Skipping Stones:
Like a stone skipped across the glassy surface of a lake, the events in Chihiro's life had repercussions, ripples that shaped and changed her future, and above all, who she was. Because of those three days in the spirit world, she had been…changed.
The first significant change was her clothing. Her parents noticed this one, but they assumed that she had abandoned the white and green shirt and the pink shorts simple because they reminded her of her old home. She folded them tenderly and tucked them away in the bottom drawer of her oaken dresser, for safe keeping. Why? Because of their smell. If she closed her eyes and buried her face in her shirt, she could still smell the spirit world mixed in with the threads and fibers. She could still smell the strange but wonderful foods that could be found in the bathhouse kitchens, she could smell the herbal waters of the baths, the flowers of the garden, over by the bridge. She could still smell a little of Zeniba's house, in Swamp Bottom, and last of all, Haku. But she still didn't like to think about him, after all this time.
So every now and then, when she had begun to doubt the validity of her memory, if she really made it all up, or if she thought she was on the brink of forgetting, she would rind refuge in the slowly fading smell of those clothes, and her memories would all come rushing back.
The next significant change found in Chihiro was her sudden interest in art. Her parents, just as oblivious as every, praised her new school's art program for inspiring her, and bringing out a sudden hidden talent. But Chihiro knew better. Art, well, art became her outlet. Completely unable to tell anyone of the people she had met, the places she had seen, and the feelings she had experienced, she drew them instead. And colored them, and painted them, the list went on. She spoke from her heart, for it was one of the few times it actually got to speak. She drew Rin, she drew the bathhouse, No-Face and even Yubaba, for goodness' sake. But there was still one person who showed up in her drawings more than any other. As time passed on, it slowly became more and more apparent that her heart still had something to say, but her mind refused to listen. So her heart got its point across the only way it could: through her art. But no matter how her heart screamed, the rest of her wasn't quite ready to listen yet. Not after all this time.
The third change was her newfound diligence. Her parents were puzzled by this one, perhaps more than any other. The move from the city to a small town had found Chihiro quieter, self-disciplined, polite and respectful. All were virtues that she seemed to have gained, well, overnight. It was a mystery to them, but they simply owed it up to growing older and maturing, and of course, a little good parenting never hurt, right? She always seemed determined and willing to work, even if she wasn't eager. They decided her newfound qualities developed from a desire to prove herself in the new town, the new school. But as time wore on, the virtues remained, and they decided to dismiss any concern on the subject. After all, they didn't see any reason to argue. In the end, they just decided to forget about it, and pretend she had always been that way.
The fourth change that only Chihiro herself knew of was the dreams. The memories of those few days spent in the spirit world were locked deep inside the back of her mind, during her hours of consciousness. But as she slept, the memories broke free of their bonds and wandered through her mind, taunting her, torturing her in her state of unconsciousness. She relived every moment of shock, of sadness of joy and of pain, but all she felt when she woke up, was regret. Every now and then, in a moment when time stood still, she wondered if she could have done things differently. But replaying it in her head, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute only brought her more pain. So she banished thoughts of regret as well as ones of guilt to reside in the back of her mind, to plague her in the hours that she slept, but at least those on only. But time and time again, her dreams made her relive her most heart-breaking memory. Time and time again, she relived the moment where she actually let go. Leaving the spirit world to join her parents in her new home had certainly seemed like the best option at the time, the right thing to do. She had bargained a life of servitude under Yubaba to get her parents back and return home, but now it seemed that it was the people she left behind that she missed the most.
The fifth change was the one that seemed the least significant, small, miniscule and hardly worth mentioning. But it certainly mattered to Chihiro. It mattered a lot. For the fifth and final change, of course, was the hair band. It meant a lot to her, for one very simple reason. That hair band was the only physical real, solid proof that it wasn't all in her head. She was very secretive about it and protective of it, not even letting anyone else touch it. She had snapped at many a girl who had tried to help her with her hair, without giving anyone a good reason why that hair band was so important to her. It was always with her, either in her hair or on her wrist, lest she lose sight of the one thing that connected her to the spirit world. The only thing that she had left...
Chihiro, standing ankle-high in the lake, skipped another stone.
One, two, three…
The stone skipped three times, and on the fourth, splashed into the water at last. Chihiro sighed, picking up another stone. As she drew her hand back to throw it, she heard a voice behind her.
"Hi. You're name's Chihiro, isn't it?"
She turned to face the speaker, a girl her age with tanned skin and black hair. Chihiro nodded, pausing to see if the newcomer would stay.
"My name's Rina. I live next door." She pointed to her house, a yellow one next to Chihiro's quaint little blue one. Apparently this girl had ventured down from her back yard to meet her. For a short moment, Chihiro played around with the idea that Rina had been Rin's name before she was taken into Yubaba's service, but she quickly stamped out any thoughts of the spirit world.
"Nice to meet you." Chihiro quipped, before throwing the stone she had in her hand.
One, two, three…
"I saw your dragon in the art show." Rina said, determined to make conversation with the new girl. "It was—" she searched for a word, "magnificent."
Chihiro flushed. "T—Thank you." In truth, it was only the begging of her parents and her art teachers that made her put that dragon in the art show. It was a watercolor painting, and she had painted—well—Haku, naturally. She smiled, and decided to be friendly to her new neighbor, "I wasn't really sure I wanted to put it in there, anyway." She walked over to Rina, and the two sat down on the lake shore.
"I can understand that. I like to draw, and people always tell me I'm so good, but some of the things I draw, it feels like they're too—I don't know—personal, I guess. Like I'm putting too much of myself in them, and I'm afraid to show them to people just because it's so much of me." Rina said, staring out at the lake.
Chihiro peered at her for a moment. She had said exactly what Chihiro had been feeling, and that startled her. When she had gotten back from the spirit world, from the most adventurous three days of her life, she had automatically figured that no one could ever understand her. And right here, this Rina girl had proven her wrong. "Believe me, I know exactly what you mean." She turned and smiled at Rina, who turned and smiled back.
"Do you—do you mind if I braid your hair?" Rina asked. "You have beautiful hair."
Chihiro looked at her oddly for a moment, having never been complimented on her hair before. "That would be nice, thank you." She pulled down her hair, and for a moment, the hair band shone in the sun. Rina's eyes caught it, and as she put it around her wrist, she asked,
"Is that the hair band that Penny told me about?"
Penny, Penny…Chihiro's mind searched for the name. Oh. That was the girl who had touched her hair band while it had been on her wrist, and had asked her what had made it glow like that. Chihiro remembered getting really mad at her.
"I did apologize to her, if that's what you're asking." Chihiro replied as Rina divided her hair into three parts. Rina recognized her defensiveness.
"Yes, she told me that you apologized for that. I just wanted to know why."
Chihiro's thoughts flashed back to Haku. She bit her lip, forcing herself not to cry.
"It reminds me of someone special, that I'll never get to see again." She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, and she saw herself once again, flying through the skies at an amazing speed.
"Someone that died?" Rina asked, suddenly sympathetic.
"We're a world apart, now. So yes, that's about right."
"That's so sad!" Rina exclaimed. "I'm nearly finished, don't worry." She said as she gave Chihiro's hair another gentle tug. Rina hummed slightly for a moment, filling the silence caused by her own question and Chihiro's answer. "There. Could I see your--?"
In the moment that she tugged her hair band off her wrist, Chihiro figured some things out.
No matter how many times you skip a stone, the ripples all die eventually, and the lake appears the same.
She didn't need the hair band to remind her of Haku, because she knew that a little bit of his spirit would always be with her. He had promised her that, as they flew.
And this is what he meant by not looking back.