Disclaimer:I do not (To my heart felt dissapointment) own My Chemical Romance or any of the band members, trade marks, slogans, art e.t.c, this is for entertainment purposes only and because, lets face it, we refuse to even consider that Frerard might be dead, it's too painful! To make this a bit simpler I've removed their wives from the equasion, I'm sorry if this offends anybody but as it's a romance having them engaged and soon to be married would put a bit of a downer on things wouldn't it? This will be split into days on the tour and travelling inbetween. and the line up for most shows will be:
This Is How I Dissapear
Sharpest Lives
I'm Not Okay
Famous Last Words
Give Em Hell, Kid
House Of Wolves
Heaven Help Us
Welcome To The Black Parade
Mama
You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison
Teenagers
Helena
Cancer
(I've tried to keep the characters true to fact as possible except for their actions, which will on the whole, be fiction, though some events included genuinely happened, but even if they did chances are I've tweaked them a bit)
I really hope you enjoy this, but I'm warning you, my updates are few and far between though I try my hardest! Any comments, especially critical are welcomed and much appreciated!
Always remember,
"You're not in this alone!"

Frank's P.O.V

I opened my eyes reluctantly, unwilling to abandon the numbness of sleep in order to silence the incessant blaring that was ringing in my ears, worming it's way into my unconscious and making it impossible to get the. Just. Five. More. Minutes! That I craved. I flipped open my phone with a growl and silenced the alarm, the blinking digits on the screen read 8:30 pm. We're due on stage in less than an hour and a half, our first performance of the Projekt Revolution tour, though we've been driving for a week already. Grunting defeatedly and running a still glove clad hand through my tangled hair I kicked off the thin quilt and swung my bare legs over the side of the mattress. Then stood, clipping my head on the edge of the bunk and letting out a stream of expletives, bloody bunks. I yanked on my jeans, one hand still rubbing irritably at my aching head and staggered through to the kitchen where the smell of coffee was already overpowering, Gee was up then.

"Jesus Frank, not another casualty, what was it this time, try and wake Bob without wearing a crash helmet?" he snorted gesturing to the fast forming bump on my forehead, as I came and sat on the table beside him. I rolled my eyes "No way, not after last time! I hit my head on the roof of the bunks ... Again." I chuckled wincing as I jolted my aching head. "You really are a walking disaster aren't you?" he quipped, ruffling my hair mockingly, a familiar lopsided grin spread across his face as I ducked out of reach. He smirked at my disgruntled expression "Seriously Frankie, when was the last time you washed your hair?" he complained wiping his hands on his T-shirt though he was quite obviously unfazed. "Lets see um ..." I began casting my mind back to our last stint in a hotel and counting down the days on my fingers "Five days and counting." I stated grinning and he let out a snort "Mikey's just gone up front to check, but rumour has it we're pitching up at a hotel tonight!" he enthused, explaining the absence of the younger Way brother. "Thank god for that! I swear I've forgotten what it feels like to be clean, it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the smell!" I teased, now it was my turn to annoy him and I leapt at the chance, taking exaggerated sniffs in his direction. Sharing a bus with five blokes for any length of time, best friends or not, is definitely something, the banter keeps us sane. He just rolled those hazel eyes in his signature drama queen style and shoved his now empty industrial size mug towards me. "Tell you what, I'll wake Bob and Ray, you make the coffee. Kay?" he suggested already half way through the door leading to the "Bedroom" and I use the term bedroom lightly, there isn't much more than a piece of wood separating the two, touring sucks like that.

I sighed deliberately loud so that Gee'd be able to hear me in the next room but set about spooning out the the Kenco all the same, 4tsp for Gee, 3 for Mikey and 2 for Bob, Ray and I. We all drink it as we're waking up but Mikey and Gee drink it all day and quite frequently all night depending on our schedule and how successful our attempts at muffling Bob's snoring are. After narrowly avoiding third degree burns when the bus hit a pot hole, I got the four mugs lined up on the side board ready for their owners return. I seated myself on the unit leaning my head against a cupboard which I knew to be pretty bare, my stomach growled but that was nothing unusual, dining opportunities on the road are pretty scarce at best. "Coffee!" came a jubilant cry from behind me, I laughed as it's owner, a grinning Mikey Way, barrelled up the bus and snatched up his mug of coffee. Pausing only to roll his eyes at me when he saw the design, before beginning to gulp it down at break neck speed. It was the gag mug Gee and I brought him last time we were in Newyork, it was bright pink with a white unicorn on the side, considering that it was meant to be a joke, he seemed incredibly pleased with it, he even insisted on using it back home. I smirked to myself and slipped off the counter, walking over to stand beside Mikey "So, what's the news, are we getting real beds for a night?" I asked hopefully, waiting as he drained the dregs of his coffee. "Yeah, it's official, tomorrow night we get showers!" he enthused, doing a strange kind of happy dance, I giggled and mirrored him, pulling daft faces as I went. Hey, if you can't beat them, join them! We began laughing hysterically at each other's twisted facial expressions and improvised dance moves, which I for one thought were genius, but judging by Mikey's reaction, maybe not. I ended up stood hunched over coughing and trying to regain a normal heart rate as Mikey cleaned his glasses, which had become considerably steamed up after our laughing fit.

