Jean knew that if Marco had lived, they would have joined the military police and been snobby jerks together. And if he were to be perfectly honest, Jean knew he probably wouldn't be all that much happier. That's what left to him thinking about Marco joining the Scouting Regiment with him. Sure, it was a pipe dream at it's best, but Jean still thought about it. Thinking seemed to be all he was good at nowadays. He thought about all of the horrible deaths and how he missed Marco and maybe even Thomas. He thought about missing his stupid fights with Eren. He thought about his hopeless crush on Mikasa. There were so many bad things to think about, and Jean felt that he had thought most of them at least once.
However, as he looked over at Armin, whom just a few months ago he definitely wouldn't have considered friend material, he was reminded of some of the good things. He had made new friends. He had changed a lot, and certainly for the better.
"Jean, is there something on my face?" Armin asked, snapping Jean out of his thoughts.
"Huh? No. Sorry, Armin. I was just thinking," he explained sheepishly.
The blonde sighed quietly and shook his head. "That seems like all you do. Why don't you tell me what you're thinking about this time, Jean?"
"The things I miss. The people I miss," Jean shrugged, "And how I'm lucky to have new friends like you. How I've changed for the better. Stupid stuff, I guess. It's not important. That's why I usually don't talk about it."
"I guess I never really thought about it. You must miss Marco a lot. You guys were planning on joining the military police together, right?" Armin asked, looking thoughtful.
"Yeah, we were. I do miss him. But at the same time I'm glad I woke up and ended joining the Scout Regiment. I was a real idiot before," Jean mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. He sighed softly, looking away.
"Don't be so hard on yourself, Jean. We were all a bit dumb," Armin replied softly, smiling reassuringly.
Rather than smiling in return, Jean barked out a bitter laugh. "I guess you're right. We were all way too optimistic and stupid. But I think I win the prize for biggest jerk."
"I think you and Eren are tied for that one," was the response.
At that, Jean fell silent, looking mildly impressed. The friends sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, occasionally glancing at each other.
"Well, Jean, I don't want to intrude on your thinking anymore," Armin at last broke the silence and stood, heading to the door.
"Oh. Uh...right. Of course. Yeah," Jean nodded and looked away. "Thank you though, Armin. I feel a little better now that I've talked about it."
"That's why I asked you to tell me about it," the blonde said, looking vaguely amused. "I know what I'm doing, Jean, whether you believe it or not."
Jean scoffed and rolled his eyes, smiling. "Whatever, Armin. I didn't know you were the new therapist. I'll see you later."
"I should look into therapy," Armin replied, laughing. "Bye, Jean. I'll see you later." He smiled back and waved before heading out, leaving Jean to lay back on his bed and think some happier thoughts.