I'm not sure, if this is a good story. It's just a short 'something' I wanted to write with no actual plot. But I've put it here nevertheless. It's another rewrite of 2x13 The Last Dragonlord :) Hope you'll enjoy that, and sorry for any grammar mistakes, 'cause I'm not native speaker.
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin *still crying about it*
Story: Father and Son
By: Mischel
"I've always treated you as my son," Gaius said carefuly. And Merlin slowly started to realize what was Gaius getting at. He asked him, if he knew the name Balinor. And then, that his mother took him in, but he was forced to flee. And now, he started to talk of fathers and sons. Merlin never knew his father. He has never seen him. Not even once.
He felt his heart speeding in his chest, and eyes starting to burn. If Gaius was going to tell him, what he thought he was, he had no idea what to do.
"But that is not what you are." Gaius slowly continued. Merlin swallowed "The man you are going to look for..." Gaius took a deep breath and finished "is... your father." Merlin remained staring at him, his eyes now definitely filled with tears. He felt his heart almost stopped pounding. But it didn't.
"My father...?" he said disbelievingly and stepped a bit back. "He was a Dragonlord?" Gaius just looked down briefly. Merlin felt his rage growing up in him. His mother knew it and yet she never told him. And Gaius knew about his father too. "Why did noone ever tell me?" he shouted. It did hurt, and anger felt much better now.
"I've wanted to. Your mother feared it would be too dangerous." Gaius answered, trying to apologize. But it wasn't enough.
"I had a right to know." Merlin said, one tear streaming down his face.
"She wanted to protect you." Gaius said quietly, still looking at him. Merlin just shook his head:
"No," he whispered and leaned a bit forward "I had a right to know..."
xoXOXox
Merlin was walking through the corridors of Camelot. He was walking fast. He knew he had still tears in eyes, and that it looked like he was crying, and he was, but he didn't care about those who were looking at him, when he past them. He didn't even know where he was going, he just let his legs to choose the path.
When Gaius told him that Balinor is his father and that he is still alive, he just left him. he went to the door, opened it and went out. Gaius stayed in his chambers, but Merlin didn't want to see him now. He felt that he needed to walk. Simply to walk. And that nothing can help him now. Just the walking. It was the best variant, when he didn't want to show he was hurt, and that he felt a bit angry. Walking was something he could do in that moment. Because he had nothing to do. He was supposed to go with Arthur to look for Balinor, but he had a bit time left.
Another reason for the walking was that he didn't want to show, he was crying. But that didn't help him too much. It was obvious he was crying. And even if he would run across the courtyard a thousand times, it wouldn't make him to stop crying.
After about ten minutes of hopeless walking, he found himself in front of Arthur's chambers. Now he realized that it was probably the place, he felt safest. It made him to feel as if he was home. The same was in his own chambers, but there was Gaius, and he didn't want to go there. He wanted to go anywhere, but his and Gaius chambers. And here, in Arthur's chambers, he was so often, that he felt there really as if he was home.
He stepped inside, and when he noticed that there was noone, he walked across the room, to the antechambers. He went inside and there he simply sat down to the corner, and curled into a ball down on the cold floor. He felt his tears started to flow down his face again. And he couldn't do anything to stop it. But he didn't want to. He wanted to cry. To cry it all out of him. The hurt in his heart. The loneliness. That feeling, that his mother and Gaius lied to him, and never told him the truth about his father. That he never met him, didn't know how he looks like, and that he had to live without him, when most of other children in Ealdor had their own father. Someone they could play with. Someone, who loved them with all his heart. Someone, who helped them as well as mother could.
But this was father. This wasn't mother. This was someone, he always missed in his heart. Someone he has never had the chance to meet, even when he wanted to. He could well remember that moment, when he saw Will playing with his father and other children. It was then, when he asked his mother where was his father for first time. He was just four, but he knew, that he should have a father. When all the other children had one.
His mother told him that his father had to go somewhere, but she didn't know where, nor did she know when he will return. And so Merlin was waiting. Waiting for his father. For the day, when he will finally come back home. To his wife, and his son. He was always imagining how it'll be to actually meet his father. To tell him hello, and hug him. To wait until his father will ruffle his hair, and kiss him on his little forehead.
