Disclaimer – I don't own Law and Order: Special Victims Unit or any of the characters.

Yielding

'"I wish I could help you" I whisper.' ― Simone Elkeles, Rules of Attraction

Olivia had just finished washing up when the knock sounded through the apartment and Olivia smiled at the familiar rap of her partner. She wiped her hands on a towel before glancing around the apartment, walking backwards towards her front door. She shook her head lightly as she realised what she had done. She wasn't messy but her apartment was lived in, and Elliot had seen it in varying states, he didn't care about it. She turned as she reached the door and double checked the peep hole before unlatching the lock. She pulled the door open and Elliot peeked around the door curiously out of habit while tucking his phone in his pocket.

"Everything okay?" Olivia asked nodding at the phone.

"Yeah, Kathleen keeps texting me," Elliot said lifting the pizza box in his other hand. "I got double pepperoni and onion. You hungry?"

"Yes," she held the door open for him. "Kathleen probably just wants to speak to you."

"I don't know," he said dismissively, hanging his coat on the hook by the door.

Olivia hid her frown by turning to lead Elliot into her living room where she had laid out the movies they intended to watch. Elliot set the pizza box down on the coffee table and Olivia watched his movements for a moment. They'd finished a hard case early this morning and neither of them felt like drowning their sorrows at a bar, but they didn't feel like being alone either.

"D'you want a beer?"

"Sure," he agrees as his phone vibrates in his pocket signalling another message.

Elliot retrieves it with a sigh and Olivia backs away to her kitchen, giving him privacy to answer it. She's reaching into the fridge when she hears him he huff out a breath, only barely concealing a chuckle. Her eyebrow quirks as she hides her expression as she leans down to grab the beers from a lower shelf. When she rights herself Olivia turns to find Elliot still focused on his phone as he typed a reply to his middle daughter.

"Choose a film yet?" Elliot asked replacing his phone into his pocket again.

"You choose, I don't mind," Olivia replied handing over a beer. She twisted the cap off of her own and took a swig.

"Thanks," Elliot said as he chose the top case, probably not bothering to check what it was.

It didn't matter because they rarely watched the film the few times they've done this, it usually served as back ground noise. It's been six months since Elliot and Kathy finally signed their divorce papers, agreeing amicably on their shared custody of Eli, with the older children coming and going as they wished. Olivia had been preparing herself in case Elliot broke down like he did the last time, he hasn't. Elliot hasn't talked to her about the divorce but he didn't shut her out when she asked if he was sure about it. If Olivia was honest with herself the situation felt different than last time. There was less pressure and neither of them felt like running. Olivia heeded the advice Kathy gave her last time when everything was falling apart and she's given him the stability he needed to get through the divorce.

After finishing their pizza they stared blankly at the screen neither really paying attention. Olivia was just taking a sip of beer when Elliot's phone buzzed again. She sputtered lightly as he grumbled while he shifted to reach for it. She watched him out of the corner of her eye as he stared at his illuminated screen. He laughed and shook his head gently at whatever audacious message he had been sent.

"What?" Olivia asked her curiosity getting the better of her. If Elliot didn't want her to know, he would have hidden the messages from her and not openly react to them.

"Kathleen again, she thinks she's funny," Elliot replied, his proud tone belying his words as he shut off his phone without replying. He looks up at her, contemplating for a moment half turning towards her. "She's trying to encourage me to start dating."

Olivia tried to hide her shock. He had been officially single for six months and to anyone on the outside looking in it would seem normal for him to start dating. Though the thought made Olivia uneasy but she had no right to say anything.

"Do you want to?" Olivia asked.

Elliot let out a sigh, his arms folding over his lap. "I don't know."

"You're not ready," Olivia offered. "What about Kathy?"

"She started dating Phillip before we signed the papers."

Olivia already knew that and every time she heard it she was surprised how easily those words fell from his lips. She wanted Elliot to elaborate without her asking him to, she wanted him to want to tell her.

"I don't know," Elliot admitted.

"About what? You dated last time," Olivia prodded gently despite the sour taste the words left in her mouth.

"It's not about whether or not I want to date," he sighed, fidgeting and looking away from her uncomfortably. She didn't expect him to explain further and she looked to the screen, assuming the conversation was over. She tensed when she heard him clear his throat. "I, uh, I just keep waiting for them to blame me."

Olivia turned sideways, tucking a leg beneath her, on the sofa to look at him. "Blame you?"

"For the divorce," Elliot explained with a shrug. "But they're not."

"Because they realise no one is to blame Elliot," she said reassuringly. "It was mutual."

Elliot paused and she half expected him to admit that it wasn't. That he'd only gone along with because it was what Kathy wanted, that he'd spent the last six months thinking of ways of reconciling with his ex-wife, that Olivia had read his behaviour wrong.

