentleness.
Hinata wanted to be as strong and as gentle as her mother, but it always seemed like she could ever only manage 'gentle', not 'strong'.
Nevermind that Jyuuken was 'Gentle Fist'. 'Gentle Fist' was strong.
"You lack drive," one of her taijutsu instructors had commented disparagingly one day, after hearing her wish to be like her mother. "You lack the will, the determination to succeed. Pitiful. A Hyuuga cannot be a doormat; there is a difference between peacefully letting others go by, and knowingly letting others walk all over you. No Hyuuga, especially not the heiress, should ever be the latter. No ninja should ever be the latter."
She never could find her 'drive'.
Cousin Neji is no help; he shrugs and tells her that she must find her 'drive' herself, or else it isn't really hers.
Since he's nice and plays with her a lot, Hinata believes him.
Plus, her mother agreed with Cousin Neji, after Hinata repeated his words, and Hinata trusts her mother more than anyone else she knows.
(She doesn't ask Uncle Hizashi or Tou-sama for help. She daren't. Uncle Hizashi seems to hate her for some reason. He always glares at her when he passes, and he thinks no one else is looking. Tou-sama… Tou-sama is why she's trying to find a 'drive' in the first place.)
Until she turns three.
Her third birthday party is a small occurrence, of slight importance, but not too much.
It is, however, her first birthday that is celebrated with other, non-Hyuuga members being invited.
All highly political, naturally. Hinata tries not to let that bother her too much, instead focusing on having as much fun as she can.
The party moves to the Konoha park, to entertain the children, and she rarely gets to exit the Compound, so that's exciting.
Plus, there are all these new people she's never met before, all clan heirs/heiresses near her age [hence the politics].
They look strange, and act completely unlike the coldly impersonal Hyuuga members she usually interacts with, which fascinates her… but her shyness gets the best of her and she barely talks to them, simply stuttering through necessities and then hiding nervously behind trees.
(There's a disinterested Nara who barely glances at her, a loud Yamanaka who is too forceful for her, a placating Akimichi who uncertainly greets her, a scruffy Inuzuka who grins toothily to her, a snooty Uchiha who glares and sulks and ignores everyone plus her, and a silent Aburame who nods cordially for her.
The Kurama heiress couldn't make it.)
(Near the end of the party, Hinata spots a blond boy hovering around the fringes, biting his lip in anxiety, also hiding behind a tree. She feels a surge of sympathy, and contemplates mustering up the courage to approach him, but the party ends before she can, and the blond boy immediately darts off, as if fearing being sighted.)
Nonetheless, she loves it, and comes home with a brightness in her eyes, and her mind stuffed with new memories.
Her presents are nice, too. Some clothes, some ornaments, some books, a plant (from the loud Yamanaka; Hinata makes a note to thank her extra nicely for the flower, since it's her favorite breed of orchid). More variety than the last two years, anyway.
(Kaa-san pats her own belly and whispers that Hinata's going to be a nee-chan soon, Tou-sama grunts in a mildly positive manner and kinda-sorta-actually-slightly smiles at her.
Those two are her favorite presents.)
She goes to sleep happier than she's been for a long time.
And wakes up more fearful than she's been for… well, for the entirety of her three years of existence so far.
She's tied up, gagged, probably drugged, and is slung most uncomfortably in a rough cloth bag over someone's bony shoulder that keeps jabbing into her back.
Realizing that she's been kidnapped, and that the only reason she's awake is because, judging by the throb on her forehead, the kidnappers must've been careless and jolted her on the side of a door, is enough to scare the rest of the sleeping drugs out of circulation with an instinctive chakra-boost through her blood.
Remembering what happens to kidnapped Hyuugas, and that her existence may very well end at three years, like, end as in end permanently oh my kami I don't wanna die, is enough to send desperation and adrenaline pumping through her system, further cleansing out the drugs' effect.
She really regrets not dedicating herself further in her self-defense studies.
But hey, if she survives this, she tells herself hysterically, at least she can definitely say that she's found her 'drive', right?
In her hyper-aware, hyper-terrified state, Hinata can hear the crunching of gravel underfoot, and it dawns on her, with a rush of cold sweat, that that means her kidnappers are rapidly nearing the exit of the Hyuuga Compound.
