He finds himself on her doorstep just before 10pm, Judge Barth's blood still smeared on his shirt sleeves. When he'd gotten to the hospital with everyone else, he'd decided to stay with the judge until her husband arrived. By the time he'd gotten down to check on Amaro and the others- Liv had gone. He's not even sure why he's here. He just needs to see her.

He contemplates whether to knock a second time. There's a shuffling on the other side of the door before the dead bolt clicks open. Olivia pulls the door open- surprised. She too, is still in her blood stained courtroom attire- cradling a sleeping Noah. "Barba?"

He feels overwhelming relief at the sight of her. He'd known she was alright- but when he'd last seen her they'd both been on adrenaline fueled autopilot. He couldn't explain it but he needed confirmation.

His jaw tenses in an attempt to keep tears from forming in his eyes. He bites his bottom lip before managing a quiet, "Hey." Finally, his eyes are drawn away from hers to the sleeping child she's holding. He knows the feeling- that desperate need to hold someone you love close. Embarrassment creeps up that he's intruded. He gestures to the toddler. "Sorry, I just-"

She furrows her brow, concerned, "Hey, you OK?"

He can't help the pained expression that comes over his face- he tightens his lips, determined not to allow the tears pricking his eyes to fall. A nearly convulsive shake of his head is his only response. He takes in a breath- trying to reign in his emotions.

Olivia steps to the side, "Let me just put him down."

Barba shakes his head and puts out a hand to stop her, "No, it's OK." He lets out a breath, steadying himself. "I just wanted to know you were alright. I need to go home and have a drink."

Olivia's not taking no for an answer- she needs him here. His presence has a way of making her feel safe that she can't explain. "Barba, please. I could use a drink myself. Stay?"

He meets her eyes momentarily before stepping inside. Barba closes the door behind them- latching the deadbolt before turning back to her.

"I'll be right back."

"Wine?" he inquires.

She shakes her head, "Whatever you want." She needs something stronger- and she knows he does to. She retreats to Noah's bedroom as Barba pulls out a bottle of scotch that she keeps for their late night case reviews.

On her return, Olivia finds Barba standing at the kitchen counter- staring into his glass of scotch. She comes to stand beside him- one hip against the counter as she takes the glass he'd poured for her.

He keeps his eyes on his glass, "When he shot that Uni- I thought-" He'd thought it was going to be her. He can't even say it – his tears finally fall- choking off anymore of the sentence. Hoping she's understood what he hasn't said- he glances up to her, only to find tears streaming down her face as well.

Without a second thought, he sets his drink down and envelops her in a hug. It wasn't something they did but right now he just needs to hold her. He buries his head in the crook of her neck as her arms wrap around him.

"I know" she says quietly, through her tears, "When the Judge was shot, I thought he was shooting at you. I was relieved when it was her- relieved! What kind of a terrible person am I?"

Barba squeezes her tightly, as both of them cry, "Liv, it's OK. She's OK."

"But that bailiff's not! And Nick. God, I should have let you make the deal."

Barba pushes back away from her, holding her shoulders so he can look her in the eye. "Stop- this is not on you. This is on him. OK?"

He searches her eyes for confirmation as one of his hands finds the side of her face. She nods- returning his intense gaze. Suddenly, she finds herself leaning into him. Their lips meet in a soft, reverent kiss. Slow and disbelieving at first, it quickly intensifies when Barba pulls her closer- deepening the kiss. They stand- tangled up in each other- pouring all the emotion of the day into the passion of their first kiss.

It isn't until another part of his body responds that Barba really thinks about what they're doing. He breaks of the kiss- still holding her to him- his forehead on hers. "We can't do this" he rasps. Olivia closes her eyes and sighs in disappointment but nods, she knows. "It's not that I don't want to- it's just-"

She pulls away from him and returns her attention to her drink on the counter. "We work together. I know." She meets his eyes with a sad but reassuring smile.

They're lying to themselves. Had been for a while. They both know that as long as they disclose- they'd most likely be allowed to stay put. It wasn't as if one of them oversaw the other. But he's not about to lose his best friend, possibly the best thing that's ever happened to him, for comfort sex. Suppressing feelings for her had become so second nature that he's not even sure how he feels. Sure- he cares for her and he's definitely attracted to her but was this lust, a crush, love? Was it just the culmination of two attractive people working together and going through a series of emotionally charged situations? She deserves better.

"I'm sorry" he says, as he runs a hand up her back. She nods. "I'll go." She nods again- sipping her drink. He leans in to press one last kiss to the side of her head before retreating through the door.

Liv stands quietly at the counter, sipping her drink. He was right, they shouldn't do this. But after today- she'd do anything to feel him. To hold him. To really feel that he was alive. She wasn't sure how- but he'd become someone she cared for- maybe more than anyone, aside from Noah. She trusted him and respected him in ways she never had anyone else. She tells herself she'd rather have him in her life in that way than risk not having him at all.

She flips off the kitchen light- sets her glass in the sink and heads for the shower.

After exiting his taxi, Barba decides to stop into his corner bodega for a bottle of bourbon. Tonight was a bourbon night. At the register, Rita Calhoun comes up behind him with groceries of her own.

It's times like this that he hates living in this neighborhood. Tonight of all nights, he did not want to run into anyone, especially after the episode in Olivia's apartment.

"Barba, I heard what happened at the courthouse, are you alright?" Her genuine concern softens his demeanor a bit.

"I'm fine. Amaro won't be for a while though."

Rita gestures to the bottle, "Drinking alone is never a good sign, Counselor."

"Well you're welcome to come with me if you think it'll make this more socially acceptable but I don't really care at this point."

Rita considers him for a moment. She really is concerned about him. They'd known each other a long time- and she knows him well enough to know that he could probably use someone to talk to right about now. He didn't have many people he could talk to.

"What are you going to do if I take you up on that offer?"

Barba looks at her- a bit surprised. He really hadn't expected she would. He really just wanted to go home and drink himself to sleep.

"Fine" he shrugs "But I'm not talking about today."

Rita nods knowingly as she takes her receipt and follows him out the door.