I didn't notice anyone else had entered the room, until I felt an ice cold hand slip about an inch or two into the waistband of my boxers from behind. I yelped and shot upright, setting Mikey off into another round of laughter. What's everyone on today and where can I get some!? I turned around though I knew all too well who's face I'd see smirking down from considerably above my own, Gee. As predicted I was met by the same pair of hazel eyes as I always am in this kind of situation and the same crooked smile. Yes, we've been here before, having your lead singer/best friend start touching your ass is a hell of a lot more common here than it is back home, there never were guys quite like him at high school ... Regrettably. "Having fun there Frankie? Care to explain what you were choking on this time?" he snorted "Good thing I shocked you out of it, I was about to resort to mouth to mouth and that would've been a pity wouldn't it?" he flirted jokingly, though his pale lips were pulled into a strange half smile. He winked at me before sauntering off grabbing his coffee and leaning against the unit on the opposite side of the bus, facing me. Does he have to wear his pants that tight? He had one hand behind his head, his coffee in the other, standing leant against the unit with his hips bones still prominent even through the taut fabric of his jeans. I wasn't a bad view by any means, just more than a little distracting ... I felt something brush against my cheek and snapped out of whatever world I was in, I could see Ray's afro bobbing up and down next to me in time to his laughter. He chucked me under the chin "Shut your mouth Frankie, you never know what'll end up in there." he jested, winking and shooting a nod in Gerard's direction, before leaving to get dressed, dragging a semi-conscious Bob with him. Bob doesn't like mornings. Much as we love him, Bob doesn't like much. "See something you like?" Gee taunted, making mock thrusting movements in my direction. I just stuck my middle finger up at him, ignored the blood rushing to my cheeks and attempted to start a conversation with Mikey, who had by now thankfully stopped laughing. "How long till we're due on?" I asked and he glanced at his watch "'Bout an hour, the first night's always a b*tch. I'll be glad when it's over." he sighed, fiddling with the strap of his watch. "Just keep dreaming of that bed Mikes, 24 hours and we crash at a real hotel." I offered and he perked up a little. "We should probably get ready then, Brian will want us in the building for quarter to." chipped in Gerard from behind us. "I'm already dressed!" hastened Mikey gesturing at his mainly black ensemble, he was right of course and a tad anxious not to be forced into one of our theming discussions. It's not like he actually pays attention to them anyway, he just zones out, so I'm not sure what he's so worried about, possibly that our feminine ways are rubbing off on him, but judging by his unicorn obsession it's a bit late to be fretting over that. Gee grabbed my hand "Come on then, we'd better go change." he said, tugging me in the direction of the bedroom "As long as you promise not to peek." I mock protested much to his delight, before letting him drag me off to go find our uniforms. It's not as if there's much room for us to have lost them in anyway so there's only so long this can plausibly take.

