Few things before you read this Christmas fic. One, there is no violence or murder, because I wanted to make a happy story since it's Christmas. Two, there's tons of romance. TONS. It may not be everyone's favorite, but I just thought Christmas is a romantic holiday, so why not make it fit? Three, the only rivals that exist in this universe are Osana and Hanako, but Hanako didn't exactly pose a threat, so really, there's only one. I originally wanted to put every rival in, but in the first draft, just the first part with Kizana contained almost 2,000 words, not exaggerating. That's why I was like, "Screw it, I'll just do one." Lastly, there's countless grammar mistakes and very limited vocabulary since my first language isn't English, and I'm merely a ninth grader, so...yeah, not a good excuse, but feel free to correct me in any error you find. Enjoy! ~Phoenix
Human lives are fragile glass that can only be held by gently cupping in both hands.
Ayano Aishi knew that already.
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"Yan-chan, what are you getting for Christmas?" Saki Miyu asked after she shoved her shoes into her locker. It is already beginning to snow outside, the cherry blossom trees' elegant pink petals lost their grips on the branches and fell to the ground, soon getting covered up by white.
Christmas, what an exciting word. On Christmas, lovers' hearts become linked by the red string of fate, children glow with smiles after receiving their presents, and families stay in their warm houses and tell stories and sing songs.
All of those, will they be enjoyed by a lifeless doll without a living heart to feel emotions?
Ayano Aishi didn't know.
"Christmas, huh..." she stared blankly at her shoe locker door, "I...honestly don't care..."
Each day, every single day, Ayano finds herself waking up in world of black and white. No colors, no music, nothing to look forward to. Inside another person is a red, glowing heart, but inside her, there is nothing. What's the point of waking up again...if everything will be the same, dull, lonely world like always?
Saki tilted her head in confusion, "Ehh? Yan-chan doesn't care about presents?"
She nodded hesitantly, then she turned around to face her, "Miyu-senpai...what...what does it feel like...to be happy?"
"H-Happy? Yan-chan, why are you asking me this?" Saki laughed and turned around to look at the snow from outside, "Happiness...is such a vague word. Everyone has their different ways of being happy. How should I describe it...well, it's such a wonderful feeling. It's what makes you look forward to tomorrow, knowing that you will smile and have fun!"
"Look forward to tomorrow, huh..."
"Why did you ask, Yan-chan?"
"...I want to feel happy."
Saki turned back and looked at her with surprise.
Ayano continued, her hollow eyes staring at the ground, "...I can't feel anything. For as long as I can remember, I've never been able to feel emotions. I pretend to be normal when I'm around other people, but on the inside, I feel nothing."
"Yan-chan..."
The charcoal-haired girl lifted her head robotically and moved her eyes towards the side, "It's not as bad as it may sound, I know that I'm broken, but I don't care." She stepped forward and began to walk past the teal-haired upperclassman with her head down again, "...This is normal for me."
Saki quickly followed her and placed her hand on her shoulder to stop her right before exiting the school building, "No, Yan-chan, this isn't."
Ayano turned her head slightly to glance at her.
She smiled and patted her shoulder reassuringly, "You're just too young to realize. I'm sure, even though you may have not noticed, but I'm sure that you felt happy many times in your life. We're still teenagers, Yan-chan, the time when we are supposed to be the craziest and funnest! Don't worry, one day, you'll find something that will make you smile as well!"
"..." Ayano chuckled humorlessly, "That won't happen."
"You just don't know it, yet!" Saki giggled.
"Saki-chan, let's go!"
Ayano and Saki turned their heads towards the voice. Kokona Haruka stood just a few meters away from the gate, waving at the turquoise-haired girl while saying goodbye to other girls that walk by her.
"I'm coming!" Saki raised her volume and shouted so she can hear. Then she faced Ayano one more time and waved, "Bye, Yan-chan!" After, she grabbed her backpack and gym bag and ran out of the building to meet up with her best friend.
Once again, Ayano was left alone. Not that it bothered her, though. Saki Miyu didn't mean anything to her but another classmate that sometimes talks to her.
Without another word, she picked up her backpack and headed out of the building. The chilly breeze stabbed her skin like a knife, penetrating her with coldness. She squinted her eyes a little when a wave of wind blew and lifted her hair up, hitting her face and covering her eyes. When the wind faded away, she raised her hand to adjust her hair.
"Happiness...what is happiness...?"
Ayano still didn't know.
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Night falls, covering the originally blue sky with tar, not leaving any light to seep through from behind the mountains. Only stars blinked up high to keep the lonely moon in company.
Ayano finished writing the last character in a sentence for her homework and snapped the workbook shut. Then she placed her pencil back in her pencil bag and stuffed her notebooks and supplies into her backpack. Her cat woke up from the sudden noises after long hours of silence and yawned, stretching its limbs and paws out.
"You're tired, too, huh..." Ayano said and crouched down to ruffle its fuzzy head. Its black, smooth fur appeared like velvet under her bright lights. "Me, too...I'm really tired..."
She stood back up and headed to her bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. After wiping her face with a towel, she reached her hands to the back of her head and tugged her rubber band out of her elegant charcoal hair, letting it fall to just below her shoulders. Looking at the mirror, she found herself looking more and more lifeless each day. Dark, noticeable bags under her eyes, cheekbones beginning to appear visible, and her skin becoming more and more pale.
Sighing, she set the rubber band down into the drawer and pushed it close, then she came back to her room to close the window. Before she pulled the curtains, she saw that the lights were still on in the house neighboring hers. Their balcony was facing towards her, and a boy around her age was standing on it wit his head up and a small smile on his face. He had pitch black hair just like her, fair skin, and a rather skinny body frame. His grey eyes are like mirrors, shimmering under the starry sky and reflecting the galaxy.
After a moment, Ayano finally recalled. He is the quiet boy that sits alone on the fountain, reading his book, avoiding interactions with anyone else. Even though he isn't involved with anyone, many girls around her seem to enjoy his mysterious aura. That loudmouth that always appears next to him, Saki Miyu's best friend, and even the student council president.
Ayano didn't know what has he done to cause them to fawn over him.
Raising an eyebrow, she pushed her window back open, despite more cold wind swarming into her room.
"You will get sick if you stay out," she stated with an uninterested tone.
The boy lowered his head to look at her, probably noticing she's trying to talk to him.
"What did you say?" he asked loudly so the wind wouldn't drown his voice.
He had a very smooth and gentle voice, Ayano thought. Not loud and obnoxious like the sporty boys in school, nor quiet and unconfident like the loners in the occult club.
"You will get sick if you stay out," Ayano repeated, this time slower and louder. Her throat was aching a little from raising her voice for the first time in so long.
"Ohh!" the boy laughed and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "Thanks for your concern. But..." He tilted his head up and turned to the right to look at the twinkling stars, "...The stars were so pretty, I couldn't pass the opportunity of enjoying them up."
Ayano looked at him for a few seconds, then she walked closer to the window and leaned against it, and she poked her head out to look at the same direction as him. Her eyes widened and her mouth parted slightly in awe from the sight. Though it was dark, she could see streaks of indigo mixed with purple and in swirling patterns like a whirlpool, glowing from the stars scattered around unevenly like glitter. At the top right corner, the silver moon carved into a semicircle hung up in the middle of a circle of stars, brightening the dark night with pride.
'So beautiful...' Ayano's irises gleamed and trembled by the breathtaking image. 'It's like a painting from a fantasy...'
