When The Creek Runs Dry/Revenge Of The Shipped
A/N: There you go all you SP fangirls! Are you happy now!?
*Ahem* My apologies, but after first hearing about the plot of this week's episode, "Tweek x Craig", I honestly didn't know what to think. I just finished watching the premiere of the episode and I'm not sure what the ending is supposed to suggest. Is Creek (shipping of Craig and Tweek) officially canon? Or are Craig and Tweek just making this all an act to better their friendship even though this will cause all the adults to think they're gay?
Pardon me while I go and put my ranty-pants back on.
I should probably add this to my profile, but if there's one thing you need to know about me, I HATE slash fanfiction (or at least in the SP fandom anyway. I have yet to read a whole lot of stories from other fandoms, but I think I just don't like slash all together)
No, I'm not homophobic by any means, and anybody who identifies as LGBT is perfectly fine in my book. And to be bluntly honest, I don't 100% hate slash. I mean, if slash is what you want to write, I'm fine with that. I love free speech and expression as much as the next guy and nobody's forcing me to read something I'm not interested in. What I hate about slash is how god-damn common it is on this site and how at least 70% of the SP fandom is infected with it. Even worse, most of the SP slash stories seem to have the same general plot. I used to think Style was the most popular slash pairing, no, THE most popular pairing in general, but the past three months, and this week's episode, are making me think that Creek is actually the most popular. Why else would Trey and Matt have wanted to have Creek instead of Style in this episode?
Sorry that I've bitched so much about this already, but I'm tired of all the endless cliché SP slash stories as much as the next person is. And yeah you can say I hate slash because I'm a boy, but there has to be at least one girl out there who can't stand the overabundance of slash either.
Enough ranting, on to the story. I hope you enjoy, I don't own South Park, this story is not part of my RFSP series, blah blah blah, I'm sure all fanfic writers and readers get the gist now. :)
And I'm sorry I got this up a day late, but I wanted to perfect this as much as I could.
One final disclaimer though. I profusely apologize if this story….
Makes me look homophobic, because as I said before, I'm not. LGBT people are cool with me.
Makes me look like a misogynist. You're cool with me no matter what gender you identify as.
Makes me look like I hate Asians, because I'm not racist either. All races are cool with me.
Makes me look like somebody who tries to censor other people's 1st amendment rights. Like I said earlier, nobody's forcing me to read something I'm not interested in, and I enjoy and support freedom of speech as much as the next guy.
Comes off as a ranting/raging version of pointless fluff.
Makes me sound like a completely immature 5 year-old.
Makes me look like I hate any particular South Park character. I've seen every single episode, the movie, and the unaired pilot and not one character has gotten on my nerves yet. :)
"They just won't stop."
This was the thought that happened to pass through Craig Tucker's mind as he and Tweek walked hand-in-hand through South Park.
"Those new Asian girls…no not just them, EVERYONE. We tried convincing them of the truth; that we're not gay. But they took our 'break-up' the wrong way and so keeping up the act by 'getting back together' seemed like the only solution, but that didn't work either!"
Craig looked over at Tweek, who was his usual fidgety self, and wondered if his friend hated the current situation as much as he did.
"I don't know who I should blame. Those girls for drawing the yaoi pictures? Wendy for wanting to educate us about yaoi? PC Principal for seemingly trying to convince me and Tweek that we're gay? Somebody else?"
Tweek wasn't really having an easy time trying to make sense of this either.
"Oh God, this is WAY too much pressure to go through! I'm just a kid man! I'M JUST A LITTLE KID! AAGHH! Now everyone thinks I'm in love with Craig after all! AGGH! And it's even worse for Craig's family since they had enough attention last year when Craig's mom got her bush exposed! Oh Jesus, what if that happens to my mom!? AAAGGHHH! What if Craig and I get sent to that anti-gay camp that Butters went to that one time!? AGGH! This is all just too much pressure!"
Neither boy was sure what scenario would be worse at that point: Everyone continuing to support them for being "gay" or everyone suddenly becoming homophobic.
Craig and Tweek continued to walk through the town, hoping to God that this would just be some sort of phase that would die out.
Luckily for them, the two boys found out the next day that there were still people they could count on. Craig was at his locker getting the stuff he needed for his first class of the day when Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Butters, Jimmy, and Token approached him looking a bit concerned.
"H-hey Craig." Butters greeted Craig the best he physically could since he still had his neck brace on.
Craig turned around and dreaded what he thought was likely going to be said.
"Hi guys…." Craig quietly whispered back.