"It was," Elliot finally agreed with a nod of his head and Olivia couldn't help but feel relieved.

"Then what's this about?"

"Apart from the odd harassing message," he gestured at his pocket. "They're not spending time with me, not talking to me. Well Eli is, but the older ones…" Elliot shook his head.

"I don't think that has anything to do with the divorce, I think it's more to do with them growing up and leading their own lives. You did say Kathleen was encouraging you to start dating. Would she do that if she had a problem with the divorce?"

"No," Elliot sighed. He looked away again, rubbing his hand over his mouth awkwardly before gesturing between them, lowering his voice. "She says this is a date."

"Oh," she replied sitting up straighter.

"See, it bothers you too."

"You're bothered by it," Olivia reiterated unable to keep her frown out of her voice. She pushed herself from the sofa, taking their spent bottles and used napkins. She busied herself with throwing the bottles in the recycling and the napkins in the trash before grabbing two more beers from the fridge. His problem isn't about dating, it's about dating her. She spins around to find Elliot standing behind her, watching her.

"You're bothered by it," Elliot repeated softly, stepping closer.

"I don't know how to respond to it," Olivia relented. It's a tough subject for them, professionally as well as personally.

"You think I do?" Elliot responded with a consoling smile. It's small and self-conscious, surprising Olivia with his openness regarding his response to his daughter's teasing. Elliot waits a beat to see if she'll respond. "I shouldn't have said anything."

As Olivia offers him a new beer she can't help but be disappointed in him for dropping the subject. She had been too focused on the difference in Elliot's attitude towards his divorce that she hadn't been expecting this to be an issue. Of course she was aware of the rumours; it was hard not to overhear things in the squad room, locker room, the crib…

Elliot twists the cap off his beer and she realises he's looking at her expectantly. He doesn't drink just watches her back. He lowers the bottle slowly; his concentration is unwavering. It's unnerving. Elliot doesn't intimidate her, he's not trying to. They've known each other too long.

Her pulse speeds up but she schools her expression despite the quandary he's placed her in. Elliot is silent, but she can't shake the lilt of regret she heard in his voice. His open expression is tinged with something she doesn't want to identify, maybe she's scared to. Elliot is waiting for her to either decide how this conversation is going to go or end it now.

"It doesn't matter Elliot," Olivia told him, following his lead and she can see the disappointment in his expression she felt moments ago. But avoidance is familiar, safer territory for them. Sometimes she wishes one of them was brave enough to take this conversation further.

"It matters," Elliot replied. Apparently he didn't want it to end.

He seems closer than he is and Olivia wants to step back, but she stands her ground. "It doesn't, not when there's one way this conversation can end Elliot. There's no point in discussing it when there's only one option."

She has no idea what has gotten into him, why he's choosing to be stubborn about this now. In the past they've silently agreed not to bring this up, to brush it aside casually when people are bold enough to ask them about it. She knows it irritates Elliot; it was more difficult for him to hide his frustration when people asked him about it. She always assumed it was because he didn't want anyone questioning his commitment to Kathy. Maybe the idea of dating her really did bother him. Shaking her head at the futility of the conversation Olivia steps around Elliot making sure to leave enough space so not to touch him.

Out of the corner of her eye she sees him turn, but doesn't hear him follow as she pushes forward towards the sofa, determined to move on from the subject.

"My problem is that there's only one option and I want more than one," Elliot tells her in a voice that makes her stop. She focuses on her window, anything but at him.

"Elliot," she grinds out. Olivia's confused and she wants him to stop even though there's part of her which wants him to ignore her warning.

"I know that you don't want to talk about it. I just want you to know it's not about you. And I want to be able to tell you that without worrying about you leaving."

"Elliot," she warns again but it lacks the emphasis it did before and it comes out more like a sigh. She doesn't refute his barely veiled accusation, because this conversation is making her nervous and the impulse to walk away is steadily building. "Why are you doing this?"

"It needs saying. I don't want there to be any confusion about why I'm bothered about this." He exhales loudly and she stubbornly faces away from him. "I've thought about it."

Her eyes slam shut and her fist tightens around the top of her bottle, the cap cutting into her hand. "Stop."

His feet move, padding softly over the carpet towards her, stopping behind her leaving a gap so not to invade her personal space. "I'm sorry," Elliot said his voice too loud in her ear.

"I don't want to make this an issue." She doesn't admit to thinking about it. She has. A guarded fantasy which she's pushed deep down inside of her because she knew it would never happen for them, it couldn't. Not just because he had been married for the majority of their partnership, because of the job. Elliot is her partner and this would ruin them.

"I'm s-"

"Stop apologising, I shouldn't have asked about Kathleen's messages," Olivia cuts him off.

