Ngoc Chau does not own Bleach.

Okay, so this does not have anything to do with the Consideration prompts. I thought this would be good to publish because my computer just got a virus and now I'm on my parents' dinosaur which is still better than my shitty laptop which I plan to set on fire when I graduate highschool. Or I might possibly sell it on eBay for a few dollars. Who knows? Would someone even buy a shitty laptop if I lie and tell them that it's actually pretty good and that I'm only selling it because I just received a new one as a grad gift instead of the real reason that it's dumb and mentally-challenged for a computer?

So, this is just a stand-alone that came to me from two sources. The first was American Pie, that film where... the guy... you know... with the pie. And that I recently discovered that pie is slang for vagina.

So... this is what came to me. Please read and review.

The Mayuri x Nemu pairing comes late near the end, but most of the beginning here is building context and content.

Prompt: Pie

Sasakibe Chojiro never personally talked to Kurotsuchi Nemu outside of work. He never necessarily avoided her either, but found himself doing so in order to avoid her Captain who scared the wits out of him. There was something in the way that man looked at him that he knew if he ever had his back to him, he would wind up with a slit throat. So, he avoided her whenever she was with her captain and greeted her only when she was alone with her club and because it was proper and gentlemanly to do so.
One day as he was passing by one of the small shops in Rukongai, he saw that the Shinigami Women's Association was coming out. Unohana was the first to speak to him, thanking him for the pies that the ceremony tea club had given to them the other day. Yachiru had complained that it was not sweet nor cute enough. The rest had bowed and thanked him nonetheless, asking him not to take Yachiru so seriously. He probably wouldn't have noticed Nemu if she had not spoken to him, if she had simply followed her group and remained quiet. But she did speak to him that day and so he acknowledged her for perhaps the first instance in a long time.

She bowed to him, her hands holding each other before her. She thanked him as they did, her voice very low as though she dared not to have anyone hear her. "Thank you very much for the pies, Lieutenant Sasakibe."

They always called him Lieutenant at his request, there was something about it that sounded much better than fukutaicho. He was glad that she knew that about him, that he wouldn't have to re-explain his reason for adopting the western custom of title before name instead of vice-versa as the Japanese was apt to do.

He remained modest because it was bad form to indulge in compliments. Heartily, he told her, "Oh, it was no problem at all, the picnic had a lot of extras and my captain suggested giving it to Shinigami Women's Association."

She nodded her head and spoke as she did so, "My captain ate very much of it. He was very fond of the pie."

Chojiro was a tad surprised to hear Kurotsuchi Mayuri being brought up in a conversation about pie. He was even more surprised that he would eat it, the man was absolutely Japanese. "He was? I wouldn't expect that of him, I thought he was one for…" 'cockroaches, brains, and raw guts.' he wanted to say, but refrained from and continued instead with, "… for oriental cuisine. Few people here have a palate for the foods of the western world."

This of course was true. They had never even heard of gateau!

She looked up at him and this was the first time that he saw some expression in her. She reminded him of a little girl all of a sudden, not too much older than Yachiru but certainly young. That she had dressed up in costume and now it was proving to be too hard for her. She asked him most delicately and most femininely that was also most lady-like, "Would you teach me how to make more?"

"How to bake pies?" he clarified.

Nemu nodded her head, "Yes, Lieutenant Sasakibe."

He felt embarrassed all of a sudden. No one had ever asked him to teach them anything. He was usually overlooked by the other younger lieutenants, their spunk and youthfulness often shadowed his mellow age. And whenever there were cooking tips and help to be asked of, they were usually directed to Hisagi Shuugei. He knew that he would never get a chance like this, to have someone look up to him as teacher and he eagerly accepted, "Oh, sure! I would love to! Here, come to the first division barracks next week, I'll have all the materials ready to make a few pies!"

There was a small smile from her but it quickly disappeared. She asked him, Will I need to bring anything?"

He thought quickly about what he usually used to bake and what she could bring as he might be short of it. "An apron and maybe some sweet fruits to fill the pie, maybe."

She bowed once more, "Yes, I will bring it with me next week. Thank you very much for accepting my request."

