Just a steferine one-shot, as requested, originally posted on If We Hadn't Died, where Caroline and Silas, an unlikely duo, decide to team up and try to get Katherine and Stefan back together. A little attempt at humour. Btw, in this, Silas and Amara are still alive, human, and together. This is just me wondering what would have happened if they hadn't died, and if Stefan and Katherine still hated each other, mixed with humour and I came up with this.

"So, Caroline." Silas said, sliding into the booth opposite her by the window, a wide smile on his face due to the phone call he had just received. "Mission Staferine is under way?"

"Mission Steferine. Jeez, if you're going to work with me, at least know what you're shipping." Caroline rolled her eyes as she dumped her notebook onto the table.

"I trust you brought yours?"

"My what?" Silas asked, clueless.

"Your notebook!" Caroline exclaimed in exasperation. She clapped her hand to her forehead. "It's like teaching a kindergarten how to write." She muttered to herself, before meticulously scanning the room for her favourite-to-be couple, unsuccessful, since they were on opposite sides of the room to each other, and she started scribbling down notes furiously. She glanced at the empty seat next to Silas.

"Wait, where's Amara?"

Silas looked rather haughty. "Oh, she decided that our mission to push our doppelgängers together was a total waste of time, was unfair and unkind, and has refused to participate."

"Oh." Caroline was rather put out. She knew that planning this with a suicidal maniac who was obsessed with destiny was going to be difficult, so she had been relying on Amara to keep Silas calm, and to stop him from getting out of control, but now that seemed unlikely.

"Well, anyway, Stefan needs to get over Elena, and Katherine needs to get over Elijah's sorry ass, and, Stefan asked me to set him up with someone. They're perfect for each other!"

"Yeah, so how exactly are we going to do this? Stefan and Katherine detest each other, if we set them up on dates, it will drive them further apart." Silas munched on his salad that Matt had just brought over.

Caroline frowned, chewing thoughtfully on her pen. "Well, Katherine asked me if I knew anyone, and I was going to set her up with Enzo purely for the sake of it, but then if they hit it off, both being murderous psychopaths, then that would drive Katherine and Stefan further apart, instead of together, sooo..."

"We could set them up on bad dates!" Silas exclaimed. Then he frowned. "Hang on, how do we do that? Do we just go up to someone who looks like a down-beat loner and ask them if they no longer wanna be single?"

Caroline shot him a dirty look. "No! We ask people we work with, go to college with, etc. if they're interested in a date." Then she paused. "Wait, that won't work out for us if they actually get on, you know, the whole, impossible couples thrive and all that? So..."

"Ooh! Ooh! We could set them up, in the same time and place, but not actually get them dates!" Silas grinned excitedly as Caroline wrote it down.

"Not bad, you actually came up with a good idea." She smirked, watching Silas' face darken in indignation.

"I have good ideas! The immortality spell? That got Stefan and Katherine here, which brings us to a similar purpose of bringing them together today!"

"Yeah, what about deciding to destroy the Other Side to be with Amara, but she was still alive?"

"I didn't know that at the time! And besides, who wants to be stuck in a place Qetsiyah created?"

"What about killing Bonnie's dad? That was really rude, you know."

"In my defense, if Katherine hadn't gone AWOL, then I wouldn't have had to test my compulsion on those people. Besides, I drained her for the cure and didn't kill her, so she didn't need to run! So really, that one's on her." Silas argued, smiling innocently.

Caroline sighed irritably. He always managed to confuse and annoy her. "There's just no arguing with you. Anyway, here's what we'll do; I'll tell Stefan he has a blind date here tomorrow at four, and you'll tell Katherine the same thing. Got it?"

"Yeah," Silas nodded. "But what happens if this goes wrong? Everyone likes you, they'll just suspect me of coming up with this mad plan and influencing you, and I don't suppose you've realised, but Stefan isn't exactly partial to me these days, and I'm not exactly immune to several methods of torture or any number of mortal ways to die. All he really needs to do is grab me and shove me in that safe, and then get that Liv witch to-"

"Okay, got it! Well, you needn't worry, my young padder one, because, number one," Caroline held up a finger. "Nobody here aside from Amara, oddly enough Katherine, and occasionally me, really likes you, so there's really no difference, number two, this plan will be so fool-proof and dastardly clever that it won't be found out, and number three, I have a fail-safe." She paused for effect. "New Orleans. It's where Klaus is, and he fancies me, mutually respects Stefan, and detests Katherine, so all you have to do is pretend to be Stefan if this plan fails."