We found our "Uniforms", basically our best jeans and a black T-shirt, also a red neckercheif and Sheriff's jacket for Gerard, on the spare bunk as predicted. Just crumpled under a pile of other crap, we shook them out as best as possible then changed hurriedly, aware that our manager, Brian, would be banging the door down wanting to know where the hell we were if we weren't ready for quarter to. He's dead fussy on warm ups and it'll be extra tense tonight since it's the first for a while. I smoothed the rumpled shirt against my stomach, aware that it had already become too baggy for me thanks to our on the road food shortages, I just shook my head and paraded onto the tarmac behind Gee. Closely followed by Mikey, Ray and Bob, who all, like I'm sure I must've, looked rather sun starved out here in the natural light, even if it was night time. We were guided through the back route into the amphitheatre without any drama, the fans were all waiting out front so we were spared the mobs of hormonal teenage girls. "Emo" or not, you piss the MCRmy off and you regret it. I think it's a hair thing, that much dyed black hair swarming after you in one go, however appreciated, is pretty damn frightening and I only get half the assault Gee gets, it's a wonder we get him into the concerts in one piece. We weren't the first to perform tonight so we watched from backstage as the other band completed their penultimate song, keeping ourselves busy by readying our various instruments. I gave up on trying to tune Pansy after a few minutes and handed her to Ray, anything I tried just wasn't working but the magic Toro fingers had her ready in minutes. Gee was doing his usual weird exercises, pulling on his tongue and making ahh noises as if he was at the dentists. I'm never sure if that actually helps his singing or he whether just likes to creep us all out a bit, either way, it keeps him busy, anything to fight off the first night nerves that were eating away at our stomachs. Mikey looked positively sick, though Bob remained as calm as ever and Ray was mouthing chords to himself as if his life depended on it.

I just fiddled with the frayed edge of my skeleton gloves, already counting down the seconds until we'd go onstage and the pre-show jitters would be replaced with the thrill of performing, pumping through my veins and throwing every sound, every movement, every scream into HD, like someone's gone over your heart with a magnifying glass leaving your emotions raw and amplified 100 fold. Drugs are overrated. What you need is adrenaline, it eradicates every fear, sometimes dangerously well, I know I do things on stage that I would worry to do off, it's not that it changes me in any way, just that it takes away my caution, the part of my brain that worries about consequences takes a temporary and blissful leave. I can be exactly who I want to be in that moment, exactly who I am, without giving a sh*t about what I'll do come lights down when I have to face the real world again. It's a kind of strength and a kind of weakness, I wouldn't want to get that way around anyone other than my band mates, only they can really understand how it feels, the blinding qualities of the lights, the beat that seems to perforate everything, turning your brain to a music driven mush, the way fans have of knowing exactly how you're feeling, before you really know yourself and the weird high it leaves you on once the music's stopped and the lights have gone out. I can trust them wholly because I know they feel it too, it keeps them going as effectively as it does I, forcing us forwards and holding us together in a bizarre comradeship, best friends, band mates, brothers in arms ... I could feel Gee's steely gaze holding my eyes hostage and I lost my train of thought. Best friends, band mates, brothers in arms and what? Nothing less. Something more? I met his eyes, confusion evident on my face and they softened, losing their military coldness. I can't help but wonder if he's thinking along the same lines as I am. If he's looking to me for answers then he's going to be disappointed, whatever the hell we are, I'll be the last to know ... And right now it's simpler just to try not to care, at least until we get on stage and I can play my conscience clear, safe, for a while at least, from life's complications with the screaming of fans to drown out my thoughts. The rare privacy offered by their deafening shrieks is almost worth the bust ear drums.

"You're on in two minutes guys!" warned a hassled looking Brian, wringing his hands and pacing, I couldn't help but laugh "Relax, it's us who's in danger of being bottled off, not you!" I kidded, earning a weary smile, he nodded us off and hurried to go rouse the lighting crew. I tightened my grip on Pansy slightly, it's almost time. We glanced nervously at eachother, until the awkward silence was broken by Ray as always "Hug it out?" he suggested with a slightly shaky laugh, I grinned before pulling him into a bear hug your average grizzly would be proud of. Mikey snorted from behind us and piled on, soon Gee joined in, dragging a half amused half irritated Bob with him. By the time Brian returned, looking red faced and considerably hassled, to announce that we had 30 seconds till we were on, we were all feeling more relaxed if slightly deprived of oxygen. I thought I hugged hard! We high fived as is ritual and prepared our ears for the audio onslaught that was soon to follow.

