Disclaimer: I do not own RWBY, which is owned by Rooster Teeth.
Neptune stepped up to his friend and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey there, Sun."
His monkey friend turned around. "Yeah, what's up boy?"
"Let's go shopping today!"
"I guess I could snag some free food while we're at it."
"Yeah, I kinda need some new clothes."
"Don't you, like, have twenty sets of everything?"
"I know, but I've always gotta keep up with the latest fashions."
"No problem, boy. Chicks dig those kind of things!"
"Yeah, I know. I can be a little bit of a ladies man at times…" Though, that was only half the truth.
"So, when should we head out?"
Neptune shrugged. "I'm ready when you're ready."
"Alright, let's do this boy!" Sun swung his fist round and round, and then made a grand leap into the air.
"This is going to be a great day of fun and FASHION! It's just us, two wonderful guys on a grand shopping ADVENTURE!" Right when he said that, Neptune smacked his friend hard in his rear end, though he was careful to avoid his tail. Sun still froze a little bit after the fact.
As the two strode down towards the launch pads, Neptune heard his friend just a few feet behind him. "Dude, you know I don't go that way, man."
"Sorry, my bad."
After Neptune and Sun had finished going through the video store to buy the latest Shrek DVDs, they walked on over to the Bluejay's jewelry shop at the other end of the mall. Inside was a collector's paradise. Gold, silver, shining gems, purses studded with shining pink metal, and even bracelets to make a man look gorgeous.
It was everything a man could ask for.
"So, you thinking of getting something for Weiss? Her birthday is coming up, you know."
"Maybe," said Neptune, whose eyes were fixed on a platinum, diamond-encrusted ring with a prominent, darkened ruby on top. Truth be told, Neptune was actually shopping for himself, though what Sun had suggested seemed like a convenient excuse. That ring would look absolutely gorgeous on me, especially when matched with those cute golden bracelets and my signature goggles. With these fashion accessories, I could be a real Queen of the Castle.
While moving over to check out the beaded necklaces at the other end of the store, Neptune a voice shout from behind him. "Hands up in the air! This is a robbery!"
While turning around, Neptune instinctively did as he was told. "Wha-what's going on?"
Right then and there, he saw Emerald Sustrai and Coco Adel standing in the middle of the store, waving their guns around like it was no tomorrow.
Emerald pointed one of her pistols at the store clerk, who looked suspiciously like the owner of From Dust Till Dawn. "You there! Hand over all of yo' shinies and dump 'em in the bag!"
"Yes! Yes! I'll do what you say, just, please don't hurt me!"
As the clerk was dumping the goods into the bag, Neptune whispered over to his friend, "Psst! Hey Sun! What do we do?"
"Let's try taking 'em out, boy. I think we can take them."
"But… but they have guns!"
"So?"
"I don't want to ruin my new jacket!"
"So what if your jacket gets dirty? We've handled this stuff before."
"But I just bought this jacket yesterday! I don't want to get any wrinkles in it!"
As the two boys watched the commotion all around them, Coco Adel stepped up and pointed her minigun at Neptune. "You there!"
"Me?"
"Yeah, you! Take off your pants!"
"But… but I like these pants!"
"You hear me? I said take off your dusting pants! A world-class fashionista's gotta have the best, you know. Now hand them over!"
"Okay! Okay!" Neptune undid his belt, slipped out of his trousers, and kicked them over.
"Alright," said Coco, "that's a good boy. Now, gimme your underwear!"
"No, anything but my tighty-whities! I've had them since I was sixteen!"
"Well, its either that or getting shot in the face. Which would you prefer?"
"Okay, fine, you win." As much as he would rather not lose his best pair of underwear, he would rather not have his perfectly good, handsome face shred apart by Coco's bullets. So he did exactly as he was told.
"Dude, this is hot," remarked Sun.
Coco gently placed her weapon to the side and got on her knees as she took one good, long whiff of Neptune's squeaky-clean underpants. Now that her head was right below Neptune's waist, she lowered her sunglasses and scooched in close, licking her moist, succulent lips in anticipation.
"That's a mighty fine gerbil you've got there."
Neptune replied, "I know, right? I found him on the sidewalk one day and I just thought I'd keep him. I like to call him Tickles. He is very, very affectionate. I like how he's just so cute and warm and fluffy and…"
"You know, my pa used to roast these suckers for breakfast back on the family farm. They're quite juicy little critters if you ask me." She reached over and plucked Tickles off Neptune's crotch. As she stood back up, she took a bite out of the gerbil's lower half. The small rodent shrieked in pain and agony as its innards dripped onto the floor.
"Tickles, no!" As Coco picked up her minigun, Neptune could hear the loud crunch of his gerbil friend's leg bones as the fashionista munched on them, her lips smacking as she chewed. A few bits of fresh, chewed-up gerbil guts landed on the carpet below.
"Well, guess I'll catch you two boys later. Peace out." Coco and her accomplice left the crime scene at once.
Neptune dropped to his knees. "Poor Tickles, why? We were supposed to be best buddies for life!"
As tears began to well up in Neptune's eyes, he felt his friend's soft hand grace his left shoulder. "Cheer up, buddy. I'm sure we can find another hamster for you somewhere else."
"He was a gerbil!"
"Look," said Sun as he leaped around to his front side, ignoring the fact his friend wasn't wearing anything below his waist, "I know just the thing to cheer you up."
"And what's that?" sniffled the blue-haired boy.
"You know, I've been thinking about this for a long time, but I just couldn't find the time to say it. We may have given you a rough time in the past, but that's just all fun and games, yo. Listen, I just want you to know that you are now officially a member of the Achievement Hunter crew."
Neptune couldn't believe what he was hearing. After so many years of suffering and humiliation, he was finally being given a second chance. This is like a dream come true.
"R-really?"
"Yup, no more hazing or shenanigans. You're part of the team for real, boy."
"Oh my gosh, thank you Sun! This is the best thing that's ever happened to me!"
"Any time, Neptune."
As the goggled boy stood up and looked past his friend's shoulders, he could see the spirits of the Achievement Hunter crew standing right behind him. Gavin, Jack, Ryan, even Ray, who was no longer part of the team. They were all smiling and waving back at him. Even Geoff, who had been the instigator of most of the shenanigans, had given him a mustachioed smile as he held a bottle of whiskey in his hands.
They're… they're happy for me.
"So," said Neptune's monkey friend as he shifted his pose, "wanna kiss on it?"
"I would be the happiest man in the world," replied Neptune.
"Aw yeah, baby, we are making this happen!"
As Neptune felt Sun's firm hands on his cheeks and his tail wrap around tight onto his firm behind, the wonder-boy closed his eyes and leaned in for a kiss. Soon, he could feel the moist goodness of his friend's tongue against his own.
I-I can't believe it! This-this is really happening!
And then they had sex.
A/N: Hi peoples! I kinda wrote this fic on a whim, and I'm probably a horrible person for writing this trash. Anyway, I hope y'all enjoyed this fic. Be sure to review and stuff. Cheers!