Oh what are friends for? They're there to feed you when you're feeling blue and make fun of you until you laugh at yourself...

The Dangers of Good Friends & Good Food

By Nelys the Alchemist

Chapter 1: Cookies

"And then do you know what he had the nerve to say to me?!?" A coffee mug clinked nosily on the table and a hand reached out to keep the liquid inside from being outside and all over the table.

"What nerve did he show?" Eyes penciled in black drifted to the ceiling before coming to rest on the cup once again.

"He told me –" Lips pursed in suspicion. "…Are you being sarcastic? This is serious! He told me that I was working against him! By making cookies!!"

"No!" Penciled eyes, also shadowed in soft brown and blue, went wide.

"Yes!" Green eyes, devoid of makeup, watered slightly and a hand angrily brought the mug to downturned lips to take a quick sip.

"That is inexcusable."

"That's what I thought, I got SO angry!"

"We need to take drastic measures," Blue eyes sparkled as lips fought to keep an even line. A slightly less full mug was lifted to those lips to help keep them from turning up at the corners. "We should have him castrated." Steam was blown from the rim of the cup by a giggle before a small sip was taken.

"Relena!" Hilde Schbeiker slammed her mug onto the table again to emphasize her displeasure. "This is serious! We had the biggest fight yesterday over the most stupid thing and he has the nerve to still be angry!"

Relena Darlain stifled a sigh and schooled the laughter out of her eyes. "I'm sorry Hilde…you made cookies, Duo got mad. Go on."

Hilde gave a theatrical sigh and resumed her pout.

"He told me that he thought I was on his side but," Her voice dropped low. "I guess I was wrong' and then ranted about how I'm supposed to be helping him and instead I sabotaged his progress."

This time Relena did sigh, as her plate was set down in front of her. The wonderful smell of pasta with vodka cream sauce hit her nose and she dove in as Hilde took her frustrations out on her salad. She speared a tomato with force and resumed her tirade after a couple of chews.

"I got so mad at him. How dare he tell me I'm working against him for making a fucking batch of cookies. I swore at him and told him as much."

Relena thanked the waiter as he refilled her water, nodding at her friend with as much sympathy as she could muster.

"Then he told me about a-a rule he decided on." Hilde looked truly stricken at this.

Relena quirked an eyebrow. "A rule?"

"Yes!" Hilde slammed her fork down, causing the people at the table next to her to jump. "He said that from now on whenever I brought food into the house or made something and he found it and it was junk food that he was just going to throw it out!"

Relena looked at her incredulously. "He's just going to waste food? And if you want to eat it?"

"He says I have to hide it! He says that as long as he doesn't find it everything is fine. I said what, I couldn't even bring food into my own house?" Stab stab stab went her fork into her salad bowl. Hardly had she swallowed before she opened her mouth again. "Then – THEN! He had the fucking nerve to get mad that I was getting mad – that I wasn't behind his stupid new rule."

"I thought you would be behind me a hundred and ten percent," She continued in a mocking tone. "I'm trying to lose weight and you have to make cookies and now I'm up three pounds," Her angry lilt returned. " And I'm just shoving those cookies down his throat? I haven't baked anything in months and the first time I do and he eats them and suddenly I'm the bad guy?"

Relena nodded sagely, pleased with her food choice.

"We fought for an hour. He was so mad and I kept getting mad so I would say things I didn't usually say and that would just make him more angry and then he didn't want to talk to me."

"So he's sulking now is he?" She noted the name of the dish to remember it next time she came.

"I left him alone for over four hours and when I went back into his office to work it out he went right into the same spiel and so I told him 'up yours! How dare you tell me I'm working against you-' and he closed the door in my face," She turned pleading eyes to Relena. "Rel, why couldn't I just shut up?"

Relena put her head on her hand and looked at her friend. "Because you're too stubborn. He hurt your feelings so you wanted to hurt his. You're probably PMS-ing."

Hilde threw her a dirty look.

"I'm just saying," Relena shrugged her shoulders. "Look, he'll get over it and you'll get over it. Is it really something to get that worked up over?"

"I didn't think so but he just wouldn't drop it…" Hilde frowned and turned sad eyes to her empty plate.

The waiter returned and cleared the dishes, taking the dessert order quickly and in moments chocolate cake and fresh coffee were brought to sooth savage emotions.

"You need to go see him without getting mad. You know it won't do any good." Relena savored the last bite and signaled for the check. She glared at the protest on Hilde's lips before slipping cash into the billfold and handing it back to the waiter.

At the door to the restaurant the two girls shared a hug.

"Hilde," Relena said, suddenly all serious. She looked over both shoulders before leaning closer to her friend. Hilde looked at her quizzically.

"I just have to know one thing," And in a conspiratorial tone asked. "Were you working against him?"

"Oh!" Hilde shoved away a laughing Relena and turned away in mock disgust.

"You guys will make up and all will be well in Hilde and Duo land again. Trust me." At this she dropped into the passenger side of the waiting car and gave Hilde a wave as it pulled into traffic. Hilde stuck her tongue out in response but did so with a smile.

With a sigh and a roll of her eyes Relena turned to the driver.

"Did Duo tell you about this cookie thing?"

"Unfortunately yes," Heero replied as he motored down the road. "Hilde looked very animated during lunch. It will probably last through the week."

"Did you say anything to him?"

"I told him it's his own fault he has a belly," Sharp eyes scanned the road and soft music filtered in through the speakers. "He told me to fuck off."

"And the bond between you grew stronger I'm sure," She watched the people as they rode past before turning a thoughtful eye to Heero. "Don't get fat." She said simply.

He raised an eyebrow but otherwise showed no reaction.

"I don't want to have to hide my cookies from you," She continued innocently, pretending to study her nail polish. "There's nothing worse than a fat man after your cookies."

A red light stopped the car and Heero slowly turned until his eyes met hers.

"It's not your cookies I'm after."

She smirked and crossed her legs as they came within view of the office building.

Once the car was parked she turned and pointed a finger at him. "But if you got fat-"

"You couldn't hide them if you tried."

~END~

Ah and you know the boys have to be in there somewhere.