Thorin knew that his husband was angry by the way he was handling the dishes as he was making breakfast, but he decided to ignore him. There was no way he could stop him right now. Bilbo needed to calm down before he would be able to think rationally.

"How dares he," fumed Bilbo as another pan ended in the sink. "He knows the rules."

"You are burning something," noted Thorin plainly, not looking up from the newspaper he was currently reading.

Bilbo cursed silently before trying to save the eggs that he burned for the third time. With the way this was going they will soon run out of eggs and Thorin would not get his breakfast. "We will have a talk!"

"We won't say anything. He was just one hour late. It has never happened before so I guess something happened. Maybe he had so much fun he wanted to stay a little longer." Thorin really didn't understand why his husband was making such a big deal out of this.

"Just one hour," laughed Bilbo. "He is sixteen! Sixteen-year-olds have a curfew and they better come home on time. Not one hour late! I don't care if he has come up with a brilliant excuse why he was late, he will be grounded."

"You're overreacting," said Thorin plainly. "He is very responsible, I'm sure he just forgot to inform us."

"Inform us? He shouldn't inform us of anything. He should have called and asked for permission to stay an hour longer. What he did was irresponsible."

"You do know that you are doubting the way you raised your own son," asked Thorin.

"He better apologize," huffed Bilbo, who finally relaxed a little.

"If he doesn't you can interrogate him where he was," said Thorin before returning back to his newspaper.

Not even a minute later Thráin came into the kitchen and sat down, ignoring both of his parents. He was so busy texting he didn't even notice them.

"Morning!" said Bilbo loudly than needed just to make a point.

"Morning," said Thráin when he looked up from his phone.

"We missed you last night."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. We were really having fun."

Bilbo maybe bought his story, but Thorin didn't believe a word he just said. Still he sent a look to his husband to drop the subject.

"You are burning something," pointed out Thráin as his phone announced another text.

"That's it. I give up," said Bilbo as another pan ended in the sink. "It's just not my day."

"Son," said Thorin quietly as Bilbo started to clean the dishes. Thráin looked up from his phone to his father who was pointed at his neck and then looked at his husband. Thráin immediately understood what his dad was implying. He quickly covered his neck with his hand.

"So, any suggestions for breakfast," asked Bilbo as he sat down at the table. Thráin's phone beeped again and Thráin smiled before answering the text. "Who is texting you so much? Hello? Earth to Thráin?" Thráin ignored him so Bilbo pulled the phone out of his hand.

"Hey that's mine," protested Thráin and reached for his phone.

"You'll get it back later," said Bilbo before putting the phone on the countertop to get finally get some peace from the annoying texts that his son received. "What is that," asked Bilbo as he saw the mark on Thráin's neck.

Thráin completely forgot about it since he was preoccupied with his phone. "It's nothing," he lied and covered it quickly with his hand.

"That's not nothing. Now let me see," insisted Bilbo and tried to pry Thráin's hand away to get a better look.

"It's just a bruise. Can't you just forget about it?"

"Let me see," insisted Bilbo and managed to get Thráin's hand away. "That's not a bruise. This looks more like a…" Bilbo trailed off as the realization hit him. The look in Thorin's eyes told him he guessed right.

"Hello! Anybody home?!" called Dís as she entered the house.

Thráin used her arrival as his chance to escape. "Aunt Dís! I was never happier to see you," he called before grabbing his phone and disappearing upstairs.

Dís just frowned. "You were really never happier. You didn't even say hello," she muttered as she entered the kitchen. "Did I interrupt something," she asked when she saw Bilbo staring into the distance.

"No, nothing," lied Bilbo as he snapped out of his trance. "How can we help you?"

"I need coffee."

Dís was out of the house as quickly as she came and Thorin and Bilbo were left alone in the kitchen.

"I just couldn't believe my eyes," said Bilbo.

"Just forget about it."

"I can't," answered Bilbo. "I'm going to the store. We're out of milk and now we are out of eggs too. I'll be back soon," he said as he took the grocery list off the fridge. He pressed a quick kiss to Thorin's lips and was about to leave when Thorin stopped him.

"Don't do anything stupid," he warned and Bilbo just rolled his eyes before walking out of the kitchen.

