Title: Prank War
Author: Tigergirl
Rated: M
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural. I do not gain any profit or benefits from writing fan fics of any kind.
Summary: Side story from "Prank or Not a Prank."
In all honesty, no one could pinpoint which incident had started the war. One day, Gabriel woke up to find his candy closet completely cleaned out. Truthfully, he could have snapped himself up some candy, but all the candy in his closet had been genuine, store bought materials. He had flipped the bunker upside down searching for it. The archangel had finally found his stash hidden in the trunk of Dean's Impala.
He had not been pleased.
In retaliation, Gabriel did the unthinkable. Dean had a saved piece of apple pie he had warmed up in the microwave. The smell of sweet apples filled the kitchen when he took it out of the microwave. However, when Dean bit into his pie, apple was not what he tasted. Instead he found himself coughing out a big chunk of apple pie that looked and smelled like apple, but tasted like spinach.
There was no doubt in anyone's mind who had done that.
At this point, Sam and Castiel should have put a stop to things. But both put it off as their older brothers dealing with cabin fever. The last time this happened they went at it for a week before laying off each other.
They would soon learn from this lesson.
/…/
"…Sam?"
With his head buried so deep under his pillow, Sam almost didn't hear the quiet, raspy voice of the angel. He flopped his pillow over and sat up. He gaped openly at Castiel. The poor angel was covered head to toe in what looked like syrup and feathers.
"Cas, are you okay?" Sam asked, stumbling to his feet to meet the angel in the doorway.
The angel looked confused as he peeled away one of the feathers.
"I'm not sure what happened. I was only walking into the kitchen," Castiel said.
Sam sighed. The prank war was nearing the three month marker and it seemed like neither hunter nor archangel were slowing up anytime soon. Recently, Sam and Castiel had started stumbling into pranks meant for one of the aforementioned.
"Come here, Cas. I'll help you clean up," Sam said.
While trying not to leave a trail on the floor, Sam brought Castiel into the bathroom to help him. They carefully peeled his jacket off him. It seemed to have gotten most of the prank. Sam disappeared to grab Castiel a change of clothes while he showered. When Sam returned, Castiel was sitting on the toilet. Sam was grateful the angel had a towel resting over his lap; Sam had been treated to the sight of Castiel below the waist one too many times and having to talk about it with him.
"My hair is still sticky," Castiel told Sam.
Sam frowned. He had this problem once before himself. This had Dean prank written all over it, but considering it did involve syrup, it could have just as well of been Gabriel.
"Here, Cas. Get dressed. I've got a solution that should work," Sam said, handing him the clothes.
Turning away to give Cas some privacy, Sam opened the medicine cabinet and pulled down a small box of baking soda. He mixed a little bit of that and water together in a small bowl he retrieved from underneath the sink. Sam directed the now mostly clothed angel to kneel by the tub where he began washing the clumps of syrup out. Sam could have just as easily explained the process for Castiel to do himself, but Sam knew from experience how difficult that was.
"Cas, we gotta do something about Dean and Gabriel. You have to admit things are getting out of hand," Sam pointed out.
Castiel nodded his head. He knew Sam was right. Honestly, he had been about to make the same suggestion. He waited for Sam to finish with his hair before speaking with him. After Sam finished, Castiel sat back up on the toilet with a towel to dry his hair.
"I have talked to Gabriel. He is not willing to allow Dean to think he has won," Castiel said.
Sam sighed.
"Dean is the same. They won't listen to either one of us on this. We're going to have to pull out the heavy artillery here," Sam commented.
Castiel tilted his head to the side in confusion.
"Heavy…artillery? Do you mean the shotgun?" Castiel asked.
Sam cracked a grin before letting a small chuckle escape.
"No, Cas. I meant we should freeze them out. I know Dean is just as insatiable as Gabriel," Sam said with a small shudder.
He tried real hard not to think about his big brother's sex life. Unfortunately, this wording seemed to be clearer to Castiel.
"Oh. Yes, Dean has been the same since I told him how I felt. Since we've been together, we've had intercourse a total of…" Castiel started.
Sam quickly slapped a hand over Castiel's mouth to interrupt him.
"Cas?"
"Hmm?"
Sam tried to keep a straight face as he chose his next words carefully.
"I don't need to know how often my brother has sex. It was bad enough when we were sharing hotel rooms. Please don't finish what you were about to say," Sam pleaded.
Castiel simply nodded his head and Sam took his hand down.
"Your solution is to refuse to have…intimacy until Dean and Gabriel conclude their pranks?" Castiel questioned.
Sam jerked his head down in a hard nod.
"Exactly."
/…/
Dean snickered as he walked down the hall. He wondered how Gabriel liked his new "wings." It didn't occur to him that Gabriel hadn't been the one who stumbled across his little trap. This was one of his best pranks yet. The very best had been the one a week ago where he had forged Sam's writing and signature to leave Gabriel a list of things for a hunt.
The archangel had gone all over creation to find the items, winding back at the bunker late at night. A confused Sam had told Gabriel there was no hunt which had resulted in a snickering Dean and a severely pissed Gabriel. Thinking of that moment still brought a knowing smirk to Dean's face.
However, that smirk dropped when he walked in his room and he didn't find Castiel there. Usually they would both retire for the night around the same time. Sometimes Castiel would be sitting on the bed reading a book. Except there was no book or Castiel.
"Cas?" Dean called.
When he didn't hear a verbal response or sound of wings, Dean went in search of his lover. After not finding him in any of his usual spots in the bunker, Dean decided to consult his brother. However, he got a surprise when he went to open Sam's door and found it locked.
"Sammy?" Dean called out for him, rapping sharply on the door.
He reared back when it wasn't Sam's voice that emitted through the door.
"Go away…*groan*…Dean."