The next week, she had come dressed in a rather adorable pinafore over her uniform that he felt himself blushing.
It was white with frills that ruffled from her shoulders and at the hem with a busy bee-like pattern done in black and yellow thread. She brought strawberries with her in a basket. He refrained himself from complimenting how cute she looked, thinking that would possibly be inappropriate from a man his age to a lady that young, particularly that her father was a captain younger than he. He simply invited her in and told her of a few knick-knacks that he had collected from the real world that he absolutely loved and inspired him to embrace more of the western culture. She nodded at everything he said and he wondered if she was really listening. But then again, he reminded himself that she came to learn how to bake pies from him rather than hear him speak about England, tea, and the Queen Victoria(was she still Queen, he wondered briefly).
Both wearing their aprons, he instructed her carefully on how to prepare and bake a pie; since this was her first time, he would bake a pie alongside with her so that she may watch as she learned to better demonstrate and explain. The time passed fairly quickly for she was quiet and attentive, watching him constantly and never really asking anything. It was only his voice in the kitchen as he instructed her how to exactly cut the strawberries, how to set them up in the pie crust and how long it should stay in the oven and on the rack for cooling afterwards. Though quiet she was, there was this look of faint eagerness and determination that could be better magnified in the seldom instances that she furrowed her brow and did not falter at all, only looked up at him or down at his hands to continue. Both their pies were placed in the oven and after about an hour of waiting and tea(he suggested she try some tea with honey and milk, she should like it best if she preferred sweetness, and she complimented that it indeed did taste well), it was brought out and left to cool.

There was no point for him to try his pie first, he knew what he was doing. He cut out a slice of her pie and dug his fork into it, his tongue already all over the small piece of pie in his mouth. He swallowed quickly and felt his mouth charged by the aftertaste, not that much different from the taste of the pie itself. He paled and felt that he was going to be sick, but he held his chunks down and turned to her as coolly as he could. He asked her as he could already feel the chills in his stomach, "Miss Nemu, you didn't put anything strange in this, did you?"

She shook her head and went to his cabinet to get a glass of water, handing it to him. "No. I followed the recipe exactly as you instructed."

He chugged the water, glad to get rid of the bitter and mouldy taste. He continued his investigation to why her pie should turn out so badly and there was a tiny fear in the back of his head that perhaps his pie tasted just as bad as hers. "How long did you leave it in the oven for?" She told him the time and it was the correct time. So it wasn't burnt…
He waved his hand as though dispelling the bad feel of the pie and told her, "Well, we have enough time and materials for another pie. So, bake another one just like you did before." This time he did not bake his own pie but helped her with hers, he watched her carefully and would adjust some of the items if he felt it would look better or possibly improve the taste. Another pie went into the oven and out after an hour. He felt more confident about this pie, she had done everything exactly and he felt that this one would be better, much more acceptable.

Chojiro cut out a slice and took a bite. He winced at the taste, how salty it was and had to use every ounce of his will to not spit it out in front of her. He choked it down and face-palmed himself. The crust was so dry that it got stuck in his throat and the filling just tasted like sour mush. 'Must tastes like barf, huh?' said a little voice in his head and he warned it not to say something like that or there would actually be real barf on the floor before them.
He shuddered as he said this, "You did everything exactly, I saw it with my own eyes."

Though she was monotonous, he could hear the disappointment and worry in her voice and words, "I am very sorry."

She got him another glass of water and he chugged it down, then he asked for another before the taste was finally eradicated.
"No, there's nothing to be sorry about. You're learning and I'm teaching." he assured her. He decided that she should probably get home as her father would miss her, she told him that she had to make dinner. Chojiro told her to come again next week and they would try again until she got it right. She smiled a very small smile that it was barely noticeable and thanked him with a bow before leaving. He returned back to the kitchen and tossed out her pies into the garbage.
He tried his pie, hoping that he wouldn't have to face another mouthful of a kitchen nightmare. He ate a forkful of his pie and found it to be sweet, perhaps a little tart and overdone, but sweet. He savoured one more forkful before wrapping it up.