"Thráin!" Bilbo called from the bottom of the stairs. "Do you need anything from the store that is not on the list?"

"No!"

"You sure?"

"Yes."

:::

Bilbo returned from the store not even thirty minutes later. He brought two bags in the kitchen and sighed. "You haven't even moved since I left," he complained as he saw his husband still sitting there.

"I made coffee," said Thorin, "And this newspaper is quite interesting."

"You could at least help me," pointed out Bilbo.

"Mhmm…"

Bilbo rolled his eyes. He called his son and ordered him to bring the remaining bags into the kitchen.

"Did you bring me everything," asked Thráin as they went through the bags.

"Yes. Look. Shampoo, new toothbrush and your deodorant," said Bilbo and gave the things that his son requested.

"Thank you."

Thráin was about to leave but Bilbo stopped him. "I also brought you this," he said as he place three boxes of different size condoms in front of him.

"Dad," whined Thráin.

Thorin finally put the newspaper down and looked at his husband. "I told you not to do this," he said calmly.

"I think it's time we have a talk about things like this. He needs to know."

Thráin slipped away as his parents were bickering.

"We live in the 21st century," started Thorin. "I highly doubt he needs an embarrassing speech about sex from us."

"You saw his neck. Things like that don't appear when two people are just kissing. Soon he would want to do something more and I want him to be prepared and informed. It's about his safety as well."

"I know him enough to know that when he will want to know something he will ask. You always want to make things official. This is not how this works," said Thorin before he left the kitchen. He knew that his husband won't let this go so easily so he feared what was coming next.

About an hour later everyone was called to the living room. Bilbo apparently wanted to talk about something and everyone had to listen.

"What's going on…" Thráin trailed off when he saw the condoms and books and magazines on the table in the living room. "Please don't," he whined and wanted to run back upstairs, but Thorin, who was standing behind him, stopped him and told him to sit down.

"Thráin," started Bilbo, "It comes a time when a boy-"

"Please don't do this," pleaded Thráin.

"Bilbo, there is no need-" tried Thorin.

"Why is it so hard to listen to me just once?" asked Bilbo. The look in their eyes told him that no one wanted to listen to me.

"I really don't need this," said Thráin as he once again refused the offered box of condoms.

"I want you to have them," insisted Bilbo. "You are growing up. Things will change and you'll want to know what you like and what not. The size is also very important because-"

"Dad already bought me condoms," interrupted Thráin.

Bilbo's eyes widened. "What? You bought him condoms."

"Yes," simply answered Thorin.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I asked him not to!" explained Thráin.

"And why not," asked Bilbo.

After a moment of silence Thráin spoke. "Because when I asked Fíli he told me to go talk to dad. He said he'll understand."

"But you have me," protested Bilbo, who was a little hurt that his son didn't want to tell him.

"You always make such a big deal out of everything," he pointed out. "You started acting weird the moment you saw a hickey on my neck. Like you never saw it before! You always have at least a few every time you and dad have sex." Now it Bilbo's turn to feel embarrassed. "You try to hide them, but it's not really working."

"What we do in our bedroom is none of your business," said Bilbo calmly after he regained his ability to speak.

"So talking about my sex life is perfectly alright?"

"We are not talking about it," pointed out Bilbo. "We are talking about sex in general. Sooner or later he will want to move things to the next level and I want to you to be prepared."

"There is no need to… He?" questioned Thorin when he realized what Bilbo just said. "Who is he? Thráin?" asked Thorin when his son looked away. "Who is he?" Repeated Thorin.

"Can we please move on?" asked Bilbo who was trying to change the subject.

"No, I want my answer."

"There is really no need-"

"There is."

"Can I be excused?" interrupted Thráin.

"No. Sit down," ordered Thorin. "Now we are talking about this. How old is he?"

"Dad…"

"Thorin, there's no need-"

"How old?" asked Thorin once again.

"Eighteen," mumbled Thráin.

"Eighteen?!" Thorin couldn't believe his ears. "You are seeing someone who is two years older than you? How come I never heard about this before?"

Thráin avoided answering the question.

"Because you always overreact about things like that," explained Bilbo. "He told me because I won't threaten that boy to kill him."