The sidedoor opened and we trooped on stage, with the roar of the crowd echoing in our ears even through our coms, they're these mics that only the band and the back stage crew can listen in and they help us keep in touch through the performance. They're really awesome for pulling pranks with as well but we're not quite laid back enough for that today, I get the feeling Gerard would slap me if I distracted him tonight, much as I love messing with him, it's just not worth the risk. I took up my position on the far right, once again having to adjust my mic to the right height, why are rock stars so obnoxiously tall? I still couldn't get it to quite the right height and I could feel the crowds eyes trained on me, so after a minute or two's wrestling I gave in and just resorted to standing slightly on my tip-toes, I bet I look like a ballerina but oh well ... The lights came up slightly and the audience stopped screaming long enough for Gee to strut, and I mean strut, full on diva, to the front of the stage and get ready to whip the crowd up, not as if they needed much encouragement. The front row had already started head banging slowly and rather awkwardly to their own beat as we haven't even started playing yet, they're psyched and I'm getting that way too, by the looks off it we all are. "How you holding out out there Auburn?" Gerard roared to the crowds delight. They hollered unintelligible responses and he laughed "No matter, I think the real question is, why's Frank standing like a f*cking fairy?" he played to the audience, they laughed along with him, I blushed slightly but I didn't really mind, my height is a favourite way for him to get laughs, not that he needs any help to get the crowds on his side, they just love him, they can't help it. Noone can help it, how else d'you think he always gets the best bunk? "Are we gonna get this party started?" he crooned and the fans once again went wild, screaming their agreement "You ready guys?" he muttered into the com system, we nodded affirmation and got a thumbs up from the back stage crew, looks like we're good to go. "After you then Toro." he instructed and Ray gave us the thumbs up, strumming the opening chords to This Is How I Disappear, the crowd seemed to simmer down in anticipation as Bob, Mikey and I both joined in with our harmonising parts. The second Gerard started to sing though, they erupted into breathless screams once more, picking up the tune and shouting out the lyrics as loud as is humanly possible. They know them better than I do, and I was there when they were written. By the end of the first song it was if we'd never been away, the lights were blinding, the heat was stifling and I was exactly where I love most to be, in front of a screaming crowd surrounded by my band, it's my favourite place to be, except maybe ... No. I almost missed the next song from watching him, they way he moves on stage is unbelievable, he never stops and the way he walks, no man has any right to walk like that, has any right to be that ... Beautiful. I shook my head and focused on the necessary chords as we entered into The Sharpest Lives, edging across the stage closer to the crowd and nodding my head in time to the beat in a futile attempt to eliminate any thoughts of the lead singer from my mind. Gee paced over to my side, taking a step with each beat, somehow making it look perfectly natural to travel in time to the music, he snaked his arm around my neck in time for his favourite part

"There's a place in the dark where the animals go,
You can take off your skin in the cannibal glow."

he sang keeping a firm grip of me, as if he knew I was planning to jump away the second the verse was over, he slid his hand down my side as he completed the verse

"Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands,
Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo."