For the first time, the monotone world disappeared, replaced by blooming colors and light. Even if it's only cool colors and black, it was brighter than any summer mornings.
The boy glanced at her amazed expression and grinned. He turned back to her and asked, "Hey, wanna come over here to get a better look? It would be a lot more comfortable to see this on a balcony."
"...Eh?" Ayano stared at him in confusion, "Me...? Go over there?"
"Yeah!" he smiled wider, then it faltered slightly, "If...if you want, that is. I mean, it is pretty weird for a stranger to suddenly ask that out of blue, huh?"
Ayano stayed silent for a while in hesitation. Then, slowly, she placed both hands on the windowsill and lifted and bent her right leg back, slipping out of her slipper, and she pushed herself up and set her bare right foot on the windowsill next to her right hand.
"Whoa, be careful," the boy said, not expecting her to accept his invitation.
She kicked off her left slipper and quickly raised her right hand up to hold the edge of the roof. Then she used her left hand to hold onto the side of the window and support herself to put her left foot on the windowsill and get in a crouching position.
Luckily, the houses were very close to each other, and Ayano's legs are long enough to cross to the balcony if she leaps a little. A little nervous, the neighboring boy leaned over the rail of his balcony and reached out a hand. Ayano carefully stood up with one hand still grabbing onto the edge of the roof, then she leaned towards him and stretched her arm out as much as she could. Sweat began rolling down her head as she bit her bottom lip in nervousness.
Finally, the tips of their fingers touched. For some reason, Ayano felt a strange thump in her chest from his touch. Their hands eventually were close enough to grab onto each other tightly. Ayano slowly lifted her left leg forward and leaned her body towards him more. Swiftly, both of them shot out their other hands, allowing Ayano to leap forward and land on the top of the balcony's railing.
"Careful, careful..." the boy said as he helped her jump down the railing.
Ayano sighed in relief and patted her chest. "...Thank you..." she muttered under her breath, but he heard it anyway.
"No problem," he replied as they finally let go of each other's hands. He flashed another bright smile, and Ayano never grew tired to look at it. He had pearly white teeth, and his voice was soothing, like music to her ears.
She clenched her fist without being noticed when she felt that thumping in her chest again. What is happening to her?
This feeling...it isn't uncomfortable nor annoying. Her heart pounded loudly, constantly reminding her that she is a living human, and she felt warmth rise to her cheeks. What has this boy done to her to cause her to experience these strange symptoms?
"Ah, it's snowing."
Ayano's thought were interrupted when she felt something cold and soft kiss her cheek. She looked up to see snowflakes slowly floating down gracefully like feathers. Some landed in her hair and melted.
The boy looked back up at the sky and stuck out a hand, allowing a snowflake to land in the center of his palm. It melted into water quickly. He smiled and asked rhetorically, "It looks like the stars are falling down from the sky, doesn't it?"
Ayano nodded hesitantly. She also stuck out a hand and watched as a crystal snowflake settle down in her palm. Within a few seconds, it melted and became cold water.
"So weak...so fragile...it disappears in a matter of a few seconds, yet memories of it still lived on..." she said to herself.
The boy glanced at her.
"...What's the point of appearing...if it will eventually die away so quickly anyway?"
Like human lives. Feeble, delicate, easily broken. Even the gentlest touch can cause it to crumble down and fade away.
"Even though its time is so short, it still struggles to survive to enjoy the beauty of life," the boy said while still looking at the sky.
Ayano spun her head towards him.
A breeze blew by, whistling in their ears. Ayano forgot all about the coldness.
"Nothing has a purpose in living, yet everything still lives. We are all here with the privilege to explore this beautiful world and enjoy what is on it. Soon, everyone bonded together and emotions formed. We live for ourselves, we live for each other. In the end, no matter what, we are still here, alive, healthy, grateful to be born," he continued. Then he turned his head to look at her with a smile, "Isn't that why you are standing next to me right now?"
Ayano's eyes widened.
At this moment, everything around her was mute. The only thing she could hear was her heartbeat.
She is alive.
"One day, you'll find something that will make you smile as well."
'...I already did.'
She glanced at his profile and realized it was more beautiful than the starry sky.
'Name...'
Her eyes traveled downwards and landed on his hand.
'Your name...'
'I want to know...'
His hand was slim like a girl's, but his touch felt like a prince's - strong, protective, but also gentle and polite. She wanted to hold it again and never let go this time.
'I want to know it...'
Perhaps it was the way he sounds, perhaps it was the way he looks straight into someone's eyes when speaking to them, perhaps it was his calming aura, Ayano felt herself being dragged into his spell.
'What is your name?'
'My love...'
The lump in her throat prevented her from asking.
That night, Ayano couldn't go to sleep again, but she had a sweet dream anyway.
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They encountered each other in school for the first time in the library. Perhaps they've seen each other multiple times before, but they blocked the rest of the world away from themselves, so much to the point they don't even notice themselves.
He found her sitting in his usual spot, reading a book he used to flip to the beginning over and over again. She was shocked to see him, the boy who filled her monotone world with luminescence and colors; he was surprised to see her, the girl who shares the same interests as him.
Ayano could almost see the night sky again.
"Don't you feel lonely all by yourself?" he asked as he approached the table she sat at and settled himself in the seat right across from her.
"...I..." her eyes lowered and landed on the cover of the book, "...I feel like I can see the world better if everything's out of my sight."
"You feel like that, too?"
"...You do, too?"
"Yeah..."
"Ah..."
That split moment, their hearts joined hands, sharing millions of thoughts.
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"Isn't it so stupid?" Osana Najimi ranted on her way home with Taro Yamada, "I can't believe Fuka-sensei deducted two points from my test because I wrote hiragana instead of kanji! Honestly, I think learning kanji is a waste of time, they're literally just a couple of characters mushed up together in one complicated as hell character."
They turned down a corner with Osana continuing to rant about her teacher, then she realized that her friend has been silent the entire time, daydreaming.
"...Are you even listening?" Osana crossed her arms and gave him a bemused look.
"...Osana..."
"What? Why do you look so gloomy?"
"Have you...well...have you ever met someone whom you can share all of your feelings with?"
"Hah?! W-What are you asking all of a sudden?! So embarrassing!"
"...I've met someone...someone that...I feel like is connected to me."
"...you..." Osana's eyes dulled, "...who did you meet?"
"...I never asked..."
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Christmas. The holiday when lovers join hands and share a tender kiss under a mistletoe, when children receive presents from Santa Claus, when families reunite and tell fairytales to one another.
Fairytales...
They are stories told in books, something Ayano never understood. She can read the words, she can comprehend the context, but she never understood the meaning. The stories all described such a perfect life, with everything falling in place towards the end.
The harsh truth is, nothing in life will ever be perfect.
Ayano stared at the piece of paper in her hands without a word or an expression. The black, printed words on it became blurry and scattered. Her hollow eyes reflected no light, resembling a doll. A lifeless doll.
Fairytales always end happily ever after. Fairytales are things that don't exist in real life. They never will.
Ayano knew that well enough.
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Morning arrived fast. As always, Ayano was the first one to arrive at school. After she found her locker, she unlocked it and took out her shoes, changed into them, then put the white pair back into the locker. She pulled off her scarf and took off her jacket, then she folded them neatly and placed them into her locker.
She suddenly felt her throat itch and her chest ache, so she quickly covered her mouth with her fist and coughed into it. Her cough was rather loud and unpleasant to hear.
