A/N: Please listen to this song.
Say you love me to my face
I need it more than your embrace
Just say you want me, that's all it takes
Heart's getting torn from your mistakes
'Cause I don't wanna fall in love
If you don't wanna try,
But all that I've been thinking of Is maybe that you might
Baby it looks as though we're running out of words to say
And love's floating
Just say you love me, just for today
And don't give me time 'cause that's not the same
Want to feel burning flames when you say my name
Want to feel passion flow into my bones
Like blood through my veins
'Cause I don't wanna fall in love
If you don't wanna try,
But all that I've been thinking of Is maybe that you might
Baby it looks as though we're running out of words to say
And love's floating away
Won't you stay?
Won't you stay?
Slowly slowly you run for me,
But do you know me at all?
Some one told me love controls everything
But only if you know
Won't you stay?
Won't you stay?
-Say You Love Me- Jessie Ware
-x-
Over the years she had mastered the art of the fake smile, a smile that fools the rest of the world into thinking she was an unstoppable force, a feisty, confident woman who had it all. She often thought that perhaps that was her greatest talent; the art of deception, and that she had wasted the best part of her years stuck behind a desk and not flaunting her skills on stage. But then again, this was acting, a full time role she had managed to uphold since her mid twenties.
But there was no intermission or standing ovation, and there certainly was no award for the most convincing performance from a female madly in love with an oblivious male, coming her way. If anything, it was as if bitch karma was her audience, throwing obstacles her way just to keep things interesting, to extend the act just a little longer.
Her cheeks ached from the constant smile that she had forced onto her lips since the moment she stepped into the office, the atmosphere feeling tense from the moment the elevator doors pinged open to the 50th floor. She had sauntered down the corridor, her legs carrying her down the familiar route, as she held her head high, subtly looking through the passing offices to find out what was off.
It was only when she stopped outside his office, that she realized instantly. She tried to hide the look of disdain as her gaze fell on the two of them sitting on the leather chair, bodies inches apart and they hunched over a case file. She huffed out a breath as she placed her coat on the back of her chair, slipping into her cubicle unnoticed, her eyes still fixated on the lawyers.
Donna had always disliked Scottie, it was no secret to anyone but Harvey. Ever since she met the woman, she knew there was something not quite right, and as time progressed she watched the brunette worm her way into Harvey's life, playing and manipulating with his heart and feelings, a dangerous game to play considering Harvey's so emotionally stunted. But for some warped reason Donna never said anything, in fact, at one point she had actively pushed him into her arms, even though the sight near enough killed her inside.
But ultimately Harvey did what Harvey does best- he sabotaged his own happiness because he was too afraid to put himself out there, to be vulnerable in front of another person. Donna tried to be the supportive friend whilst maintaining her sarcastic and blunt facade, but inside she was thrilled.
She should have felt guilty, but she didn't.
Donna had thought that that would mark the end of Scottie and her ill timed visits to New York and Pearson Specter, but apparently she was wrong.
Donna felt as if the walls had closed in on her, spending the morning suffocated, distracted from the pile of work she had on her desk, her eyes constantly flickering with interest through the glass walls of his office.
She frowned when she saw Scottie walk up to his desk and switch off the intercom, a barely visible smirk forming on her lips as she sat back down beside Harvey, who had not taken any notice in the exchange. Donna's stomach churned uneasily, knowing that she was openly playing a game with her, a game where Harvey was the top prize.
Donna had always been competitive in nature, she didn't commit to anything half heartedly, but she honestly didn't know if she had the fight left in her for this one. Who was she to compete with a beautiful, successful lawyer, who knew how to get the man in question? It was a no brainer, Executive Assistant or high flying lawyer? Scottie was a surefire win.
Donna felt stupid for believing that things might have actually changed between her and Harvey recently. That the way he looked at her when he thought she wasn't looking was more than just an aimless glance in her direction, or how her name rolled off his tongue in a deliberate velvet tone that made a shiver run down her spine and her pulse quicken.