Stan stepped a little closer and spoke. "Craig, we know what you and Tweek are going through right now and we…well we kind of feel bad."
Craig's facial expression only worsened as he figured Stan would say what had already been said numerous times. Craig turned his attention back to his locker and backpack.
"At first we were a little confused about all this…yaoi stuff." Stan continued. "But we understand now and the six of us just want to let you know…we believe you."
Craig suddenly froze, not having expected that in the least.
Kyle continued. "We just told Tweek this a minute ago and we just want both of you to know that we believe you."
Craig's face instantly lit up at this. He typically wasn't the kind to smile or anything else like that, as all his friends knew, but right now Kyle had just made his day!
"We understand that just because some Asian chicks are drawing romantic pictures of you and Tweek, we completely understand that this does not make you or Tweek gay by any means. We don't know why the hell everyone else took it that way, well, then again, we've seen time and time again that the adults of this town can be pretty damn stupid, but we believe that those pictures don't accurately portray either of you. We just want you and Tweek to know that you can count on us to sort through all this, alright?"
Craig's mouth had now formed a full smile as he spun around, made sure nobody else was in the hallway, and forcefully hugged Kyle so hard that Kyle's face was turning different shades of red.
"Oh thank you!" Craig uttered through immense tears of joy. "Thank you Kyle! Thank you Stan! Thank you all of you! Thank you so fucking much!" Craig cried as he continued to shed tears of pure happiness. Craig hadn't felt this happy in ages.
"Uh….you're welcome dude." Kyle replied.
Craig got off of Kyle shortly after out of fear that somebody else would walk by and get the wrong idea. As he left the group to go to his first class he told Stan: "And tell that girlfriend of yours that if Cartman had won that fight instead, I'd be sooooo happy!"
Strangely enough, Stan didn't seem offended by Craig's request.
"Um…O…K?" was all Stan could utter.
"Well then." Craig thought as he walked down the hall. "I guess Wendy is who I'm choosing to blame for now."
Later that day after school, Tweek came running up to Craig, clearly excited about something.
"H-hey Craig!" Tweek called after him as he ran to catch up with him.
"Did Stan and the others tell you?" Tweek asked in his normal fidgety tone of voice. "Stan and Kyle know we're not gay!"
"Yeah, they told me that too."
"Wait a minute! What if they were just lying to get back on our good side!? AGGH! This is too much pressure!"
"Tweek, I think they meant what they said. But even though we have a few people on our side, everyone else still thinks we're gay."
"AGGH! How do we stop this thing entirely!?"
"I'm not sure, but I bet I know two people who might know."
And it was for that very reason that Tweek and Craig both found themselves knocking on Mr. Slave and Big Gay Al's door. After a few knocks, Big Gay Al finally opened the door.
"Craig! Tweek! Hello you two! How are you?"
"Uh…fine."
"AGGH! We're OK! What about you!?"
"I'm super, thanks for asking! What brings you two here?"
Craig wasn't exactly sure how to explain their presence there.
"We wanted to ask you something. Um…are you aware that everyone thinks Tweek and I are gay?"
Big Gay Al's smile was suddenly replaced by a look of concern and empathy.
"Yes, I know all about it. Come on in you two."
Craig and Tweek entered the house as Big Gay Al shut the door behind them.
"Slave, honey!" Big Gay Al shouted out loud. "Those kids you thought would come here are here!"
Mr. Slave entered the room a few moments later.
"Ooh…Jesus Christ. Hello Craig, Tweek. It sure has been a while since I last saw you two."
"Hey Mr. Slave." Craig greeted.
"Mr. Garrison doesn't still hate me, does he?" Mr. Slave asked the boys.
"Oh Slave, you big silly goose!" Big Gay Al happily replied. "He's long since moved on, I'm sure!"
"Well, actually…." Craig answered. "We haven't seen him since he left for Washington D.C. with Caitlyn Jenner. But no, ever since you two got married, he's never mentioned you again. Anyways, we came to ask you…do you think Tweek and I are gay?"
"Ooh Jesus Christ…you kids certainly came to the right person. Here, come sit down." Mr. Slave and Big Gay Al sat on the couch and motioned for Craig and Tweek to join them. The two boys sat down with them and Mr. Slave heard them out.
"Long story short Craig, I don't think you and Tweek are gay."
Craig and Tweek both breathed a sigh of relief.
"So then why do these girls keep drawing those pictures of us?" Craig asked.
"I don't know, to be perfectly honest." Mr. Slave continued. "But I definitely feel for you kids. Even though I'm gay, I do agree that type of art form is…odd, to say the least, and I don't understand how just the mere presence of these drawings made everybody think you're gay. But I do know why people do this though."
