Hey guys. Sorry I haven't updated Changed for FMA. Im slowly writing it, I kind of lost inspiration for a but while I was holidays, but I'm good now :)
Disclaimer: I don't own KHR, although it would be could to of, awesome show. Also the poem in this story is not mine either- it just fit perfectly with Nana's emotions, It belongs to © Deborah Robinson.
Enjoy another sad story!
"Tsuna are you okay?" Yamamoto asked. They were walking home from school and Tsuna's face was a unhealthy green and he was slightly stumbling along the pathway, his hazel eyes un-focused.
Yamamoto watched him carefully, ready to catch him if he fell. Recently Tsuna had been acting like this but it was slowly getting worse.
"Yeah, I'm just really tired" Tsuna replied - true to his word - in a tired voice. They reached the Sawada household and they walked inside. Tsuna smiled at the greetings his household members sent him.
"I'm going to bed, I'm tired" he announced to his mother that was at the stove top, cooking.
"Okay Tsu-kun, go get some good sleep" Nana called as Tsuna began walking up the stairs slowly. Yamamoto noticed Reborn watching Tsuna carefully.
"Yes Mum" Tsuna said, his sentence ending in a yawn. Yamamoto watched Tsuna go, unsure.
"Nana, when Tsuna wakes up can you tell him I'll be here in the morning?" Yamamoto asked Nana.
"Sure, Takeshi-kun" Nana replied while turning back to her cooking. Yamamoto smiled and waved his goodbye to the loud people around the table, Bianchi missing along with Gokudera, who had gone back to Italy to sort out family matters- much to Gokudera's dismay. Yamamoto left the house and walked out onto the quiet street.
"Get better soon Tsuna" Yamamoto whispered into the empty air. He turned and left with a uneasy feeling weighing down his heart.
"Tsu-kun, time to get ready for school- Yamamoto will be here any minute" Nana called from downstairs. When no answer reached her ears she sighed, and simultaneously the door opened to reveal Yamamoto.
"Hi" he greeted all the occupants of the house and walked upstairs to find Tsuna and probably wake him up. He knocked on Tsuna's door and he received no answer, as usual. He walked into the room.
Yamamoto gaped at the scene before him. Tsuna was lying on his bedroom floor face down. Yamamoto raced to his side and rolled him over. Tsuna looked even worse than yesterday and judging by his clothes, as soon as he reached his room he collapsed.
Yamamoto stared at the unconscious Tsuna, and something was telling him that this was no ordinary sickness. You don't faint when your just sick with something ordinary.
Yamamoto picked Tsuna up effortlessly off the floor and turned to see Reborn standing at Tsuna's door looking at Tsuna with a worried expression, which Yamamoto knew mirrored his own.
"Take him to the hospital, I'll organise a taxi" Reborn stated and turned to walk down the stairs.
"Juudaime!" Was heard throughout the hospital as Gokudera ran into Tsuna's hospital room. As soon as he heard he rushed back from Italy.
"You!" He yelled as he saw Yamamoto, ignoring Reborn. "You couldn't even look after juudiame for a week!"
"It wasn't his fault" Reborn answered before Yamamoto could open his mouth. "He got sick, there was nothing Yamamoto could do".
"What does he have?" Gokudera asked, while looking at the sleeping Tsuna.
"We don't know yet" Yamamoto answered while re-taking his seat by Tsuna's side. "They are running some tests now".
Gokudera walked over to Tsuna's other side and sat down, holding Tsuna's hand. Almost immediately after a knock was heard at the door.
"Come in" Reborn called. Shamal appeared at the door with a downcast expression.
"What's wrong with Tsuna, Shamal?" Gokudera asked, noticing the expression on Shamal's face. Shamal moved closer into the room and stood at the foot of Tsuna's bed. He looked from Tsuna to Gokdera, Yamamoto and Reborn.
"Tsuna has pancreatic cancer" Shamal said quietly, looking away from them as he delivered the harsh news. Tears welled up in Gokudera's eyes and he put his face on the bed and started crying into Tsuna's hand. Yamamoto sat, shocked - not registering the conversation between Reborn and Shamal.
