Prologue

Don't let me fall

His future looked bleak and grim and the young god was aware of that. His attempt to rule Midgard had failed and in the meantime, he somehow had managed to betray the already fragile trust the Nine Realms had in him. It stung, really. And maybe, he would have loved falling on his knees, crying and begging. Only that Loki never begged. No more would he let those who betrayed him, who lied to him and used him, see him weak. No more.

No, he'd decided, he would let the world no longer see the true colours of his heart. Which is why he was now standing in his barren cell in Asgard, waiting for Odin's final betrayal. Loki knew the Allfather would not be kind and forgiving- the man never was. Loki just wondered what kind of torture he had prepared for his beloved son, as he always claimed, this time.

Frigga, sweet Frigga, was devastated. But she loved him to pieces. She was probably the only being in all the Nine, that not only tolerated Loki, but loved him too. It broke his heart the thought of her being sad because of him. And still, he would not let it out for another soul to know.

He lost count of days or weeks or possibly months since they had him imprisoned. Most of times, he refused any sort of sustenance. And every time the whip took a grasp of the pale skin of his back, he would not even wince. The long golden hallway was filled with what Loki liked to think were sarcastic cackles.

They sounded so bitter though.

It mattered not. Loki would rather die than let Odin have the satisfaction of seeing him weak. This thought alone and his mother's seldom visits in the middle of the night, when the golden realm was thought to be asleep or busy with other business, were the only things that kept the god sane and somewhat functioning.

As for Thor, the oaf had tried to wash his wrong deeds away with a simple apologies sponge. Naturally, it was ineffective. If anything, it angered Loki and then he refused to even spare a single glance at the golden-haired god from that moment onwards. However, Thor did not give up. Loki wasn't sure whether the man was simply an idiot or he loved seeing Loki's disgusted face, which clearly made him both a sadist and a masochist. He still paid him visits, despite Loki's utter refusal to even glance at him, if only for a moment.

It was nighttime. Or maybe not. Loki had no way of knowing, but his eyelids felt weary and he fought, unsuccessfully though, to keep himself awake. The worst part of his incarceration wasn't the freedom he'd lost. Or the betrayal he still somehow miraculously felt from Odin's side. Or Thor's endless stupidity. Or the physical abuse. Or his imminent death once Odin gets bored of his existence.

No. What actually drained Loki's entire existence, his soul some would say, were the nightmares; the nightmares from his time with Thanos and the Other in the Void.

Loki was alone with his thoughts in a room with no windows or means to tell time. He had centuries of torture under his belt, but nothing could compare to what the titan did to him. He was ripped apart piece by piece- physically, mentally, emotionally and magically- and put back together. But each time that happened, he would lose something, a part of himself. The illusions he had been seeing as he was tortured weren't helping. To a certain point, Loki couldn't tell apart his dreams from Thanos' evil illusions and reality.

"No one should be able to survive such pain," he thought at some point. Loki did not think he was exceptionally strong by making that statement, although he would have loved it to be true. No one should live after something as wounding, shattering and scarring as Thanos' hospitality. Was more like it.

It was a pity he had. It was a pity Loki was not done being tortured and tormented by whoever pleased. He was so tired.

More days or weeks probably passed until the guards came to take him to his final day. Lightly limping and in chains, the God of Chaos and Mischief was grinning triumphantly as he marched, back straight and gaze fixed forwards. Normally people would look stripped of dignity and power while chained, imprisoned and starved, but not Loki. He could manage the holier than thou look any day, especially a day like this. A day he's been looking forward to.

Loki wasn't one for begging, but for a second, he hoped to be killed today. He didn't want to die; if anything he wanted to live freely away from everyone he had ever had the displeasure of meeting. Just him, a couple of books, nature, his magic and, if the Norns felt like being kind, at least one of his children- all these would be enough to satisfy him. And maybe a dinner with Frigga every now and then. Such things, however, were out of discussion so the god continued his silent march accompanied by guards.

The Allfather stood tall in the deserted large room. Loki cracked a grin seeing at how he was not going to get a trial. Not that he expected at least that much from Odin.

"Loki, Prince of Asgard, also under the names of God of Mischief, of Lies and Chaos, Bringer of Ragnarök etcetera, etcetera, after evaluating your severe crimes against more than just one realm- including the almost complete annihilation of Jötunheimr, a failed attempt at ruling Midgard and other felonies- I, Odin The Allfather, have decided to cast you, Loki, out of Asgard into Midgard in the interest of you learning a lesson. You will not harm any mortals and you will spend as much time as I deem necessary, if needed your entire life, as long as that may be, with very little help of your magic on Midgard. Dismissed." The Thrudstok hit the floor and the cold sound echoed through the room, but if one was honest it seemed to echo to the very core of Asgard.

Narrowing his eyes dangerously, Loki graced the Allfather with one of his bitter, yet almighty grimaces and then he turned his back and left with his guards. If Loki truly desired, he could have made his way out, found a loophole or secret passage. But at that point, what was the point anyway? They would be hunting him down like a rogue animal and torture him as well.

Instead, he was escorted back to his cell and left with his thoughts again until, very soon probably, he would have to leave.

Not long had passed until Queen of Asgard, Frigga, made her way to her son's cell. Her smile was sad, but her eyes were firmly fixed on the young god's lanky figure. "Loki, I know you are still upset with your father, but he wants what's best for you."

Gaze cast at the bland wall of his cell, he answered, "He's not my father," in a firm voice. "It matters not, for I would rather die than serve him or worse, Thor."

"Loki," she pleaded, but the dark haired man shook his head.

"No, mother, Frigga. It is for the best," he almost, almost choked on his words. Hopefully, they came out cold and uncaring.

Loki would never admit that even then, after Odin so calmly decided to have him banished, he still wanted to stay in Asgard and maybe try some more to fit in. Were he ever to let that out, he would probably exile himself to Helheimr rather than be pitied and humiliated.

Frigga, as sweet and caring as she might have been, did not understand his inner battle and just nodded curtly. "Farewell, my child! May you find happiness and peace!" Instead, she knew what to say to make him crack a smile, no matter how small.

"Goodbye." He didn't dare call her neither mother nor Frigga. And she left.

Thor did not grace him with his glorious and majestic presence and Loki almost couldn't care less. Almost. He simply wondered why the man kept bothering him an entire, well, something and now disappear without a trace. Loki decided that Thor was secretly a sadist.

Heimdal and Loki did not exchange any words. He just stood there along with Odin and his now former guards, watching him before disappearing in the Bifrost.

Loki was no more.

A.N. No, he's not dead, don't worry. :) Sorry if this is boring but this is my first Avengers fanfic so I don't think I have the characters on spot, but I aim to get better. Also, I've gotta warn y'all, there will be a bit of sadness and bitterness and self-hate and also a lot of gayness and weird humor. C:

Andi