"AAGHH! Why!?" Tweek asked.
"In the end, it all goes back to the basic and old-as-time concept of wanting what one does not have." Mr. Slave began to explain. "You see, if somebody were to draw a yaoi picture of Al and I, we wouldn't mind. The two of us are gay and legally married, so it makes perfect sense for somebody to express our relationship like that. But since we ARE together, no one does. With that being said, this form of expression is typically used when somebody wants two people to be together, even if they know deep down that the chances of it actually happening are one in a trillion."
Craig and Tweek thought about it for a bit and nodded to show their understanding.
"Clearly, some of your new classmates think it would be cute to see the two of you together, but they know that it would never happen, and so it remains an unfulfilled desire which in turn causes them to take to fictional portrayals of not only the two of you being a couple, but the two of you being a couple exactly how they themselves would prefer. It could happen to anybody."
"You mean…like Stan and Kyle?"
Mr. Slave snapped his fingers out of realization. "Exactly! People could see that Stan and Kyle are best friends, but they want them to be more than that. They know that neither of them are ever going to be gay, so they take to their artistic skills. You could even say the same with Kyle and Eric."
"Kyle and Cartman!? AGGH! B-But they hate each other! This is too hard to make any sense of!"
"That's true, they do. But if the girls know their intense hatred for each other well enough, they could just pass off their rivalry as belligerent sexual tension or something. Anybody who wanted to could twist it in their little fictional world of theirs and say that after all the years of hatred, one or both of them has developed feelings for the other."
"But…will people ever come to realize the truth that we're straight?" Craig asked in a worried tone of voice. "What if Tweek and I, for lack of a better word, accidentally become gay amongst all the confusion? I mean no offense to you two, but I can't imagine myself being gay and this whole issue is scaring me."
"Oh you big silly gooses!" Big Gay Al replied. "No offense taken!"
"AGGH! M-Mr. Slave? Would you mind shoving the next person that calls us gay up your ass like you did with Paris Hilton?" Tweek asked.
"Ooh Jesus Christ…." Mr. Slave replied with a hint of excitement in his voice. "Sorry boys, but as much fun as that sounds, I think that would just be using unnecessary force. What Paris Hilton did to the town was much worse."
"AGGH! O-OK…I understand! Thanks for your counseling!"
"Thank you very much Big Gay Al and Mr. Slave." Craig thanked the two.
"Oh you're welcome any time you big sillies!"
Craig and Tweek both went to bed that night feeling happier and more comfortable then they had in the past couple of days. The conversation they had had with Mr. Slave and Big Gay Al, along with Stan and the others believing that they were straight, made them feel a lot better. If two actual gay people knew that Craig and Tweek were straight, surely, they thought, they'd be able to convince everyone else eventually.
The next day at South Park Elementary, Craig met up with Tweek and they both agreed that they weren't blaming the Asian girls or PC Principal for the rumors that they were gay, but were instead going to blame Wendy.
"It's not the fact that she did a presentation on yaoi and Asian culture that makes it her fault." Craig explained to Tweek. "It's the fact that that bitch used those yaoi drawings of US in her presentation that makes it her fault!"
"I totally agree Craig! Want me to spill some hot coffee on her? AGGH! This excitement is causing too much pressure!"
"No, I have a better idea. I think we should ask PC Principal to let us do a little Asian culture presentation of our own…."
The day after that, the entire student body of South Park Elementary gathered in the gymnasium for an assembly.
"Alright everyone settle down!" PC Principal half-yelled at the crowd, as he began to introduce Craig and Tweek.
"Today, two of your fellow students, Craig Tucker and Tweek Tweak are going to be doing a-HEY PUT A FUCKING CORK IN IT LESLIE!" PC Principal roared out loud at Leslie yet again.
"Anyway as I was saying, Craig and Tweek here are going to tell us about another popular part of Asian culture. Hopefully this will help you get to know your Asian classmates a little better. Please give them your undivided attention or its two weeks detention for you! Craig and Tweek, if you may?"
Craig and Tweek got up on the stage.
"Thank you PC Principal." Craig thanked him. "Now anyway, today Tweek and I are here to educate you about a popular art form in Asian culture known as yuri."
Wendy instantly raised an eyebrow at this, wondering if they were making fun of her for having done a presentation on yaoi.
"Simply put, yuri is a Japanese term for content that involves 'Girl's love' in anime, manga, and other related media. Believe it or not, while you'd think that yuri would be in male-targeted works, it has been common to be present in both male and female-targeted works as well. However, yuri is not as popular as yaoi."