'It's cold...' she thought to herself.
"Idiot, run faster already!" a loud, feminine voice yelled from the entrance.
Ayano turned her head towards the door and widened her eyes. The familiar dark hair, the endearing grey eyes, the angelic smile... Each step he took vibrated in her ears, her heart dances with the rhythm.
The boy next door...
Her eyes traveled to the girl next to him and instantly lost their reflection. Shadow fell onto the top half of her face. Her heart suddenly stopped beating, and her ears could not hear anything else. Who was she? Why was she with him? What is the relationship between them? Then she suddenly remembered, she was her classmate.
She disliked how close she stood next to him. She disliked how he laughed and smiled at her. She disliked how red her face was when she talked to him. She disliked everything about her.
This incredible anger ignited a fire inside her, swarming into every corner of her body. Her chest began to feel tight. She quickly walked as fast as she could and headed towards the bathroom, avoiding their line of sight.
Taro caught a glimpse of her hair in the corner of his eye and stopped talking immediately.
"Are you listening?" Osana asked.
"...Y-Yeah, I am..." he said, deciding to brush it off.
Ayano pushed open the bathroom door and rushed towards the sink. She stared at herself in the mirror and noticed how pitiful she looked. Unhealthy, pale skin, strands of hair escaped from her hair tie and messy bangs, huge bags under her eyes...she looked like she's aged ten years.
The itchy feeling returned in her lungs. She covered her mouth and coughed loudly, noises echoing in the empty bathroom. The only thing she could think about is that pest next to her beloved.
Stop her, hurt her, kill her. Anything to keep her away from him.
She tightly clenched onto the sides of the sink and stared emptily. Her arms trembled from supporting her heavy body, and it hurt to breathe. She really should take some medicine.
After washing her hands, she walked out of the bathroom with her head hung low, ignoring the salty taste in her mouth.
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Ayano hung a towel over her wet hair and walked back to her room to be greeted by her lazy cat. Hoping to see the boy again, she rushed to the windows and pulled the curtains apart and pushed the windows open. The sudden cold breeze blew into her room, blowing her towel off. She shivered from the cold air hitting her wet hair and quickly pulled the windows back.
Sighing to herself, she decided to go back to the restroom and grab a hair tie. As she put her hair back into a ponytail, she saw the house next door still has its lights on. There he was, sitting in his desk and reading a book.
Maybe because he heard the loud noise of her windows, he turned his head to face her, and his mouth curved into a smile. She noticed the book he was reading is the same one she borrowed from the library. He really did like that book.
Later, they waved goodbye to each other, all without saying a word. Ayano didn't go to sleep. She stayed up and opened up the book, and she read it all the entire night.
He was an isolated prince that nobody understands, and she was a nobody.
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"What do you think of magic?" Taro asked one day while flipping a page of his book.
Ayano, sitting across from him, cogitated. A few seconds later, she hesitantly opened her mouth and said, "Magic...doesn't exist."
"Oh?" Taro chuckled, "Why do you say that?"
"If magic does exist...then why would there be so many people in the world suffering?"
'If magic does exist...then why would I bother struggling to stay alive?'
He chuckled again and flipped to another page, "Perhaps so. Reality and fairytales are different after all."
"Perhaps so..." Ayano mumbled under her breath and lowered her eyes.
"But," he added, lifting his head up to look at her into her eyes that are grey like his, "I do think that...there are connotations for the word 'magic.'"
Ayano gazed back and tilted her head in confusion, "Connotations...?"
He nodded undoubtedly. "The moments I spend with you."
She widened her eyes.
"With you, I was able to share many of my interests and thoughts. I found someone that was able to let me rethink about my view of this world. For once, I felt like my words were carefully listened to and processed, and I enjoy hearing your response. I was able to explore my thoughts outside of a book. That is what I found 'magical.'"
"...S-Senpai...you...I..."
He stood up and picked up his book, "Let's go to class now, the bell is almost ringing." With that, he walked out of the library, leaving her stunned and shocked.
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"Big Brother, why do you look so happy?" Hanako Yamada asked while lying flat on her stomach on her brother's bed.
"Who knows?" he replied, pausing his progress of writing a sentence for his homework, "Maybe because Big Brother found magic."
Hanako raised an eyebrow and glanced at his back, "Magic?"
He chuckled softly and pushed the top of his mechanical pencil for more lead.
"Magic."
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The last day of school before winter break finally arrived. Students were extra energetic in the morning, greeting and giving each other high-fives. Saki Miyu teased Kokona Haruka about her relationship with her new lover, Riku Soma. They would blush in embarrassment and share glances when she asks them about their dates.
Osana watched them and instantly felt fretful and vexed. Lately, her best friend has been oversleeping a lot, and he always go to the library during lunch. The times they spend together are shortening day by day, and most of the time she's the only one that talks while he daydreams.
Her heart felt like a twisted towel, painful and tight. The thought of him smiling to another girl that's not her, holding her hand, and leaving her side tortured her. If he soon walked away with his eyes reserved for someone else, what will she do by then?
"Friday..." she said to herself and balled her hands into fists, "Today...after school..."
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"Hey, hey, you guys, aren't you all excited for Christmas?" Koharu Hinata, sitting on her desk and swinging her legs, asked her classmates excitedly.
"Of course," Mina Rai said as she pulls out her homework and pencil bag, "I can finally take a break from training in the dojo and visit my grandparents in Osaka."
Hayato Haruki flipped through his backpack and said, "I'm all up for a break from school. Ryusei and I planned to sneak into that one scary old lady's house in our neighborhood, right down the corner. I heard she's got bodies in her basement. Spooky, isn't it?"
Chojo Tekina gulped, "I-Isn't that...illegal? S-Sneaking in someone's house..."
"If the school allows an occult club to be established, why can't we explore someone's house? It's just curiosity, we're not gonna rob anything. Hey, Rai, can I copy your homework?"
"No, you may not."
"C'mon, help an old friend out."
"Haruki-kun, this is the fifth time, I nearly got in trouble last time."
Koharu laughed as she watched them argue. Then she turned her head and saw Ayano sitting alone, all left out on this conversation. She jumped off her desk and approached her, "Hey, Ayano-chan, wanna join us?"
Ayano shook her head, "I'm fine..."
"Aww, you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure."
"Okay... Oh, yeah, today you and Hayato will be on duty after school, don't forget!"
"Ehh, me again? Ugh..." Hayato grunted and turned to Ayano, "Hey, Ayano, do you mind doing my part for me? I...kinda have to go home because of...emergency."
Koharu rolled her eyes, "What kind of emergency would you have?"
"What do you mean? Even I can have serious business, ya know?"
"Right, such as playing baseball and wrecking other's houses."
"That only happened twice!"
Ayano sighed and massaged her temples, clearly annoyed by how loud her classmates are. "Alright, I'll do it..." she said helplessly.
"Really? Thanks, you're the best!"
What a pain.
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"I just realized," Taro said as he walked down along the shelf, skimming through the books on it, "You never told me your name."
Ayano, on the other side of the same shelf, also walked in the same direction. "My name...it's Ayano. Ayano Aishi."
Taro nodded and pulled out a book, "Ayano, huh? Nice name. Colorful and pretty to look at."
She felt her heart rate increase exponentially and her face warm up.
"Christmas is coming up, you ready?" he asked, flipping through the pages of the book he picked.
