Cooler: …..is that branch poking me?

Me: Why do you always stand next to it then?

Cooler: Oh sweet Zombie Jesus! It's you!

Me: Been a while!

Cooler: And my therapist said I was doing so well!

Me: Oh quit whining! It's time for another story!

Cooler: no….noooooo….nooooooo!

Me: Would you rather relive how many times Goku beat you instead?

Cooler: (sighs)…fine….DJOZ88 doesn't own DBZ, Funimation, Toei, eHarmony or my sanity.

Cooler Tries Online Dating

Cooler pondered as he sat at his computer. His mother had suggested he try online dating as a way to meet girls. "Of course being royalty has its advantages", thought Cooler, "But quite frankly all they really want is my unlimited Netflix collection and reruns of The X Factor".

Naturally you may be wondering why Planet Ice has Netflix or even knows about The X Factor, but once again it's the convenient Earth smuggling plotline that I intend to use for hilarious purposes.

"Hey!" yelled the Ice-Jin, "Quit breaking the fourth wall!"….Sorry! Anyway, Cooler stared at the eHarmony website. It had a good reputation and anything would be better than anything Frieza or King Cold tried to hook up him with. Cooler shuddered at the thought of Cold trying to hook him up with…..ANOTHER ACCOUNTANT! Or the Sun-ripe warm tomato Frieza found, and instead dated for 4 months.

"My family is weird" exhaled Cooler, as he began filling out the eHarmony info. "Let's see….name…..Cooler Margaret Thatcher Hades de Ice…..age…COUGH! 27…..likes blowing up stuff, skiing, and wondering if my brother is a man or a women".

Cooler uploaded a several photos of him twerking, looking serious and getting blown sky-high whenever Frieza sneezed, "Shows I can laugh at myself", he smirked.

When his profile was complete, he glazed over some emails about getting some cheap handbags from North Korea, and rolled his eyes as Frieza updated his Instagram feed with another picture of him playing Dragon Ball Xenoverse.

Ding! Went his email chime, as eHarmony notified Cooler of a Match! "Excellent!" he smiled. The match was named Friezaelle, whose picture was one of those weird selfie-half-faces-on-an-angle pictures.

Cooler glanced over Friezaelle's profile, she was 25, also liked blowing up stuff, but disliked monkeys, "I mustn't take her to the zoo then", though the increasingly…..anxious Ice-Jin. He sent her a smiley face and then proceeded to name his likes/dislikes.

Friezaelle quickly send Cooler back a 'let's just skip to the talk phase' which eHarmony had recently introduced, "Why the hell not!" yelled Cooler triumphantly, he whipped out his phone and dialled the number on the screen. "Hmmm number looks familiar" the royal royallness pondered….oh well.

At the same time, Frieza walked in, "Hey big bro! I'm thinking of getting back together with that tomato if things don't go well with this new chick who's about to call me!".

Cooler almost rolled his eyes at the sometimes idiocy of his brother, "Funny you should mention dating, I'm about to call a girl I met online, she sounds pretty sexy".

The phone rang three times; all the while Frieza heard a buzz from his pocket and whipped out his own phone.

"Hello, Friezaelle speaking!"…..Cooler paused…..no….nononononononono, "Hi Friezaelle…..this is Cooler".

The two looked at each other. It was as if time had called it quits. Cooler spoke…well rather yelled first, "WHAT THE $*&%&^*R%&^$*%&^%&^(*?!"

"I must have ticked the wrong box" said Frieza rather lamely, "Then I thought it was a bit weird I was getting only guys on my matches, but I thought your name was Cooler-Margaret, who just happened to look a bit andro!"

"AND FRIEZAELLE"? bellowed Cooler, "I thought it sounded..well Cooler!" grinned the brother.

Cooler sighed, he didn't want anyone else to hear his tirade (especially since those can destroy castle walls) and both brothers decided that this never happened.

As a way of making it up, Frieza offered to pay for an Adult phone call, "At least you won't meet these girls", he offered. Cooler agreed, he might as well get someone out of this. He dialled the number for 'Bored Housewives' and a disturbingly familiar voice answered, "Hello big boy! I'm so bored!" Frieza and Cooler both felt like they had died and gone to hell, "DAD!" they screamed!

"Oh dear", said King Cold, "This may need some explaining".

The End.

Cooler: Everyone knows now!

Me: You worry too much; you said you could laugh at yourself!

Cooler: Obviously I can't! Why Am I being punished!?

Me: Really? You ask me that?

Cooler: Fair enough

Me: How about another story next time?

Cooler: Such as?

Me: The time you auditioned for The X Factor?

Cooler: but...but...but...uh! fine!