The weeks came surprisingly slow and passed surprisingly fast. Her baking had not improved one bit despite the extra attention that the two of them were giving. Each of her pies tasted either too sour or too salty while his turned out perfectly. He could not understand why her pies should taste so bad if she was following him exactly. He thought hard and long about it every night, after work, occasionally when he found the work to be banal and dull, and whenever he watched her bake. Finally, after about 16 pies with 13 of them ruined, a small kitchen fire, and one weekend; he suggested to her as she was about to cut an apple in two. "Miss Nemu, I think I have something that could help you with your baking."
She relaxed her arms and placed both apple and knife on the counter. He pointed to the pie plate as he spoke and the ball of pie curst, "While you make the pies and before you bake it, I want you to taste the filling and the dough to make sure that it suits you."

She nodded her head, "Yes, Lieutenant Sasakibe." And she resumed her cutting.

He chipped in one more word as she rolled out the pie dough. "You use the recipe as a guidelines, okay?"

"Yes, Lieutenant Sasakibe." she affirmed, cutting it into a perfect circle to put in the pie plate.

He continued pointing at the filling she was now preparing with the apples and sugar, "The crust should taste slightly sweet, only slightly. It's the filling that should be sweet, but not too sweet. You've had candy before right? Your captain let you have candy once? Make it candy-sweet." He popped a finger into her apple filling and found it absolutely bland. He told her to put in a little bit more cinnamon and try it herself.

She did as he told her and popped a finger into the filling as he did, sucking on the tip of the finger. "Yes, Lieutenant Sasakibe."

After an hour and another two cups of tea, the timer went ding and they both ardently watched as Chojiro took the pie out. It smelled not unpleasant, rather pleasing. He cut out a slice and took a forkful, readying his mouth for another moment of terror…. She looked up at him with frightened eyes. He placed the fork in his mouth and chewed, letting his tongue carefully taste. He winced again but found that he could swallow the pie much more easily. However, he had to have another glass of water to wash out the taste.
"It's getting there…" he complimented, chuckling nervously as he saw the way she looked wearily at the pie.

Her head was hung low, "I'm very sorry-"

He interrupted her, "No! This shows that we're heading in the same direction."
For the pie, though incredibly and utterly bland, was fairly sweet. And to prove to her that he did mean what he said, he took another forkful and forced a smile on his face.

Reader, some questions has been brought up to what Sasakibe Chojiro has been doing with the numerous pies that he had been baking alongside Nemu that had already bored the palates of most of the members of the tea ceremony club and the first division. This is my answer, Reader: he had been selling the extra pies and to some that had not been able to sell well or was unwanted, he gave to the sweet-addicted members of the 11th division with its hyperactive kid-lieutenant.
He walked up to their gates, their strongest members sitting on the veranda, playing cards. Yachiru saw Chojiro first and ran to him with open arms, exclaiming, "Yay! More pie!"

Yumichika neatly folded his cards down on the wood and gracefully approached Chorjiro who was carrying baskets of pies under his arms. There was a tone of amusement in his voice as he flicked his hair back with his hand and then extended them to take the pies. "Where do are all these pies coming from?" he asked with a small laugh, smiling coolly. Oh right, he had only been bringing them pies, telling them that they were extras that needed to be finished off.

He explained to them about Nemu, "I'm teaching Miss Nemu Kurotsuchi to make pies." and he smiled as he was now glad to add in her own pies into the collection that he brought to the 11th division. Though they were far from delicious as his, they were still edible and okay as long as you drank something between morsels.
He boasted about his only student, "She's picking up very quickly. It is as they say, the pupil is only as good as the teacher."

Ikkaku came up from his seat on the veranda and opened up one of the baskets of pie, looking inside. He stated out loud, definitely not knowing about tact when it came to speaking as his friend did, "I'm surprised that Shuuhei-san isn't teaching her this."

Chojiro pouted indignantly and proudly informed the 3rd seat, "This is pie, much more difficult and tastier than onigiri and rice!"

Ikkaku pointed inside the basket, "Hey, there's a slice missing here."

Chojiro looked inside and explained, "I apologize about that, that one was one of Miss Nemu's pies."

Suddenly, something shifted in the air around them and he saw something devious coming across Ikkaku's face, "So… you've been eating her pie before coming here?"

He scratched his head, not really sure where this was leading up to. He verified for him, "I suppose so, it was the only way to properly see if she was getting any better."

"Is she?" There was a glint in the baldy's head and Chojiro was slowly beginning to suspect that he was walking into a trap.

