160 Things I Will Not Do

by A Tearbender

160 thinks someone shouldn't do in the presense of any Avatar character.

Disclamer: If I owned Avatar, Fire Lord Ozai would be dead.

Note: I've seen a couple of these on , mostly in Harry Potter, which is where I got the idea for this but can't find them again. So, if you have a fanfic like this one (things I will not do...etc) send me your name and username, I'll check it, then I'll stick your name down below along with the Avatar Abridged disclamer. :D

I Will Not…

1. Telling Azula her nail's chipped is not an amusing form of entertainment

2. I will not insinuate that Lo and Li are the old twin witches from Spirited Away in disguise

3. Nor will I do say they are Umbridge in disguise from centaurs

4. Telling Zuko you know a good psychologist is not a good idea

5. Telling Katara that boys are better is also not an amusing form of entertainment

6. I will not hide Appa from Aang

7. I will not chase Momo and threaten to kill him

8. I will not follow Sokka around, singing, "Secret Tunnel"

9. I will not tell Toph that the moon spirit is a bitch, and to talk bad about her in front of Sokka

10. I will not tell remind Suki she is the most hated character

11. I will not create a "Kill Suki" club in the Fire Nation

12. I will not tell Sokka that Suki hooked up with Zuko

13. I will not tell Aang that Katara hooked up with Zuko

14. I will not tell Suki that Sokka hooked up with Zuko

15. I will not tell Katara that Sokka hooded up with Azula

16. I will not ask Ty Lee to act like Mai for a day (unless I want Ty Lee to commit suicide)

17. I will not ask Zuko and Katara how they could fail us all

18. I will not point out to Aang that "Zutara" sounds soooo much better than "Kataang."

19. I will not ask Aang if he's had his daily Aangst.

20. I will not tell Zuko that every Wednesday is Angst Day, and he has to angst as much as possible.

21. I will not give King Bumi crack

22. I will not give King Bumi steroids

23. Aang's staff is not a nutcracker

24. I will not tell Zuko that, if he's going to wear that much makeup on his left eye he'd better match it on the right.

25. I will not suggest a good hairdresser to Zuko

26. I will not ask Aang the point of the Great Divide

27. I will not tell Aang that every Friday is Great Source of Wisdom day, and he has to spew as much "great wisdom" as possible.

28. Before Zuko's good side, it was not a form of entertainment to get a bird to fly around in a giant Appa costume

29. It is not funny to create a storm around Aang

30. I will not tell Aang to "get in touch with his feminine side"

31. I will not hide Katara's meds

32. I will not ask Zuko to "go on a field trip" with him.

33. I will not tell Aang he should have taken the blue pill

34. I will not introduce Zuko to Severus Snape

35. Or Harry Potter

36. I will not introduce Aang to Harry Potter, and point out that Harry actually completed his quest

37. I will not introduce Katara to Hermione, and point out that at least Hermione doesn't need to be on bipolar meds.

38. I will not point out to Sokka that he's a comic relief character

39. I will not follow Aang around and remind him that he's "gotta learn 'em all!"

40. I will not ask Katara how long she had to study for her MCATs

41. I will not ask Zuko if he has any burn scar medications

42. I will not give Zuko anything emo

43. Or scene

44. I will not introduce Zuko to cutting

45. I will not ask Azula "how's the psychotherapy coming along?"

46. I will not remind Aang that girls usually like guys who are older than them.

47. I will not remind Aang that Katara seems to like guys older than her

48. I will not give Katara any Yaz Birth Control and PMS suppresser

49. Telling Toph you can't figure out something on a map is not funny

50. I will not leave Toph on ice alone

60. I will not call Zuko "Cyclops"

61. I will not call Zhao "Wolverine"

62. I will not steal Iroh's tea

63. I will not ask Zuko how the Blue Spirit is doing

64. I won't ask Zuko where his "stuff" is.

65. Azula is not, and never will be, Tom Marvolo Riddle's sister

66. Ursa is not a bear

67. Giving Iroh poppy seeds and telling him they're a new, awesome tea is not an acceptable form of entertainment

68. Zuko did not act in Grease. Pretending that he did, or asking where Grease Lightening is, is considered mean.

69. Fire Lord Ozai is not "that cute little fuddly-wuddly baby"

70. Sozin's Comet will not be referred to as God's Fart.

71. I will not wear a shirt that says: Aang: 100,000,000. Zuko: 2

72. The Dai Li are not rice pickers, despite what their hats look like

73. I will not compare Bloodbending to the Imperious Curse

74. I won't point out to Aang that if he had stayed with the Air Nomads and then was killed, the Avatar would have been reborn to the water tribe, and since there is only one waterbender in the south pole, the waterbender Avatar would be in the north pole and then would have been able to train and end the war approximately seventy-five years earlier than Aang did.