"...Not in particular," she replied, lowering her eyes and stopped walking when she stood right across from him.
"Oh? Why's that? What are you getting for Christmas?" he asked again and pushed the book back into its original spot. He began strolling forward again, his eyes searching for an interesting book title.
"Nothing," Ayano said, following him, "My parents are overseas."
"Ah, so you live alone."
"Indeed..." Ayano pressed her lips into a thin line, then hesitantly asked, "...W-What about...you? W-What are you...um...getting?"
Taro shrugged carelessly, "I don't know. But what I do know is that...I already have the greatest present now."
"Really...? What is it...?"
He stopped walking, and she stopped, too. He reached out and pulled out a rather thick book that was on the same level of his head out of the shelf, revealing Ayano's face from behind. She was taken aback by such movement and can only look back at him.
They stared into each other's grey eyes, seeing their own reflections in them.
"You."
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Sometimes, Ayano likes to ponder if she is living in a dream or dreaming about living.
These days passed by with no breaks to stop, giving her chances to experience different kinds of emotions. Anger, anxiety, hopefulness, and most of all, love.
Taro Yamada entered her life without taking off his shoes, but she welcomed him in and soon wished for him to never go. With him, she felt like she is living in a dream she never wants to wake up from.
As she walked down the hallway, carrying a huge stack of papers for the faculty room, she turned her head towards the windows on the right and gazed the world outside. Since when has the world become so alluring?
White snow covered every bit of green on the grass like a blanket. Spotless and pure, like Taro's mind. Winter surely is here. But soon, winter will come to an end, and spring will return. She will melt away like the snow and be replaced by the animated grass that continues to stay strong when being stepped on and dances with the wind.
When that happens, will he remember her?
Will he move on and fall in love with another girl? Such as the obnoxious pest that always appears next to him, will she take advantage of him and steal him away from her?
Thinking of this, she stopped walking and lowered her head. The more she imagined Taro's back turned towards her, the more she tightened her grasp on the papers.
'No...I don't want that...'
'I don't want to be alone again...'
'I don't want him to leave me...'
'...I won't allow that...'
Her breathing fastened and sweat rolled down her forehead when she remembered today is Friday.
Friday...that's when the spell of the mythical cherry blossom tree will function. If someone confesses their feelings to the one they love under that tree on a Friday, then they are guaranteed to succeed.
That girl...Osana Najimi...she will use this tree to capture Taro's heart. He will accept her, then they will join hands and tied by the red string. They will walk away from her, leaving her to die alone.
'I'll kill her...I'll kill her, I'll kill her, I'll kill her, I'll kill her...!'
Suddenly, she felt something come up her lungs again and coughed. Her body shook and trembled, eventually her arms let loose and dropped the stack of papers. They scattered all over the floor in an uneven mess. Both of her hands went to her mouth and cupped around it, trying to cover it. Her coughing grew louder, and soon her legs gave out. She fell onto her knees and coughed more and more.
Her coughing echoed in the empty hallways, yet nobody heard. Soon enough, her conscience drifted away, and her body dropped onto the cold, hard floor like an unwanted doll.
She dreamed about living.
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Osana's eyes glimmered at the sight of the sumptuous, mythical cherry blossom tree under the lavender sky. Though it is entering winter, the petals still bloomed gracefully on the branches, showing off its beauty pridefully.
She stood under this elegant tree and noticed how lonely it is. All the other trees already lost their leaves and flowers while this one remains youthful and breathtaking. Even if it's beautiful, what's the point if no other trees stood by it to admire it?
Just like her, if Taro left her side. Lonely, yet still stubborn.
He was always by her side, but then sometimes, he wasn't. He gave her happiness, then he suddenly disappears with them. She never understood what goes on in his mind, but then again, she never shared what's on her mind, either.
Such a mystery, he is. Even though he is such a hopeless fool...
"Osana!"
...he was always responsible and keeps his promises.
Osana spun around to see him panting with his hands on his knees, supporting his weight. He stood back up straight and wiped the sweat on his forehead and messy, black hair. His idiotic smile that she adored so much made her forget any stress she had.
"Sorry, I was helping out Ms. Kanon," he said apologetically.
"...Idiot..." she said, feeling warm tears pooling in her eyes, "You're...always late... Always..."
Taro was taken aback by her unexpected reaction, "O-Osana...?"
"You're never on time...what am I going to do with you...?" she sniffed, lifting an arm up to wipe her tears, "What are you going to do without me...?"
"O-Osana, I..." Taro walked a few steps closer, "A-Are you...okay?"
To his surprise, she ran to him and wrapped her arms around his torso, embracing him tightly. She buried her head into his chest, sobbing as quietly as possible.
"Without me, you'll always be late... Nobody would be as generous as me, waking you up and walking you to school... Nobody would be there for you when you're wimping... Nobody...!" she cried, hugging him closer, "...I...like you...Taro...s-since middle school, I've always loved you... I don't want to wait anymore... I-I don't want to risk losing you..."
He widened his eyes and stared at the top of his best friend's head. He suddenly lost his trail of thoughts and had no idea what to do with his free arms, so he just let them hanging by his sides.
"Everything... What goes on in your mind, what you do in your free time, what your favorite sports are, what places you want to travel to...I want to know everything... Taro, please, don't leave me, stay with me forever...!"
"O-Of course I'll stay with you forever, Osana, I-"
"Forever, forever and ever...!"
"Yes, forever and ever, I-I'll never leave you!" Taro quickly said.
"Then..." Osana lifted her head and looked at him straight in his eyes, her face red and her eyes swollen from crying, "...Do you...feel anything...towards me?"
"What are you-" Taro trailed off when he saw snowflakes falling from the sky and land on Osana's hair. Then he raised his head to see countless stars blinking back at him in the lavender sky.
Even though it's barely afternoon, it was already quite dark, making the stars more and more visible.
"...Taro...?"
"...Snowflakes...they look like stars falling from the sky..."
"Huh? W-What are you...?" Osana also glanced up to see what he was seeing.
Taro took a step back away from Osana, whom slowly let her hands drop to her sides. After a pregnant silence, he lowered his head, then his body, and eventually, he was bowing to her.
She widened her eyes.
At that moment, she understood him. She knew his thoughts and what he wanted without him speaking a word. She finally knew what was going on in his mind.
"Osana, I..."
"I get it."
Taro looked up, surprised.
She was smiling wholeheartedly at him. A sweet, peaceful smile with hints of satisfaction.
"I get it," she repeated, "I get it now."
"O-Osana..."
"It's fine," Osana sniffed and wiped her eyes that no longer have any tears coming out, "I...finally know...what you're thinking now." She, too, bent over and bowed deeply, "Thank you...for being honest..."
Taro's mouth parted open, then it curved into a genuine smile. "Thank you...for understanding...Osana."
They truly are best friends after all.
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After parting with Osana, Taro headed back to the school building to finish up his duty. He enjoyed the sensation of his feet crunching the soft, white snow. The cadence of the crystal snow clumping together played a beautiful music to his ears.
Soft snowflakes kissed his nose and cheeks, landing in his dark hair and melt into nothingness.
"Christmas..." he said to himself.
He pushed open the door and stepped into the building. His footsteps echoed in the empty building, keeping him company in this silent world. Once he turned down a corner, his irises shrunk in horror and trembled. His mind was instantly blank, forgetting everything else, as he immediately picked up his foot and dashed.