"Yes, she is." Chojiro said.

"It must taste like cherries, huh?" he chuckled quite like a deviant that Chojiro was almost reminded of one of Kurotsuchi's smiles.

"This is a blueberry pie." he pointed out. That day, she had brought blueberries and it had turned out better than the apple from two weeks ago.

Ikkaku straightened up, a hand going to his chin as his eyes pointed up and it was then that Chojiro pieced together their conversation into the intended connotation that Ikkaku had been inclining towards. He was blushing horribly and fuming as Ikkaku laughed, "Anyway, I'd like to eat her pie straight from-"

"Shut up, Ikkaku. There is a child here." Yumichika warned him dangerously as he bopped the baldy on the top of his head, a distinctive blue mark appearing on the spot.

He fell forward, clutching his head and screaming, "Dammit! I was just joking! He didn't even get the joke!"

Chojiro stuck his nose high up in the air, crossing his arms over his chest, "Gentlemen are not so vulgar to think of ladies like that."

Yumichika smiled and bowed forward, something sharp shining in his eye that reminded Chojiro of a tiger all of a sudden, "Well, thank you for the pie. Yachiru-chan just loves it and so does the other officers. Though, is it possible to make a sweet potato pie? If so, it would be greatly appreciated here."

That night, Chojiro made a small pie of sweet potatoes. It was rather cinnamon-y and he found that it did not need a crust over it. It tasted better cold than hot. He stopped himself from taking a second slice of the pie and decided to save it for his captain to try rather than those at 11th division. They'd been having too much pie recently and his captain hadn't been having enough.

The next time he saw Nemu, she ran to him eagerly, holding up a whole pie. "Miss Nemu?" he asked her, slightly uncomfortable by the closeness and proximity of her, her chest pushing into his diaphragm.

"Please, taste my pie, Lieutenant Sasakibe." she requested of him.

His eyes looked at her lower body, was the skirt always that short or were her legs always that long? Remembering the joke of the other day from Ikkaku, he flushed red and reflexively told her, "Don't say that so loud!" But clapped his hand over his mouth and composed himself, speaking much more quietly for indoors, "Um, I mean, what sort of pie is it?"

"It's an apple pie." she answered.

They went inside to his kitchen where he cut out a piece. It looked very nice, perfectly well formed and there was a beautiful soft crunch when he knife cut it. The filling did not spill out and was held together in a caramelized fashion. He ate it and found that the crust was flaky and not so horribly dry. The filling was sweet and tangy, perhaps too much spices were inside, but it was edible and he was enjoying it.
He swallowed and slowly looked at her, disbelief in his eyes. "That's pretty good. Did you make this yourself?"

She smiled, this time much longer before it disappeared. "Yes, Lieutenant Sasakibe."

And, Reader, from that day on, Kurotsuchi Nemu could bake pies.

However, she still visited Sasakibe Chojiro every week to bake pies with him and after 5 or 6 more pies after, he felt that he did not have to cut at her pies all the time to taste it. He had faith in her that her pies would turn out marvellously(though he could still proudly boast that his pies were the best in all of Seireitei and possibly the Soul Society). Even she seemed to have an air of confidence growing around her as they baked, she did not watch him all the time when she prepared the pie and she often had her pie ready for the over before he did. Nemu even began questioning about other certain types of pies besides sweet ones and experimented with concocting interesting flavours such as lemon and honey as well as chocolate. He only had to smile at how proud he felt, that after all those countless weeks, she could bake possibly as well as he could.
Even seldom, he brought her pies to his club meetings and monthly tea parties. In fact, he even began to question what she thought about various flavours for tarts and pies that he had thought of making but never dared to try. It was like watching a new woman bloom for him and he even had to admit that he sometimes fancied her when she had a patch of flour on her cheek. But then, he was old and she was young and he could brush the crush away easily.

One day as she was whipping a bowl of cream and he was cutting peaches for a flavour of pie that he heard was most popular in the real world, curiosity prompted him to ask, "Miss Nemu, has Captain Kurotsuchi ever eaten any of your pies?" The joke came back to haunt him and there was the thought of Nemu covered in nothing but flour on a kitchen counter as Kurotsuchi advanced on her and his head - 'Get that nasty thought out of your head, you don't need to think of him like that with her!' he reprimanded to himself, glad to have destroyed that mental image because it had the chance to appear quite graphic and possibly could have given him nightmares for decades to come.