75. I won't tell Aang he has a license to kill

76. I won't ask the Dai Li if they ever read 1984.

77. I will not tell Jet that Big Brother is Watching Him

78. I will not call Long Feng "Big Brother."

79. I will not give Aang a small gold ring and tell him if he tosses it as Zuko, all evil will be destroyed.

80. Fire Lord Ozai is not Sauron.

81. Zuko's scar is not on the wrong side of his face.

82. I will not ask Katara, Zuko or Sokka if they've seen any iceberg piñata's lately.

83. Aang is not a skitso.

84. Avatar Roku is not Dumbledore, Obi-Wan, Gandalf or Santa.

85. I won't tell Aang that earthquakes are caused by turtle ducks

86. Dancing around Zuko saying, "I know something you don't know" is not funny.

87. Asking Zuko who's his speech teacher is also not funny.

88. I will not introduce Katara to Hillary Clinton

89. I will not point out to Aang that he better start makin' babies if the Avatar cycle will continue.

90. I will not give Ozai a copy of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, or Prisonbreak

91. Asking Toph if she's read…well, anything…is not funny

92. Nor is dropping something really really heavy next to her

93. I will not tickle Toph's feet

94. Comparing Suki to Ginny Weasley is not allowed

95. Reminding everyone that they'd better keep Aang happy if they don't want him to be Aangry is not funny

96. I will not ask the Pirates if they have any really rare waterbending scrolls

97. The Southern, Northern, Eastern or Western air temples are not love shacks

98. I will not refer to Zuko's bedroom as a love shack

99. I will not give Aang a copy of Hero with a Thousand Faces

100. I will not give Zuko lithium

101. Calling Sokka a Muggle is not allowed

102. I will not tell Sokka that he is pretty much useless.

103. I will not ask Sokka if he has a makeup fetish

104. I will not ask Sokka if he has gender issues

105. I will not ask Suki if she knows if fans make flames stronger

106. I will not smoke in front of Appa

107. I will not build a Rehab building for Firebenders

108. I will not refer to Guru Patthik as Guru Poisonous Blowfish

109. I will not ask Aang if he glows it up in the bedroom

110. I will not tell Aang to introduce himself as "Avatar Aang, from Pallet Town."

111. Ending a conversation with Zuko as "That's not what your mom said last night" is not funny, and never will be.

112. Buying Haru an electric razor is not humorous.

113. Aang is not a woman.

114. Asking Katara if she knows the meaning of hope is not funny.

115. Telling Aang there is a fifth element is not funny.

116. Asking Yue every full moon if it's that time of the month isn't funny either.

117. Asking Sokka what he was really going to do with Suki in the tent with the flower is not helpful.

118. No whispering Horcruxes in Aang's ear while he sleeps.

119. Comparing the Order of the White Lotus to the Order of the Phoenix isn't nice.

120. I will not threaten to take away everyone's bending abilities if they do not give me the last egg tart.

121. Jokes ending in "Leaf me alone, I'm bushed" are not funny.

122. I will not give Iroh a copy of "What to Expect when Your Expecting"

123. I will not give Aang a copy of "Where to go from here."

124. Glue Bending does not exist

125. Hitler and Fire Lord Ozai are not long lost brothers

126. I will not call Master Pakku "Pop-pop"

127. Do not put pits in Azula's cherries. No sexual innuendo intended.

128. I will not tell Azula she has seven years of bad luck for breaking her mirror.

129. Aang does not have a special connection through his Arrow Tattoos with Fire Lord Ozai

130. Phoenix Lords are not so yesterday.

131. Aang and Toph do not have a rocky relationship

132. I will not introduce Toph to Brock, despite the fact that they are both blind.

133. I will not start a website called "Jet is not dead" nor will I ask the Earth Kingdom to do a full scale inquiry.

134. I will not ask Longshot to tell me a story.

135. I will not call Katara a "preachy cry baby who can't resist giving over emotional speeches about hope all the time."

136. I will not ask Aang to teach me how to tearbend.

137. I will not ask Katara to teach me how to tearbend.

138. I will not attempt to tearbend.

139. Tearbending does not exist.

140. Azula, Mai and Ty Lee are not Ozai's Angels.

141. I will not sell Sokka cactus juice

142. Nor Bumi

143. I will not ask Smellerbee where the men's bathroom is.

144. Lake Laogai is not the place for pool parties.

145. I will not play hide and seek underground with Appa.

146. I will not lock Katara, Zuko and a video camera in the Cave of Two Lovers.

147. Two Lovers is not Zuko and Katara's theme song.

148. I will not call Azula "Pikachu"

150. I will not call Zuko "Charmander"

151. I will not tell Toph she's ugly

152. Aang is not Luke Skywalker

153. Zuko is not Anakin Skywalker in reverse

154. I will not tell Aang the Dark Side has cookies

155. I will not give Sokka another fake beard

156. Sneaking fire flakes into anyone's food is not allowed.

157. I will not ask Toph to look for my small, gold earring.

158. I will not ask Aang where his pleasure chakra is located.

159. Zukaang does not exist.

And finally….

160. Jet does not have to "gotta jet."

Credit: Number 50, 51, 70, 71, 132 from Avatar Abridged

"Gotta Jet" ©copyright "A Tearbender" July 2008