Thorin took a breath to calm down. "So you like this boy?" Thráin just nodded in response. "Does he return your feelings?" Thráin nodded once again. "And you two have been together for how long?" Thorin was really hoping his son would fall for a girl. He would saw him a lot of grey hair.

"Eight months."

Thorin just shook his head. He couldn't believe they were keeping this from him for such a long time. "Okay, maybe I didn't want to talk about it before because I thought I knew everything but apparently I don't so maybe we should talk about sex."

If Thráin could disappear he would. He was never more embarrassed in his life.

"Sweetheart, do you have any questions? It would make things easier to talk about," said Bilbo.

"Can I be excused?"

"No," answered Thorin. "Sex is a part of our life and I want to tell you a few things. First, you need to be ready for sex. Not just psychically, but emotionally. You need to be mature enough to take know what you are getting yourself into. First time should be something special for you and your partner. You can't just jump at things because it will get awkward. Trust me, I know. I can't tell you when is the right time to have sex, only you know that."

Thráin's face was slowly turning red from embarrassment.

"When two males decide to have sex there is a lot of preparation involved. You need to decide how you will do things and then prepare you partner so that he doesn't get hurt. You must always keep in mind that you are not doing it just to pleasure yourself but also your partner."

"Until you settle down," started Bilbo, "Please do me a favor and use condoms. It will make things a lot less messy and you are protected from any diseases. Your dad bought you condoms so I'm guessing you already tried them. If you haven't, please do. It's important to find your size, it will make things really easier before you have sex. With that you'll also learn how to put in on quickly it-"

"Can you two please stop?" asked Thráin who was now red as a tomato. "I know you are trying to do what all parents do, but please stop."

"Thráin, I think-" started Thorin.

"I already had sex." Their son announced and Thorin's jaw dropped. He hoped he heard wrong. "Several times actually. I know you wanted to help me, but I'm not stupid. I know how things work. We talked about it a few times and then we had sex, okay. So please stop."

Thorin and Bilbo just stared at him in complete shock. Their little boy already had sex. He was all grown up now.

"Can you two please something?" asked Thráin as his parents remained quiet.

"That was unexpected…" said Bilbo slowly. He just wanted to say something before Thorin would explode, like he knew he would.

"You had sex?!"

"Thorin, there's no need-" tried Bilbo.

"No need?" questioned Thorin. "How dare that boy use you like this. You're underage."

"He didn't use me," retorted Thráin.

"Did you use protection, sweetheart?" asked Bilbo calmly.

"Yes, every time. Don't worry about it. We did everything like we should and it was really enjoyable."

Bilbo just nodded.

"You call him right now, young man," ordered Thorin. "And he will come talk with us right now if you ever wants to see you again. Let's see how much you mean to him."

"Papa," whined Thráin, hoping for Bilbo to help him. "Please stop him."

"You will call him right now," repeated Thorin.

"Why?" demanded to know Thráin. "It's not like Fíli and Kíli needed to bring their dates home."

"They are not dating older boys!"

"Why does it matter? I love him and he loves me!"

"You don't understand what love means."

"Thorin," warned Bilbo. "You should stop. Calm down please. What's done it's done. If Thráin doesn't regret it we shouldn't worry about it."

"You should have said something," said Thorin. "You knew he was in a relationship and you stayed quiet!"

"Don't raise your voice over me," warned Bilbo. "And I stayed quiet because I knew how you were going to react."

"Call him," ordered Thorin as his son still didn't move. "I want to have a word with him."

"That's enough," said Bilbo. "You are acting like a child, Thorin. Please stop with this nonsense. How about a compromise? Thráin invites him to dinner tonight and we get to meet him."

"I still want to have a word with him."

Bilbo moved to sit in Thorin's lap, and his husband immediately calmed down. "If you behave you'll get to do that thing you like," he whispered in his ear.

Thráin grimaced. "Can you please not talk about what you two do in your bedroom?"

"You had sex, you know what we do," said Thorin before kissing Bilbo deeply. His husband moaned with the appreciation.

"You two are just gross."

"Call him," said Thorin as the pulled apart. "I still want to meet him." Before he could finish, Bilbo distracted him with another kiss.

Thráin just rolled his eyes before he left them alone in the living room. He had a feeling that his parents would be using the condoms that were on the table.

Author's notes:

All mistakes are mine.

...a little more action.