I wanted to tell you that I loved you.
Before I opened the front door. Before I stood in that dark room before my dad.
Before I opened my mouth. Before the words escaped my lips.
"Dad… I need to tell you something."
Before I heard his heart race. Before he looked over at me with concern written in his every feature.
"What is it, sweetheart?"
Before I told him everything.
Before I told him about you.
He didn't believe me, didn't think it was true. He thought I was crazy.
He backed up against the wall when I came out of the kitchen and turned a carving knife into dust.
I was done lying, done making up so much of my life when he deserved to know.
I tried to reassure him, tried to tell him I wasn't going to hurt him, but he didn't believe me. I swear I tried.
It was stupid; we were happy the way we were, I didn't need to tell him.
But I did.
He yelled at me. That hurt a lot. The mark that left would forever burn like a stripe made across my heart.
I left him alone to think.
I wanted to tell you that I loved you.
Before I walked into the station. Before I stood patiently before his desk. Before I asked him to accept me as the person I had chosen to be. Before he looked up and stared at me with that new understanding.
I could tell he was about to say something, something reassuring and full of warmth.
Then someone got cut.
While the victim tried to tell everyone was okay, I could see he was in pain. He cleaned off the bloody pocket knife he'd been using as a letter opener.
I stared.
Dad looked from me to him, nervous, unsure.
My ink-black eyes widened.
Prey.
My prey.
I couldn't stop myself. I felled one…two…three…
A gunshot.
Pain.
I turned to see him, standing there with the pistol aimed at me, his face contorted with fury and anguish.
I am dead to him now.
And it wounds me like nothing ever will.
I run.
It's over.
I wanted to tell you that I loved you.
Before the image of my ferocity was plastered across every news channel, site, and blog.
Before the city, state, and nation went into a full alert.
Watching.
Waiting to catch one of us.
To test us.
To hurt us.
Before they took Jasper.
Before I had to look into the eyes of his love every day after.
Before I had to see the emptiness.
The loneliness.
The fear.
Before they took Rosalie.
Before Emmet couldn't take it anymore.
Before he ended it all.
And made all our nightmares come true.
Before we ran, each of us running from those who wanted to destroy us.
Before we were separated.
And never saw one another again.
I wanted to tell you that I loved you.
Before the Volturi decided to fight. Before they decided to take what they deemed was rightfully theirs.
Before the army was made.
Scores of them, hundreds upon thousands of newborns.
All with one task.
To take every last human on earth.
To farm them, hunt them, enslave them.
Before the werewolves intervened, prepared to fight on the humans behalf. Before they taught them how to hurt and kill us.
Before they fought.
And lost.
Before we had to hide from humans and our kind alike.
"I promise I'll find you. Just please, don't die, and I swear I'll find you again."
I never told you that I loved you.
Just nodded.
And ran away.
And now I can't even think your name without falling to pieces. It hurts so badly I want to die.
But I can't.
Not without you.
I wanted to tell you that I loved you.
Now as I'm all alone.
It's a simple life I live now. Our riches mean nothing where I live. Just forest and snow, no houses or people or towns.
Just forest and snow.
I hunt for puma occasionally, and sometimes I'll swim or climb up the steep hills, but other than that, I have nothing to do, no one to talk to.
I miss you so much.
Sometimes, when it's too much to bear, I'll curl up and hum my lullaby.
I'll go back to that time when things were happy, even when I was in danger.
That time when I used to curl up to sleep in your arms, when I used to be able to find comfort in your icy touch.
Now there's nothing.
Everything is dead here. The trees, the earth, half of our kind.
And then the tears'll come, and it hurts so much I can't breathe, and I wish the sky would fall and kill me…
There's nothing left to live for. Why am I still here? Why haven't I died yet?
Sometimes I'll just sit and wait for myself to die.
After a while, when it doesn't happen, I'll get up, brush myself off, and hunt.
It's all I can do. All I can do to keep from going insane. All I can do to keep from crumbling and turning to nothingness.
But it's so lonely.
And I wish that everyone was here.
Jasper, Rosalie, Emmet, Alice, Esme, Carlisle, Jacob and the wolves.
You.
But I don't know where anyone is.
It feels like you're all dead.
The tiniest crunch in the snow in the distance makes me jolt.
Someone's here.
I can't even contain myself, I just want to see someone, some sign that the world beyond my frozen sanctuary hasn't been completely destroyed.
And then I stop.
I can't breathe.
The smell.
The smell I haven't tasted in so long, yet remember better than the back of my own hand.
Everything comes back in a single agonizing rush. Your auburn hair, your marble-like features, your dazzling topaz eyes, your voice that could work miracles.
Edward.
The name sends spasms through my body. I break into a run.
Faster, faster. Let the madness end. All I want in this world is you. Forever and ever, you and you alone, if I can have nothing else.
After a few minutes, I can't find you. The sun's setting, and it's cold and it's getting dark, though I barely notice.
Then.
Your voice sings my name.
"Bella?"
I freeze and scream, "Edward!"
I run towards the sound, run till I hit you headlong in the chest and throw my arms around you and crush you in my embrace, never willing to let you go again.
The endless flow of tears commences. I stand up straighter and search until my lips meet yours. And then I kiss you and kiss you and kiss you, and I grip you like a vice.
"I'm never going to let you go, ever again," I sob uncontrollably. We've lost so much. Jasper, Rosalie, Emmet, Jacob…
But you found me.
And you'll never leave me again.
You stroke my hair, tell me it's going to be alright, hold me close, and all I can do is hold your face in my hands and whisper the one thing that's been on my mind since we parted, the one thing that's haunted my every thought, dream, and nightmare.
"I wanted to tell to that I loved you." It comes in a nearly inaudible voice that's tight and pained. "I never told you that I loved you."
…………………….
Just a lame little oneshot. Hope you all liked it. Reviews are much appreciated.