Diary entries from Craig about his holidays and his secret Santa. Crenny fic.
I've been feeling quite down having to spend this holiday alone, so here's a story I wrote just in time for Christmas to try and bring cheer! Have a happy holiday!
Twelve Days of Christmas
-*-December 13th, 2016-*-
Today has been less than exciting. I guess that today marks the official start to the season where everyone stresses themselves out more than usual. Even my parents were guilty of this, and of course I had to be involved as well.
I don't feel that Christmas is special. In fact, I don't feel that we should celebrate it at all. There I was, though, standing in the long line at Best Buy after sitting in traffic for what felt like an ion. Exactly how I wanted to spend my Tuesday night.
I spaced out a lot, I wondered if I should scrape up allowance and buy things for people. The only people I had to buy for though were my parents and maybe Ruby. Its not like I have friends, and I feel like if I were to buy them anything, they'd feel burdened anyway, like they'd have to get me something in return.
The only reason I was in the mood to not outright deny my parents the company out was because I'd received a present that day. It was small and came in a little, decorative bag. Pear gummy bears, an index card shoved inside as well with the letter 'Y' on it.
I wondered briefly if I should be worried someone knew my combination, but then I realized they'd taken the time to leave me candy and not steal. I could ask Tweek if he gave it out, but the whole point was that I wasn't supposed to know, hence why it was from Secret Santa.
In a way, I was glad. I hated this time of year, but this made it okay.
-*-December 14th, 2016-*-
I must have missed some kind of memo because today, as if in sync, everyone started to wear Christmas sweaters. Maybe they knew I wouldn't wear one because they were tacky, or maybe they just gave up on telling me things like this.
Wendy and Bebe had matching sweaters that I thought were hideous but they seemed so proud. Clyde and Token even wore some, but I was sure Clyde was forced by Bebe and Token just went along with it. Or maybe they were just as simpleminded as everyone else and I just didn't want to admit it.
My locker had a box in it today, and I admired how poorly wrapped it was, thinking it was adorable before ripping it open. Inside was a box of Dove chocolates. More candy, not that I was complaining, these were pretty pricey. The index card today had an 'I' poorly scribbled on it.
When I got home, my dad made me help him hang lights. By help him I mean I handed him things while he did all the work. If there was one thing about Christmas I like, it's the lights.
I just wish they weren't such a pain in the ass to hang.
-*-December 15th, 2017-*-
Token handed out invitations for his Christmas party next Friday. I don't think I'm gonna go. Mainly because the party, Filmore threw up on my shoes. If his parties were still fun like when we were kids and didn't rely on alcohol, I think they would be my favorite thing.
Nothing else special really happened besides the Goth kids claiming that the Christmas decorations violated their rights or something. I didn't listen. I almost feel bad because I don't think anyone does.
In my locker was more candy, cadbury eggs. The thought that maybe this person really did dislike me crossed my mind but I knew it was likely. If they were trying to give me a cavity though, they were succeeding. The index card was blank today. I kept it just in case it was on purpose.
My parents were feeling lazy that day because we didn't do anything besides watch reruns of the old version of Grinch and the Peanuts.
The rest of the year, they didn't make an effort to spend time with me or Ruby. It almost felt unreal whenever this time rolled around.
-*-December 16th, 2016-*-
It was finally Friday, which I would normally be excited for if not for the fact that my grandmother was coming tomorrow.
It was less than ten days until Christmas today, which I was reminded by a countdown they down displayed in the lobby of school. I couldn't help but wonder if that'd been there or they just put it there.
Wendy told me today that my feelings towards Christmas meant I had a bad relationship with my family, I had a traumatic relationship with someone, or I was dissociated. I told her it wasn't that deep, it's just a stupid holiday.
What she said kind of bothered me all say and when I would space out, I would wonder if it was true. Maybe because it was an excuse for mom and dad to act like real parents was why I didn't like it.
My gift in my locker wasn't too good at bringing me from my bad mood since all I got was a phone number and a lowercase 'I' on the back. I didn't call or message it, but I saved it in my contacts anyway. At lunch, I asked the guys if they had the number and they didn't. They were either lying to me or it was really someone we didn't hang out with.
My day ended with making cookies with Ruby and mom, then helping clean our the guest room. My grandma was a Bitch to my mother. I hoped she could go easy on her for the holidays.
-*-December 17th, 2016-*-
I slept a lot later than I usually did, mainly because it was Saturday and I could without much repercussion. That and I could blame not welcoming grandma on the fact that I was sleeping.
I was bummed I wouldn't be getting a gift today from my secret Santa. I was becoming too reliant on whoever it was but I didn't want to admit that to myself.
When I went downstairs, I could see my mom running around like crazy, trying to clean everything in a hurry even though it looked fine. She spotted me and yelled that I needed to take out the trash, get the mail and shower.
I dragged the bag of garbage out in my slippers, avoiding the snow the best I could and praying the bag wouldn't rip on my way. I lifted it with some difficulty but it fell successfully in the trash can. I then made my way to the mailbox.
When I opened it, I was surprised to see that there was a box inside for me. I looked around as if I'd catch whoever dropped it off, but when I saw no one I quickly took everything from inside and ran up the driveway. I left my snow covered slippers inside the door, discarded the mail on the table right beside them and went back to my room.
I stared at the box before opening it. Inside were weathers candies and five glazed donuts. Cavities for sure.
Whoever it was knew how to spoil me. There was no letter today. I set the box on my night stand with the rest of the gifts Id gotten that were half eaten.
My grandmother was always so nice to me, so eating dinner was pleasant whenever she wasn't subtly insulting my mom.