"That's a big if." Silas said, glancing behind her. "Because although I ship them, it's going to take a lot to get those two together." He pointed, and Caroline turned around to see Stefan now trying to play pool, and Katherine, who had been sitting at the table next to him before he had arrived, waiting for Caroline, who had unceremoniously ditched her, both exchanging rather harsh words along the lines of 'brother-breaker', and 'evil Klaus minion.'

Honestly, Caroline thought, rolling her eyes. Those two were so immature. Fortunately, she believed in the doppelgänger epic love, and when Caroline believed in something, she would push until she got it. Besides, those two were really just hiding their feelings for each other, Caroline was sure of it.

"Silas." She stated in her best snobby I-know-better-than-you-in-this-day-and-age-voice. "Those two are just hiding their passion for each other, you'll see, I know my chemistry, and those two have buckets of it." She watched as Katherine stood up, and pushed past an annoyed Stefan, dramatically flinging the door open, heading towards his car parked just outside, looking suspiciously vengeful. Yes, their hateful glares also contained lust and passion, she was sure of it.

Silas frowned at her. "What the hell does chemistry have to do with love? That's like, atoms, and blowing up things and stuff, isn't it?"

"Oh, for God's sake, as in, feelings for each other chemistry, dumbass." Caroline rolled her eyes impatiently.

"Well, they should come up with another word for it. And if it's anything like actual chemistry, where you mess around with potassium too much, then you're screwed." Silas said plaintively.

Caroline exhaled in frustration at his impatience. "I know what I'm doing," She added, standing up and heading towards the door after Katherine. "The twenty-first century love life is my domain, and I'm telling you, they're silently begging for someone to push them together. Really, it's easier than it-HOLY CRAP! KATHERINE! LET GO OF THAT TYRE CHANGER! You do not want to be paying for Stefan's car insurance in your poorly acquired human state!"

"Yeah," Silas snorted into his coffee as Stefan, looking livid, hurried outside to his dented windshield, hurling obscenities at his to-be soulmate, Caroline already outside, tugging the tyre changer from an unruly Katherine.

"Really, easier than it looks."

~X~

Katherine didn't know why she'd agreed to this at all. She'd never been one for blind dates, but she'd kinda thought that maybe she could stop thinking about Elijah, and her confusing feelings for Stefan and start focusing on someone that might actually gave a damn.

But, really? In the Grill, of all places. Ugh. No. Definitely not going to go well.

And Stefan was here. Fantastic. Honestly, if she'd just been allowed to smash his car, then maybe he wouldn't be here. Maybe she wouldn't have loved him as much as she had, maybe she wouldn't hate that he hated her so much.

Pushing away those other thoughts, she plonked herself down at her reserved table, which was unfortunately reserved right next to Stefan's, impatiently looking at her watch. Great. Fifteen minutes of hanging around the door, no sign of mystery man, and already she was beginning to think that this night wasn't going to end well. Another few awkward minutes passed, before Stefan finally decided to open his mouth and speak to her.

"Hey, you seen my date?" Stefan asked rigidly.

Okay, Katherine nodded to herself. Five monosyllabic words that didn't involve shouting. That was progress, right?

"No, you seen mine?"

Stefan shrugged. "Didn't know you had a date."

"Oh, just that, Silas told me you knew who my date was." Katherine said, shifting in her seat and looking around.

"Hmm." Stefan nodded. "That's, uh, weird. Caroline told me that you knew who my date was." He frowned, looking confused and Katherine had no doubt that those two were up to something, she just couldn't figure out what. Her phone pinged, and she scrambled for it, eager for an excuse to get away from the awkward conversation.

"Oh, I have a text from Silas! Maybe he can explain himself." Katherine muttered, clicking the inbox.

RemMbe,r tryt o hae aciv val conVsat ion withima nd kEe p his carrinact itty !

Katherine squinted at the screen. Useless. Why on earth was he speaking in gibberish? Did he even know how to use a phone? How was she supposed to read that?

Her phone pinged again, and she irritably scrolled back through her messages. Silas would be dead by the end of the night, she was very sure of that.

Oops, I meanremember, tryto have acivilconversation wit hhim and keephis car intactthis timekitty! Howdo y ou use thisstuupid autocorrect ?

