Disclaimer: No copyright infringement is intended. This story is not meant to violate the rights held by New Line, Tolkien Enterprises, nor any other licensee, nor is any disrespect intended.
Author's Note: I'm not sure how long this story will be. Not sure how it'll go. But something keeps nagging at me to write something a bit happier instead of the usual stories I write. So, without further wait, ENJOY! Please review at the end!
Summary: Kili used to have a beard. But one morning, when he woke up, it was gone. Kili believes that Fili shaved it off just to vex him, and Fili tries to prove that he is innocent. But is he? Now, an all-out prank war has begun between the two mischievous brothers and Thorin is often caught in the middle of it.
Chapter One: Beards and Bugs
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
With a snarl and a surprised cry, Thorin flailed for his sword, snatching it up and racing to where the scream came from. He burst through the room that Fili and Kili shared, demanding, "Where is it? Who is it? What happened?"
Kili was deathly white and Thorin was afraid that he was ill, until Kili screamed, "MY BEARD!"
Thorin blinked. "Your what?" Realisation dawned upon him when he noticed Kili's now-smoothly shaved chin. "Kili, whatever happened to your beard?"
Kili's first ever beard was gone.
Thorin placed his sword on the ground before examining his nephew. Kili had been a bit slow with growing a beard, and others had teased him for it. Then, one day, to Kili's delight, he had found stubble on his chin, and had begun to grow a beard that was almost as great as Thorin's, in his opinion.
But it was gone.
Thorin grimaced, knowing that Kili's pride was hurt. Dwarves took beards seriously. For Kili's beard to be shaved off ... Thorin 'tsked'. "How unfortunate."
"How unfortunate?" Kili shrieked. He leaped out of his bed, still pale in the face. "Unfortunate? Aye, uncle! Unfortunate indeed!" Kili paced the room, then muttered a foul curse that made Thorin grimace again. Then he stopped. "Fili," he said out loud. "Where is my brother?"
Thorin shrugged. "He woke up early this morning," he replied. "Headed off somewhere snickering, if I remember correctly. I asked him what was so funny, and he merely answered with another fit of laughter."
"Fili did it!" Kili shrieked. "He did this!" Kili moaned as he ran his nimble fingers over the barely-visible stubble that remained. "Oh, I'll get him back for this. Perhaps I should shave his beard, too!"
"Kili," Thorin tried to reason.
"Or perhaps I'll tie him to a tree out for an entire day where I can laugh at him."
"Kili, you have no proof-"
"I don't need proof, uncle," Kili answered smoothly as he put on his boots. "I'm almost positive that he did it. Only my brother would do something so ... so ... so sneaky and disgusting!"
"Indeed?" Thorin murmured, raising an eyebrow as Kili snatched up his coat and began to put it on. "And what will you do now?"
"Go after him," Kili answered grimly as he slammed the door shut behind him.
Thorin winced.
"FILI!"
Fili turned, then grinned when he saw his little brother, red-faced and furious-looking.
"Fili!" Kili bellowed again.
Fili frowned. "Aye, brother? What has gotten you in such a fit?"
"THIS!" Kili snarled. He jabbed a finger at his beard - or rather, lack of it - and Fili frowned again.
"How unfortunate."
"Unfortunate?" Kili snarled. "I hate that word!"
Fili flinched when his brother grabbed the front of his coat and began to shake him, hissing, "You did this, didn't you? My first ever beard!"
"I have no idea what you're talking about, brother," Fili answered, dodging his brother's fist aimed at his head. "Really, I don't. Whatever happened to your beard? The beard that you were so proud of!"
"You shaved it off!" Kili roared. He pointed a finger at Fili. "I'll get you back for this," he threatened. "You'd better watch out, brother. You'd better sleep with your eyes open, or else you might find something happened to your beard!"
Fili stepped back, a look of mortification on his face. "No, Kili!" he sputtered. "You have no prove, sir! You can't blame me without any proof."
"Oh, yes I can!" Kili bellowed again, making Fili wince. "I'll show you, brother!" He turned and stomped away.
Fili rolled his eyes.
Kili paced his room, muttering under his breath and narrowing his eyes. He was still vexed. A dwarf's beard was his pride. To shave one's beard off ... it was a huge insult.
Kili very couldn't shave off his brother's beard, since he knew his uncle wouldn't be quite pleased at his first heir's lack of beard, but Kili knew that he could get his brother back in a different way.
It has been a long time since I pranked him, Kili mused. They usually pranked their uncle or someone else together, rarely going against each other. It seemed it would be different this time. Kili headed outside, scuffling through the dead leaves on the ground.
"Kili? What are you doing?"
Kili looked up. Ori, his friend, was staring at him in a puzzled way. His eyes flashed with shock when he saw the barely-visible stubble on Kili's chin. "I'm gathering bugs," Kili answered casually.