"AISHI-SAN!" he yelled out her name, panicking greatly. He stopped once he reached her lifeless body and shook her body. There was no response.
He soon called for his own teacher's help and soon an ambulance came and picked Ayano up. Taro was later sent home. When he looked out the windows of the car, he realized that the stars suddenly don't seem so bright anymore.
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'White...'
That was the first thing Ayano saw when her eyelids fluttered open. Pure, white surface hovering over her, behind her, in front of her, everywhere. Everywhere she looked, she only saw white.
The smell of medicine made her furrow her eyebrows in disgust. She slowly sat up, her head leaving the comfortable, soft pillow, and she turned her head to the side and gazed outside the window. The sky darkened into a deep shade of blue-violet, the twinkling stars and the silver moon were covered by dark clouds.
Though snow continued to fall, they seemed like they are mocking her for not being able to be freed from this prison.
That girl...she must have reached her goal. She snatched Taro away.
Ayano Aishi has lost this war of love.
Slowly, she began to tighten her grip on the sheet, then her hand trembled. Seconds later, she saw wet spots appear on the blanket and realized her face was warm. She clenched her teeth to suppress herself and keep her composure, but her entire body quivered as more and more tears swarm out of her lifeless eyes.
"Senpai..." her voice broke as she leaned forward and buried her head in the blanket.
Winter break has officially started.
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"Hey, Big Brother..." Hanako opened his bedroom door and saw him reading his boring book again. She narrowed her eyes and made a displeased expression, "Big Brother!"
He snapped out of his thoughts and turned around to face his sister, "Oh, Hanako, good morning..."
"Jeez..." she pouted and crossed her arms, "It's Saturday morning, the beginning of winter break. Why are you still dwelling in your room, not doing anything but reading that stupid book? Come on, let's go outside and play!"
Taro forced a chuckle and lowered his eyes, "I...really don't have many people to go to."
Hanako raised an eyebrow, "Eh? What about...Osana-chan?"
"She...we...well, lately, she's...been...very tired, I'd like to give her some rest."
"Then...do you not have any other friends? No one else to visit or something? If not, you can play with me!"
"...I..." Taro's eyes widened when he remembered something, "I...I do have someone to visit..."
Before Hanako could say anything else, Taro jumped up from his chair and snatched his coat from the doorknob of his closet door and rushed out of his room after yelling, "Tell Mom I'll be out for a while!"
Hanako ran a few steps after him and stopped when she exited his room while calling, "H-Hey, Big Brother, wait!" When she saw him already exiting the house, she pouted again and crossed her arms, "Hmph...ignoring me again."
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When Taro opened the door to Ayano's room, he saw her sitting up straight in her bed while looking out the window. She looked so peaceful, so exhausted, and melancholy escaped her emotionless eyes. She didn't even notice him coming in.
He brushed the unmelted snow from his hair and coat with his bare hands, ignoring the cold feeling, then he spoke up, "Feeling better, Aishi-san?"
She stiffened when she heard the familiar voice. After a few seconds of silence in which Taro patiently waited, she rigidly turned her body around to face him. He noticed how pale she was and how dark the bags under her eyes are.
"S-Senpai..." she croaked, "...You're...here..."
No longer will she be able to look at him without remembering that he already became someone else's property. No matter how many times she could abuse that girl, slap her, kick her, stab her, kill her, his heart will never become hers.
Her legs held no strength to support her body when standing up, and her lungs held no strength to continue pumping air for her to breathe. He will never want a half-dead human like her.
"Yeah, I'm here..." he said with a smile, "And I'll be here. For you."
She widened her eyes, then she looked away from him and lowered her head.
'No...please don't say that...'
He took a step forward, then his smile faltered when he noticed she flinched. He tilted his head and asked, "What's the matter?"
'I want to be free...please don't make me turn back...'
"I...n-nothing."
"Are you okay?"
'No.'
"Yes."
Taro pressed his lips into a thin line and hesitantly approached her. When he scanned the room, he saw a chair against the wall and dragged it towards the bed. Once he felt it was close enough to the bed, he walked around it and sat down.
"I..." he began, "Are you feeling better?"
Ayano took a deep breath silently and replied, "I am. Last night..." she raised her head and turned to him with an indescribable expression, "...I must have been really tired, I even fell asleep on the floor. I mean...I was on duty that day, and...well, my partner had something urgent happening in his home."
He frowned worriedly, "School must've put a lot of work on you, huh..."
"Probably..."
They fell into silence again. Ayano was already starting to feel sick of it.
Moments later, Taro broke it and said, "Lately, I've found another book I like. Do you want to read it one day? I can lend you it if you want."
Ayano nodded, "Days in the hospital are very lonely. At least...with a book, I could do something while waiting to be released."
"Ah, I can understand you. My friend, Osana, one time injured her leg terrible when we were around seven or eight, and she had to stay in the hospital for almost three weeks before she could finally walk with crutches. She sure wasn't happy about that," he chuckled, "Luckily, my sister and I tried our best to visit her everyday after school, so she wasn't that lonely."
'Osana...Osana again...'
Ayano tightened her grip on her blanket, "Senpai is...very caring...towards your friend..."
"Ha ha, thanks. We've been together since we were toddlers, it's only natural to be there for one another."
"Is that so..." her hands began to tremble, "I'm sure...Najimi-san...is grateful to...to have you..."
"I'm grateful to have her, too," Taro simpered.
"...Senpai..."
"Yes?"
"...If...if you met me first...would you...w-would you...fall in love with me?"
"Hm? What did you say? I couldn't hear you."
Ayano's heart dropped. He couldn't even care enough to pay close attention to her. As expected, she was absolutely nothing compared to that wench, Osana Najimi. She inhaled and said a little louder, "...I just wanted to say that I'm feeling a bit tired. Is it okay if I go to sleep?"
Taro scratched the back of his neck, "O-Oh, of course. Sorry, I didn't even ask if you were tired or not, ha ha..." He stood up and adjusted his coat, then he headed towards the door. Before exiting, he glanced at her one last time and said, "I'll visit you again tomorrow."
He left her alone. Again.
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She was taken aback when she saw him in her room again. He arrived with the book he promised to bring in one of his hands, and the other one held a plastic bag.
He told her he bought some pastries for her from the local patisserie that's managed by the Odayaka family. Their daughter was a student in Akademi and offered him some free red velvet cookies after he already bought a small vanilla mousse cake.
Carefully, he placed all of the petite desserts and the book on the table next to the bed, then he pulled out a small, dainty comb that is made out of fine bamboos.
"Girls need to take care of their hair," he said with a smile.
Ayano shifted into a sitting position on the edge of the bed, and Taro sat next to her. Then he gently used one hand to grasp her elegant, charcoal hair and began combing is as soft as possible with his other hand that held the comb.
The two sat in the silent room that was illuminated by the golden sun rays that obtruded through the window. Every tree has lost all of their leaves, replaced with white snow. The land looked like it was covered by thick clouds.
Ayano may be sitting calmly, but her heart felt like there were thousands of fawns running in a herd. She was very conflicted on whether to wish for him to stay here forever or tell him to leave before she loses control. After all, she already lost to Osana. She couldn't afford to lose her sanity even more now.
"Osana has taught me how to comb hair when we were kids, I never knew I'll have a use for that knowledge until now," Taro stated.
"...Najimi-san, huh..." she mumbled.
"Yeah, and I thank her for that," he said and placed the comb on the table, "I am lucky, too."