-*- December 18th, 2016-*-
I got up really early this morning to watch outside. I wanted to catch whoever it was that was leaving me gifts, which was exactly what I did.
Hood up and zipped, there he stood, blonde hair pooling out from under the fur. He had a bag today, tucked under his arm. He looked at the house and I quickly ducked out of the window. I don't think he noticed because next time I looked, he was putting the bag inside and rushing away.
I waited a couple minutes before I went out to get it.
It was heavy, I was almost scared it would rip through the bag so I hugged it to my chest as I hurried back to my room. I turned my table lamp on and quickly pulled the tissue from the top. Inside was a pretty expensive looking bottle of grey goose.
I swallowed hard as I took it out, examining the bottle. Quickly, I shoved it under my bed, my face feeling red.
I couldn't go back to sleep after that, Kenny was really the one giving me gifts? I was always so mean to him, and he didn't have money...why spend so much on me?
We didn't go to church that day, each was a first since we usually did the Sunday before Christmas. I'm sure the lord can forgive us, or so my dad said
Hangout with my grandma felt different today, I felt different today. I blamed the poor boy.
Why didn't I confront him like I wanted to? Why did my knees go weak?
-*-December 19th,2016-*-
Knowing that Kenny was the one dropping off my gifts, I didn't want to check my locker today. It made me extremely nervous knowing.
At lunch, I gathered my courage to pull him away from his table and into the quiet hallway. I told him I knew and he only blinked a few times, smiled and said that he didn't expect me to guess so easy.
I told him I didn't, I saw him at my house yesterday and asked him why, why me? He told me I had to wait until I got all the index cards to find out before leaving back towards his annoying friends. He always knew hoe to piss me off. I didn't want to play his stupid game.
It wasn't until I sat at my table again that I realized how fast my heart was racing, how sweaty my palms were.
My locker had bubblebath in it along with the index card that was folded in a swan. I unfolded it to see it was another blank card. I growled to myself.
Ruby noticed all the presents today and asked me if I got a girlfriend. I just flipped her off.
Putting up the tree was messy, annoying and tedious. It looked so nice, but I wasn't going to be the one taking it down.
-*-December 20th, 2016-*-
Five days until Christmas. I went out early before class and went to Tweek Bros to pick up my mom a new coffee machine and my dad the ground coffee he usually bought there every morning. I still didn't know what to get Ruby. I had to stuff the bag in my locker thanks to heading out late.
This was a pretty big mistake because Kenny approached me in front of all my friends and handed me a present. My face was hot, and I'm sure he could see that change in temperature too. I didn't open it, I wanted to tell him to fuck off but I opened my mouth and nothing came out. He left after that, that cocky smile taunting me.
I acted like I didn't care about the present afterwards, and my friend didn't tease me.
I opened it when I got home. It was full of a bunch of stuff. A CD of my favorite group, a cute little key chain, a drawing book and pencils, along with small random trinkets. Once to the bottom, there was a folded piece of paper.
Dear Craig,I guess the jig is up! You caught me! I even got up so early to drop it off.These are the presents I was going to leave you for the rest of the week, but I'm not sure if there's a point anymore. I wanted to make sure you'd at least accept this last present. I knew you wouldn't take them if you knew I bought them.Tweek gave me your combination. I was really nervous at first hit you seemed to like them.What I was trying to say is that I like you. And I don't mean I wanna get in your pants, I really like you. I wanted this to be my way of coming out but..well, you know.I hope you don't hate me.
I quickly closed the box up, not sure how to feel.
-*-December 21, 2016-*-
I went shopping for something for Kenny today. I still don't know how I feel. Nothing I got could compare to what I got him. I knew nothing about him and he knew so much about me.
Money was so impersonal after he thought about everything he'd got me.
I bought Ruby some cheap jewelry and a tee shirt before leaviwith nothing for Kenny.
I went to Kyle's after, clutching the bag in my hands as he answered. I couldn't look at him at first, but he looked happy, like he knew about everything.
I went home, wrapped Ruby's presents, and waited for my dumb family to show up.
-*-December 22nd, 2016-*-
I bought a lot of things for Kenny. I grabbed a basket and nearly filled it. I couldn't decide on some things, so he got a lot of them.
I went home and shoved it all on a box, wrapping it.
I wanted to go straight to his hide-and-seek give it to him, but I got too nervous.
My aunt told me I look a lot different since the last time I seen her, that I looked happier. I think she's seeing things.
-*-December 23rd, 2016-*-
I want to keep putting off going to see him, but I knew I shouldn't. I reassured myself that tomorrow was good.
I think I'm going to give him these diary pages. A lot these things I think about, I could never say out loud. I want him to know how happy these presents made me though.
If he reads these, hell know.
Here goes nothing.
I set the pages down on my cross legs and looked up at Craig. His face was blank, empty, just as it always was. Did he really feel these things though? If I was some random person who didn't just read his entries, I might be fooled. I knew he wasn't though.
Boldly, I leaned forward to wrap my arms around him, tugging him in close. He seemed tense at fist but soon relaxed into me. It was a nice feeling, something I'd wanted for some time.
"Merry Christmas". I pulled back, smiling at him, his own lips twitching upward. I didn't need any of that materialistic stuff, just this.
"Do you...wanna come eat dinner at my house?" he asked softly.
"How could I turn that down? I have to wear something nice though, if I'm meeting your family~" His face turned red at the thought and I couldn't help but laugh.
Dinner was nice, that spring was nice, and in the summer I asked him to go out with me officially. I took things as slow as possible because I knew him, I knew how he was.
It's almost Christmas again, and I find myself rereading the pages. We haven't changed much in a year, he still hates putting up Christmas lights and ugly sweaters, and still love him.