Pearls of Great Price
Jim Kirk wandered the halls of the Enterprise. It wasn't that he couldn't sleep, of course. He'd been through much worse than some aliens' warped idea of an experiment, and wasn't prone to losing sleep over such everyday occurrences as strangers kidnapping him and trying to kill him and his crew. No, he just wanted to visit his ship, walk her halls, experience the peace and stillness that was never there during the day.
The hallways were quiet, the dim lights of the night shift creating shadows that Kirk refused to let remind him of the darkness of the caves. He wondered where Gem was now, what sort of story she would tell her people of what she had experienced – or if she had any way of communicating it to them at all.
Though he wasn't consciously walking with any specific destination in mind, somehow Kirk wasn't surprised to find himself treading the familiar path to Sickbay. The last time he'd seen McCoy, the doctor had been hunched behind his desk, updating their medical files to include the injuries he and Kirk had sustained on the mission. When Kirk had stopped by, McCoy had barked to be left alone, how was he supposed to get anything done on this ship with visitors popping by every ten minutes? If the captain needed something then Nurse Chapel was perfectly capable of helping him out. But when Kirk had glanced back, his friend had been sitting with his head in his hands, elbows leaning on the desk and shoulders slumped, looking unutterably weary.
Now, though, Sickbay was deserted. Kirk wandered through the empty wards, not quite sure what he was looking for. Peace and quiet, assurance that all was right in his world, for the moment at least…He should be asleep. Instead, he exited Sickbay and continued his aimless wandering.
When he found himself in front of McCoy's door, he hesitated. Surely the doctor was asleep. If nothing else, he had access to sedatives and would know to use them if needed. Then he heard the clink of ice in a glass and without thinking he was at the door, sounding the chime to be let in.
McCoy answered with a drink in his hand and a haggard look on his face. He showed no surprise at seeing his captain there at two in the morning. "Jim," he grated out, and turned to go back inside. Kirk took it as an invitation.
McCoy shuffled back to sit heavily on the edge of the bed, and refilled his glass from the bourbon bottle on the nightstand. Kirk pulled a chair over and settled himself beside the bed.
McCoy offered him the bottle, but Kirk shook his head. "Bones," he began, and wasn't sure how to continue. Kirk was used to risking his life in the line of duty, but the doctor clearly wasn't handling this well.
Before he had a chance to say anything more, McCoy held up a hand. "Jim, whatever you're trying to say I don't want to hear it. I don't need platitudes or coddling. I'm fine. Really."
The bourbon and McCoy's unsteady hands belied his words. Jim raised an eyebrow, doing his best Spock impression.
"Oh don't give me that," McCoy grumbled, but couldn't quite meet Jim's eyes.
"Bones, you were tortured," Kirk said softly. McCoy didn't look up, so he repeated the words, louder. "You were tortured. You were prepared to die today. There's no shame in needing to talk about something like that. Or just…needing someone."
"I…" McCoy's voice was ragged. "Hell, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a psychoanalyst. I don't know how to deal with this. But I can't count how many times I've had to patch you up after you go out and get yourself half killed. In the end I walked away today without a scratch. Shouldn't that mean I'm all right?" There was something desperate in his voice.
"Bones…it's not that simple. I'm a soldier. I signed up for this. You're a healer. You..." Kirk hesitated, then reached out and took McCoy's face in his hands. When he spoke again it was barely loud enough to hear. "You should never have had to go through that."
McCoy didn't answer. Those blue eyes just looked at Jim, and suddenly the fact that Bones was there, was alive and, as he'd said, miraculously, didn't have a scratch on him – all hit him at once. Without thinking, he leaned in and kissed him. Bones breathed in sharply in surprise, and then he cautiously wrapped his arms around Jim, clinging on gratefully, and kissed back.
McCoy was hesitant at first, but then he seemed to grow more confident and opened his lips. Kirk closed his eyes, losing himself. McCoy's lips were soft, his tongue surprisingly gentle given the sharp words that had a habit of pouring from it during the day. Kirk deepened the kiss, simultaneously rubbing McCoy's back, which was tight with tension.
It was only when Bones broke away for air that Kirk's brain caught up with the rest of him. What was he thinking, kissing McCoy like that? He was with Spock, he was happy with Spock, and now here he was kissing his best friend.
"Bones...I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I -" Before he could go further, Bones was shaking his head and had pulled Jim in for another kiss. When he broke it off, he shook his head again, decisively, but there was vulnerability in his eyes.
"Please, Jim. Please...don't walk away from me now."
Kirk blinked in surprise. Leaving his friend now was the last thing on his mind. "Of course. Don't worry, Bones." He nudged McCoy's slender frame over to make more room on the bed. "I won't leave you." He rested his head against McCoy's. "Christ, I just wish you hadn't sacrificed yourself like that."
"Jim…" McCoy reached up to him, his eyes unfocused. "I had to…I -"
"No, I know," Kirk interrupted. "It had to be one of you."
"And it may as well have been me," said McCoy. A twisted smile appeared on his face, and he added, not without a hint of sarcasm, "I was the logical choice."
"I must disagree, Doctor," came a voice from the shadows, and both Kirk and McCoy looked up, startled. Spock stepped nearer the bed and into the light. "I apologize for my intrusion," he said. "Given the doctor's trying experience today, I became concerned when he did not respond to the door buzzer. It seems that he was otherwise occupied." His eyes took in everything, but without judgment or any hint of his thoughts at finding McCoy and his own lover in bed together.