He repeated the question to her again and she continued her whipping as she answered, "He did. Twice. My captain says that I still need a lot of improvement."

He told her, "Some, but not much. You're getting better." Her pie-baking skills were much improved than when she had started. He stopped his cutting and looked up at her, "Miss Nemu."

She ceased as he did and returned her gaze to him with those wide green eyes, "Yes, Lieutenant Sasakibe."

"This is nice, don't you agree?" he asked her.

She smiled very slightly and nodded. He took that as a good opening and continued to what he intended to say, "Even when you're able to make pies by yourself, maybe we could meet up like this once a month to make pies for my captain's tea parties or your club meetings. This is fun to do with another person and I have enjoyed my time with you."

She nodded her head and resumed her cream-whipping as he picked up his peaches and diced it smaller, "I have too. I would like to continue this."

"Good."

Chojiro felt proud. The next morning, he invited Nemu to come with him to bring some of the extra pies they had been making to the 11th division. He thought that they should see the baker who had been preparing all the pies for all this time. It was discussed that Nemu would only stop by with him for a few minutes before going to work and it seemed very convenient as the 11th division was practically next door to the 12th division barracks. They arrived at its gate and already sitting there was Yumichika, babysitting the little pink-haired lieutenant.
Yumichika looked up first, a sparkle in his eyes and there was glee in his voice as he greeted them. "Ah, Nemu-san, Chojiro-san. And is that more pie?"

Yachiru stopped her skipping and dropped her jump rope absently at her feet, leaping over to where the two lieutenants stood holding a pie each and a basket with plastic forks and plates. She grabbed them both and plopped herself down on the steps of the gate with both pies in her lap.
"Pie!" she exclaimed as she dipped a finger into it and sucked the filling off the tip.

Yumichika bowed to the two of them and took the basket from their hands. He looked down at the pies and stated, "O-ho, and there's nothing missing from them this time."

Chojiro glowed. He smugly informed them, "Miss Nemu is quite adept at baking now, thanks to my teachings."

Suddenly there was a commotion from behind the gate. "Yumichika, who's at the door! Is that Chojiro guy back with mo-" and out came Ikkaku in a training uniform, a sword over his shoulder. His face flushed red, "Oh, hi Nemu-san."

Chojiro could obviously see that the 3rd seat had something of a small crush on the lieutenant; though there were three things that stood in his way for her affections: she was out of his league, she was too good for him, and her father and captain loathed his guts.
Behind, Yumichika had already eaten some of the pie and complimented, "I think that Nemu-san is indeed improving, though her pies are not as good as yours, Chojiro-san."

He huffed, "Oh, of course mine tastes better. It would make me a poor teacher if mine were worst than hers." then he recalled his words and turned to the quiet girl at his side. He assured her, "No offence."

"Not at all." she reassured him and soon she left to arrive on time to her own division to work.

Nemu was baking on a Sunday. She had come over unexpectedly because of an explosion that had taken out about half of the barracks and it would take about a few hours until it could be made at least habitable. He was working heavily on his paperwork but had still allowed her to come in and stay with him for as long as she wanted. She thanked him, told him that she did not know who else to go to as her captain was quite upset and wanted to be alone and most of her friends were in the real world. He felt not insulted, but glad that she had come anyway. He offered her if she would like to bake and the smile that sprouted on her face as he offered that told him that that was what was on her mind.
He gave her free rein of his kitchen as long as she did not cause anything to explode and would clean up later. He was still busy and had to get the paperwork out of the way as he had procrastinated earlier and now it had come back to haunt him. There was a sudden knocking and he looked up. Nemu halted right in her steps and kept her gaze on where the knocking continued.
Chojiro wondered loudly, "Oh, I wonder who could that be at the door." he headed to the door then turned back to Nemu, "Just keep baking, I'll be right back."