Wendy glanced over at Bebe; as she was getting a bad vibe from the presentation.
"AGGH! We have for you here a few examples of yuri drawn by some of our Asian classmates, both male and female."
Tweek picked up a clicker that was connected to the nearby projector screen. Tweek pushed the button and a yuri drawing of Wendy and Bebe romantically hugging each other was displayed. Wendy and Bebe immediately became a bit horrified at the representation of them while most of the audience, both male and female, some of which were the new Asian students, instantly took an adoring liking to the picture.
"Aaaawwwwwww…." Went about 70% of the audience.
The boys however, were having different reactions. Stan had his mouth hanging open so wide, you could have easily fit a bowling ball in it. Kyle looked a bit weirded out and confused, Cartman couldn't help but laugh his ass off, and Kenny, being the perverted one, was instantly getting hot from it.
"HAHAHAHA!" Cartman couldn't control his laughter. "Dude!" Cartman turned around to face Stan. "Your girlfriend is a fucking lesbian! AHAHAHAH! That's so fucking hilarious!"
Tweek pushed the button again and a different picture was displayed on the screen; this one showing Wendy and Bebe kissing each other.
"Aaaawwwwww…." Went most of the audience again.
This time, Stan threw up, Kyle looked even more confused, Cartman laughed so hard he began to cry pools, and Kenny was taking pictures of the yuri drawings with his phone.
Tweek hit the button once more, revealing a picture of Wendy and Bebe holding hands with a speech bubble with Japanese text coming out of their mouths.
"Aaaaawwwwww…." Went most of the audience yet again.
Stan had been so traumatized at that point, that he just fainted right there on the spot. Kyle was so confused at that point that he just decided to "Aaawww" with everyone else. Cartman laughed his ass off so hard; he fell out of his seat. Kenny mumbled something about dying of autoerotic asphyxiation again.
Bebe was freaked out at the drawings, but boy, Wendy was PISSED! She gritted her teeth as hard as she could and gave the deadliest death glare she could muster and directed it at Craig and Tweek. Craig noticed and responded with hunched eyebrows accompanied by an evil and victorious smirk which was then followed by his trademark middle finger pose.
"Alright girls, I know there are a lot of rumors going around, but I just wanted to see if you had any questions for me."
PC Principal had called Wendy and Bebe down to his office later in the day to teach them about affirmative consent, just like he had done with Craig and Tweek.
"PC Principal, I'm not a lesbian!" Wendy denied.
"Me neither!" Bebe agreed.
"What's wrong with being a lesbian?" PC Principal asked.
"Can't you see that Craig and Tweek just set us up!?" Wendy nearly screamed.
"There's nothing wrong with being lesbian Testaburger. I just brought you in here to make sure you two understand the concept of affirmative consent."
"What's that?" Bebe asked.
"It's making sure that your partner is comfortable with any sexual relation, if there is in fact a romantic relationship going on here. It's a little tricky in a homosexual relationship, but you just need to follow some guidelines, alright?"
"God-damn it, I'M NOT GAY!" Wendy yelled.
"I don't care about that bro! Bebe, if you ever had the desire to touch Wendy's vagina, you can't just go grabbin' for it, alright? You'd have to say something like 'Wendy, is it alright with you, if I touch your vagina?' Now try it out."
"No!" Bebe tried to refuse.
"You want two weeks detention instead, huh Stevens? This shit's important!"
Very hesitantly, and with a scowl on her face, Bebe said: "Wendy, can I touch your vagina?"
"Good!" PC Principal replied with approval in his voice. "Now Wendy, you might say 'You may touch my vagina, I'm comfortable with that.'"
Wendy shot him a death stare.
"Or you could say 'No, you may not touch my vagina at this time.'"
Wendy, with a huge scowl on her face, turned to her best friend and said: "No you may not!"
"Good, now we're getting somewhere. Now Wendy, what would you say if you wanted to take a look at Bebe's asshole?"
Unbeknownst to the girls and PC Principal, Craig, Tweek, and Cartman were all standing outside the room, having listened in on the entire conversation. The three quickly ran off in another direction so they wouldn't be discovered, due to the fact that two seconds after they left, all three of them began to emit some of the hardest laughs they had ever produced in their lives.
"AHAHAHAHAHA, Jesus Christ that was HILARIOUS! You're telling me that you guys set that all up!?" Cartman asked Craig and Tweek.
"AGGH! We sure did!"
"That'll teach that bitch to use us as examples for a presentation!"