"Lucky to be here with you."
"...?!" Ayano snapped her head towards him.
He stood up, taking warmth away from Ayano's side. "I'll be leaving now, I promised to meet up with my sister and Osana at the town's central park. I'll come back again tomorrow."
With that, he exited the room.
Ayano sat without making a sound for a while, then she glanced at the neatly-placed desserts on the table. She reached out and cautiously took one out from its box, and fortunately, it already has a plastic plate under it. The sweet scent emitted from the snow-like white whipped cream and the colorful fruits.
"It's so sweet..." she said to herself when she inserted the fork with cake into her mouth, "But...I don't hate it."
The sickening sweetness disappeared from her tongue and traveled down to her heart. The heart that was stolen by Taro Yamada.
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It wasn't long before Ayano was released from the hospital. When the doctors described details of her sickness, she wasn't listening to them at all. They were just the same words she heard before.
"Make sure you eat well, sleep well, and stay out of polluted areas."
"Don't do anymore dangerous activities."
"I'm sorry."
How many times have she heard these now?
When she stepped out of the hospital building, she saw Taro Yamada standing outside under the frigid snow, waiting for her to arrive. He brightened up when he saw her able to stand and walk again.
"The weather is getting colder and colder each day," was the first thing he said to her as congratulations to her recover. He was treating her as a healthy, living being that can experience the same things as anyone else.
She nodded slowly, "Indeed...it is...very cold."
But his presence already warmed her up.
In the end, she really didn't want to let him go. No matter what, she will take him away from the one that took him away from her.
They walked side-by-side to home. On the way they could see their school standing up, tall and proud. The golden sunlight of the afternoon was reflected by the pure, white walls and clear windows. Their shoes pressed against the snow, creating soothing, crunching noises, letting them forget the freezing feeling it gave their feet.
Time slipped away from grasp swiftly like an eel. By the moment they reached home, the sky began to darken into indigo. Their shadows also shortened more and more.
They stood in front of their houses, facing each other. Ayano noticed that Taro really likes wearing blue. The clothes he wore the first time she saw him was light blue. The coat he's wearing right now that's covered in snow was navy blue.
He was like the sky that she always craved to reach.
"Senpai..." she said.
"Yes?" he answered.
"...If one day, I were to disappear...would you forget about me?" she asked.
"..." his smile faded with the light in his eyes.
"If...I were to disappear...would you try to find me, or would you move on without me?"
"...You will never disappear," he said, his voice slightly unstable, "You will always be in my mind."
Ayano lowered her head, a smile slowly forming on her face for the first time in her life, "Hearing you say that...is enough..."
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"Big Brother, why are you crying?"
"I don't know...maybe because...Big Brother doesn't want magic to disappear..."
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Ayano stared at her own reflection in the mirror and began to count how many wrinkles are on her face that wore a weary expression. Though only seventeen of age, she already felt like she's lived for more than a hundred years. Each day, she waited for the twenty-four hours to pass so she could see the end sooner.
Taro Yamada has made her wish time will stop forever and let her enjoy every second she spends with him.
But then someone came in and shattered her dreams into pieces like glass, then she took him away from her, leaving her in the cold all by herself. Soon enough, she will fade away from existence and become separated from life by death. When that time comes, she will never experience what it feels like to be warm again. She will never see the night sky with glittering stars and a prideful moon again. She will never hear his charming voice again.
When that time comes, will he remember her?
The wind began to blow harshly, bringing the hardened snowflakes and ice to the side. They clinked and bashed on her windows, creating obnoxious banging sounds.
Ayano's hands shot up and covered her mouth. She coughed and wheezed, feeling as if all of the air inside her were jerked out of her. She quickly grabbed a napkin and tried to muffle her coughing, but it didn't stop. One of her hands went to grab onto the table next to her as she slowly lowered her body and landed on her knees.
Snow continued to abuse her windows, finally pushing them open. She must've not locked it properly. Cold wind blew into her room, lowering the temperature drastically. Some solid ice particles flew in and hit her head and body. Her body eventually became numb from their mauling.
She quickly pushed against the surface of the table to lift herself up and stand, then shakily, she went to the windows and shut it back close. The glass was incredibly cold that it stung her skin.
The napkin she held in her hand had red stains on it.
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Hanako was always reliable on her brother since birth. Because of their parents always busy at work, they were often left alone at home, so being the oldest, Taro has to take responsibility of being the adult. Whatever she asked for, Taro will try his best to satisfy her.
The first time she met Osana, she was terrified. She was utterly terrified because Osana is a "rival," someone that could take her beloved brother away from her. She always made excuses for Taro not to see her on weekends, but always ended up going with him. Soon enough, they all got along and became friends.
In middle school, Hanako found out about Osana's unrequited feelings for Taro and began worrying. If Taro returned her feelings, would he think of her as top priority instead of his own little sister? Then again, they were always together, so would anything change?
"Hey, Osana-chan..." she asked one day, "If you like Big Brother so much, why don't you just tell him?"
Osana lowered her eyes and smiled, "...I did."
Hanako widened her eyes, "EHH?! You did?! W-When?! Did he...d-did he say yes? He said yes, right?!"
The orange-haired girl shook her head, "I was rejected."
"WHAT?!"
"He...already liked someone else," Osana stated.
"WHAT?!" Hanako exclaimed again, "Who is it?! Is it someone in his school?! Who's trying to steal Big Brother away from us?! I'll go find them, they will pay for bullying you!"
"Hanako," Osana stopped her and placed a hand on her shoulder, "Don't... Whomever it is, she must've been different from anyone else. Taro...really does love her. He wouldn't want anything bad to happen to her."
"B-But...she'll take him away from me...and you... Do you really want that?"
"Of course not," Osana chuckled, "But...Taro is also an adult now. He will have his own thoughts and decisions. Whatever he wants, we mustn't stop him."
"But...but I don't want Big Brother to leave me..."
"He won't, after all..." Osana placed her hand on the top of her head and patted, "Hanako is his favorite little sister."
Hanako's eyes shimmered. Then she looked at Osana's amber eyes with her grey ones and asked, "Osana-chan...how do you know so much about what Big Brother thinks?"
She closed her eyes and withdrew her hand, then she turned her head and looked at the sky, "Because...I am his best friend."
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Christmas Eve finally arrived, people in Buraza Town and Shisuta Town were extra lively in the morning. Colorful ribbons and confetti lied in the white snow like paint on a blank canvas. Tall Christmas trees stood in every corner, decorated by ornaments, stars, and angels.
Ayano sat in her bed while reading the book Taro gave her, ignoring the loud, optimistic cheering outside of her house. It's already been three days since she went outdoors, and now she doesn't even want to know if she still has the strength to survive the cold anymore.
Before flipping to another page, she heard knocking on her door and raised her head from the book. She then folded the corner of the next page and closed it, then set it on her bed and walked out of her room.
The knocking grew a little louder by the time she finally was close to the door. She reached out for the doorknob, twisted it, and pulled to see Taro standing in front of her.
"O-Oh, um...g-good morning, Senpai..." she stuttered as her heart rate increased. He was wearing his usual blue coat and black, long pants, and there was a small pile of snow on his head.
He grinned, "Good morning, Aishi-san. I was going to Christmas shopping with my sister and Osana, and I want to ask you if you wanna join us."
Osana Najimi...
Her breathing hitched in her throat. Osana Najimi, the wench that stole her dearest away from her, the one that stomped on her life and distorted her. That name made her feel nauseous and bitter. If only she hadn't appeared, if only she was out of her way to begin with...
