Why So Serious

Part 1 – Walking away from it all

Damn it, it was simple D-class escort mission, take some merchant and his goods from his shop to a shipping warehouse on the edge of town. Turned out the goods the merchant really dealt with was young girls, and once they reached the warehouse, she was jumped by several thugs. She was sure that she took out a couple of them, but there was only one of her, and too many of them in the end. This was why she was naked and tied up in an open crate, about to be sent gods know where. At least they didn't do anything besides beat her up.

Sakura couldn't stand it anymore. Sasuke had left, Naruto left soon after, Kakashi disappeared on a endless set of A and S class missions, Ino was always too busy training with her team or father and helping out with her family's shop to able to take time to talk to her, and let's not get started on the rest of the so-called Rookie 9. Here she was doing the worst D-class missions on the books, just to have something to do, besides sit around at home. She couldn't get anyone to give her any training without Kakashi's permission, because he was never around to ask. Plus, she was sick and tired of trying to teach herself jutsu out of the badly written and incomplete scrolls she could get from the library. Her training was a joke, her team was joke, her whole life to that point was one big joke. Right now would be a good time for one of Naruto's pranks, damn it. Bah, she tried to be serious, studious, and pretty, just like her mom said a good girl should be, and look where that got her. Naked! and tied up in a crate.

"Why so Serious?" prompted Inner Sakura.

"Yes, why so serious?" Sakura mumbled to herself. Playing by the rules, doing what others thought was proper, what had that got her? Nothing! She was disgraced, forgotten, a joke. It was time to do something different.

"So, what are we going to do?" Inner Sakura enquired.

"First, we slip off these ropes, then we take that knife off the thug over there." Sakura thought to herself as she glared at the guy playing with the butterfly knife. Then we kill everyone else that's here with a song in our hearts and laughter on our lips."

Sakura walked out the burning building wearing only the blood-splattered white trench coat she had taken off one of the bodies inside. While it was too big for her, it had several pockets filled with knives, scrolls, and several kinds of small explosives. Plenty of tools for whatever she decided to do next. Oh, she was bleeding, that last guy did get in a couple of good cuts at her face, better fix those up. Well, she had some thread in her room, a few minutes, and they would be taken care. Then she would head out of town, besides giving her a couple of cuts, the last guy told her where she was to be shipped to. It would be nice to see the old drunk and his family again. Maybe she could find some fun along the way.

Burning Stone

Madamarme Ryu made his way home after a day of patrolling the area around the village. Even though he stepped down from active service as a chunin of Iwagakure, he tried kept his skills sharp by keeping an eye on the border with Hi no Kuni, and training his son. While he did not regret the decision to return to the village of his birth to raise his family, Ryu missed the excitement of performing missions. He wished something would happen to break the monotony of his life.

As Ryu slid open the door to his house, he was surprised to see the women sitting on the other side of the laden dinner table was not his wife. He reached for a kunai, then stopped when he saw the Iwagakure headband woven into the woman's obi. The woman had long pink hair, and was wearing a white kimono that had a pattern of dark red flower petals with a light orange obi. Her face was done up all in white with a hint of red at her lips which were traced in black with lines going from the edge of her lips to just below her ears and three red lines on each cheek like whiskers. Looking at her, Ryu felt ill at ease, but pushed the feeling away as due to the suddeness of her appearance.

"My apologies for startling you, Madamarme-san." said Sakura. "Please, sit and enjoy the meal that Ami-chan prepared for you."

"And where is my wife and child?" Ryu demanded as he sat down.

"I informed her that we would be discussing business and her company would not be needed tonight. Ami-chan said she was going visit her sister and took young Ikkaku with her."

"What is the purpose of your visit, Kunoichi-san? We don't entertain many guests out this way."

"I wish to know of any enemy activity in the area, and to remind you that Iwagakure has not forgotten its son. But that can wait. Eat, drink, and let us be merry." answered Sakura with a soft laugh.

The pair enjoyed the meal that Ryu's wife had prepared, and Ryu passed on that very little happened in the area. Konohagakure patrolled their side of the border, he this side, and occasionally the two would meet to pass on news and generally touch base.

Sakura gently inquired, "Do you know a way to cross the border without catching the notice of the Leaf-nin, Ryu-chan?"

"If you're headed toward Hi no Kuni, I have maps that show some hidden paths that the Leaf shouldn't know about yet. Let me go get them." Ryu said. As he went to stand up, Ryu found his legs wouldn't support his weight causing him to fall onto the table. He reached out to grab Sakura, but she easily slipped out of his reach. "What have you done?"

"Making sure you can't interfere, Ryu-chan, and giving you some excitment. Like you said nothing has happened here, since Yondaime-sama slaughtered several of your men here. I've decided to change that. Now, you just rest here for a bit. The poison should wear off in about an hour. If you're lucky, you might live through tonight."

"Why me, Kitsune?" spat Ryu as he made a connection between his guest's behavior and appearance and several old stories.

"Ohh, thank you for the name, Ryu-chan. I knew you would be entertaining." The newly-christened Kitsune purred before planting a kiss on Ryu's check. "Now, don't get up. I'll let myself out, and thank you for the gift of your scrolls. I'm afraid I lied about where your son is, Ryu-chan. But don't worry too much about him, I sent him on a treasure hunt in the caves, so he should be fine. He might even find my gift useful."

Ryu screamed in rage and fear as he saw Kitsune leave his house and use a Katon jutsu to set the dry fields across the road on fire. He cursed that he had wanted to have some excitement, and hoped that his family would make it through the night.