But when he was older and older, he slowly realized that his father will never return. And when he asked his mother again, she told him that his father just had to go. But she never told him, if he was still alive, or that he was a Dragonlord. Maybe she didn't know any of that and was just praying to the God that Balinor was alright. But she never told him that he had to go, because of Uther. Arthur's father, who killed all other Dragonlords. She didn't tell him even his father's name. And that did hurt.
Merlin was still curled on the floor, silently weeping and remembering the moments, when his mother spoke about Balinor, which was less that fingers on one hand, when he heard the doors opening. Then heavy footsteps. He immediately recognized that sound of boots, that familiar clatter against the floor. It was Arthur. He had to return for something. Maybe even for him, when he didn't find him outside with his horse.
But Merlin didn't want Arthur to find him. He will simply wait, untill that dollop-head will went out of his room again, and then he'll pull himself together and come down to prepare for the journey. But his plan failed in the next few seconds, when someone opened the door to the antechambers. To the room, where was Merlin now.
Merlin looked up and saw Arthur's blonde head. He wiped his tears with his sleeve and slowly sat up, looking away from Arthur. He didn't want him to see him like this. In this state. He will just laugh at him that he is nothing but a girl. That he's behaving rather like a girl than like anyone else. Even a servant. And that he is actually the worst servant he's ever had. And Merlin didn't want that, because Arthur didn't know why was he crying. And he didn't know that everytime when Arthur insulted him it did hurt, but Merlin carried on and smiled and insulted the prince in return. But sometimes, like now, the insults just made it all worse.
He sniffed.
He was still looking away and a bit frowning, when Arthur's strong hand touched his skinny shoulder. He closed his eyes, another tear on his face, and tried to look away from Arthur more. But Arthur's other hand, softly touched his chin, and turned his head to him. Merlin opened his glistening blue eyes and looked at Arthur. When Arthur saw his friend's red-rimmed eyes, he frowned.
"Merlin, what happened?" he asked. Merlin sniffed, and looked away again. Then, he finally answered:
"Gaius..." his voice was barely audible, but Arthur let him continue "He... told me something... Something I didn't know before..." He sniffed, his cheeks wet again, despite the fact that he had wiped them before.
"What could he possibly tell you, that it made you cry?" Arthur asked. But Merlin didn't answer.
"I want to be alone..." he whispered at last. And Arthur smiled a bit:
"If you didn't want me to find you, you shouldn't have come to my chambers, Merlin." Merlin closed his eyes again, but Arthur didn't see it, 'cause Merlin was still staring into nothing. Somewhere away from him "But I am here now, and I want to know it. And we need to go in a couple of minutes, so you should pull yourself together, and come with me." Merlin sighed, but still didn't look at Arthur.
After a while, he looked at him and whispered "I never knew my father." Arthur just nodded, because he knew it. Merlin once told him, when they were going to Morgause together, to meet his mother. But he really didn't know why was Merlin mentioning it now. Merlin looked down at his hands, that were a bit shaking. But compare to a while ago, it was less.
"Balinor..." Merlin continued and felt another tears "is my... fa-" a small sob escaped him, even when he thought he was almost calmed down. But apparently he wasn't. When Arthur realized what was Merlin telling him, his eyes widened. And then, because he saw what it meant for Merlin, and that he was crying, he pulled him to him. He wrapped his arms around him, one hand resting on Merlin's a bit shaking back and his other on Merlin's head, causing Merlin to bury his head into Arthur's strong shoulder.
Merlin wrapped his own hands around Arthur's back to tighten the hug. Because now he really needed an embrace. He needed to know he is not alone. That there is always someone who cares about him. Someone he can trust. Someone he would give his life for, and without whom he is nothing. Someone he can't live without. Someone who makes him whole. Because he is one half, and Arthur is the other. Together they are one. They are two sides of the same coin.
xoXOXox
After a while, Merlin was walking with Arthur towards the courtyard. He was smiling, because this journey, when he doesn't count that Gaius and his own mother lied to him, was something he was actually looking forward to. He was waiting his entire life to this moment. And now it was finally here. He will meet his own father. He will greet him, and then hug him. He will tell him that he missed him very much, even when he hasn't met him before. And that he is grateful he can see him now. He will finally be a son with a father. He will finally be able to call himself and Balinor, a son and his father.
Father and his son.
*The End*