Katherine sighed, clenching her phone angrily. That wasn't much better either, just another annoying nickname added to the growing list. She turned her phone off, deciding Silas' help was pretty non-existent, and looked around. Was he here? Maybe he could explain himself before she died of boredom.

And besides, how could he not know how to use autocorrect?

«X»

"Has she replied yet?" Caroline asked, sipping her coffee shake.

Silas tapped his phone repeatedly so hard that Caroline was afraid he was going to break it. "No, I think she's in a mood because I sent her two of them sexts!"

Caroline clapped a hand over his mouth in horror. "Ssh! You mean texts, you moron!" Caroline hissed, smiling innocently at people walking past, giving them strange looks.

Silas just looked lost. "What's the difference?"

"Oh my God! We are so not having this discussion right now." Caroline muttered. "Let's go in the-oh my God, look it worked! They're in the Grill! The plan worked!" She exclaimed, heading towards the window, where inside a blissfully unaware Stefan and Katherine were fortunately not ripping each other's head's off. Well, at the moment.

"Huh, we actually did it." Silas said in shock, wandering over to Caroline. "Yes! We-we can be a match-making service!" He cheered, peering through his binoculars at the two. "High five, bestie!" Silas and Caroline clapped hands together excitedly.

"Wow, I really thought this would fail. Maybe you didn't text after all." Caroline smirked, pressing her hands against the glass, leaning forward.

Silas nodded. "Yeah, about that, just out of interest, how do you use autocorrect?"

«X»

"Wow, so, the first dates we've had that are actually normal, busted." Stefan laughed.

Katherine giggled, feeling slightly more relaxed. "Huh, just typical. Actual human dates, something normal turns out weird." Her smile froze as a horrifying theory formed in her mind. When she said it like that...

"Wait, don't you think it's a bit strange that my date Silas set up, and yours arranged by Caroline didn't even show up? Both on the same night? And we were supposed to meet in the same place?"

"What, you don't think that was intentional, do you?" Stefan asked. "I mean, Caroline and Silas working together? They'd kill each other."

She laughed. "Both neurotic, impulsive, controlling...I dunno, it could go both ways..."

Stefan smiled, and said something back, but Katherine was too preoccupied with something in the window, the dark shape watching her.

"Wait, what is that?"

«X»

"Ooh, ooh!" Silas tugged on Caroline's arm. She whipped back around from talking to her amused mother, binoculars now in hand. "What?"

"Staferine is happening!" Silas squealed excitedly.

"It's Steferine!" Caroline hissed, looking back over at him incredulously, but grinned manically when she saw the two chatting, Katherine actually smiling at him, apparently enjoying a civil conversation.

"Aww, just look at them, they're falling in love all over again." Caroline gushed. "We're geniuses!"

"Yeah, they're actually getting along! On purpose!" Silas grinned.

"They're never gonna figure it out! I told you so!"

«X»

"Oh my God," Katherine said, leaning forward. Her eyes weren't deceiving her, there was something there, behind the window. Two silhouettes were watching them through the window, a weird pole thing attached to one of their eyes. In fact, that person looked a lot like...

Her jaw dropped, and she tugged on Stefan's arm. "Is that Silas? And Caroline?" She asked Stefan, pointing at the window. He turned around. "What's he doing with those binoculars?" Stefan muttered, looking as equally shocked as Katherine, standing up and approaching the door, Katherine on his heels.

Yes, this night was definitely going to end badly.

And yes, she was definitely going to kill Silas.

«X»

"Aah," Silas muttered nervously as Katherine frowned at him. Her mouth suddenly opened in realisation and indignation, and she tugged Stefan's arm and pointed at them. "Um, they're looking at us, we've been spotted! Oh, Caroline, they look really mad, I think they've figured it out, oh dear, our position's been breached, what's the code word-um, Caroline, abort, abort mission Steferine! We've been busted, I repeat-Caroline?"

But Caroline was already legging it, pushing through the crowd, running past the Grill, leaving him in the dust and shrieking at the top of her lungs. "Every woman for themselves! Run!"

"You ditcher!" She heard Silas yell, outraged, before taking off after her, as Stefan and Katherine rose from the table, heading towards them. "Wait, run where?" He shouted after her.

"New Orleans!"

Suggestions, anyone? Please review, and tell me what you think.