"Cas, you okay?" Dean asked. "Unlock the door."
"You're not coming in my room, Dean."
Dean stepped back from the door with his face scrunched up. Sam and Castiel were in Sam's room together with the door locked. Not strange per say, but not normal behavior, either.
"Sam…is Cas sick?" Dean asked, slowly.
Last time Cas was sick, Sam had cared for the sick angel. So it would make sense he would go to Sam if he wasn't feeling well and especially if Dean wasn't around.
"Close enough, Dean. You've been so busy playing your Prank War you haven't had the time to give Cas the attention he needs. But don't worry. I'm taking care of things."
It took a moment longer than Dean would have admitted for him to process his brother's words.
"Busy…Cas?…needs…taking care of things?!Sam, you open this door right now!" Dean shouted.
The only response he heard was a few more groans and what he thought sounded suspiciously like a whimper. He tried forcing the door open, but it wasn't budging. When he exhausted all options and neither little brother nor angel responded to his demands, Dean reverted to his last resort.
"GABRIEL!"
He whipped around when he heard the familiar sound of wings. A grinning archangel was leaning against the wall opposite Sam's room with a half-eaten candy bar in hand.
"What's the matter, Dean-a-ling? Didn't like the job I did on your car?" Gabriel teased.
Dean's temper shifted in a second when it registered what the archangel had said.
"What did you do to my ca–Nevermind!" Dean growled. "Open that door."
Gabriel's gaze shifted slightly past Dean to the closed door. It shifted back to take note of the unusually furious look on the hunter's face.
"What's up, Big Brother Dean? Little Sammy take your favorite toy and lock himself in his room?" Gabriel chuckled, taking a bite of his candy bar.
Dean grinned mischievously as he waited for just the right moment.
"He's in there with Cas."
The grin grew when Gabriel choked on his bite and hacked it back up. After clearing his airway, Gabriel shot Dean a glare.
"What did you just say?" he growled.
"Sam…is in there…with Cas…with the door locked."
Dean blinked and Gabriel was suddenly beside him, banging on the door.
"Samuel Winchester, open this door or I take it down!" Gabriel warned.
A snort came from inside the room. Who it came from neither one of them could discern.
"Good luck with that. Let me know how that works out."
That, however, was Sam. A seriously peeved Gabriel warned Dean to stand back and shield his eyes. Dean wisely chose to follow these directions. They soon learned that even the powerful mojo of an archangel couldn't break down Sam's door. Both big brothers left more pissed than ever. Meanwhile, from within Sam's room, the two younger brothers were sharing a small chuckle.
Sam reached for a bottle of lotion and smoothed it between his hands before lying them back down on Castiel's bare back. The angel let out another groan of relief as the hunter's hands kneaded the knots.
"Do you think…groan…our brothers will…whimper…remember?" Castiel asked while bent over Sam's desk chair.
Sam shook his head.
"Dean? Probably not. Gabriel? He should. He gets the same pains from keeping his wings in. I'm not hurting you, am I?" Sam replied.
Castiel slowly shook his head. The massage felt very nice to his body and his wings. He would have to go flying later to stretch out his wings, but for now he would continue enjoying Sam's massage. It was often something Sam did for Gabriel, but Sam occasionally offered to make Castiel more comfortable, too.
When Sam was finished, the exhaustion from the day set in. He found the strength to stand up from the chair he had been sitting on backwards. He climbed into the hammock he had set up in Sam's room and opened the book he had left sitting there. Sam disappeared into his bathroom and got himself ready for bed before flopping down on his bed. Sam turned the light off while Castiel kept a small booklight on.
"Hey, Cas?"
"Yes, Sam?"
"What are you reading?"
"The Three Musketeers."
Smile. "That was one of my favorites when I was growing up. Dean read it to me once when I was really sick."
Sam rolled over onto his side so he faced away from the small bit of light. There was a moment of silence before a quiet voice lifted through the darkened room.
" "But how shall we get back?" "Upon our lackey's horses, PARDIEU. Anybody may see by our bearing that we are people of condition." "
A small smile broke out across Sam's face as he fell asleep to the soft timber voice of his best friend.
/…/
The next day found Dean sitting on the hood of his car with a beer in hand. He didn't jump up or seem surprised when Gabriel appeared next to him.
"Let me guess. You get your ass handed to you, too?" Dean asked, taking a swig of his drink.
Gabriel chuckled while shaking his head. He started to unwrap a lollipop.
"No, it seems the silent treatment is more Sam's style," Gabriel said.
Dean snorted.
"Sammy has done that all our lives. Cas told me he and Sam won't – and I'm not fucking with you on this – they won't "have intimate relations with either one of us until we end our ridiculous war." "
This time, it was Gabriel's turn to snort as he sucked on his lollipop. He took it out before speaking again.
"Please. Castiel might be able to follow up on that threat, but not Sam."
Dean brought his drink down and turned his head to raise an eyebrow at his lover's brother.
"…you do know about Sam's old girlfriend Jess, right?" Dean asked.
Gabriel nodded. Sam had told him about her. It was a shame the way she had died and it had hurt the hunter deeply, but he had come to terms with it.
"Sam was celibate for the entire year after she died."
Gabriel's face paled. Dean had just reminded him that when he was determined, Sam could hold on to his defense for a long time. A painfully long time.
Suddenly, archangel and hunter came to a mental agreement.
"Tie?"
"Tie."
The two shook hands and departed to find their lovers. They had some amends to make and lovers to convince they still mattered in their lives.
Later that night found both couples resting in their respective bedrooms. Dean massaged Castiel's back with special oils. Gabriel read aloud to Sam as he rested his head on the archangel's chest. All was right in the world.
Until the next prank war started two short months later.
"Dean!"
"GABRIEL!"
The End