"What stage is it?" Reborn asked. His fedora was covering his eyes to hide his expression.
"Stage 4, he would of had it for at least a year" Shamal replied, still refusing to face Reborn.
Reborn swallowed, his mouth turning into a grimace "When will he die?"
"Let's just say, He won't live to see next month" Shamal replied before turning away and walking out of the room.
2 weeks past by as people slowly arrived at Tsuna's hospital bed, although they dreaded the moment that they would have to tell Nana that her only son was dying.
"We have to tell her soon" Ryohei said, ironically since he had not told Kyoko yet.
"Not yet, please" said a croaky voice. Tsuna.
"Juudiame!" Gokudera said in surprise. Tsuna's eyelids opened to reveal eyes that hadn't been seen for 2 weeks.
"I don't want her to know yet" Tsuna says slowly. His health had been deteriorating while he was in a medicine educed coma. He was almost skin and bones, but the drip he had was keeping him alive.
He looked so small and innocent, but that only broke the hearts of those around him more. Now all of his guardians even Hibari was present- even though he only visited because he hated crowds- as well as Reborn, Bianchi, Futa and Shamal.
"She needs to know Tsuna, there is not that much time left" Shamal said. He didn't like to discuss Tsuna's illness and death with him but his mother had the right to know. Tsuna smiled at that, his skin skimming over the cheek bones underneath. He was well aware that he was going to die, he always knew everything-the gift and the curse of the Vongola.
"Okay, tell her in person tomorrow" Tsuna said. Nana was on a trip that Reborn had sent her on and she was coming back tomorrow. It was the best option at the time, to keep her away from the heartbreak.
"Who would you like to tell her?" Yamamoto asked, wanting to keep Tsuna talking because he could see that the pain killers were taking affect and making him drowsy. Even though it was selfish he didn't want him to close his eyes, he didn't know when they would be seen again.
"I'm sure you guys can figure that out" Tsuna mumbled as his eyes slid closed and he fell into a deep sleep.
It was agreed that Shamal should do it because he was a doctor. Nana would trust him. He took a deep breath and walked up to Nana's door. He knocked.
"Coming!" He heard from inside. The door was opened to reveal a bright Nana who had a dusting apron on. Usually he would of turned perverted once faced by a pretty woman, but not anymore. "Hello Doctor Shamal, would you like to come in?"
"Please" Shamal said. They walked inside and sat on the chairs in her lounge room.
"What can I do for you?" She asked politely.
"As you know I am a doctor, and I have come to talk about Tsuna"
"Why? He only trips over at school." She said immediately.
"I'm afraid he has a illness" He said, trying to postpone the terrible news.
"What type, is it the flu?" She said, her concern growing.
"No, I'm afraid he has Pancreatic cancer" Her eyes widened in surprise and her hand clutched onto the pillow on her lap.
"What stage?" She asked quietly, staring imploringly into Shamal's eyes.
"Stage 4" Nana's eyes began to swell with tears and she started sobbing as she clutched the pillow to her chest.
"W-when?" She asked through her sobs.
"At the end of the month" She didn't answer she just sat shaking and tears dripping down her cheeks and onto her pillow.
"Can I see him?" She asked after a long pause, turning to Shamal.
"If you wish".
Nana walked into the room clutching her bag and saw Tsuna's friends surrounding the hospital bed. When they saw her arrival they moved out the way silently with looks of sympathy. When the last person moved she saw her son.
"Oh, God" she gasped. Her son was laying prone on the bed, looking like such a young innocent and very sick child.
His thin arms were by his side, so thin that you could see his muscles moving beneath and the bone prominent under the skin. His face was pale, no more were the rose colour to his cheeks. His eyes were hidden beneath his eyelids. His hair was still gravity defying, but droopy...like it was dying too.
He extended her hand out to trace her sons cheek bone. She felt tears run down her cheeks. He traced the bones down to his hand which she put in her hand. He began sobbing again as she held the hand to her face, cradling it against her cheek.