Kirk was so surprised that he didn't even have time to start thinking of what this must look like before Spock spoke again. "It is...gratifying to find you here, Captain." At Kirk's incredulous look, he elaborated. "I was concerned for the doctor's well-being. I am pleased that he has a friend to comfort him in his distress."
"Ah, stuff it, Spock," came McCoy's voice. "It's not as bad as all that. I just couldn't sleep, that's all. And whaddya mean, you disagree? You heard the odds, of my living versus you losing your mind. The choice didn't seem that hard to me."
Spock raised an eyebrow. "And yet despite the Vians' predictions, it may well have been possible for even a physician such as yourself to repair the brain damage. Whereas if you had been killed by their experiment, there would have been no chance of bringing you back."
McCoy opened his mouth, but seemed unable to think of a reply. "Well, anyway," he groused, "like I said, I'm fine."
"On the contrary, doctor," said Spock, stepping forward. "Following your interrogation by the Vians, I initiated a psychic link with you in order to do what I could to lessen your pain. During this link, I experienced a small fraction of the torment that you suffered at their hands." He paused, then added guardedly, "I would find it difficult to believe that after undergoing such an ordeal, a civilian untrained in enduring enemy interrogation could truthfully describe their condition as 'fine.'"
Kirk studied Spock carefully. He vaguely remembered Spock putting his hand on McCoy's head down in the Vians' caves…he should have realized what Spock was doing. Behind Spock's dispassionate manner and his cool recitation of McCoy's injuries, there had been real compassion, both for the doctor himself and for Kirk, powerless to do anything as his friend lay dying before him. As the full implication of Spock's words hit him, Kirk tried to examine his face for some crack, something that hinted at what he had been subjected to through his link with McCoy. No one else would have seen anything amiss, but Kirk was sure that he saw a twinge of remembered pain flicker across his lover's face. And then it was gone.
McCoy's mouth was agape. "You…you did your damn melding with me? You…" His voice cracked and faded. "You felt what I did. You went through that goddamn…torture same as me." All of a sudden his bravado was gone, and he looked away.
"Doctor," Spock glided toward the bed and sat down on the edge. There was an almost gentle look on his face. "As I alone understand the ordeal you have just undergone, please allow me to help. Perhaps it would benefit all of us to...decompress from our experiences."
Now Kirk's mouth was open as wide as McCoy's. Was Spock suggesting what it sounded like he was suggesting? He exchanged a glance with McCoy, and then gestured to Spock to join them. "Pull up a chair, Spock," he said. "You're right, it's been a long day for all of us."
Spock raised an eyebrow at Kirk's casual tone, and then relaxed onto the bed on McCoy's other side - well, relaxed for Spock, anyway. Kirk put an arm around McCoy, and found Spock's hand with his own. He exchanged a grateful look with Spock over the doctor's head. Spock acknowledged it with a barely perceptible nod, and then he focused on McCoy. The doctor seemed to finally be facing his own reaction to the torture. He had leaned back against the pillow, his eyes staring at the ceiling, at nothing. Spock reached down and caressed his face. McCoy started in surprise at first, but Spock shushed him, and then began speaking in a voice Kirk had never before heard outside his own quarters. As his lover's voice filled the quiet room, Kirk leaned back and took a deep breath, trying to release the day's tension. Spock's mere presence was enough to make him feel more at ease, and to realize just how on edge he had been all day.
"Shh, Doctor," the Vulcan murmured consolingly. "You are safe now. They cannot hurt you; we are your friends and we will not let them. You are on the Enterprise; you cannot be harmed here." He continued to stroke McCoy's face and hair as he spoke, and Kirk wondered how much of his Vulcan telepathy was seeping through. Something was working, anyway; McCoy visibly relaxed and closed his eyes, then reached up and pulled Spock to him, cutting off the flow of calming words with a tender kiss. Kirk wondered briefly if he should feel jealous, or maybe guilty - after all, technically he'd started this, he'd come to McCoy first. But there was no guilt, no jealousy; everything felt inexplicably right, and even more so when Bones reached out and pulled him close to join them.
After that, Kirk lost track of the exact thread of events; there was a flurry of kisses, of soft whispered encouragements and calming assurances. He felt his own tension and fear at the day's events drain out of him, and when he finally came back to himself, he found himself with one hand on Bones' cock and Spock's hand, in turn, on his own. He gasped and shuddered his way to orgasm as Spock stroked him, and he must have been doing something right himself, because he heard Bones cry out with pleasure and then go limp at the same time as he collapsed on top of him.
Afterwards, they sprawled comfortably in a cocoon of blankets, Spock impassive and Bones nearly asleep already. Kirk looked with wonder at the two men beside him. He recalled Scotty's words on the bridge, comparing Gem to the gem in his fable - a pearl of great price. Perhaps she was; but as Kirk considered his friends - the doctor, despite his gruff exterior, willing to die for him and for Spock; the alien that valued logic above all else, yet willing to risk madness to save his human friends - Kirk couldn't help thinking that these were the real pearls of great price. And as he drifted off to sleep, he thought to himself - yes, I too would give all I had for such friends as these.