Author's notes: One of quite a few fics written for the fanfic100 challenge, this is the first one I'm happy with that won't get me flamed. Thanks to Shadow Scythe of Strongbadia?! for the idea.
"Greetings, blubbering masses! Pull yourselves together! And turn off the snot works! We are gathered here today to pay our respects to Strong Bad, king of Strong Badia, and one of the greatest singer/songwriters, email checkers, and all-round awesome guys in history. Also, we're here to pay him fifty bucks each. Go on. In-into the mason jar."
"Okay. So, uh, Strong Bad was a great guy. Seriously. He entertained his fans by checking his email every Monday without fail. Or uh, Tuesday or Sunday sometimes. Or Wednesday. Or Thursday, this one time. Anyways, the sbemails were awesome. And you'll never see a new one again. Go outside or something!
"Strong Bad also enjoyed a prolific singing career, with such hits as I Never Said I Wouldn't Beat The Crap Out Of You, and This One Time I Saw Homestar Punching A Kitten In The Throat. In fact, if you guys followed my will right, there should be copies of Email Songs: The Compy Years being sold at the merch table after the funeral. Go buy some.
"Strong Bad's crowning achievement was his sovereignty over Strong Badia. Even in his later years, Strong Bad ruled over his land with an iron boxing glove filled with titanium. There was nothing that tire could"
"Hey Strong Bad, why are you talking into that box?"
"Go away, Homestar! I'm recording my eulogy."
"Oh... Can I help?"
"No! (Thumping noise) Okay, where was I? Email, music... Oh yeah. So Strong Bad was king of Strong Badia, where he and the On Point Kings planned their criminal escapades. Wait! I mean their Nobel Peacey Prize winning deeds, like giving candy to orphans, or giving Strong Mad a foot massage. Ew...
"Uh..."
"Don't forget Dangeresque!"
"Oh, right. Strong Bad also wrote, directed and starred in the Dangeresque movies, which hopefully, have become a trilogy by now. Freakin... By the time I'm dead... Stupid writer's block blocking my writing... However, he is more well known for his Teen Girl Squad comic series, which reached the bestsellers list after Strong Mad purchased thirty thousand copies.
"In conclusion, Strong Bad was the coolest guy who ever died. From whatever it was that killed me. I bet you wish you were two fifths as cool as he was. We won't see another guy like him again, that's for sure. You may now resume wailing."
"Hooray!"
"Shut up."