A/N: This is supposed to be a oneshot, but it may turn into a multi-chapter fic if enough people want it. I don't know why I suddenly became obsessed by this idea, but I swear I will return to updating Your Mask after this. Thanks and happy reading.
Its meant to be a parody, don't take it too seriously. I'm not a fan of Twilight, but I have read all the books.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight Saga (phew) nor Pokemon Special (T.T)
"You've got to be kidding me," Gold moaned.
He was staring at the motley trio which stood before them. One of them had white skin, with thick brown hair and gold eyes much like Gold's. Gold decided that his eye colour was definitely better. Where the brown-haired boy'eyes looked like they were piles of butter melting in a plate, Gold's eyes burned with a fiery passion. Plus that boy sparkled. Gold wasn't sure whether it was a trick of the light, but his white skin had gay sparkles whenever he stood in the sunlight. It looked like some seventies disco.
The other was a boring faced girl with nondescript features. Everything about her screamed nothing - from her messy brown hair that didn't even look like it had been combed (Ruby shuddered), her open-mouthed, slightly dazed look that seemed to be her only expression, and the way she and the brown-haired boy acted. He was spreading his arms in front of her in a pathetic attempt to block her. The only thing she could do was clutch his arm and whimper.
The third boy was the worst.
Sure, he had muscles - steroids, Gold thought - but that was it. He had shaggy long black hair which appeared to be even longer than the girl's. And he seemed to have a permanent matyr face of 'I'm so sad feel pitiful for me.' He was glaring jealously at the other couple and pushing his thick lips out. When you got down to it, he looked a lot like a - what was that strange animal Gold had read about again? Gold racked his mind, cursing as he recalled how he had refused to pay any attention to Crystal's reading of her notes.
"ALPACA!"
Too late, Gold realized he had said it out loud. The shaggy boy looked offended. He pouted.
"Who are you?" Blue was gaping at the severely mismatched trio. "Where did you come from?"
"My name is Edward Cullen," the brown-haired boy said, stepping forward and introducing himself. "This is Bella Swan, and the boy is Jacob Black. We come from Forks, USA."
"What's Forks? And what's the USA?" Silver asked, furrowing his eyebrows. "Is it some country from Unova?"
"Unova?" Edward seemed confused. "I've never heard of that."
It appeared to me that we had landed elsewhere. Certainly not Phoenix.
The girl, or Bella, spoke for the first time. "What's that thing?" She was pointing at the huge Charizard perched behind Green, sending out streams of flames every now and then. Green was confused. "Its my Charizard."
"What's a Charizard?" Jacob demanded. "It's like some weird lizard... HOLY CRAP!" Charizard opened its mouth and yawned. A gush of hot air washed over the trio, causing them to choke and splutter.
"That thing is dangerous, Edward! It could kill you!" Bella screamed. "Kill it!"
Gold was left dumbfounded as Edward suddenly ran up to the Charizard, baring his teeth (he caught a flash of fangs but that was impossible) and attempting to scramble up the huge Pokemon. However, it seemed that Pokemon reflexes were quicker than vampire speed. Charizard simply grabbed Edward, holding him in its paw as Edward flailed and kicked. "Release me, you mindless beast!" he yelled.
"Why did you want to kill my Charizard?" Green said incredulously. "Seriously, what the heck were you thinking?"
"That thing is dangerous to Edward!" Bella protested. "If he gets near fire, it could kill him."
Edward, my love, the light of my life! Kill him and you would kill me too. We were bound together.
"Well, duh. Fire kills us all." Gold could not believe what she was saying. Meanwhile, the second boy had started to tremble. "Bella," he called out dramatically. "Although personally I would rather see Edward dead, I will rescue him because your heart would be broken if he died!" In a blink, his body tripled in size as his clothes burst against his already tight chest. A giant reddish-brown wolf stood in his place. Scraps of cloth fluttered to the floor as the wolf growled and prepared to lunge.
"Pika, use Thundershock," Red commanded. Pika squeezed his eyes as bolts of electricity flew in Jacob's direction, laying him flat on the ground with his hair smoking as he turned back into a human.
Wearing no clothes.
Yellow and Crystal screamed and averted their eyes, Blue was snapping photos (blackmail, she called it) while Green and Red coughed. Gold glanced up at Bella and noticed that she was blushing hard - even harder than Yellow, but her eyes did stray discreetly down.
To be honest, Jacob looked kind of hot. I hoped he wouldn't notice me blushing.
"...I'm naked?" Someone was slow.
"Luckily I always bring spare clothes," Ruby chirped happily, taking out an identical outfit from his bag and handing it to Jacob. Jacob was soon modestly dressed in Ruby's outfit, complete with hat which Ruby had insisted on ("No one wears my outfit without my hat!") and looking appropriately bewildered. "What just happened?"
"Oh Jacob, I'm so glad you're okay," Bella gushed. "I thought you died!" Without warning, tears started to fall from her eyes as she hugged Jacob tightly. Gold couldn't help his laughter as the others shot him looks. This was beyond ridiculous.
