Feyre took a deep breath through her nose, filling her lungs with the chilled night air. She stood on the balcony of her bedroom at the Night Court, looking out over the snow topped mountain peaks surrounding the castle. Everything was shrouded in the deep darkness of the late hour but the snow still gleamed. It was reflected by the brilliant stars that winked in the millions overhead. Rhysand hadn't been wrong when he'd told her, when she had first gotten there one month before, that the Night Court held the most stunning night skies. It had now been one month since she had left the spring court. One month on this night when she couldn't seem to fall asleep. She knew that Rhys had noticed her quiet demeanor at dinner as she hadn't even tried to playfully banter as they usually did but she didn't mind his sidelong glances. She wondered if he understood why she was solemn.
She placed her hand on the ornate railing encasing the balcony, the cold metal biting into her palm and fingers. Though the castle was protected from the blistering cold by wards of warmth, there were still some places it couldn't quite reach. She made sure that her thoughts were hidden behind her protective mental wall of adamant before she let herself think of what Tamlin may be doing. She didn't want to risk thinking of him where Rhys might hear. She didn't want him to hear her moment of weakness. Feyre hadn't allowed herself to think of Tamlin much since she chose to stay at the Night Court and work with Rhys and the others. She let herself do it now where no one could hear.
She wondered if he had torn apart the entire Spring Court manor. He had never been able to control his temper when it came to her and she couldn't help the rueful smirk that stretched her mouth. How she hadn't been able to see his control and feel his claws embedded deep into her soul earlier, she didn't understand. Though she accepted her mistake in loving Tamlin, she wasn't sure that she regretted it completely. Her loving him had gotten her family out of squalor, it had gotten her out of it. But killing the Fae wolf and being taken away by Tamlin had also gotten her into a world where Amarantha and her cruelness had existed. She shook away the thoughts away before the lingering darkness of her trauma could take hold.
No matter how much under the mountain had changed and broken her, Feyre knew that good things had come from her sacrifices. It had freed Prythian from Amarantha's cruelty. It had made her Fae like Tamlin and Lucien. She had stronger abilities than other Fae because of how she was made, though she had died to get them and she supposed that was her repayment. Under the mountain had also brought her to Rhysand, the grueling test Amarantha put her through almost killing her to the point she had to make a bargain with the Lord of the Night Court. He had saved her life and drew a line between them with the bargain's bond.
Rhysand, the High Lord of the Night Court and the most powerful man in Prythian. One of the most feared Fae Lords. Amarantha's whore. The old nickname made her shudder and she pushed away thoughts of what it must have been like for him while she was forced to perform for Amarantha with her tests. She still didn't know his full story but she knew enough to feel sick when she thought of it. Instead she thought of his violet eyes and dark hair swept over his forehead. His hair had gotten longer since she'd been here. His eyes held the same mischievous glint but there was also a tenderness now. He had softened toward her since she'd left the Spring Court to live here. They had spent many mornings and evenings together and the line connecting them had definitely gotten tighter.
The hairs on the back of her neck prickled and she turned to look through the open balcony doors into her bedroom, where Rhys was stepping inside. He came to lean against the door frame before her and smiled. He truly was beautiful in every sense of the word. He was dressed down for bed, wearing a thin soft shirt and black loose pants that were cuffed at the ankles. His dark hair was a bit mussed and she wondered if he had rolled around in bed like she had, trying to sleep but unable to. Feyre returned his smile and faced him fully, her hands bunching in the thick blanket she held around her shoulders like a cape.
"I wondered if you would be awake," Rhys explained his presence simply. Feyre's smile almost faltered but she didn't allow it to. Of course he would already know. These days it was like he was a mind reader, even with her shields firmly in place. He had remembered that this was the night she had first been brought to the Night Court and his eyes sparkled.
"I like seeing the sky," she deflected, knowing he would understand her unwillingness to talk about Tamlin or what had happened. They hadn't spoke of it much except when she had assured him she truly wanted to stay there and not go back. His eyes had sparkled in a way then but they glinted differently now. He came to stand beside her, looking up at the impossible number of stars overhead.
"I do too," Rhys murmured as Feyre turned to face toward the mountains again, toward the impossible drop to the ground below. Her stomach clenched with nerves and she wasn't quite sure why. They watched the sky together for long silent minutes until Feyre felt chilled to the bone and was shivering despite her blanket. Rhys rested his large warm hand on the small of her back, his touch instantly warming her small body. She had been steadily gaining weight since coming here but was still a bit gaunt. She shivered again, remembering how frail and bony she was a month ago. How had no one seemed to notice at the Spring Court? Why hadn't Lucien seen? Tamlin especially, how had he gripped her waist and buried himself into her without noticing her ribs protruding?