She had been convinced that their flirtatious and somewhat suggestive exchanges were no longer brushed off and ignored by the other, that they were finally making some progress in their fucked up relationship.
A large part of her knew that they had gone through thirteen years of knowing one another with nothing more than an unspoken one night stand, that the likelihood of them ever becoming something more was remote, if not impossible. But...a girl could dream.
A girl could hang onto a little speck of hope that maybe one day he'll wake up and realize that he had wasted years of his life ignoring what had always been in front of him. Donna had and would always be a hopeless romantic, she wanted her own fairytale and even though she knew nothing would ever be conventional or straightforward when it came to the pair of them, she dreamt that in their own 'special' way, it would be magical.
For him to mutter those three words to her and mean it, for no sarcastic of witty remarks to follow, just a simple declaration of his love.
If you were to ask Donna is she had ever been in love before Harvey Specter? She would say no. That past boyfriends, flings and nameless faces meant very little to her in comparison to the way he makes her feel, even though she feels like her heart has been trampled over half of the time.
"Donna." her head shot up at the sound of her name, her pen dropping to the desk as she sucked in a breath at the sight of him. She had been so preoccupied with trying to ignore Harvey and Scottie's presence that she had almost lost touch with reality. Leaning back into her chair, she pursed her lips in a tight line waiting patiently for Harvey to no doubt ask her for something. He raised an eyebrow at her lack of response, her usual confident smirk absent from her flawless face. "Hi?" he tried.
She nodded curtly "Hi."
"Donna..."
"Harvey" she breathed, looking at the man dead in the eyes, using all her willpower to not let her gaze wonder down his face to the perfectly tailored Tom Ford suit he was wearing, feeling her knees already weaken. "I'm really busy, so if it's not important, can whatever you have to say wait?"
His face fell, not used to hearing Donna dismiss him in such a blunt and emotionless tone. His narrowed his eyes at the red head, watching as her focused move away from his face to the woman sat in his office, her fingers clenched around the sides of the desk, her knuckles turning white. "I just..." he sighed "I was going to get a bagel for Scottie and I, I wondered if you wanted one..."
"No." she quickly replied "thank you" she added, realizing her lack of manners.
"Suit yourself"
Donna watched as Harvey walked down the corridor towards the elevator, noticing Scottie approach her in her peripheral vision.
"You know, it's kind of sad pining over him like a puppy, Donna. I would have thought someone like you would be dating some hot shot and living happily ever after by now, you must be nearly forty..."
Donna bit her lip as she turned slowly towards the woman who was leaning against her desk as Donna fought the urge to swipe the smug smile off of her face.
"I'm sorry Dana, were you saying something? I couldn't hear you over all the fucks I don't give."
The brunette huffed out a breath, sauntering back into Harvey's office without another word. Shaking her head, Donna grabbed her purse and coat as she abandoned her cubicle in favor for spending the rest of the afternoon hiding in the filing room, tending to her broken heart in peace and quiet where she would be less likely to get arrested 'accidentally' bitch slapping Scottie into next week.
Autumn was Donna's season, where she could wear dresses that made other women cry in envy and also snuggle up in the comforts of a coat and scarf. She complimented autumn, her fiery hair matching that of the falling leaves and the vibrant early even sunsets. She stood on the roof of Pearson Specter, watching the sun slowly disappear behind the high rise buildings of Manhattan, the sky full of pink and orange tones as a cool breeze threw her hair in every direction. She had thought about running out of the office as soon as the clock hit 5, finding the nearest bar and drowning her sorrows in expensive wine courtesy of Harvey Specter's credit card, but instead she found herself here. Very few people knew about the roof therefore being the perfect location to just...be.
A dejected sigh escaped the redhead's lips as she closed her eyes, letting the air wash over her, the soft buzz of the New York traffic underneath her, soothing her frazzled brain. She hated it when work got the better of her.
"I swear you've been avoiding me all day?"
