AN: This was inspired by the song Buses and Trains - by Bachelor Girl, it was a great song I loved about 10 years ago. I hope you enjoy, and any reviews are greatly appreciated.
Sitting alone in her mom's trailer Izzie stared at the photo sitting on the bookshelf, it was an image from her junior high graduation. She was wearing the nicest dress her mom had ever brought her, it was pink and purple and cost them four months worth of saving. At the time she'd thought it was too much, she'd tried to tell her mom it would be okay for her to wear one of her old dresses or something they could find at the thrift store but her mom had insisted on the new dress, that it would be her special day.
It had been a special day, she'd finished top of her class and got to make a speech in front of her whole school and all the parents but that wasn't what made it special. Her mom made it special, it had been one of the few days she could remember where it had been all about her. Her mom made her feel like she was the most important person in the world and she kept telling her how proud she was. In the photo she was holding up her certificate and her mom was giving her the biggest hug, they were both smiling, and the smile went all the way to their eyes.
It was a beautiful one in a million day, where her mom was her mom, just her mom and nothing more. It was that summer things started to become strained between them, she turned fourteen and her mom made her get a job at the diner with her. It was there where they both met men, a father and son who were just passing through but decided to stay. The father was a rock musician and the son a rebel without a cause they both got under their skin, made them laugh and fall in love.
The euphoria last over a year, it seemed too good to be true and then she got pregnant and it ruined everything, the boy asked her to marry him, said they could be a family but she said no, that she wanted to give the baby up for adoption. It broke his heart and within a few weeks both father and son had left town.
Her mother blamed her for their departure and they stopped being mother and daughter, instead they merely existed in each other's company. They were distant for years after that and if she hadn't got sick, if she hadn't needed to run away they probably still would be.
That was the only good thing to come out of this mess; she'd rebuilt her relationship with her mom. They were becoming close again and now she was sitting in the trailer waiting for her to come home, and for her chocolate cake to finish baking.
She looked away from the photo and turned to a new one taken a few days ago, the day she left to get Alex back. She was happy in that photo too, she'd thought he'd take her back, that he'd want to try and fix things; she'd never expected him to tell her to leave and never come back. His words had hurt her, left her empty, lost, and broken. She didn't know what to do, she needed to rebuild her life but she wasn't sure she wanted to without Alex.
The door to the trailer opened and her mom stepped in. She didn't see her at first, she smelt the cake, and then spun around.
"Cricket! What are you doing back?" She asked surprised to see her.
"Alex he..." the words chocked in her mouth, she couldn't say them but her mom understood. She sat down on the sofa beside her and pulled her close. In the weeks she'd been living with her she'd learned to love her touch. She relaxed against her, and cried into her chest. She let everything she was holding in out and when she was done she looked up at her and sighed.
"Mom, why didn't you warn me?" She asked. Her mom looked back at her confused; she didn't know what she was talking about.
"Warn you about what?"
"Life," She paused, letting the word sink in. "You never told me it would be this hard."
"Oh," Her mom let out an almost laugh. "I thought you would have worked that out all on your own."
"Yeah," She'd known it wasn't easy, you couldn't grow up in a trailer and not learn that lesson but all the other stuff. "You never told me what love feels like."
"Cricket, no one can tell you that." Her mom looked at her and tried to smile. Izzie shook her head.
"You could have." She said trying to find the right words. "You could have told me what real love feels like, I thought I knew. I thought I knew what a broken heart feels like but it wasn't this." She felt the tears start to run down her face again. "I feel..." She couldn't even find the words to describe it.
"Lost." Her mom offered, trying to help.
"Yeah." It was more than lost though, it was a combination of feelings she didn't know how to comprehend, she didn't know what to do next. They sat there in silence for a while, until the timer went off telling them the cake was cooked.
They both got up to finish the cake, they mixed the chocolate frosting and kept talking. First about the cake, it was a favourite of both them but eventually the conversation came back to men, life and love.
"What am I supposed to do?" Izzie asked, hoping her mom would have all the answers. "I don't want to live without him."
"Well don't." That was the best advice her mom could offer her. "Go back and don't let him tell you no."
"I can't." She paused thinking of the last conversation she'd had with him. "He told me he loved, and then he told me to leave and never come back, to be happy without him."
"Happy?" Her mom looked her up and down. "You don't look happy."
"I'm not," She took another bite of cake and let the sweet chocolate taste give her the briefest second of happiness. "I want Alex."
"Well go get him." The way her mom put it, it seemed like it was an easy thing to do, obvious.
"I can't." It hurt to say it but it was true. "I've already hurt him so much. I can't keep doing that; I want him to be happy. He'll be happy without me."
"Do you honestly believe that?" Her mom posed the question but kept talking. "You're not happy, and if he really loves you, he's not going to be happy either."
She didn't say anything back, a part of her knew her mom was right. She wasn't happy and the look on Alex's face when she left, he wasn't happy either.
"You can't stay here." Her mom was talking again. "You have to go back. Tell him you're not going anywhere, make him see, and if you have to, make him fall in love with you all over again."
"Mom," She knew what she was saying was right, she had to go but she was scared, she didn't think she could handle the rejection, every day she would see Alex, see what she had done to him.
"Go back," Her mom was getting a little bit of a fire under her now. "Go back, fight for him, don't let him tell you no, and take this cake with you."
The last bit almost made her laugh but her mom stood up, she was dead serious, she wanted her to leave right now.
"Mom –"
"Isobel," She didn't use her name often, only when she really wanted to get something across. "You have to go now, go before he gets the chance to think you're really gone. Don't let him get that chance."
"Mom – "
"Go," She was pulling her up now, getting her to her feet and retrieving her handbag. She placed the bag over one shoulder and the cake in her hand. "Make him happy, make yourself happy."
She started pushing her out the door then, barely giving her a chance to say goodbye let alone argue. She got her out the trailer and shut the door behind her. She was left alone outside, with the only place to go her car.
