AN: A Warning. There are segments of the fic that deal with self-harm and an attempt at suicide. Nothing too graphic, but wanted to put a warning so people can opt out if they want to.

AN2: Thanks to Rose_Griffes & SassyJ for the beta!

Element of Risk

Chapter 1:

John was sitting at a booth across from Carter. She had just informed him of Mark Snow's sudden appearance.

"Been doing a little work on the side?"

"I'm a Homicide Detective, John. You know what I do. You shouldn't have brought me in if you didn't want me asking questions."

"Are you sure it was Snow?"

"I saw him fleeing the scene of the crime wearing a bomb vest. He looked desperate, helpless, like someone was holding him on a string. He said to tell you that SHE was planning something . . . something big."

"Who?"

"That's what I want to know. Do you know what this is all about John? And if you did, would you even tell me?"

"You're one hell of a detective Carter, and I can't stop you from looking. But you already know quite a bit about me. Finch. And you may know we both had people who once cared about us. Not anymore. But you, you still have your son. Your life is still yours. So I think the real question you have to ask yourself detective, is how much more you really want to know."

Smiling contentedly lying on her belly, Zoe woke up to warm wet kisses trailing down her back. She feigned sleep; she wanted to see how far he would go to wake her up. He must have sensed her wakeful state because he stopped.

Damn it.

"I know you're awake."

"Don't know what you're talking about Rambo. I'm still asleep," She said as she snuggled deeper into her pillow.

Zoe could not only sense but hear the smirk as he said. "Hmm. Well then, I guess you won't feel it if I do this," She was completely awake and was expecting for something hot and preferably involving his tongue.

Instead, he tickled her.

Zoe couldn't help it. She was extremely ticklish and that rat-bastard John remembered. Her body began to shake with laughter. As she tried to turn onto her back for retaliation, she wasn't given a chance as John leaned in and gave her a deep kiss.

Rubbing her leg against his, "Good morning, John," she whispered in his ear. Zoe's hand cupped the side of his face, her thumb rubbing his stubbled cheek, feeling a shaft of electricity run through them.

"Good Morning, Zoe," he whispered back, smiling. Looking at her, he was amazed at how happy she looked. The bruises she sustained from Michael Matthews were almost completely gone, as far as John was concerned, she was back to her normal, ball-buster with the acid tongue Zoe, but different.

They had had a turning point of sorts in their arrangement. Something had changed significantly between them when she opened up and let him see the real Zoe, the one that had been kept in her box. They had gotten closer and showed they cared in little ways. Which made what he was about to do doubly hard.

"Zoe, we have to talk . . ." John started.

Something in his expression must have given him away; she said, "This is it, isn't it?" in a quiet tone.

John didn't immediately reply. He didn't know how to tell her that in order to protect Zoe from HER, he suspected it was his old CIA handler Kara Stanton, he had to leave her.

"Zoe . . ." he sighed, ". . . it's not . . . "

"I swear John, if you say 'it's not you, it's me', I am going to kick your ass." Zoe said through gritted teeth. She had never been dumped before and she didn't know quite how to deal with it. Instead, she just looked more intently at him, waiting for an explanation.

"It's not safe for you to . . . "

She didn't let him finish. As if she knew what he was thinking. "You're ending this to protect me?" Zoe wasn't naïve or stupid for that matter. She was made well aware on many occasions that what John and Harold did was dangerous and life-threatening. There was always an element of risk in knowing people like John.

"Of course . . ." he replied.

"So, are you cutting all ties with Harold or Detective Carter?"

When John maintained his silence, she continued. "I see. Why am I different?"

John really didn't have an answer, not a clear one anyway, to her question. And he didn't think she would accept a "because you are" answer.

"John, you aren't responsible for what happens to everyone. I am perfectly capable of getting my own ass killed." Another woman, John moving on, she expected that. But for him to leave in order to protect her; that was something altogether unexpected.

John pinched the bridge of his nose, he never realized how hard breaking up was.

"Breaking up? What are we in high-school?" Zoe said with quite a bite to her tone. Too late, John didn't realize he had said it out loud.

"Zoe . . ." John decided to start over.

"I get it John. We're done." Having an early morning breakfast meeting with a client, she headed towards the bathroom to get ready, but had one more thing to say, "I never knew you to run away from a fight."

Letting out a ragged sigh, Zoe fought to control her temper as yet another prospective client bailed on her at the last minute. "I'm sorry Miss Morgan your associate has convinced me that your services are not a match for our needs at the moment. I have your card and will most certainly give you a call if we do need your services in the future.

Ben Atwater ran a hedge fund out of Dallas and had flown in specifically to talk to Zoe about handling some public relations issues his company was having. Zoe had been looking forward to this particular client because it would have given her a chance to get out of New York.

In the last six weeks since their arrangement had ended, Zoe and John hadn't seen or spoken to each other. It hadn't prevented Zoe from sensing when John was around. This was the third potential client she had lost because her "associate" had convinced them to use someone else's services.

"Let me guess Ben, was my associate a big guy wearing a suit? Talks like Clint Eastwood in his younger days?" Zoe asked what she already knew.

"Y-yes, John I believe his name was," Ben stuttered. She wondered what tactic he had used this time. The last one, he had dangled over the balcony until the poor man cried uncle. The one before that was a perfectly groomed head of hair flushed in a toilet. Really? She thought. Couldn't he have found a more mature way?

"Well, I'm sorry it didn't work out." Zoe stood and held her hand out. Professional to the end, she never knew when or if they would need her services in the future.

As she made her way to the bar, where she knew her "associate" would be, she ticked off the criteria that she suspected John used to target those clients that wouldn't need her services. Male, single, attractive and had the reputation for being a ladies man. Huh, it seems as if John's green eyed monster reared its ugly head. His shenanigans were costing her and it had to stop.

She spotted him nursing a club soda at the bar. The bartender had to love that. Without bothering with a greeting, Zoe took the seat next to John. "Buy a girl a drink John?" He looked at her with a slightly guilty look then nodded to the bartender.

"Stay out of my business, John; I can't afford to lose clients right out of the gate." She said quietly without preamble, tightly reigning in her temper.

"There will be others. You're in high demand." He replied in a flat voice.

"That's not the point." Zoe said as she pinched the bridge of her nose, showing her frustration at the current situation. "It's my decision John, not yours."

"Zoe. . ." John began.

The bartender had finally brought her scotch. She downed it in one gulp. "Don't John. You decided to step away, for my protection." Zoe gritted her teeth, quashing the immature desire to use her fingers to make quotation marks in the air.

"It was." John stated matter of fact.

"Then how safe are you making it for me when you're around at practically every client meeting, luncheon, and yoga class," she asked sadly. It bothered her terribly that he was willing to watch her, to protect her, but at the same time, he didn't want to be with her.

When John first ended their arrangement, he never realized how difficult it would be for him to keep his distance. The first few weeks, he had to convince himself again and again that she was safer away from him. But he found that the only way to assuage his concern was to keep an eye on her when he could. Apparently, he had lost his ability to be inconspicuous around Zoe.

"John, I'm a big girl. Stay away. You're not making it any easier for either one of us." Gently taking his face between her hands, she gave him a soft kiss and touched her forehead to his, before turning and walking away.