Whoever was behind the door was incredibly impatient. He swiftly opened the door, half expecting someone of his own division coming to speak to him or maybe one of the 9th division coming to collect paperwork for the month. Instead, who he saw there made him jump in his skin and he had to use every fiber of his being and will to not slam the door in that person's face.
"Is Nemu here?" he asked. Kurotsuchi Mayuri took a step into Chojiro's abode uninvited, his golden eyes scanning over everything and he swore that he saw them spinning round and round like spirals. The air seemed heavy, the sheer proximity of being close to Kurotsuchi with his spiritual energy burning was just overwhelming. There was the distinct clatter of something coming from the kitchen and both men turned to it.

From out of the kitchen came Nemu, her uniform covered in patches of white and greying flour. She swiftly approached her captain and bowed to him, small poofs of flour flying up as she did the action, "Mayuri-sama."

Chojirou pointed to the kitchen, feeling that he should explain himself(what was there to explain? They weren't doing any hanky panky!), "She's baking pies in the kitchen."
Nemu bowed forward and asked to be excused, running back into the kitchen as there was the sound of a ding going off. Mayuri and Chojiro followed in afterwards, the kitchen was a mess all around and Chojiro felt a bit self-conscious: could he really ask another captain's lieutenant to clean up his kitchen or would he have to do it himself?
Mayuri gazed all around the kitchen as though it were something new to him. It probably was. As far as Chojiro knew, the man practically lived in his own libraries and labs. He got chills up his spine as he saw the masked captain approach the counter, fingering a knife that the lieutenant had just been using earlier.

He had to ask, just wanting to get the man out of his room. Plus, he got the feeling that it could be dangerous to be in the same room with the scientific captain when he had a knife ready and clenched in his hand. "Is there something that you need, Captain Kurotsuchi?" Chojirou asked, trying to suppress the gulp in his throat as he slowly made his way close to the door just in case.

Mayuri shook his head, putting the knife back down and then going over to Nemu, looking over her shoulder as she was preparing yet another pie. He did not even bother looking up and Chojiro just wanted to give him a piece of his mind about manners and how someone should behave in another person's home. But he dared not to because he had heard things about what this vengeful captain did to anyone who so much as looked at him funny. Mayuri spoke carelessly, "The barracks are almost finished and I just came to check up on Nemu." There was a funny pause from him and then here was when he looked up at Chojiro with such a contemptful expression: his eyes narrowed, one brow higher than the other and his teeth bared as thought ready to lunge and attack, "I have been hearing odd things from the 11th division…."

Chojiro quickly explained that the 11th division were just full of yankee thugs and deliquents who had nothing better to do but fight and make dirty jokes, talking of vulgar things. Approval washed over Mayuri's face and for a moment, Chojiro felt like nothing bad would happen. How soon he thought himself foolish for even thinking that. He had thought that Mayuri would leave after checking up on Nemu, but he remained where he was: demanding tea and constantly critisizing the place. And despite how they both agreed how unruly the 11th division was, he seemed to feel that Mayuri was occasionally and oftenly glaring daggers at him. He wondered how Nemu could've tolerated this man all the time, he felt uncomfortable just being in the same room with him. It was hard to explain why, but it could be best described as whether or not you, Reader, would feel comfortable eating lunch with a tarantrula and a crocodile sitting across the table from you, watching you with those yellow beady eyes... Strange and uncomfortable, don't you agree, Reader?

Not being able to take it anymore, he stood up from his seat and exclaimed, already making his way to the door, "Um… Please excuse me, there's something that I need to tend to."

He went outside for a breather for maybe a minute or two. He supposed that once Nemu was done with her pie, he should tell them that they should go home. But would that be polite? Perhaps he should wait until they left on their own accord? He stood outside on his balcony, wondering what he should do with his student and the accompanying guest that scared the bejeebers out of him. Calming down enough and having the plan that he would first question about Mayuri's work, then what had caused the explosion, then he would subtly hint at how the reconstruction of their barracks was going and hopefully Nemu would at least understand(for he thought her a very sensible girl) and go home with her captain. He thought that the plan was the best and made his way back inside.
He had entered and was about to go into the kitchen when he heard Mayuri's voice.

It was at an adequate volume, not too loud and certainly not quiet as though he was keeping it a secret. But he did wish that the man could have more tact when he was speaking, wasn't he aware that he was still here, that they were only seperated by a thin wooden door? "Nemu. He hasn't been touching you in any way, has he?" his voice was rather harsh and breathy. Chojiro stopped himself from opening the door and instead just stood in front of it, holding his breath for he felt horribly embarassed that he was listening to this and worse that he wouldn't be able to find the balls to defend himself from this frightening captain.