he growled before leaping away from me as if someone had electrified him, I rolled my eyes towards Ray at Gee's theatrics, continuing to strum the chords, my strokes getting slightly louder with each swell of the music as the adrenaline and the euphoria sunk in. "You know, sometimes, you get fed up of keeping it all in." Gerard addressed the crowd, though for some reason, kept his eyes religously trained on me as if he was trying to tell me something "Sometimes, you need to scream and shout and show them all, let everybody know that you're... NOT. OKAY!" he cried letting the crowd know exactly what was coming, my favourite song of the lot. "Want us to show you how it's done?" he queried, already sure of their answer as he nodded to Mikey to begin playing, one by one we all joined in till we reached the intro's peak and Gee began with the lyrics. I started jumping soon enough, covering the span of the stage more times than I cared to count before it was time for Ray and I's first line. I made it make to the mic just in time to join in with the backing, getting a relieved look from Ray. Sick and tired of having to stretch to reach my mic, I slid over to where Gee was stood, singing and the top of his lungs wearing a slightly pained expression, I glanced behind me at the other members who were rocking out obliviously, Mikey still wearing his complimentary poker face. I rolled my eyes and leant in to the space between Gee's neck and his shoulder so as to better share his microphone, he still didn't notice my arrival, not until it came to my "Trust me." and he glanced over to where I had been standing expectantly, finding me missing and turning around with a puzzled expression on his face. "Frank?" he murmured into his com though I was close enough to hear him say it first hand. I tapped him on the shoulder then lunged the other way panto style and he looked doubly confused, by this point the audience and the other guys had all dissolved into helpless laughter, still somehow managing to hold up the beat though now lacking a guitarist and the lead singer. Suffice to say the audience didn't care, as much as they love the music, they came here for a show and we were perfectly happy to give them one. Gee began to sing again, still looking distracted and I couldn't resist, I tapped him on the shoulder once more, stepping forwards when he looked to the side and taking over the mic "I'm not O-F*CKING KAY!" I yelled for him, gaining his attention and the irritated glares that came with it, I chuckled stepping back and gesturing for him to take back the microphone just in time for the last line. The others, despite the miniature pantomime unfolding before them had upheld the beat dutifully so it wasn't difficult to pick up where we left off, harmonising for the final "Okay" , before I returned, slightly reluctantly to my original position at the far left. Giving an apprehensive glance and a small exasperated kick to my too high mic stand, which Mikey acknowledged with a rare smirk. "This one's for my little brother Mikey and to all of you thinking of giving up, I know you're out there... Don't do it. Simple as, I've been there, and it sucked, please, if you wont do it for me, do it for your family, do it for your friends, do it for your pet f*cking dog for all I care, just get some help. No one should be afraid to keep on living." he announced solemnly, effectively introducing the next song. Mikey nodded in recognition of the dedication, it is after all, his song, him and Gee between them understand it better than we ever could, but it's one of those that means something to everyone, no matter who or what it was written about. Unannounced Gee entered into the first line, not even bothering to signal to us to begin playing, it didn't matter, we were in sync by now anyway and the next 5 five songs (Famous Last Words, Give Em Hell Kid, House Of Wolves, Heaven Help Us, Welcome To The Black Parade & Mama) from the list we'd arranged earlier, flowed seamlessly, uninterrupted by any dedications or signals to start, they just morphed into eachother without so much as a pause inbetween. That was until we reached You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison, which though we were doing a new line up, we still knew Gerard loved to surround with theatrics "This one is a favourite of mine." he began "Thankfully this lot never let me go far enough to find out what they do to guys like us in prison, but I know more about what they do to guys like us in the real world than I care to elaborate on, so it's not so hard to imagine. This is a thank you to my band mates, for having my back and for being completely and utterly, reliably and beautifully f*cked up and for going to hell and back with me on a daily basis, you make the ride worthwhile." he dedicated, it was nothing he hadn't said already, but it was good to hear all the same. We know what he's been through, we can take what we've been through between us and multiply it a few dozen times without even coming close to what he deals with daily, we can't truly empathise but we can sympathise, that and kick his ass when he's being a drama queen about it. There were muttered thank you's over the coms, one of which belonged to me, and then we entered into You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison without aid of a spoken agreement,

In the middle of a gun fight...
In the center of a restaurant...
They say, "Come with your arms raised high!"

he sang pointing at the audience in a clear instruction to raise their hands, which they did happily waving in time to the music giving the crowd a rippling, slightly dream like quality and one by one everybody was raising their phones and lighters, adding to the ethereal effect, Gee nodded clearly pleased with the effort before continuing

Well, they're never gonna get me,
Like a bullet through a flock of doves...
To wage this war against your faith in me,
Your life...will never be the same.
On your mother's eyes, say a prayer...say a prayer!

He sang, half screaming by this point and he marched over to stand beside me, head banging with me in time to the beat,

Now! But I can't
And I don't know
How we're just two men as God had made us,
Well, I can't...well, I can!

I sank to my knees still strumming as Gee screamed out the lyrics full pelt still standing beside me,

Too much, too late, or just not enough of this
Pain in my heart for your dying wish,

He pulled me to standing position so that he was supporting my admittedly slight weight with his left arm, leaning me against his side, he leant in closer and closer until his face was level with mine, his eyes dancing like that of a guilty school boy. I drew a sharp breath accompanied by the audience, we all knew which line came next. Surely he wouldn't? I mean, we've always been like that, but he's never ...

I kiss your lips again.

I shut my eyes and leant in fractionally in anticipation, only to feel myself thrown to the floor, I could hear his laughter above me. There wasn't time to consider what he'd think of me moving in, let alone what the fans would make of it, right now I was too jittery and too ... Hurt? Is that how I feel? Hurt? Hurt because my (debatably) straight best friend didn't kiss me? This entire situation is messed up. I forced a laugh and brushed myself off, clambering to my feet and using my mic stand as support. The rest of that and the next (Helena) song went by in a disjointed blur, though evidently that wasn't what it sounded like to the audience because they were cheering for all they were worth and several girls in the front row had dissolved into tears, I smiled straight at them though I knew it would only make them cry harder. They were just overwhelmed, believe me, I know the feeling. I didn't zone back in again until the beginning of Cancer, Gee was now standing right at the front of the stage as if he was about to step out into the sea of supporters "This is for you, if you've been hurt or you're still hurting and to all the recruits we've lost to the Black Parade. We salute you in your graves." he nodded upwards in the general direction of the sky and wherever people go once they're done being, well, here, before stepping back slightly and starting to sing unaccompanied until we got our act together and joined him.

