Author's Note: I wrote something for the Artina ficathon! (Yes, I am very proud of myself, thank you very much.) This one's for xlokifoxx, who so thoughtfully provided the following prompt:
"What are you staring at?"
"You, obviously."
"You're infuriating."
"You're adorable."
"So are you."
"Really?"
"No."
I hope you like it! :D
"What are you staring at?" Tina gives her boyfriend a decidedly not amused glare.
"You, obviously." Artie rolls his eyes.
"You're infuriating." Tina crosses her arms over her chest.
"You're adorable." Artie gives her his best smile.
"So are you." Tina's glare softens.
"Really?" Artie looks astonished.
"No." The glare deepens again. Tina rolls her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest. "You know how I feel about that word."
Artie, at least, has the decency to look embarrassed. "Tee, you're dressed up like an Easter bunny. I think adorable is the only way I can describe you at the moment. Why are you dressed up like an Easter rabbit again? Because a) you're Jewish, and b) it's July."
Tina huffs and kicks the oversized rabbit head on the ground in annoyance. "I'm going to get heatstroke in this thing."
"And you're avoiding the question." Artie pats his lap. "Come on, Bugs, wanna sit and talk about it?"
"I am Happy the Bunny," corrects Tina darkly. "And I'm making twelve bucks an hour in this thing at my mom's boss's wife's day camp today. They're doing a circus theme, and the previous Happy came down with the flu."
"So you're filling in?" asks Artie curiously.
"I was the only one they could find who'd fit in the costume." Tina sighs and sits on the ground next to Artie's wheelchair. "And I'm only half Jewish. It's not a total abomination."
"They have rabbits at the circus?" asks Artie dryly.
"At this one they do." Tina sighs and reaches for her rabbit head, slipping it on. "How do I look?"
It's muffled through the over-sized animal head, but Artie gets the point. "Ridiculous," he replies, not very helpfully.
Tina sighs and takes it off. "I think that's the only way I can look in something like this. Kiss?"
Artie obliges when she leans down, kissing her cheek, then her lips.
Tina grins at him. "Great. Meet you for dinner after?"
"How do you feel about burgers?" asks Artie thoughtfully.
"We just had them yesterday," says Tina with a bit of a whine.
"Good, that's why we're having Italian tonight." Artie waves her away. "Take care, and don't let anyone puke on you!"
Tina pales. "God, Artie, you've just jinxed it."
Sure enough, when Tina returns to Chez Abrams five and a half-hours later, she is freshly-showered, wearing jeans and a t-shirt and looking positively horrified. "Two!" she yells, shuddering at Artie. "Thanks to you, two kids threw up on me."
Artie gives her an odd look. "How is this suddenly my fault?"
"Because you told me not to let anyone puke on me, and then the Matt's twin sisters just had to go and give me a double dose." Tina shudders. "And their younger brother took one look at me and started bawling. I made an infant start bawling at the sight of me!"
"Well, I think you're very pretty and not... I wouldn't cry at the sight of you?" suggests Artie weakly.
"You'd better not." Tina sighs and flops onto an armchair in the Abrams living room. "So, you mentioned something about Italian?"
Artie grins. "That I did. You ready to go out, or do you just want to stay in and chill?"
"Let's go out," says Tina. She reaches for her jacket and stands up. "But you're buying this time."
"That was the plan all along, I thought," says Artie, but he good-naturedly allows his girlfriend to wheel him out the door and to her car.
Twenty minutes later, they're sitting across from each other in Breadsticks. Tina's absently playing with her water glass while Artie studies the menu carefully. She's about to try and ask Artie if he wants to go see Scott Pilgrim vs. The World with her after this when suddenly a four-year old is tugging on her jacket.
Tina looks down to see Colleen Rutherford staring at her expectantly.
"Uh, hi?" says Tina hesitantly.
"Happy bunny!" declares the preschooler as she tries to climb up into Tina's lap.
What the hell, is all Tina can manage at the moment. Because one, this child has already thrown up on her once today. And two, she was wearing a huge, hot, gross rabbit costume, which weighed approximately fifteen pounds and covered her from head to toe.
Colleen Rutherford kicks her feet happily against Tina's shins as her twin sister Sabrina skips over. Sabrina looks at Tina and pouts at her sister. Tina winces and gently picks up the little girl in her lap.
Colleen points at Tina. "Happy bunny!"
Sabrina inspects Tina carefully and shakes her head. "No."
The two girls argue back and fort for a few minutes, and Tina looks more and more pained with each passing exclamation. (Artie across the table is trying his best not to laugh and looks a little awestruck.) Finally Mrs. Rutherford manages to come over, infant carrier in tow. Matt shuffles over as well, hot on the heels of his mother.
Colleen points at Tina, then at her brother. "Happy bunny!" Tina just looks pale.
Mrs. Rutherford hands Matt the infant seat with the sleeping baby inside before plucking Colleen out of Tina's lap. "Hi," she says brightly. "You're the girl in Glee with my son, right?"
Tina manages a nod. "Yes."
"Collie thinks that she was the bunny at day care today," says Sabrina haughtily.
"Er," Tina looks across the table at Artie, who has sobered his expression considerably. "I was."
"Oh," says Mrs. Rutherford thoughtfully. "Colleen must have recognized your voice. She's good with voices. I'm sorry about all of this though, she doesn't usually... wander."
"It's all right," says Tina. "We did okay, right?"
Both of the twins nod and then they dutifully take their mother's hands. Mrs. Rutherford smiles at Tina. "Well, thank you, and... sorry about earlier."
Matt shrugs and when he meets Tina's eyes, then he nods, and she knows that he won't go using any of the events of today for future blackmail purposes. Tina is more than a little grateful for that. Mr. Rutherford comes over after having paid the bill, and eventually they wander off, finally leaving Tina and Artie alone again.
"You can laugh now, if you want," says Tina after the silence settles around me. "I won't get mad."
"I'm not quite dumb enough for that," says Artie dryly. "But it looks like you have a couple of new fans."
"Fans?" replies Tina, raising an eyebrow.
"Clearly you were the best Happy the Bunny on the block." Artie grins at her.
"The best Happy Bunny on the block is on stickers at Hot Topic."
"Most adorable bunny on the block?"
"Artie!"
"Let's face it, you and two preschool-aged fangirls is kind of adorable, Tina."
"Fine. If I'm adorable, then you're adorable too."
Artie gives her a funny look. "Adorable isn't manly."
"And adorable is especially feminine? I'm telling you, save it for fluffy animals and the under five crowd." Tina sticks her tongue out at him.
"How mature, Tee."
Tina grins. "I never said I was mature."
"Got that right."
Tina's cell phone beeps, indicating that she has a new text message. When she glances at it, her expression pales considerably. "Artie. They want me to play the rabbit for the rest of the week."
"Think of the awesome pay?" suggests Artie thoughtfully.
Tina considers this. "Think of the excellent birth control?"
Artie blushes. "Well, that too."
"I'm just saying."
"Can we move onto something else now?" asks Artie.
Tina laughs. "Of course."
"So," says Artie, "does that mean you have to wash your costume for tomorrow? Because of ...what happened and all?"
Tina pales visibly. "Getting ...oh god, that costume is going to reek."
"Know anyone you can blackmail into doing this gig for you instead?"
Tina bites her lip. "We can always try and make Finn do it."
"Isn't he too big for the costume?
"Rachel?"
Artie laughs. "Say it'll be good performance practice?"
"You're so evil. I love it."