Title: Secret's Out
Rating: T
Setting: In Secret right after Alex punched Amy and ran off.
Pairing: Mentions of Jay/Alex, Amy/Jay, and Emily/Chad
Disclaimer: I don' t own Degrassi or the characters in this story. I do not own Lifehouse or any of their lyrics.
Summary: Take a look inside Alex's emotional breakdown after coming to terms with the fact that her best friend and her boyfriend hooked up behind her back. I want to thank Bri (Kiss, Pookie) and the song "Everything" by Lifehouse for inspiring me to write this about one of my favorite Degrassi couples. The italicized quotes are flashbacks to when Jay actually told Alex.

(Alex POV)

"What's wrong? You haven't said anything since we got here."
"Nothing..it's just...I have to tell you something."

As I walked down the front steps of Degrassi, I tried to wipe the tears that fell down my eyes. There was no way I was letting Jay Hogart make me cry. He obviously didn't care about me enough to stay away from Amy so why should I care about him? I shouldn't and I never will again. I kept walking down the sidewalk, heading home. For a second I forgot that Jay was my ride, like always. There was never any reason to learn how to drive when Jay was there, ready to take me anywhere I wanted to go. The thing is, I didn't want to go here. This place where the only person I could rely on was myself. I needed my protector. I needed my best friend.

"Well say it already. You're freaking me out."
"Lexxi...something happened at the ravine."

The once welcoming light from the Dot Grill shone brightly in the dark night. I slowed down my pace and just stood outside of it. Memories flashed into my mind of Jay, Amy, Towerz, and I sneaking chocolate bars out and devouring them in the alleyway after doing some marijuana. Jay always made sure I didn't inhale too much, even when I argued that I could handle it. Things look so different now. I look so different now. I've slowly been losing myself in order to be who I think I am. I wanted to be Class President to seem important for once in my life. Not just as Alex Nunez, Jay Hogart's girlfriend. I didn't expect to lose him in the process of finding myself.

"You hooked up with Amy? What the hell Jay? She's my best friend!"
"I know, I know but I wasn't thinking. We were both drinking and it just sort of happened.."
"BS. What were you two doing in the ravine in the first place?"

In the booth next to the window I was peering into was Marco, Paige, and Hazel. They all looked so happy and carefree. I bet none of them had even had a problem in the world. Just then, Marco looked over at me and his smile faded. I knew I looked horrible. I had grease stains on my wifebeater from helping Jay in the garage earlier, which was when he told me about all of this. My face was red from anger and I probably had some mascara falling down my cheeks. Then he gave me a look that made me turn and run down the sidewalk with no thoughts of where I was going. The look of sympathy.

"This is great. Now I probably caught some STD from those ravine skanks. Thanks alot."
"It was just Amy! I would never hook up with one of those girls."
"Take me to Degrassi. Now."

As my scruffed black and white Adidas sneakers hit the crosswalk, a car pulled up next to me. I don't know why I stopped running, but once I heard the sound of a car door slamming I looked over and saw Jay walking towards me. The tears gushed out of my eyes and I didn't bother to stop them. He slowed down as he came over to me and I looked away, avoiding his eyes as his hands caressed my face and wiped away my tears.

"Lexxi..." He said soft yet stern, like he always was with me. My voice cracked as I tried to think of what to say, but I couldn't get anything out. His hands moved my face forward to look into his eyes. "You and me. We've always been each other's only. Don't give that up because I made some stupid mistake. I love you." My eyes welled up because I knew he meant it, but also because my heart didn't swoon a thousand engines when I heard it. I just can't look at him without seeing him and Amy together.

I slowly closed my eyes and pulled his arms off of me. "Jay, I can't deal with this right now." I said opening my eyes. I knew what was coming next but I just didn't want to say it. His face was already breaking my heart. How can I stand here with him and not been moved by him? He always had a way of tugging at my heartstrings. We both knew it was over so there was no reason to say it out loud. He did this. He nodded slowly and slipped on his sunglasses as I turned and walked down the block, and up to my apartment.

I opened the front door to see my mom and Chad also known as her boyfriend of the week drinking their lives away. He would leave with all the money in my mom's wallet tomorrow morning I'm sure. That's how they all did it. My mom looked over at me and smiled. "Lexxi, come here for a sec. Chad brought us some food. I saved you a plate." I stared at her what seemed like the longest with such disgust. She would never understand if I told her what happened.

I walked straight into my room and slammed the door, sliding down my door and letting out all of the built up sadness inside of me. The day my dad left without any note or something letting me know he didn't forget me. The night when one of my mom's fling's came into my room when she was sleeping. The night I watched my mom down an entire bottle of alcohol and cry uncontrollably. So many nights held deep inside up until today. I had lost everything and the one person who could make it all go away isn't even here. My tears could flood the entire Toronto city and at the rate I was going all of Canada. But I couldn't stop and frankly, I didn't want to.