Turn away,
If you could get me a drink
Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded

he half whispered into the hushed silence the crowd had suddenly fallen into, whether in honour of the song or in recognition of the pain in Gerard's voice I don't know, but the differnce was astronomical, like stepping out of a tornado and straight into a freaking mourge and I felt an instant wave of gratitude towards them for it. It set the scene perfectly and even after a few lines you could already see people poorly concealing tears and dabbing at all ready smudged eyeliner,

Call my aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
And bury me in all my favorite colors,
My sisters and my brothers, still,

gradually so as I couldn't see who started it, they started clasping hands and swaying, in almost a symbol of solidarity, it was strange to watch people be so moved by something you'd written, all the stuff we write has a way of touching people but this, this really struck a nerve. For once it was like they were united by a single will, an understanding that here was one thing that no one could say was right, no one could side with, the drawn out and piteous loss of life, there wasn't a single person out there who didn't want a cure and we knew it, sure as they did. It was like our own little miracle, if you'll pardon the cliché, all these people clutching hands, with tears streaming down their faces. They cared.

I will not kiss you,

I flinched at the last line though that was quite obviously not it's intention, the absent minded reference to the night's earlier events brought me back to reality and I'm sure Ray noticed, always the silent observer "You alright?" he mouthed and I nodded my reassurance, as untrue as it may be. I was grateful to him for not using the coms and alerting the others to my weakness, over any other matter maybe, but not this, not something as petty, as pointless, as wrong as this. "Homophobia is gay." I noticed one of my favourite sayings on the T-Shirt of one of the guys in the third row, he was waving one hand in the air serenely, clinging to the hand of another man who I took to be his boyfriend with the other. Then again, I of all people should know not to make assumptions about relationships, they could be brothers for all I know Gee and Mikey would almost certainly be doing the same, or they could be bestfriends ... I tried to exclude the thought. "Homophobia is gay." never has there been a bigger believer in that than I, surely if I did, hypothetically, like Gerard, it wouldn't be the end of the world, it's not as if it would be anything new to him or anything, he's used to guys having crushes on him, it's not as if his words, or his actions for that matter exactly scream perfectly straight guy award winner three years running either, far from it in fact. But even so, he's never had a boyfriend ... What the hell am I saying!? Neither have I! I'm supposedly the manlier out of the two of us for crying at loud! But looking at him now, eyes closed and face contorted with grief, hurting for millions of victims he's never even met, feeling their pain on top of his own without fail. I can't help but feel the sting in my aching eyes, that I'd failed to notice were streaming with tears till now and ask myself, if all we are is friends, best friends none the less, practically brothers, but still. Just friends. Why the hell do I feel as if one of Mikey's unicorns has wandered in and bitten a chunk out of my chest?

Even the best things have to end. All too soon Gerard had sung the final line and we were faced with leaving the stage whilst the audience still struggled to contain their tears. The eerie silence dissolved as we made our way to the front of the stage, offering us some sense of relief the atmosphere had for a moment there become somehow choking. Still slightly awestruck, we bowed slowly and blew kisses to the screaming crowds. We trooped off, the ever present screams fading slightly the further away we got, to be met by the cheers of our back stage crew, high fives and back slaps were dished out all round, but truthfully we just wanted to drag ourselves back to the bus and sleep. I guess Brian must have picked up on the whole "Could'ya all piss off and leave us alone now please?" vibe we were giving off because he ushered us out to the trailer before we had to come up with a speech or something else equally tedious, which we were thankful for to say the least. The slience outside was overwhelming, it seemed to perforate everything, seeping into the gaps between each thought and making me acutely aware of the buzzing in my ears. Seeing that we were too exhausted to withstand a coherent conversation, Brian left us a few feet from the trailer, and we waved him off weakly, leaning against the cool metal sides and taking deep breaths. I felt Gerard try and meet my eyes after a moment and stared at the floor religously, but by the small "Huh?" sound he made, I knew he'd seen it. Seen the something in my eyes and in my forced straight face as surely as I could see the something in his.
Two somethings ...

Crap ...
I'll sleep on it.