So I saw one of the newest promos for tonight's episode, "Duets", and as much as I love Tartie, I thought the upcoming Bartie scene looked both hilarious and adorable. So this idea of a drabblet just popped into my head and here it is. Obviously, this all completely speculatory based on a less than three-second shot of Artie making out with Brit. So if tonight's ep turns out to give a completely different context to it, then consider this AU after it airs. :P

Disclaimer: Don't own Glee. If I did, Artie would have as many solos as Rachel.

Artie never thought he'd find himself in a cheerleader's bedroom, much less making out with said cheerleader. And if somebody had told him the cheerleader would be none other than the famously clueless Brittany S. Pierce, Artie would've had a stroke from all the laughter.

But here he was. Brittany told him she liked him, and he was a free agent, so it's all good, right? He didn't sneak a glance at Tina's direction when Brittany invited him over that night. He didn't really raise his voice when he told Brittany he'd be there at seven when he saw her walk by.

The night wasn't anything major. Brittany happily babbled on (something about how a tiger and a deer having little baby deegers would mean having some really cute pet kitties, also that she was sure her cat and her three-year-old cousin were now both in on some kind of scheme to read her diary and tell everyone the secrets within), while Artie sort of blanked out. Don't get him wrong, Brittany was amazingly hot but Artie needed to tune her out after a while. God only knows how Santana deals with it.

Then Artie broke out of his trance when he heard "...kissing record."

He blinked. "What?" Brittany smiled vaguely.

"My kissing record. Last year I told Kurt that I'd kissed every guy in the school except him, but I didn't count you because of the whole robot thing. And now that I've realized that you're totally not a robot, there's one more guy I need to getting a perfect record."

Artie widened his eyes. He didn't think they were gonna go this fast. "Brittany, I don't know if you wanna do that."

Brittany stared quizzically at him. "Why not?" Artie struggled for words. "Because I-" Aaw, screw it. "Fine, go for it."

"Do you mind if we do it on the bed?" She asked. Artie flushed. Things were definitely going a little far here, but hey, it was just kissing, right? No big deal.

"Um, I guess." He started wheeling himself to the bed, but Brittany seemed to have other plans for him when she slid her hands underneath the seat of his pants. "Woah, what are you doing?" Artie sputtered. Brittany smiled. "I'm gonna take you there, silly." And with that she scooped him out of the chair and held him with impressive strength. After the initial shock, Artie relaxed and smiled a little. Only Brittany.

Still, there were so many things wrong with this picture. Artie was being carried bridal-style by a girl to the bed (there goes his male pride), by Brittany of all people. Artie was still battling with his feelings for Tina. The whole reason he even agreed to this was to make her jealous! Nobody said anything about a makeout session!

But as Brittany laid him down gently on the bed and pressed her lips against his, Artie closed his eyes and let everything go. He'll probably regret this whole thing tomorrow, but right now he's sick of regretting.

Brittany's kissed better.

For a guy who's apparently only kissed one girl, Artie's not too bad but he could seriously use some work. He's kinda awkward, and it's already been ten seconds and he still hasn't tried to touch her boobs.

Still, it's a nice change. Artie's lips don't have that wierd boy-food taste, like most guy's lips do. Like dip or nachos. And his lips are super warm and stuff, and he smells really clean. Kinda like the doctor's office, except more home-y. Whatever that means.

Oh well, he's better than Kurt was, anyway. And he sure doesn't kiss like a robot.

FIN