His hand was so small. It brought home the horrible reality of the situation. Her only child was going to die. At 15. In one week. He still had so much life to experience. He was supposed to grow up in a strong young man, fall in love and get married.
But now he didn't even get that chance.
"Would you like some water Tenth?" Gokudera asked. He was sitting at Tsuna's side - as was Yamamoto- where he had been the past few weeks, almost never leaving- only when he was forced to attend to himself. During the weeks everyone had been coming and going - only Reborn, Yamamoto and Gokudera stayed.
Now everyone was here, since this was the week Tsuna was expected to die in. Futa was sitting in the corner with Lambo on his lap. Chrome and Mukuro were sitting in the corner, heads bowed together. Bianci was holding Reborn in her arms standing near the bed, as was Shamal.
Hibari was leaning against the window frame, his head bowed- as if asleep- not allowing anyone to see his expression.
Nana was just outside the door, talking to a doctor. Ryohei had told Kyoko and they were standing near the head of Tsuna's bed, Kyoko's constant sobs were silent and the only sound to be heard was the constant beep of the machine monitoring Tsuna's heart beat -monitoring his life.
To others It would of been annoying but to them the constant beeps where reminding them that Tsuna was still alive.
But the time would come where it would stop beeping.
"No thank you Gokudera" Tsuna said faintly. His voice was slowly fading. Tsuna winced in pain as he lifted his boney hand to his abdomen and rested it. Tsuna flashed a knowing smile at the ceiling.
The time was upon them.
"I'm sorry that you never got to be my right-hand man, Gokudera" Tsuna said, turning to look at Gokudera intently. Gokudera recognised the tone in his voice.
"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you...Tsuna" Tsuna smiled- that was the first time Gokdera called him Tsuna, he had always wanted that.
"You can't protect me from everything" Tsuna was still smiling as he looked towards Yamamoto.
"Look after yourself when I'm gone" He said. Yamamoto noodled while trying his best to not break down.
"Be yourself, don't hide from everyone -I always liked the true you the best". Tsuna smiled at him one last time before he turned his frail head towards the people at the end of his bed.
"Thankyou for being here and being apart of my life when you didn't have too" he said to Bianci,Shamal and Futa.
Tsuna turned from their sad smiles to look at his Mist guardians.
"Thankyou Mukuro and Chrome for choosing me" He smiled at the two, Mukuro's expression of hidden sadness and Chrome's openly sad. Chrome smiled back sadly, clutching Mukuro's hand tightly in her own.
"I'm sorry Kyoko...I'll miss you" he said to Kyoko, tears starting to form in his eyes.
"I'll miss you too Tsuna" She said while hugging him tightly, tears falling into his hair. She moved away from him, giving one last lingering touch to his pale face before returning to her brothers side.
"Live life to the the extreme Ryohei" Tsuna said his kind smile turning into a grins the unshed tears making his eyes glisten.
"Extreme!" Ryohei said slightly loudly, his head held high but his eyes saddened.
"I'm sorry I couldn't grow stronger and fight you, Hibari" Tsuna said - because he knew that Hibari wasn't asleep.
"Goodbye Omnivore" Hibari said while turning his steel gray eyes to Tsuna, his eyes held many emotions which only Tsuna could tell between- anger, disappointment and... sadness. Tsuna gave a small smile to him, sending the unspoken message.
Hibari knew that Tsuna could see right through him, and in some aspects it annoyed him. But he didn't feel so lonely. In a weird way he had brought light and happiness into his life, like only Tsuna could.
"Reborn, even though you were a spartan tutor - you were always there for me, even through the most unorthodox methods" Reborn smirked back at Tsuna. Although his eyes showed thanks. "Tell mum...
Tsuna started coughing, everyone cringed at the harsh sound in the silence "...I love her" he said to Reborn, who nodded silently.
Tsuna took a deep breath. He looked towards the ceiling to collect himself. He was glad he had painkillers, this way he could say goodbye properly. He could feel death, reaching out to him and caressing his face.
He didn't want to die, who would?
But it had been chosen for him.
For some reason God needed him, and he had to accept that.