"So, what do you say?"
"...I'll come."
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"Wow, look at all of these candies!" Hanako exclaimed excitedly. She ran a few meters ahead of the older teenagers and went from one store on the left then to one on the right repeatedly.
Taro laughed at his little sister's enthusiasm, "She sure is energetic, huh?"
Osana deadpanned, "Too energetic."
The smell of the freshly-baked Christmas cakes wrapped in brilliant red wrappers caught Hanako's attention. She squealed in excitement and ran back to her brother, "Big Brother, Big Brother, come and check out these cakes!"
Taro raised an eyebrow while still smiling, "Eh? Hanako, didn't you promise Mom not to eat anymore of those excessively large junk food?"
She pouted, "Aww, but it's Christmas, everyone eats on Christmas!"
He can only chuckle and shake his head helplessly, "Alright, alright."
Hanako cheered and wrapped her arms around his arm and dragged him towards the cake stand, leaving only Osana and Ayano behind.
Shadows covered the top half of Ayano's face as she glared deeply into Osana's back. Taro isn't here to witness nor protect her anymore, she has a limited amount of time to get rid of her once and for all. Her eyes traveled upwards and landed on her exposed neck.
Human lives are fragile glass that can only be held by gently cupping in both hands. With just a pinch, Osana Najimi will finally disappear.
Slowly, Ayano walked towards her and approached her more and more, then her hands began to raise and move towards her neck. With each step she took, she felt her heartbeat getting louder and louder, and her stare becoming more and more intense.
"Your name...Ayano Aishi-san..." Osana suddenly said, making her jump a little. Sweat poured down her face like waterfall. She quickly withdrew her hands and let them hang by her sides. Osana turned around and faced her, "...isn't it?"
She gulped, trying to calm herself down, "...Y-Yes..." She felt her hands shiver, not from the cold, but from anxiousness.
"You're in my class, am I right? Class 2-1?"
"Yes..."
"No wonder. You were always so quiet and never spoke unless Ms. Fuka called you, I was a bit unsure at first."
"I-I never liked talking."
Osana licked her dry lips and turned her head to her friend and his sister, "...He doesn't, either."
"You know, I..." Osana's face slowly turned pink, "...I-I've actually really liked him...every since we were young. He's...always been kind to me, despite how abusive I am towards him, he never ran away. I-It's...a very strange feeling, to be honest, I-I never knew why I acted extra violent when he...showed his kind side to me, until I realized how popular he is..."
Ayano dug her nails into her palms. Red veins can be seen in the whites of her eyes.
"He's never said much about himself, and he's always the listener during conversations. I...really want to know what his thoughts are and what he wants, but...my ego prevented me to communicate with him..." light flickered in her amber eyes as she gazed at Ayano, "Last day before winter break, I confessed to him."
'Shut up...shut up, shut up, shut up...!'
Ayano felt her head twitch.
Osana continued, "I really crossed my limit... I said everything I wanted to say, everything I hoped to know the answer from him. But..." she paused and forced a chuckle, "I was rejected."
"Y-You...what?" Ayano snapped her head up and glanced at her, completely taken aback.
"It turns out the rumored myth about the cherry tree wasn't true," she hugged herself when she felt a little cold, "The supposedly 'magic' of that tree...was its power to let people speak their mind. When two people meet each other under it, at least one of them will be determined to finally open up their feelings. Most of the time...the other already harbored mutual feelings back, which is why they agree. But now I realized...the tree also lets the one that receives the confession learn to be honest, too."
"...Senpai...was honest...?"
Osana cracked a wholehearted smile, "Yeah. I knew it before he even said anything. I finally knew what goes on in his mind that time. That...was more than enough for me. To be able to connect to him, to be able to understand him."
Ayano widened her eyes and released her fists. That's right, she herself has been alone and isolated for her entire life and only hoped to find someone whom she can feel connected to, someone that understands her. Years of no luck caused her to lose hope, and that one unexpected night changed her cravings into love. She loves him, she wants to understand him. She will never be able to live on without him.
He was the key to to her cage.
"..." Ayano bit her bottom lip, "Najimi-san, I..."
Osana patted her shoulder, "It's okay. I'm glad...I'm grateful that there is someone out there that is willing to accept him like me. After all...if I truly love him, I would wish for his happiness."
"Najimi-san..." Ayano's irises shook. She was the fool this entire time. She never thought about what he would want to be happy. She was the selfish one. She...she truly lost against Osana Najimi.
That familiar wave came back to her lungs. She immediately covered her mouth and wheezed, then she began coughing loudly, shocking Osana.
"A-Are you okay?!" she panicked and quickly patted her back.
Ayano's body bent over as she coughed harsher and harsher every second. Her face began to turn the lightest blue as sweat rolled down her forehead. Her legs lost strength, letting her body drop onto her knees, scraping them against the iced concrete floor.
The people surrounding soon had their attention averted to her after hearing her loud coughs. Taro and Hanako also turned around when the girl that sold them cakes looked over their shoulders.
'No...not now...'
Ayano began to taste something salty and metallic in her mouth, then she looked at her hands and found her own blood. She could no longer breathe, and a few seconds later, her body dropped onto the snow.
Taro's irises shrunk and trembled. His grip on the cake in his hand loosened unconsciously, dropping the warm cake onto the frozen ground.
"AISHI-SAN!" he bellowed and dashed to her, Hanako following behind with a worried expression.
Flashbacks of the day Ayano was sent to the hospital suddenly rushed back into his mind. His heart pounded against his chest with overwhelming anxiety. He knelt down and lifted Ayano's torso from the snow and shook her, hoping she would open her eyes again and tell him she's just tired.
"Aishi-san, Aishi-san! Can you hear me? Huh? Aishi-san?!"
"Home..." she muttered with her eyes still closed.
"H-Huh...?" Taro lowered his head so his ear was close to her lips. "W-What?"
"I...want...to go...home..." she choked, her voice getting quieter after each pause.
"Home?!" Osana exclaimed, "You can't go home now, you have to go to the hospital. At this instant!"
"No..." Ayano's quivering hand clenched into a loose fist, "Doctors...told me...to stay home... I...I can't go back...th-there's...medicine...at...home..."
Taro and Osana shared anxious glances. Then they wrapped each of Ayano's arms around her neck and lifted her unconscious body after Taro stood up.
"Hanako, come on, we're going home," Taro twisted his head back and said.
Knowing her brother has never made such an expression before, Hanako nodded without a complaint.
They all rushed out of the crowd, which all returned to their previous activities after they're gone. There were some red stains on the white snow that nobody noticed.
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Since young, Taro Yamada has always loved watching stars and the pictures they form during nighttime. He enjoyed how rapid they shine and how clustered a certain group can be, while the others are separated far apart. He often pictured himself as that one lonely star that is isolated from the rest of its kind.
No one else around him bothered to stand still and look up at the glowing night sky. They are too occupied with their life full of social activities and adventures. Taro, however, thinks that the biggest adventure for him is to explore what's outside of the world.
Lately, he noticed that there is actually another star hanging up there just next to that lonely star. He suddenly felt accompanied, like he doesn't walk on this planet solitarily anymore. Every night he goes to the balcony and lift his head to admire the galaxy hovering above, but in the end, he only searched for the pair of stars.