Her drive?
I don't want to die.
A burst of chakra explodes from her bound fists, the instinctive action of a barely trained child, burning off the gag on her mouth.
She's only got one shot at this, already the kidnappers have felt the uncontrolled chakra burst, so Hinata gasps in a breath and screams, with all her energy, with all her vocal-cords-being-unconsciously-boosted-with-chakra drive.
It's wordless and ear-shattering and sounds just like a terrified girl screaming desperately for help and all Hinata can think is that she really freakin' hopes it works, because then she passes out from accidental chakra exhaustion, and the last thing she hears is a footstep.
A single footstep.
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When she's alive to the world again, Hinata is warm, and snugly wrapped in covers upon covers.
Her mother is hugging her and rocking her and crying hot burning-acid tears into her short, shiny blue-black hair.
"I was so worried about you, Hina-chan," she murmured, over and over.
"We need to ramp up security, of course, especially with little Hana-chan on the way," she continued.
Hinata seizes the chance to change topics, and peers at her mother, parroting, "Hana-chan?"
"Oh, well, your father is convinced that your sibling will be a boy, but I'm sure they'll be a girl. Call it mother's instinct, if you will. So we made a, ah, deal of sorts. If they're a boy, he'll be named Hikaru. Hyuuga Hikaru. Hina-chan and Hika-kun. If they're a girl, she'll be named Hanabi. Hyuuga Hanabi. Hina-chan and Hana-chan. Ah, I can see her now… the two of you, smiling together. Adorable~. You two will adore each other, no doubt about it."
Unfortunately, her mother isn't so easily deterred.
Calmed down, she gently guides Hinata's pale hands into her own long and slender ones.
"Are you feeling okay? Yesterday must have been very scary for you. You were very brave, you know, and if you hadn't managed to yell… well, let's not go there. Nearly gave your poor mother a heart attack, you did. But don't forget that none of that was your fault, and that you are a very special child, okay? Kaa-san is very proud of you. Is there anything you need? You'd like to have? To make you more comfortable? The medics said you should take a few days off of training, to ease you out of any shock."
She is genuinely concerned for her, and it warms Hinata more than the covers could.
But Hinata feels the chill of last night's events, feels her resolve grow, and saddens slightly.
Hinata… Hinata can't be her mother.
Hinata can't be strong and gentle.
Hinata can't settle for just being gentle, though.
What if the kidnappers come again?
What if… they target someone else?
What if they target her little sibling!?
Her current gentleness is properly horrified at the thought of people getting hurt because of her. Getting killed because of her.
Her newfound wisps-of-strength decide that, well then, she'll have to become strong. Much, much stronger than her… than her weak 'before'. As strong as… as… as Tou-sama.
Because Tou-sama was the one to save her.
Because then, when she was that strong, no one would need to save her, to worry about her, to get hurt for her.
Because if she struck first and struck strong, they couldn't hurt her, hurt those she cared for, hurt those she maybe didn't necessarily care for or know about but who were still her obligation as a kunoichi of the Leaf as a Hyuuga as a Hyuuga heiress.
(And then maybe just maybe she could possibly kinda sort pick up a little gentleness later? Later when she's strong as strong as she needs to be stronger than she is now strong strong strong…)
Hinata closes her eyes and breathes, taking away her hands to fist them in her layers.
'I can't stay like this, Kaa-san. To be strong… I'll need to, at the very least, at the very first, get Tou-sama to see me as his heiress. I need to be the Hyuuga heiress. There are responsibilities and duties and the Hyuugas will be my obligation, under my care… but to earn that right, I'll have to get stronger. I hope you're still proud of me at the end, Kaa-san. I don't know if I'd be proud at the end. I won't know until I get to the end, though.'
"Kaa-san?" Hinata asks.
"Yes, Hina-chan?" she looks at her, eyes still wide in that genuine concern of hers.
Hinata doesn't open her eyes.
"Please inform Tou-sama that I will not be taking a break from training, and please inform him that I have found my 'drive' that the instructors say I lacked. Please inform him that, from now on, I need to get stronger."
(She doesn't open her eyes because she doesn't want to see if her mother's concern changes.)
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Note that this is largely unedited, definitely un-beta'd, and written randomly while I put off updating 'Replacement'.
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