He could feel it closing in, darkness began clouding his vision. He accepted it all. His only regret was that he had to leave his family and friends behind, but now they could live the lives they wanted without being chained to him.
Tsuna moved his eyes to the window, looking up at the bright blue sky. Tears slipped from his eyes and rolled onto his cheeks.
At least he could leave this world knowing he was loved.
They all sat and watched Tsuna. Gokudera was at his side holding his hand, tears streaming from his eyes. All eyes were watching and witnessing the child's death.
Crystalline tears began flowing from Tsuna's eyes as he looked towards the sky out the window. Tsuna let out a shaky exhale, and as if on cue, he deflated with his last breath.
Gokudera watched as Tsuna's eyes clouded over and they lost their vision. Tsuna's small hand went limp in Gokudera's. His eyes remained open as they stared blankly at the sky.
"No, no, NO!" Gokudera screamed as Tsuna's hand dropped onto the hospital sheets. He fell to the ground at Tsuna's side.
His scream brought reactions from everyone in the room and alerting Nana outside. Bianci left her place and drew her distraught brother into her arms, leaving Reborn standing on the edge of a Tsuna's bed.
Nana rushed inside. She was greeted with the sight of her sons body, laying limp on the hospital bed-his dead eyes looking towards the sky. He shrieked as she raced to her sons body. She hugged him to her chest as she wailed into his limp hair.
"My boy, my beautiful boy. I'm so sorry" She said as he wailed. All the other occupants of the room were in their own deep pools of grief.
Kyoko was sobbing into her brothers chest and he hugged her close to him, tears building and flowing from his closed eyes.
Gokudera was crying uncontrollably has he clutched onto Bianci, her eyes showing her shared pain.
Yamamoto was sitting shocked as tears flowed from his eyes. He couldn't believe it. One moment he was here and the next he was gone. He looked at Tsuna's body. He had been sitting on the side of the window, so he had received a first line view of Tsuna's eyes right before his death. Those beautiful eyes had shown a sadness but at the same time acceptance.
Futa and Lambo were bawling and clinging onto each other. Futa was well aware of what life brings, but it wasn't fair that his Tsuna-nii had to take to full force of it. Lambo wasn't aware of what death was, but he knew he would never see his Nii-San again.
"Where did big brother go?" Lambo wailed at Reborn. Reborn was ignoring him as he tilted his fedora, casting a shadow across his face.
He couldn't let the others see the tears that were brimming in his eyes. This was his student that lay in that hospital bed - dead, his responsibility and he let him die. Not a death by violence but a painful death no less.
Shamal felt that he hardly new the young Decimo, but he grieved nonetheless.
Tears fell from Chromes eyes, her gaze not leave the body of Tsuna. Mukuro gave a sad smile and looked at Tsuna. Before closing his eyes and turning away from the body.
He couldn't bare to see another body, another child taken from life.
"Goodbye Bossu" Chrome said almost bursting from trying to keep her grief at bay.
"Farewell Tsuna" a tear slipped from Mukuro's single human eye as the two disappear into mist.
His tear fell to the floor at their departure.
Hibari stood in the corner. He had looked up just before Tsuna died and watched his bright eyes fade into darkness. He didn't feel grief or pain. He just felt empty. Slowly he left his post and walked out of the room. He couldn't stand the grief-thickened air, the annoying buzz he machine made as Tsuna flatlined or the sight of Tsuna's body.
"Herbivores" he stated as he walked from the hospital.
Tsuna was weak, nothing more, nothing less.
Only the weak died young. Hibari stopped still in the middle of a park.
He couldn't fully agree with that statement. Sometimes the good died young too. Hibari felt wetness fall done is face as he continued his course.
Dear Tsuna,
Don't worry your mama isn't going mad yet. I know my letters will never reach you, but I will continue to do it anyway. Yesterday was your funeral. I don't think I've ever been sadder in my life.
I know it was never your fault-but you didn't have to bare the burden of your cancer on your own. I wish I could of been their for you during the painful times. I knew you thought it was for my own good, along with everyone else.
