Santana always knew how to make me feel better, but this time i wasn't so sure. Artie was the only person (besides Santana) that never made me feel like i was an idiot. Everyone always made fun of me because i wasn't as smart as them or i didn't get their jokes. I couldn't help it, my brain just doesn't hold a lot of information. Most of the time i don't let it get me down, Santana always tells me how smart i am and I've slept with a lot of guys so i have that going for me.
Artie called me an idiot. He told me that Santana was taking advantage of me and that she was just using me to break me and Artie up. He didn't understand. Our relationship was different, it always has been and no one can ever understand that. I mean, I could barely understand it half the time. Santana refused to talk about it for a long while, so i stopped trying to understand what was going on. That was until we sang Landslide.
I didn't even know Santana had feelings for me, but when i found out she did i started to realized what my feelings meant. I also understood why i wanted to be close to her all the time. She always said it was better without feelings, but i never believed that was true. She was soft on the inside like the yoke of an egg. You just had to crack her. She and i both knew that she wasn't ready to deal with feelings even though we knew she had them too. So, even though she asked me not to; I stayed with Artie.
I was crying in the hallway and Santana came over to console me, she was kind and loving and surprisingly didn't say anything bad about Artie. She didn't even threaten to go "All Lima Heights" on him. Maybe she would be able to make me feel better. She lead me to the choir room and sat me down. I wondered why no one else was there, usually when we go to the choir room it's with the rest of the glee club.
Brad started to play some music on the piano and she told me to listen carefully because this song was for me.
For you, there will be no more crying
For you, the sun will be shined
And i feel that when i'm with you, it's alright.
I know it's right.
I started to tear up immediately. She probably thought it was because i was still crying over Artie but it wasn't. No one had ever sung such a sweet song to me before. Most of the time people singat me and i don't really understand the words very much but this song was slow and simple. This was Santana, showing me her feelings. Her voice giving mw chills was nothing new but i felt a twinge in my chest this time. It was different. The way she was looking at me, her eyes full of love and longing. She didn't break eye contact, not once.
To you, I'll give the world
To you, I'll never be cold
Cause i feel that when i'm with you
It's alright, i know it's right.
My mom told me that when i met the right person, the one i was in love with and meant to be with, i'd know. I think that this was that moment. Her eyes were glossy now and i was just so full of joy. I felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. She was so beautiful and so raw. This Santana was only seen by me. She was never like this with anyone else and i loved it. It made me feel like i was special.
And the song birds are singing
Like they know the score
And i love you, i love you, i love you
Like never before
Those three words. She'd said them before but it meant so much more now. I wanted her to just keep singing that part, just to make sure i wasn't dreaming. She really does love me. I was tearing up again.
Ohhhh ohhh
And i wish you all the love in the world
But most of all, i wish it from myself.
I was paying close attention to the words because i knew she would want me to. Everything was perfect. This song was perfect, Santana…was perfect. I don't know how i stayed with Artie so long. It must have killed her, i never wanted to cause her any pain i just wanted to do what i thought was best.
And the songbirds keep singing
Like they know the score
And i love you, i love you, i love you
Like never before
Like never before.
The song had ended and i couldn't do anything but smile. A tear began to roll down her cheek and i walked towards her as she tried to wipe it away. I looked into her eyes and uttered the only word that could come to mind. "Beautiful." I hugged her so tight that i thought i might squeeze her to death but she hugged back just as lovingly, so i felt okay about it.
"Santana, I've never loved anyone like i love you and i've never loved you more than i do right now. Thank you." I said before I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her softly, for the first time in months.
I wasn't sure how long my lips stayed on hers but when we parted and our eyes met, i knew we were seeing the same thing. Fireworks.
xx