"No, Mayuri-sama. He has been teaching me very well how to bake pies." Chojiro smiled joyfully. What a good girl she was!

The voice returned even harsher, something dangerous in its tone that Chojiro did not want to find out why, "But if he ever tries anything with you, you know what to do..."

"Yes, Mayuri-sama," came the simple response.

There was a sudden crashing, something - not glass - had fallen. And he heard her wince, a small hiss of breath but from who. "Geez, Nemu. You're bleeding all over." Mayuri complained from the other side, annoyance in his voice.
There were more indistinguishable noises from the other side that Chojiro could not identify nor familiarize himself with. What was happening? Did she hurt herself?

"I deeply apologize, Mayuri-sama." came the whimper. There was a heavy intake of air.

Chojiro tried turning the knob but found it to be locked. Why? He kept his voice calm and knocked on the door, asking, "Umm…. Is there anything that I can do to help?"
More shuffling beyond the door, some clinking. A gasp.

It was Mayuri's voice that answered, it was terse and sharp, "Just stay out."
He heard something thump, something step and go bump. There was more clatter and shuffling. The sound of a chair scraping the floor reached his ears.

"Is everything okay in there?" he asked anxiously, trying to turn the knob.

"Yes." the two of them spoke from the other side in the kitchen.

Then without warning, the door opened and Chojiro stumbled over his feet but caught his balance on the doorway. He saw Kurotsuchi Mayuri leave, poofs of flour dogging his steps and footprints he dragged all over the floor. There was no blood on him. There was no mess either on the white haori. Mayuri was sucking each of his fingers as he was leaving, each one leaving his mouth with a little moist smack. A well satiated smile was on his face and he suspected that the man had just eaten some pie, perhaps that was what the crash was; Nemu was probably cutting a slice of the pie for her captain when her hand slipped and she accidently cut herself, but somehow they had bandaged up her hand(he assumed it was her hand) and she let him have a slice of pie because that was the only reason he had come for. He smiled to himself for being quite the detective.
Chojiro was a little greatful that Mayuri was gone from the room and out of the barracks. He straightened himself up against the doorway as Nemu passed by. He studied her; there didn't appear to be a hair or a thread out of place on the girl. She had no blood on her. No fresh bruises or cuts marred her skin. Her clothes were neat and tucked well.

Curiously, he scratched his head and asked, "So, what happened in there? Are you alright?"

She turned to him and tipped her head, "There was no problem, nothing to worry about." Then her eyes grew wet, shining, and she smiled delightfully, flushing red, "He said that he liked my pie."

Chojiro knew a compliment when he heard it and congradulated her on finding some approval from her captain. "That's excellent! You're really becoming an excellent cook." In his excitement, he added, "Next week, I think we should learn how to make gateau!" He held out his hand to her and she shook then she bowed to him which he returned.

"Thank you very much." she bid to him as she waved her hand and left his room.

He took a deep breath and exhaled tiredly, wondering what his kitchen should look like now. But he was met with confusion, uneasiness, and ambivalence when he walked into the kitchen. It was clean, spotless, and looked neater than before. It was as though no one had been in there before and he slowly wondered if Kurotsuchi Mayuri had done something to this room or to the air that was making him hallucinate a clean kitchen. He stepped right into the middle of the kitchen.
Reader, he was ambivalent to what should be worse: the strange chills that ran up and down his back and the hairs on the back of his neck as he entered the spotlessly cleansed kitchen where everything was back in its own place and nothing in the sink, still feeling the warnings that he should be cautious of something frightening that had occurred or was presently in the room; or that there was suddenly a ding and he opened the oven to see another pie, an apple pie by the smell of it, ready to be cooled; the first one, a sugar pie, was untouched, uncut, and cold….

He wondered what had gone on in his kitchen in the few short minutes he had been absent from it and then felt the shuddering overtake him.

So there's my innuendo. Obviously they didn't eat any pie but he had said that he liked her pie and so... If you didn't get it, please tell me so in a review or a PM and I'll explain it to you.

Please review and hope that my computer will get fixed!