I don't blame you. I just don't know what to do know. Many of your friends have left our house. Only Reborn, Futa and Lambo remain. They are quiet. It feels like I'm the only one in our suddenly large house Tsuna. I can't go into your room. I can't even look at its door straight. The little ones are very aware of your passing my son.
Lambo doesn't run around anymore, he just sits sniffling and crying with Futa. Futa tries to help me around the house, but he too is overruled by grief wherever he sees something that reminds him if you.
Reborn is quiet, too quiet. He spends most of his time in your room. He only comes out for meals. I think somehow he feels like it connects him and you. He was there when you were taken. I'm so sorry that I wasn't.
But you planned that didn't you? He watched you pass away. It is like your passing has done serious damage to him. He was your tutor,ne? It's not everyday that you watch your student pass away.
At 15 no less.
Why were you taken from me Tsuna? You were only a month short of your 16th birthday. You didn't even get 16 years of life. But, even though it was only 15 years. They were the best years of my life. I will cherish them forever.
Everyday now I wake up to your smiling face on my bedside table. Some days I try to pretend that your just next door, sleeping.
But I can't.
The only way I can continue is by imagining when I will see you again. It may be a very long time to wait, longer than you had lived. But no time is too long if I can be with you again.
I will never forget you my son.,
Until we meet again
Your mama
I only have a picture now,
A frozen piece of time,
To remind me of how it was,
When you were here, and mine.
I see your smiling eyes,
Each morning when I wake,
I talk to you, and place a kiss,
Upon your lovely face.
How much I miss you being here,
I really can not say,
The ache is deep inside my heart,
And never goes away.
I hear it mentioned often,
That time will heal the pain,
But if I'm being honest,
I hope it will remain.
I need to feel you constantly,
To get me through the day,
I loved you so very much,
Why did you go away?
The angels came and took you,
That really wasn't fair,
They took my one and only Son,
My future life. My heir.
If only they had asked me,
If I would take your place,
I would have done so willingly,
Leaving you this world to grace.
You should have had so many years,
To watch your life unfold,
And in the mist of this,
Watch me, your Mum grow old!
I hope your watching from above,
At the daily tasks I do,
And let there be no doubt at all,
I really do love you.
"Happy birthday Tsuna" Reborn said. A month had passed since Tsuna's death. Reborn stood in front of Tsuna's grave. He didn't know why he came here. He hated seeing the words on Tsuna's grave stone. It was like a stab to the heart reading those few words.
Tsunayoshi Sawada
14th October 1998 - 10th August 2013
Aged 15
'His true wealth was in his generous heart. And what endless wealth he did have'
As much as he would deny it, he missed his little student-he couldn't lie to himself and nobody else was fooled. Tsuna's death was a massive blow to him. The type of blow that took many, many years to heal.
He had been preparing him for the mafia lifestyle. Nobody could of guessed that cancer would of been the cause of his young death. Most people in the mafia die young. But he was the youngest he had ever seen.
He felt disconnected now. Nothing really made any sense anymore. He had always had a purpose theses last 2 years. A plan to make Tsuna even better. But now Tsuna was gone and he had nobody.
He didn't even know why he was still in Japan. He had no reason to be. His student was dead. But his emotions where holding him back. He had buried his emotions long ago, but now they were affecting them deeply and he didn't know how to cope with them. The sudden thoughts that made him sad, the things he saw that made him cry.
He couldn't leave the memories of Tsuna behind. He wouldn't let himself walk away and forget his unsuccessful venture. His life would never be the same, Tsuna had changed him forever. Even when he was careful Tsuna could still have those intuitive moments and see straight through him, bring down his barriers and exposing the person inside. He was the only person that could do that.
Reborn reached under his hat and took out a single flower, before placing it on top of the up turned earth which is student lay beneath. "Goodbye Tsunayoshi" he said as he walked away from the grave, tears rolling down his cheeks.
A single carnation fluttered in the light breeze that tried to remove it, but it never left the child's grave- even after death.
Pink carnations mean 'I never forget you'. I thought this was the perfect way for Reborn to say it because he never expresses his feelings in words, but in actions.
Thanks for reading
God Bless,
SephrinaRose