Rhys' lips near her ear pulled Feyre from her darkening thoughts. "Come inside, you're cold," he murmured and she let him lead her inside. He shut the balcony doors and left them unlocked, knowing that the wards surrounding the castle were stronger than any metal lock. Feyre climbed onto the massive bed and perched on the edge before him, watching him with bright eyes. Rhysand was brilliant, kind, and she knew that he cared for her. She saw it in the way he looked at her during every quiet moment they'd had. He silent longing sometimes made his eyes shine. He was looking at her that way now and she felt her heart pound against her rib cage.
"Feyre," Rhys began softly, carefully, "it's okay to miss him." The words clanged around in her mind for a moment before she blinked slowly. Rhys' lips turned up at the corners into a humorless smile, seeing her unspoken reaction and she knew he could tell she had been thinking of Tamlin. He didn't say anything else but he went to stand in front of her, her knees brushing his thighs. His gentle fingers brushed the soft hair away from her forehead, their eyes meeting. She looked at him with as much raw emotion as she could muster, so much trust and affection poured into her expression. He knew she was thinking of Tamlin, but not that she was thinking of him as well.
"I don't miss him when I'm around you," she whispered and lowered her eyes, speaking so softly she wasn't sure he heard. She was afraid of what reaction she might find on his face, a thrill of fear sparking through her. She knew him well enough that she knew he wasn't seeing someone but she wasn't positive that he returned her feelings. Though sometimes, down the strange bond between them, she felt like he might.
"Feyre," Rhys breathed her name and her eyes flicked up to meet his. She saw the affection and the longing there that she had hoped to find but his lips were pressed into a hard line. "I need to tell you something." That stopped her short, though his voice still held emotion. It was written all over his face that he felt something intense for her because he allowed her to see it. He didn't show emotion to many people but she was one of them. He pulled away from her and she felt cold again, so she wrapped the blanket tighter around herself.
"Under the mountain," he began and she had to stop herself from wincing, "I told you that my making a bargain with you served my own devices. You remember." He wasn't questioning her because he knew that she did. She had hated him for a while because of the bargain, even though it had saved her life and had gotten her away from Tamlin. Feyre had believed then what everyone else had told her of Rhysand: the he was a whore, arrogant and dangerous, the queen's plaything who executed those who questioned her. She knew now that he was so much more than that.
"I wasn't lying. When I saw you for the first time in the Spring Court I felt drawn to you," Rhys said slowly, swallowing hard. Feyre realized he was nervous. "I wondered if there was a mating bond between us when we made the bargain under the mountain. I had been wondering if we were mates since I first saw you. I would have saved your life either way, but I needed the bargain to see if it was true." He shook his head and his brow furrowed. "But since then our bond was much stronger than a normal bargain should be. You control it well now but before it was like you were shouting things down the bond and into my head."
Feyre smirked at him and he smiled, laughter in his eyes, and continued, "I wondered for a while longer but at some point I just knew." His violet gaze met hers and she felt the breath leave her lungs. He was remarkably beautiful and his hair hung into his eyes, his dark eye lashes shading his beautifully strange eyes. His lips were so full and Feyre wondered how it would taste to run the tip of her tongue along the outline of his mouth. "Feyre, I believe we are mates."
The declaration was simple but held weight and Feyre felt like she was floating instead. Rhys watched her face and when a tear dripped down her cheek, he sat down on the bed beside her to gather her up. She let him hold her and curled up into his embrace, a couple of tears falling. She wasn't sure why she was crying, this is what she had wanted for longer than she wanted to admit, longer than she let herself feel. But as the explanation of her bond with Rhys sunk in, she smiled so widely that she wondered if her lips would crack.
Rhys grinned back at her when she lifted her face to show him her smile. He brushed soft waves of hair over her shoulder before his gentle fingertips captured her chin. He angled her face up toward his and pressed his mouth to hers. Fireworks ignited and exploded inside of Feyre's hollow chest, filling her with light for what felt like the first time in her life. She had never felt this sort of exhilaration and her fingers wove into Rhys' dark hair as she let the bliss of her new found beginning envelope her.