Elliot huffs out a breath. "She doesn't understand."

"This isn't about her Elliot. She wants you to be happy, and too her being happy means dating."

"Yeah," he agreed half-heartedly. "I'm happy with how things are between us and I didn't want anything to mess that up, not even my daughter's teasing."

"It's not going to," Olivia promises her voice sounds empty even to her. Elliot was right, things were good. They barely argued lately and neither of them felt the same burden they did the last time Elliot separated from Kathy. The finality of the divorce wasn't scary for them.

"Really?"

She can hear the fear in his voice and knows what he's thinking. He's afraid she's going to run, distance herself from him after this conversation. "Really," Olivia promises again while slowly turning to face him. His hands are on his hips and his eyes are cast downwards. He looks scared. "We're fine Elliot."

He raises his head, looking doubtful. He stares back at her, as if expecting her to go back on her words. His eyes soften and he takes a step towards her. From his expression Olivia knows what he intends to do, it's the same look he's given her the other times he's hugged her. Even though it's a bad idea at the worst possible time Olivia can't help it when she steps forward into his arms which encase her gently. They both need the comfort and reassurance.

Elliot is holding her loosely and she can get out of his embrace if she wanted to. Olivia hesitantly lifts her arms and slides them around his waist. He sighs into her hair and tightens his arms, pulling her against his chest, her chin tucking over his shoulder. She presses her head against his, their cheeks touching, her eyes slipping shut.

She wonders why they've decided to torture themselves like this, why they find comfort like this with each other when this is what's tormenting them. She wants to know why they picked tonight to bring this up.

"Sometimes I wish we could do this more often," Elliot says into her ear.

"We can't," Olivia mumbles. Neither of them makes any effort to pull back and it's lasting longer than the other hugs they've shared. Elliot clears his throat loudly.

"I don't know what to do here," he admits gravely.

"What do you want to do?"

Olivia's chin dips and she pulls her head away slightly and turns it toward his. She doesn't know why she's yielding to the pull between them. She should be putting distance between them because she instinctively knows what Elliot wants. She wonders what is better; knowing or not knowing; whether they would be able to stop if they kissed once. She would never push Elliot away because there is part of her that wants to know as well. He doesn't answer her just moves his head deliberately, cautiously.

"Elliot," she whispers, prompting him into action. She can feel his breath on her skin as he takes her utterance as the invitation it is.

Elliot leans in closer, pausing to allow her to back off if she wanted to. When she didn't he closed the distance and pressed his lips against hers, unmoving for a few seconds as if he's testing the feel of her. If they're only going to do this once, Olivia decides she wants to know. She pushes her body closer to his as she breaks the kiss briefly only to nudge her lips against his, her mouth parting to capture his lower lip lightly causing him to moan.

Elliot shifts his feet, somehow bringing them closer as his palms flatten against her back to hold her in place. He follows her lead and deepens the kiss himself, running his tongue against her lip and she opens her mouth to him. Olivia lifts a hand from his waist to cup his jaw, deepening the kiss.

They lose track of time and their hands begin to roam, grasping and caressing, allowing themselves this moment if it's the only one. Elliot's hand passes over the small of her back, skimming the hem before slipping underneath. She inhales sharply, her back flinching unintentionally from the sensation of his warm, strong hand on her skin. She pushes herself into him, kissing him harder to assure him he didn't do anything wrong.

The kiss ends too soon because of the lack of air. Pulling back they breathe deeply causing their chests to brush against one another. The adrenaline ebbs slowly, the moment is lost. Their eyes meet and Olivia can see her own longing and sadness reflected back at her. He lifts his chin and presses a kiss to her forehead.

"This is a bad idea," Elliot tells her his lips moving against her skin.

"I know."

"I don't want to lose you because of one kiss."

"You're not going to," Olivia promises. "At least we know," she continues sadly.

She regrets stopping, regrets knowing, it would have been better to keep wondering. She reluctantly shakes off his hands and he lets her, stepping back when she does. Olivia sits on the arm of her sofa watching as Elliot rests one hand on his hip and rubs his forehead with the other. She reaches behind her and grabs the remote to turn the television off.

Olivia turns back to find him staring back at her and she offers him a consoling smile which he returns. The pull is still there, will still be there in the morning when they're sitting across from one another.

Tomorrow.

"Do you want me to go?" Elliot asked quietly.

Her brow creases with confusion. She doesn't want him to leave, nor does she want to leave. She shakes her head slowly. "No."

'"You are," he murmurs against my knee. "Just don't leave me, okay? Everyone leaves me."'
― Simone Elkeles, Rules of Attraction

Author Note - reviews are greatly appreciated, so if you have the time please let me know any thoughts you have.