"Kili!" Ori sputtered. "Where's your beard?"
"Fili shaved it off," Kili growled.
"Oh, I see," Ori said with a nod. "You're planning to get him back, aren't you? Well, Kili? What are you going to do?"
"I'm gathering bugs to put in his bed," Kili answered absently. He plucked out a caterpillar and a worm with two fingers, dropping them into a small jar.
Ori winced. "He won't enjoy that."
"He's not supposed to enjoy it," Kili muttered. He straightened up, the jar filled with a surprisingly large amount of small critters. "How does this look?"
"Terrifying," Ori said, taking a few steps back.
Kili pulled his arm back toward him. "Oh, sorry. I forgot that you were scared of bugs."
"Irritated, not scared!" Ori sputtered. He gave Kili a look. "And don't you dare tell Nori that bugs sc - er, irritate me."
"Of course I won't," Kili answered with a grin. He nodded to Ori. "Have a good day."
"You as well," Ori replied, watching Kili stride toward the house. "I'm sure you'll enjoy your - er - entertainment today."
"Oh, I will," Kili tossed over his shoulder with a grin. Then he shut the door.
Dinner was rather unusual.
Kili kept throwing a glance at Fili, smirking every time his eyes met his brother's. Fili was slightly puzzled, confused by the looks his brother kept giving him, always accompanied with a smirking grin. Thorin was exasperated by their behaviour, knowing that Kili had done something.
I hope he doesn't plan to explode the oven again, Thorin thought dryly. One time was enough.
"May I be excused, Uncle?" Fili asked, just to be polite.
Thorin tilted his head with a small nod, knowing that Fili was uncomfortable with Kili's mischievous smirks. He watched his eldest heir hurry away and turned to his youngest nephew with a sigh.
"What have you done, Kili?" he asked, slightly exasperated.
Kili widened his eyes. "Nothing!" he protested. "What makes you think I've done anything?"
"I saw that smirk as many times as Fili saw it," Thorin retorted. "I know that you've done something to your brother. What is it?"
"Uncle, even if I had, I wouldn't tell you," Kili replied casually, finishing his meal.
Feeling a flash of annoyance at his nephew's cheek, he stood up, saying, "Clear the table and do the dishes, Kili. I have to go to the forge."
He heard Kili's groan and chuckled silently. He didn't really have to go to the forge, it could wait until tomorrow, but he really didn't want to experience Kili's mischief in case he got caught in it as well.
Like one specific time.
"Kili, why are you looking so happy?" Thorin asked the youngster, puzzled.
"Because happy is a good feeling," Kili chirped.
Thorin blinked. Where did his nephew get those words from? "What mischief have you gotten in this time, little troublemaker?" Thorin growled playfully, tickling Kili's stomach, snatching him up.
Kili squealed, writhing as Thorin tickled him even more. "U-uncle! Nooooooo! Stop!" he begged, giggling even more. His eyes widened when Thorin headed toward a nearby tree to sit under. "No! Uncle, wait!"
Thorin gave him a puzzled look. "There is nothing wrong with that tree, little one," he said, setting down the youngster as he strode over.
"But - but -" Kili bit his lip, tensing and waiting for Thorin's yell. Sure enough, it came.
"ARGH!"
Kili opened his eyes a bit again, and headed over to the base of the tree. His uncle hung upside down, a rope keeping him dangling by his ankle.
"Kili," Thorin growled. "You just wait until I get my hands on you."
Kili smiled weakly.
Thorin chuckled at the memory, entering the forge. He nodded to a few other dwarves as he passed them, and they nodded back civilly. Thorin grabbed a hammer, preparing to get some work started.
Thorin returned, sweating and exhausted. He entered the house, pulling off his boots immediately and throwing them carelessly to the side.
Yelling was heard upstairs. Thorin grimaced, preparing himself. Then he opened the door to the room his nephews shared with each other.
Fili and Kili both froze. Pillows were clutched in their hands, one of them half-exploded. The room was a mess (it always was).
Thorin growled. "Fili, Kili," he said in a low tone. "What happened?"
"He put bugs in my bed!" Fili sputtered. "He knows how much I hate bugs! And ... and spiders!" Fili shuddered.
Thorin glared at Kili, who smirked. "He deserved it," Kili told his uncle. "He shaved off my first beard. He asked for it, uncle."
Thorin sighed.
"This is only the start, uncle, you do know that?" Kili said, rather happily.
Thorin sighed again. "Why are you looking so happy, Kili?" he asked.
"Because happy is good feeling," Kili answered cheekily with a grin.
Thorin groaned.
End of Chapter One
Author's Note: Chapter Two will probably be up soon. Maybe in a few days or a week? I'm not sure. I hope you enjoyed! Please take the time to REVIEW! Tell me what you thought. ;) I'm taking in ideas, I could sure use them! I need them, actually! Please REVIEW!