That destined night, the girl next door spoke to him, snapping him out of his thoughts. For some reason, he wanted to try again, to ask someone to join him on stargazing.
When their hands touched, he felt his heart touched as well. He was delighted to see another person finally understanding him.
He was shocked when he saw her in the library by herself, because he thought she was only a dream that he wished to have every night. Now, this dream became reality. He reached out to her, wishing she will place her hand in his like that night. She did.
Then she began to slip away.
Desperately, Taro stretched his arm out further to grasp onto her, yet she continued to move away.
"Don't go...!" he screamed, but his voice was stuck in his throat and unable to come out.
He sprinted to the hospital, thinking that he never knew he would have to come back for the same person again, and he pushed past many other patients and arrived at the front desk.
"Sir, please do not run in the hospital," the nurse said.
"Please...tell me..." Taro panted, snow melting on his coat and hair, "Ayano Aishi...why isn't she getting better?"
"Before that, would you please sign your name here for me?"
Taro extended his shaky hand for the nurse to put a pen on it. When signing, he saw two wet spots on the paper.
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The sky slowly faded into a dull grey color instead of the usual bright violet and indigo.
Taro raced against time and dashed back to his neighborhood, pushing away people in the crowded town. His foot suddenly hit a bump on the floor, causing him to trip and fall forward, landing face-first into the snow. He picked himself up, his face and hands red and frozen from the wind and ice. Ignoring the pain on his bleeding knee, he jumped back up and continued to run without stopping.
"I'm sorry."
That's what the doctor said to him, and that's all he could remember.
After what seemed like forever, he finally arrived at his and Ayano's houses. He bent over and placed his hands on his knees, breathing in and breathing out sharply, trying to catch his breath. Sweat dripped from his hair and landed on the snow. He then started dragging himself to Ayano's door, nearly stumbling on the way, and knocked on the door with the remaining strength he had.
"Aishi-san, Aishi-san!" he yelled, hitting the door harder each time his fist landed on it.
'Please...let me see you...'
"Aishi-san, are you in there?! Aishi-san!"
On the other side, Ayano heard the furious banging on her door and slowly opened her eyes. She was in her bedroom again, having no idea how long she was out. She began to use all of her energy and push herself off of her bed and stand with trembling legs.
"Answer me! Aishi-san, Aishi-san!" Taro continued to knock and bellow, ignoring the neighbors' stares.
Snowflakes started falling from heaven again, watching him struggle.
Ayano bit her bottom lip and held her suffocating chest with one hand, then she stepped out of her room and headed towards the door. As each second passed, she found it more difficult to breathe. Just as she was about to reach the door, she felt her head spinning and finally fell onto the hard floor.
"Sen...pai..." she managed, slowly crawling towards the door and reached out a hand, placing her palm against it.
Taro slowed down his knocking, eventually coming to a stop after he sensed her presence. "Aishi-san...?" he called out, lowering down and landing on his knees. He also placed his hand on to door.
Their palms met in the same area, except the door is between them.
Taro closed his eyes and placed his head against the door, "You're okay...you're okay...thank goodness..." He moved his hand slightly to feel the warmth of her hand, even though the door's temperature was very low.
Ayano gently leaned the back of her head against the door, her neck no longer having strength to support it. She inhaled deeply and shakily, "...Senpai...I'm...sorry..."
Taro forced himself to crack a smile, "What are you sorry for...huh?" It didn't take him long to realize his voice was uneven.
"I...can't...see anything...anymore..."
"Th-That's okay, take a nap, you're just...tired...right?"
"Tired...so...very...tired..."
"Ah, I don't blame you, Christmas shopping...is very exhausting, huh?"
Ayano averted her eyes from the ceiling to the window on the opposite side of the living room. She couldn't see any colors in the sky.
"Senpai..." she uttered.
Taro swallowed back his tears and replied, "Yeah?"
"...Are there...any stars outside...?"
Taro lowered his eyelids, sorrowful emotions swimming in his eyes, and dug his nails into the wooden door. The sky was like the pages of a novel, only black and white. He clenched his teeth to prevent himself from losing control, then he took a deep breath and smiled again, "Yeah..."
"How...many...?"
"Countless...just like that night when we first met..."
"Ah..." Ayano slowly smiled, "Senpai...is it...snowing?"
"Of course...it looks like stars are falling off."
"That's...beautiful..." Ayano suddenly saw black dots in her sight.
"When you get better, let's gaze at the sky again, and...and..." Taro felt a drop of tear streaming down his face, "Come on, o-open the door, let's get you to the hospital."
"...I...I don't...want to go..."
"Aishi-san, come on, you can't stay here...!"
"I...I-I don't want to go...I want to stay...to stay here...w-with you..." Ayano's voice began cracking.
Taro widened his eyes. He straightened himself and placed his other hand on the door as well, as if grabbing onto it stubbornly, "You're not going anywhere, you're...you're okay, right? Aishi-san?"
'No...'
"Yeah..."
"Come on, Aishi-san, please, open the door! Let me see you...!" he exclaimed, knocking a few times.
Ayano forced her head up and glanced at the doorknob that was high above her. She wanted to grab it badly, but she really was too tired to move.
"Senpai..."
"Y-Yes...?"
"Would you...tell me...your name...?"
Taro plundered into silence when he noticed he never gave her his name. All these times he spent with her felt like they've known each other for eternity. She never built up the courage to ask him for his name. He never knew he never told her.
"My name...m-my name...is...Yamada..." he inhaled, "Taro...Yamada..."
"Yamada...senpai..." Ayano attempted to say. It was a very simple name, yet it still sounded so good to her ears.
"Aishi-san, I-...I..."
"So nice..."
"H-Huh?"
Ayano's eyes stared deeply into the door. She used all of her strength to lift her hand up to the place where she thought his cheek was and touched it gently with her knuckles. Her vision began to darken more and more, letting all the colors she could see fade into black.
"I've...never been...able to...t-to be so...close to...you...like...this..." Ayano trailed off as her eyelids finally covered her grey eyes. Her hand dropped down by her thigh, and her head hung low. Her last breath finally escaped her.
"...Aishi-san?" Taro pressed his ear against the door when he heard her voice slipping away, then he tried to search for her warmth through this barrier with his hand. He began knocking again, "Aishi-san? Hello? Can you hear me?"
The clock stroke midnight and began to ring. Christmas is here.
"Aishi-san...?" Taro called again and desperately tried to listen for her voice, "Aishi-san, are you there?"
No matter how many times he called her name, his response was always deafening silence. For some reason, he couldn't utter another sound. His voice hitched in his throat, and he could only stare at the door with a shocked expression. He finally heard the loud ringing of the clock and stiffly turned his head around. Far out in the distance, there was the star that was isolated just like him. The other star disappeared out of sight.
'Even though my time with you was short, I continued to force my eyes open for as long as I could just to see you again.'
Taro turned his entire body around and leaned his head and back against the door, then he bent his knees and hugged them.
'I may not have played a role in your life, but I was still there in some parts. I was happy to finally meet you. I was happy to find you in my life. In the end, I tried my best to fight and stay healthy, and I was grateful to be born.'
'Isn't that what you meant?'
Taro watched as the grey clouds disappear and fireworks shoot up into the dark night sky, blooming with colors like flowers. Snowflakes kissed the tip of his nose, this time comforting him.
He finally allowed warm tears to flow down his face freely.
'Senpai...'
"Merry Christmas, Ayano..."
A/N: Merry Christmas, my dear readers.