"How could you forget about me?" An anguished voice rang out and everyone looked up to see Edward still struggling. "Bella! I love you! That dog is not worthy for you!" He ran his hands through his hair and had an intense eye-lock with Bella, who promptly fainted. Jacob slapped her face a few times (that girl needs to be slapped) and she woke up, muttering nonsensities about Edward's "burning butterscotch eyes" and his "heroin breath". How she could even see Edward's face from that height, let alone smell his breath, left Gold speechless.
"Charizard, release that joker," Green said, deciding that Edward wasn't worth wasting his time on. The Pokemon opened its paw and Edward fell to the ground, landing on his feet like a cat and brushing imaginary dust off his clothes ("A man after my own heart!" Ruby said) and held his hand out to Bella. "Juliet," he sighed, sending the girl into swoons of delight. "I have returned."
"I thought I lost you," Bella whispered. "I love you."
"You are my life now," Edward answered, pulling her tightly to him. Blue started gagging.
"Didn't you like, just proclaim your love to the other guy?"
I ignored the annoying girl. What can she know about my intensely complicated life? Everything started when I came to Forks.
Jacob was standing at one side, still pouting before he start ed to rip off his shirt, revealing his overly enhanced muscles. Definitely steroids, Gold mused. Ruby had been thrown into fits of despair. "How could you ruin this shirt?" he gasped, picking up the torn tatters and clutching it to his chest. "Why, Arceus? What have I done to deserve this degree of cruelty?"
"Can someone please explain to me what is going on?" Yellow pleaded, staring goggle-eyed at the lovey-dovey couple and the sad, half-naked loser.
"I'll explain it." Gold puffed up his chest importantly, dodging Crystal's attempt to kick him. "Here, we've got this sparkly gay dude, aka Tinkerbell," Edward looked offended, "Vanilla Face," he gestured at the girl-with-only-one-expression, "And Alpaca."
"I know what you are," Blue announced dramatically, pointing a finger at Edward. Everyone looked startled.
"Your skin is pale white and ice cold. You sparkle in the sun. You make Vanilla Face practically faint every time you flip your hair. You have fangs. You're a virgin ("HOW DOES SHE KNOW?" said Bella) and you drink human blood ("That was supposed to be a secret," Edward complained). I know what you are."
"Say it... out loud. Say it!" Edward commanded, fixing Blue with his puppy eye stare.
"Vanillite."
... An awkward silence ensued ...
"Blue, I don't think he's a Pokemon," Yellow piped up.
"He's not cute enough," Ruby agreed. Sapphire promptly smacked him. "Not all Pokemon are cute!"
"Well then, what is he? A tampon?" Gold said impatiently. "I mean, he sucks girls' blood, he's all white..."
"I'M NOT A TAMPON!" Edward protested. "I am a vampire!"
"Real vampires don't sparkle. Or hang around humans," Crystal reported. "Plus, they are supposed to burn in the sun."
"Tinkerbell here certainly doesn't," Gold groaned. "Arceus, my head hurts..."
"Wait, what's a Pokemon?" Bella asked. "You keep talking about Pokemon and stuff. I don't get what they are."
Gold sighed. "You see, we live in this world inhabited by creatures called Pokemon. People and Pokemon live together by supporting each other. Some people play with Pokemon, some battle with them. But we don't know everything about Pokemon yet. There are still many mysteries to solve. That's why I study Pokemon every day. Now, what did you say your name was -" He was cut off by Crystal, who kicked him and sent him sprawling to the ground. "Gold!" she scolded. "Stop reciting Professor Oak's speech!"
"Basically, he's a vampire, I'm a werewolf, and Bells here is just a human," Jacob informed them. "And we don't have Pokemon in our world."
"And I'm a Virgo," Bella added. Emerald shot her a withering look and her whole face turned red.
"Giratina certainly screwed up this time," Green said simply. "We'll have to take them in ... again. Remember the last time we met the immortal Ash and his other friends? This is even worse."
About three things I was absolutely positive of.
Firstly, we weren't in our own world anymore.
Secondly, I loved Edward and Jacob. A lot. I can't decide. I'm going to hurt both of them. Although I had to admit, some of these new guys were hot.
And thirdly... I hated Pokemon.
"STOP THE GODDAMN VOICEOVER!" Gold roared. "Enough with your internal thoughts already, Vanilla Face!"
"I'm sorry, the producer of the movie wants it to be just like a book, I can't turn it off!" Bella whimpered. She cringed as a very vivid mental fantasy about her and Edward in bed appeared in everyone's minds. "Oh crap." Yellow's eyes were scarred for life.
Red cleared his throat. "I guess we'd better introduce ourselves." He stepped forward and shook Edward's hand. "Tinkerbell, Vanilla Face and Alpaca. I hope you find your stay here enjoying. We'll try to get you back to your world as soon as possible, of course." Red didn't notice that wasn't their real names, causing Edward to scowl, Jacob to pout, and Bella to have the same expression.
"Welcome... to the world of Pokemon!"