She turned around slowly as she rolled her eyes "God, is no where sacred?" she asked out loud, annoyance evident in her voice as she looked at Harvey. He smiled sheepishly at her as he strode towards her "and don't flatter yourself Harvey, you're not worth avoiding, too much effort." she lied.
"Jeez Donna" he said blowing out a long breath "who rattled your cage today? Oh wait" he clicked his fingers in realization "of course, it all makes sense now."
She folded her arms across her chest "And what's that?"
Scottie, the thought "Oh by the way, thanks for asking how the deposition went today, it went great." he changed the subject, watching her get agitated at his avoidance of the question "And the Garrison case? Won. Kicked it out of the water. Finalized some boring technicalities with Darby Scott and that was my day, but if you were actually at your desk and not sticking pins in Scotties voodoo doll, you'd know that."
"Ass." she mumbled under her breath, letting a silence fall between them as Harvey waited for her to ask the question he knew was on the tip of her tongue. "So, what about you and Scottie then?
"What about Scottie?" he repeated, putting emphasis on 'about', changing the tone of her question.
"Why aren't you wining and dining her at some fancy pretentious restaurant that you both pretend to love?"
"Because I'm not" he replied simply, shrugging.
"But why?"
Harvey rolled his eyes, looking up at the night sky, before letting his gaze fall on the red head in front of him
"Because she's still married Donna, and I'm not interested, not in her." Donna fell silent, words failing her as her mind went into overdrive. Was Scottie winding her up on purpose? Or did the woman really still have feelings for a man outside of her marriage? "Besides" he breathed, taking a step towards her, his hand reaching out for her as his fingers brushed her arm gently, her skin burning under his touch. "I have dinner plans with someone else tonight"
"Oh" her expression faltered slightly, unable to hide the way it made her feel. "Hot date, huh?" she smiled, shooting him one her famous smirks "Who's the unlucky victim this time?"
His lips tugged up into a small smile "She's gorgeous" she nodded, listening intently as jealousy bubbled up in the pit of her stomach. "Sarcastic as hell, and she has this tendency of thinking she's always right." He smiled to himself as he noticed the pained expression on her face "She has hair like fire and a smile that lights up the room...but I can't see that smile right now."
He paused, letting her process his words, her face scrunching up in confusion before she finally caught on "What?"
"Donna" he whined "I'm trying to be charming here and you're acting like you left your brain at home."
Donna ducked her face away from him, trying to hide the blush that was creeping onto her cheeks as he presented a bouquet of flowers from behind his back. "So what do you say?"
"I had a big lunch" she joked lightly, her fingers playing with the stems of the beautiful flowers he had presented her.
Harvey cocked his head to one side, shoving his hands in his jacket pocket "Well, we could always just skip to dessert?"
"Yeah right" she scoffed as she linked her arm in his "You have more chance of becoming President"
"Hmmm" he pondered as they slowly walked across the roof towards the stairs "I can picture it now...you and me in the oval room...The national debt wouldn't be the only thing rising" he winked as Donna's mouth fell open in shock.
"Harvey!" she exclaimed
"I'd like to get your opinion on my poll?" he tried, throwing his head back in laughter at his attempt of a pick up line.
"Even worse..." she muttered, shaking her head in amusement
"I've got a stimulus package waiting for you in my pants."
Donna stopped, bringing them to a halt on the stair case " If I was president, Id be Babe-raham Lincoln."
"God, I love you" Harvey scoffed out a laugh, throwing an arm around her shoulder, giving her an affectionate squeeze . Donna gulped, his words hitting her like a freight train even though they were flippant and meaningless "Marry me?"
She smiled, shamelessly allowing her mind to drift off for a millisecond as she imagined what it would be like to hear those words fall from his mouth as he dropped to one knee, but for now, this was enough "God! At least buy me dinner first."
Well, damn.
Thoughts?
Leave a word or two.
Day one of my hiatus and I posted a one shot, clearly im taking my education seriously.
Coming soon: Seven part series. Everyday for a week from the 27th October. Holla if you're excited.