"And the look on Stan's face when he saw the drawings! Oh My God, that was so fucking priceless! AHAHAHAHA!" Cartman kept laughing.
At the end of the day, Wendy, who had endured constant ridicule since the assembly, was at her locker preparing to go home when Stan walked up to her, looking both awfully nauseous and anxious at the same time.
"Um…Wendy?"
Wendy turned around and didn't do a good job at suppressing her anger, despite the fact that her rage wasn't targeted at Stan.
"What!"
"Look, Wendy…I'm not sure…what this is all about, but…if you're…if you're…really…you know…you…and Bebe…."
Without pausing to think, Wendy slapped Stan across the face as hard as she could. She didn't mean to do such a thing, and she hadn't been angry at Stan until now, but the constant mockery she had received since the assembly had filled her with enough rage that she became quite unpredictable with her actions.
"How dare you! Do you REALLY believe all this bull shit that's going around about me!?"
"Well…I'm not sure…but I'm just saying that I'm totally fine if you want to be with Bebe now and-."
Stan was interrupted by another harsh and unintended slap.
"What the fuck is wrong with you people!?" Wendy yelled at the crowd that had gathered. "I don't have the hots for my best friend just because somebody drew us that way! Those drawings are pure fiction! FICTION! F-I-C-T-I-O-N! It's completely different from fact! The fact, F-A-C-T is that I'm not a lesbian!"
Wendy turned back to Stan. "And I can't believe that you, Stan, have the NERVE, the BALLS, to not have the ability to know fantasy from reality!"
"Dude, Wendy, calm the hell down!"
"I need to calm down!?"
"Well yeah, you're kind of getting a little OOC here…."
"Stan I am pissed off right now, I have every fucking right to be as OOC as I god-damn want!"
"Well, I don't know, this little OOC outburst of yours might cost an author some fans of his!"
"Well good for him! What do I care what some idiot staring at a computer screen thinks!? Do I look like I give a rat's ass about that!? That's not the issue here Stan! Do you have any idea what I've had to put up with today!? I was forced to pretend to tell Bebe that she can't ever touch my vagina, my name and likeness are currently being held hostage by the artists of this school, and now I have my own fucking boyfriend thinking I'm a lesbian!"
"Wendy, I never said that you were, I just-."
"Do you think this was any easier for Bebe!? She's had to put up with this shit just as much as I have, if not more! But thanks to you people, I've had to avoid her all day! I have dignity damn it! And compare me to Cartman if you must, but I'm not going to ruin myself just because a couple of idiots like you think I have those kinds of feelings for my best friend!"
Wendy suddenly remembered that Kenny had taken pictures of the yuri drawings.
"Kenny, I swear to God, if I find you jacking off to those drawings, I WILL FUCKING SMASH YOUR BRAINS OUT!"
Kenny mumbled something about the fact that she may as well do that since he'd just come back.
Wendy then noticed that everyone's faces had changed in a certain way. Wendy tried to figure out what it meant, but was interrupted by the sound of sniffling behind her. Wendy turned around and instantly regretted everything she had just said when she saw Bebe standing there with tears running down her face.
"If you don't want to be around me anymore at the risk of your dignity, then fine!" Bebe yelled. "Enjoy your fucking dignity!" Bebe yelled as she ran out of the school in tears. Kyle ran after her, shot a death glare made of the 1,000 sharpest knives in the world at Wendy, and ran in the direction Bebe went.
"Bebe, wait!" Kyle called after her. Wendy just stood there, petrified at what she had said. Everyone else glared at Wendy and walked off.
"Jesus Christ!" Cartman said as he left the scene. "And I thought Kyle's mom had the sandiest vagina in town!"
A/N: OK, I may have gotten a little carried away there, but it was totally worth it.
And yes, I'm perfectly aware of the fact that, at least I think so anyway, "Tweek x Craig" was just Trey and Matt's acknowledgement/spoof of the yaoi community of the SP fandom. But if they can make a parody of them, why can't I? :D
Should I continue this? Who am I kidding, I HAVE to continue this! :)
But only with one or two more chapters though.
Also, Stendy lovers, please don't hate me now. Rest assured, Stendy is still, and always will be my second favorite pairing, the first being Candy.
Anyways, what did you interpret the episode as? Do you think Creek is officially canon now? I guess we won't find out until Veteran's Day (November 11th) as that's when the next episode comes out.
Please leave a review! I'm serious; I really want to hear what your thoughts about the episode and this story were. Mostly, because I'm figuring I'll get a lot of hate comments, but probably not. :)