This was it, JJ thought as she counted the pills, the end. It was time, today was a good day to die. Sunny outside with a slight easterly wind no chance of rain a beautiful morning, a good choice for it to be her last.
She had fought for so long to avoid getting to this place but had found barriers at every avenue, every source of help had been cut off and she wasn't strong enough to face it alone. Having made the decision to end it all she felt calmer, at peace. This was the right thing to do it had to be or it wouldn't feel so right. Her whole weekend had been spent trying to make things easier for people once she had gone.
Friday night she had arrived home from work with several boxes and had begun packing all of her belongings into them. Next separating the boxes into piles and labelling who should have each box. Most went to goodwill with the rest split across Henry and the team. By the time she had finished it was Saturday afternoon. It was time to get things moving, she had to finish in good time, to give herself plenty of time to die before someone came looking for her on Monday morning. Its like everyone had watched her die months earlier, but nobody had been brave enough to stop it the slow decline towards death.
Picking up her pen it was time to write her note to Henry to try and explain why he was growing up motherless. It was hard to believe just 18 months previously her life had been perfect. Her dream job, caring husband, perfect son and a supportive loving team that she counted as family but one by one they had been taken away leaving her empty, hopeless and alone.
It had all started with repeated job offers from the Pentagon who didn't want to except no for an answer. They had asked twice before going to her bosses boss to get the transfer. Left choice-less she had transferred the next day. Despite the reassurances JJ knew this wasn't going to be a regular job, nobody was that desperate for a press liaison. Her first month was regular hours, 9-5 but not as the press secretary she had thought she was going to be, instead was rigorous profiler training. She had been recruited into a top secret mission to profile terrorists in Iraq and Afghanistan. The only bonus was spending more times with her boys. Through all the dark days they had been the only thing that had kept her going.
She had flown to Afghanistan initially so innocent, unaware of the heavy burden that had been placed on her. The death of the seal team, Nadia and her daughter woke her up to the dangers she faced. She was still reeling from there deaths when she had received a phone call. Emily needed her!
After a whirlwind 48 hours Emily was 'dead'. JJ felt awful about lying to her team, it was the only way. Even Hotch didn't know the whole truth, but Doyle's men was watching the team, they had photographs of all them being watched. They had to grieve. For the first week Reid came over every night crying on her shoulder, Garcia didn't wear any pink. JJ knew why she had destroyed her team. The guilt weighed heavy on it, which luckily the team mistook for grief.
Will was supportive, but it was clear it was placing severe strain on their relationship. After all her 9-5 job had turned into her being away more than she ever was with the BAU. Now Spencer was over every day meaning no family time and any spare time she did have was spent locked in the office planning Emily's new life, so she had barely any time to see or spend time with him or Henry. Before she could make it up to them she had been drafted to escort Emily to Paris and then fly out from there to Afghanistan. The weight of the girl and the mother still weighed on her heavy heart she had promised Nadia she would get her daughter instead she had gotten them both killed. It was something that had been bothering her for a while. There was no way her carefully planned mission should have failed.
Spending 8 hours on a plane with Emily helped, she now knew there was a mole on her team it was the only thing that made sense. Emily was right she had learnt behaviour from the best.
Those days seemed so long ago now just sitting with Emily talking about everything and nothing. Even though Emily was back now it had all changed. JJ began writing her note to Emily trying to explain, trying to alleviate any blame her friend might feel. The fact she had died was a necessary evil, if she had not lied to anyone she had not deceived her friends she was almost positive Doyle would have taken another member of their team to get Emily to talk but maybe there had been another away. Spencer had been right she should have trusted them enough not to lie.