Sakura let out a throaty laugh, as she watched the village burned. She hoped that Ryu would survive, he came up with such delightful ideas, and she could almost taste his rage and fear as she left him paralyzed in his house. With his naming her Kitsune, she felt like she found the missing piece to her new life. Sure, she pulled a prank here, a murder there, a robbery across the street, leave a gift at that house, she didn't have anything that people could point to and say, she did that. Maybe, she could get some cards made with a Kitsune image on them. Better make it a Kyubi no Kitsune. She'd have to find out if there was a summoning contract for foxes and kitsunes, and take it. If people thought Kyubi no Kitsune had been terrifying, wait until she got started. Guess it had been a good idea to add the whisker marks today. Anyway better get on the road to the capital, the Daiymo needed to know that the Leaf had burned one of his villages to the ground. Besides, she had there were some good tattoo parlors there.

Meeting Tobi

Sakura looked up from where she was arranging a body, and asked, "Could you bring me that stack of seals, my masked friend?"

"Here you go, Miss. Is Tobi a good boy?" Tobi said as he appeared next to Sakura holding the seals.

"Yes, Tobi is a good boy." Sakura replied with a laugh. "Your mask reminds me of a friend. He really likes the color orange, and the swirl just goes with his name. Call me Kitsune, Tobi."

"Ok, Kitsune-sempai. What are we doing? What's your friend's name?"

"My friend? Oh, it's Naruto. As for what we're doing? I'm leaving a message for another friend."

"Naruto?" Tobi said as he cocked his head to the side, as though in deep thought. "Oh, I remember now. Itachi-sempai and Kisame-sempai are looking for a Naruto."

"Really, you must tell me all about it, Tobi-chan." Sakura purred as her smile grew wider. "As your new friend, I just must know what your sempais are up to. Let's finish this up, and we'll go have some fun."

With that the pair, finished arranging the bodies to Sakura's satisfaction, set the last set of traps, and closed the door behind them.

"Where are we going now, Kitsune-sempai?"

"I'm going to send a message to a friend. It would not do, for me to set all this up and not have the guest of honor show up." Sakura said. "Tell me Tobi, do you know any jokes?"

"No, but Diedra-sempai is always saying Art is a Bang!"

Punishment

On a theater stage, several struggling bodies are hanging from the ceiling, while on the stage itself sat a man tied into a chair. A spotlight illuminates an area on the left side of the stage. Sakura steps into the spot. She is wearing a black tights, with a red open-backed blouse. As she cartwheels to the center of the stage, we can see the tattoo of a Kitsune on her back, one tail pink, a second orange, the other 7 just outlines.

Sakura leans towards the man in the chair, resting her hands on his legs over bloody rents in his pants. She pressed down into the wound with her thumb, and with a muffled scream, the man snapped his head up and caught Sakura looking at him like a fox about to eat a nice plump chicken.

"Hush, Hush, darling." Sakura drawled out. "There is no need for screaming yet. I've still got to set the stage."

The man was shaking his head side to side, as if he was trying to deny what he was seeing, as well as trying to pull at ropes holding him. Sakura slipped behind him and placed her hands on his shoulders and squeezed. The man ceased his actions, and Sakura whispered in his ear, "You're surprised to see me here, darling, aren't ya? I'm just as surprised to be here, myself."

"I mean a couple weeks ago, I was enjoying a bit of fun in the Land of the Waves, when what do I hear about, but the news that the Kitsune herself had performed a robbery in Cloud country. Of course, this got me curious as to who use my name to commit such an act." Sakura said as she paced back and forth with her hands held behind her back.

Then with a skip, a jump, and a flick of her wrist, Sakura was on the lap of the guy cutting a shallow line on one check with the knife that appeared in her hand. "So I make way here, and what do I find? You and the little copycat, and your gang of thugs."

Sakura slid bonelessly off the guy's lap to the floor, then rolled backwards before pushing up into a handstand, before flipping to her feet. "Your thugs, of course, know nothing, so I'm going to leave them hanging until I have use for them. Which, lucky for them, I now do. The little copycat told me that you had hired her to fill the part, so I broke her neck and fed her to my pets." At this point a pair of foxes the size of wolves slipped out of the shadows and sat down on either of side of Sakura. "Isn't that write, babies?" Sakura said as she hugged the pair.

"But you, darling, are special. You actually thought up the idea to use my name to cover your ass, and that I consider that unforgivable. I don't mind inspiring someone to follow in my footsteps. I mean someone has to inspire the youth of today. It's not like the Kages are up to the task. But no one; No one uses my name but me. Especially not a two-bit punk with delusions of grandeur." Sakura snarled as she paced around the man. "It took me a little bit to think of the proper punishment, then it came to be as I was finishing up with the copycat. Since you want to be me, I'll make you me!" With that Sakura kicked the man in the chest, knocking him over and breaking the chair so he was lying flat. He barely got to a sitting position, when the breath was knocked out of him when Sakura kicked him again in the center of the chest. He was sure several ribs were cracked if not outright broken, as he tried to catch a breath.

Sakura loomed over the guy as she flashed a smile that seemed to have too many teeth, and he shivered as he felt a blade slide across his check. Suddenly the gag hung loose as it had been cut along with his check. "By the way, this is part where you scream." And scream he did as he felt a knife slide into his stomach, two powerful jaws clamp down on his legs, and merciless laughter filled his ears.